Name: Cherish

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch, because I say what I feel. I'm too honest for my own good.

[Wait for it....]

I don't hold back anything. Whether it's good or bad. I'll tell you how it is. If you don't like it oh well. Guys are scum. I play them left and right without sleeping with them.

[Oh honesty, we barely knew ye.]

All about the mental. I don't deal with anyone's bullshit. Don't have time for ignorance. I do what I believe. People often mistake my honesty, or bluntness as being mean.

[No, it's all those mental games you try to run.]

That's not true yet I couldn't give two less fucks about what anyone thinks of me.

[Who mentioned what other people think?  That would be you.]

I've always been this way and I'm not changing.

[More's the pity.]

I hang with people who can handle the heat. If it's too hot back far away or approach with caution.

[Now that's truly funny.  In the middle of showing us how ruff n' tuff, she is, she takes the time to give us a PSA on kitchen safety, like a little fire drill.  Hey, if you can't stand the heat...back up a few steps.  Wrap some wet towels around yourself. I prefer Stop, drop and roll, myself.]

I'm the type of female that doesn't give a shit all day, everyday.

[They make products for that.]

I know what I'm worth.

[The sad part is that we know it, too.]

I speak the truth. I'll tell you straight up if you're pissing me off, getting annoying or being a complete dumb ass. The truth shouldn't be hidden, so why lie?

[Remember that when you start playing your mind games.]

One Liner:
When I say I don't care.. I mean it.

[Or at least you think you do.]

Name: Mandy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I do not give anyone a chance to be nice to me.

[Great way to start.  Cowards die a thousand deaths, kiddo.]

It grosses me out when people cry.

[What a weird reaction.  I don't get grossed out until I start seeing those snot-bubbles.]

All men are chauvinist assholes who need to only be used for reproduction.

[Change the record.  I'm tired of this old chestnut.]

People who play victim need to get cunt punted across a football field and their head shoved into a meat grinder.

[That would be you, little miss "I don't give anyone a chance to be nice to me."  If this were better, it might be ironic.  Instead it's just tragically confused and overly graphic.]

Literally "The Notebook" made me gag.

[You should probably stick to something more on your level, something like "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs."  Not that I could sit through the Notebook, because I haven't tried, but this whole application is a revamped cliche, and no matter how you dress this pig, you still have bacon.  Get it?]

Family holidays I want to stick my head into a meat grinder. 

[Move aside.  After reading this I'm sticking ONE of our heads in there.]

One Liner:
I am fed up with everyone and there narrow minded ways and I hope they all go screw themselves. 

[Grow up.]

Name: Victoria

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I've been screwed over to the point where I want men to suffer too.

[Wah, fuckity wah. The only thing all those awful men have in common is YOU.]

Taste of their own medicine, but more deadly.

[Like this app? Deadly dull. Dead in the water. Silent, but deadly.]

One Liner:
People pay me to get revenge on their ex boyfriends.

[Sure they do. If you're willing to hold onto your own AND everyone else's baggage, you might as well get a tip, right? Don't spend it all in one place. Unless it's counseling.]

Name: Missy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
tried being nice. All it got me was shit on. (Don't freak out, not shit on in the literal sense.)

[No?  Pity.  (Seriously, did any of you think that was LITERAL?)]

I hate listening to friends bullshit about how their lives suck because they can't find boyfriends or hate their current ones. Apparently, none of them realize that women can have jobs and support themselves now-a-days,

[What century are you writing me from?  How old is this application?  Ashton, am I being punked?]

so they need relationships to survive. I'm sick of being understanding and giving people countless amounts of advice when none is ever taken.

[Damn that free will!  Just DAMN IT to HELL!  How dare they not obey you!  How about this piece of advice: STOP DOING IT.]

I won't bother getting into men. (I'm sure whoever is reading this is well aware of the stupidity of many men.)

[No, just the astounding stupidity of various applicants every now and again.]

I'm done being nice when it feels so unnatural. Say hello to a brand new bitch! (And I plan on being a damn good one.)

[Try being smart.  I bet that will feel unnatural to you for a while, too.]

One Liner:
No thanks, I'm not into the jackhammer move. I'd rather spend the night with my vibrator.

[Did you mean jackRABBIT?  I can totally get into a jackHAMMER.]

Name: Cathey

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[HBI presents a new segment - Weak Performance Art of the Week!]

I really want to go across the road to sit on my neighbours front lawn ..dressed in my husbands track suit pants

[*golf clap*]

with an esky full of piss and make a total c%#t

[Ouch, rookie mistake. Am I really supposed to believe you're going to trespass and go for the drunk and disorderly when you can't even type out the word CUNT?]

of myself getting drunk as I can and I can get very drunk..

[Are you drunk right NOW?]

because old people shouldn't believe in Santa and it doesn't snow in Australia at Xmas..Derr!

[What the fuck do you care? You're drunk and plonked on your neighbor's lawn in your husband's track pants. You're just mad because no one wants to sit in YOUR lap.]

They should also realise that xmas is for idiots who spend their savings on people who don't really give a shit about them.

[We'll be sure not to include you in the gift exchange.]

F*#k it! its worse than cancer.

[May you never find out the truth about that particular logical turd.]

One Liner:
I don't ever give money to charities ...they never gave me anything!

[THAT'S THE POINT, DUMBASS.]

Hair remover in the shampoo bottle is very entertaining when guest stay over!!

[Yeah, assault is hilarious. No one would EVER press charges if you did that. Aren't you sad that you've NEVER, EVER done that?]

for me anyway.

[Send us the police report!

FIN. *golf clap*]

Name:   Kiernan

Email Address:   eightfingeredbasementdweller@yahoo.com

Link to:   www.myspace.com

"I'm a Heartless Bitch because:"  

You ladies

[Uh huh.]

should see the lovely blog I posted on myspace.

[Feel free to sum it up for us.]

No, really.

[Yes. REALLY. That's the whole point of the application.]

I realize that myspace is essentially the equivalent of contracting herpes on the net,

[By definition, a social networking site is what YOU make it. Don't blame MySpace if it burns when you pee.]

but regardless of it's uselessness,

[…you're still telling us to go and look at something you wrote there?]

I really think that this goofy little article could be used here.

[It'd help if you gave us more than "www.myspace.com" as your URL, but genius like yours need not be hindered by silly details like its whereabouts, right?]

I basically broke down an article (written by a "recovering" nice guy) piece by piece, projecting the quotes with the underlying message.

[You wrote an article about an article using quotes from the article. Check.]

I offended the shit out of my little brother (by accident, mostly.

[Either it was or it wasn't. I'm pretty sure you were being a dick on purpose, but more on that later.]

I love the kid, but he couldn't have proven the point any clearer.)

[That you're incredibly condescending? You had me at "You ladies."]

Prompting him to tell me that I've never had strong feelings for a woman before, which is admittedly false.

[Then you're not admitting anything.]

But fuck, it right?

[Yeah. Pretty much.]

I still feel that these "nice guys" are generally, a long line of manipulative pseudo-psychopaths who are more interested in using their emotional "understanding" to manipulate sad women into falling in love with them.

[Finally, SOME substance. Alas, too little, too late…]

One Liner:  
1.) A genuine ability to satirize and directly poke fun at the overly sensitive.

[WHOSE ability is this? Do I have to check MySpace?]

2.) I have over 200 Bad Karma points in Fallout 3 for nuking Megaton, and killing all the Ghouls and Slaves.

[Acting like a dick in a video game doesn't get you points in real life, mostly. Never, really, but hey, whatever gets you off. Excuse me - whatever gives you "strong feelings."]


Country:  United States

Name: Leah

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I hate people that walk slow in hallways or in the mall so I walk too close and talk loudly to who I'm with, explaining my frustration. 

[Atta girl!  Pick on the elderly and infirm.  That'll learn 'em to mess with YOU!]

They usually get the hint. Also, I absolutely DESPISE people who spell anything wrong, use the wrong punctuation, or cannot understand anything I say if I use even moderately big words.

[Oh, it is to laugh.  You mean SMALL words.  They go with that PIN HEAD of yours.]

It is not that difficult to speak your own language.

[Should I bore you to death by pointing out your missing commas?  We'll let it stay a mystery.]

I'm not one to bash people just based on first impressions but sometimes these first impressions are completely accurate:

[Mine usually are.]

I test my first impressions by being a bitch and seeing how they react.

[Don't you trust your own judgment?]

Basically, I give people one chance after they've pissed me off to redeem themselves and if they fuck up then I'm a bitch to them from then on; this means most people.

[Thereby proving that you just don't get our site.  Shoo.]

One Liner:
If you spell something wrong, I will resent you for it and remember each time you do it too.

[This is classic.  I just love watching people trip over failing their own standards.]