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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren

For the Week of November 28, 1999

Email : tragicallyintouchwithNAside@idiot.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I control half the money, and all the pussy, & somedays I control
all the money and the pussy.

One Liner:
Like I said I have half the money and all the pussy.....

[Can we speak to the one with all the brain?]

Name: girlname

Email : girlnamebingo@aol.com

UserID : bsbrules

[For the teen music impaired (you lucky dogs), this stands for Back Street Boys...my best guess.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
because I can not put up with whinny women who are attached to their ex-boyfriends and make up dumb lies!

[They're just dumbing them down so you'll understand them.]

One Liner:
"When I die I wanted to be buried face down so the world can kiss my ass"

[And what method of corpse removal would be your preference now? I'm fine with any you choose, since it would mean you're not going to say anything else stupid.]

[I know you live for this. The AOL profile.]
Member Name: [girlname] "...It's Justin TimbERlake Germs" DOUBLE~0~SEVEN ARE AWESOME :)
Location: [somewhere] Hey Beck,Dressed in purple! [lame radio station, WKRP]!!...Hey [friend], shopping carts are very fun, BeeP bEEp... friend, The Gene-o-Meter! [friend], sscckkpp pp pp !NO WORK MORE MONEY!([friend and possibly food])2 words [insert previous friend here],Spicy Chicken! . . .THE HOUSE DOESNT SPEAK! Suck my toe!!
Birthdate: Jan. 2, 198
Sex: Female
Marital Status: SiNgLe, LoNeLy & UnLoVeD :(
Hobbies: Chillin w/ my crew from [school] & my girl [I don't believe she has this many],being CRAZY & listening to the BEST band *N Sync...Limp Bizkit is awesome! I did it all for the wookie c'mon, so u can take that lightsaber & stick it up your yeah (Right [Spicy Chicken girl]?) [guess she's running out of friends, but not shout outs], Winky & Blinky!
Computers: -::-I LUV JUSTIN! HE IS SO HOT! <3 HE'S MINE GIRLZ! !CrUnK! Yo [food friend], I'm gonna eat your bangs w/ dressing!(me @ 3) ShabOOt
Occupation: Sophmore @ [skool] ...God made rivers,God made lakes,God made BsB, Hey we all make mistakes!ߧ [just remembered a new friend],MY HYPER CHIC
Personal Quote: I <3 Justin Timberlake *N Sync Rulz!! 'Eat Eat Eat all day long.Eat Eat Eat while I sing this song.Eat Eat Eat goldfish taste real good. Eat Eat Eat in your neighborhood'~Justin Timberlake t * Hey [only boy she knows], LaLaLaLa Lick me! :o...Yo [another dude, rhymes with Yo] ~{]

Name: Mo

Email : stooge@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am heartless bitch because I say so and if you have a problem with it, there's a bimbo around the corner you can relate to.

[No, no, no. You can't buy us off with promises of cheap and tawdry sex.]

Bitchiness ain't easy, but don't cut me slack, if I need slack I'll appoint someone to give it to me.

[You are the absolute Queen of Slack. Not the cool Slack, but the slack that involves the weak link in the chain, or the bottoms of the Bell Curve.]

I don't need excuses behind my reasoning,

[Can we get some reasons behind your reasoning?]

I say so and that's the way it's gonna be.

[Maybe that's the rule in your dirty little corner of the restroom....]

One Liner:
FUCK OFF- sums it up pretty damn well, you can't handle much more than that.

[It would be more interesting if you could handle more that that.]

To anyone that thinks with a penis that small, even FUCK OFF is a challenge,

[If you keep reading this, eventually it begins to make sense, but it's not worth the effort.]

I don't cut slack.

[You just embrace it.]

Email : her@name.freeserve.co.uk

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I think all men don't know how to keep their penis's in their pants.

[The burning question of the week. What of their penis's do they keep forgetting to tuck in their britches? Luggage? Jewelry? We may never know.]

And the brain is in the end of the dick.

[You don't say. Hmm. Just the end part? Which end? I'm going with the rump of it, myself.]

That's all they ever think about and I'm sick of it. Women are so much more intelligent.

[You won't convince me today.]

Name: [Her name]

Email : [herandherman]@earthlink.net

[Get your own fucking ID!]

UserID : fuq

[Uh-oh]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I sleep with an AR 15 and one eye open, cause I don't like you!

[I'm getting insomnia myself over the thought of you with a loaded weapon.]

One Liner:
Stay off the sidewalk, and consider me the Female "Terminator"!!!

[Why off the sidewalk? Are you driving? Does this really make sense to you?]

Email : Joke@sofunny.yukyukyuk

UserID : satan

[You can always smell these coming.]

URL : yes

[So what is it, genius? Or were you refering to what I'm going to do when I read this?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because i hate everything and everyone,

[They hate you right back.]

i believe the world is shit and take it out on everybody especially the dogs at school and my little prick of a younger bro Adam, and my slag of a mother Janet.

[Did you just aspire to get featured this week? Congratulations.]

I just wish they would all DIE!!!!!!!!

[The feeling is mutual.]

One Liner:
"the world owes me, so fuck u"

[When you finally collect, invest in an education.]

Email : Joke@sofunny.yukyukyuk [second round]

UserID : [yea yea yea, we know]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
[Been here...done that.]

One Liner:
"see u in hell bitch !!!!!!, oh i forget were all ready on it."

[She saw this as an improvement?]

Email : Somelamezealot4God@aol.com

UserID : itsme

[Attagirl. Assume that responsibility.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
..... I fight more my childrens rights for safty and preservation of their morals against the school systems, Their Dad insists it does no good to deal with the systems of today, while I on the other hand have found it works well if you speak louder & more forcefully with each attemp to comunicate with them ( not as in yellin, as in pulling rank and talkin to papers ect.), I have a habit of gettin my children what they need from their school eventually, because I don't let it go until I get the result I want.

[Sometimes you have to sit back and absorb the whole picture from a distance. You realize that there is only one sentence here. The period after ect. indicates an abbreviation of a word, would that it abbreviated this sentence.]

One Liner:
" If I realy wanted to talk to a Moron.... I would have

[...talked to yourself?]

asked for one specifically"

[I find that getting a moron is really the (un)luck of the draw.]

[And I present the AOL profile. Don't bother not having one of these. I check. Always.]

Member Name: [hername]..... Just to be up front... I DO NOT play with men, I have the best one already, so don't bother asking guys
Location: [state]
Birthdate: 5-1-69
Sex: Female
Marital Status: Bi female, involved =)
Hobbies: art, drawing, playin pool, the word game,outdoor activities, sex & ladies
Computers: This freakin thing controled by microsoft
Occupation: unemployed, bartender, cocktailwaitress
Personal Quote: That must be a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants later =)

Email : wacko@itsaschool.edu

UserID : mymomsdaug

[Another flag. You get a lot of losers that try to find an easy to remember id, and normally it's another way to say bitch without a clue.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I can't assure you that this qualifies me as being a heartless bithch,

[I can assure you, it doesn't.]

but I sure feel like one.

[People in hell feel like an ice water too. Doesn't make them one.]

I told one of my best friends that his mother's a whore. Why? I didn't feel well and, for some reason, I thought that he should feel badly, too.

[I said that an ID of "mymomsdaug" was a dead giveaway.]

Other than that, I agree with your questions on the previous page. I can't stand whiners, stupid people, mean people, etc.

[Let's see here. You're whining about not feeling well, you stupidly took it out on someone undeserving by meanly calling his mother a whore. Way to go. You've got a perfect score.]

As I said, this probably doesn't quaify me, in your eyes, but I sure feel like a heartless bitch.

[You should feel like a comedian.]

One Liner:
I'm not prejudice. I hate all people equally.

[Yea, yea, yea.]

Email : shameonme@pandora.mckusick.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a selfish fucker. I only care about me. If I'm nice to you, it's because I _like_ you. Not everyone gets that treatment. If I don't like you, I won't even bother to be mean to you -- THAT would be caring. If I _am_ mean to you, it's because you amuse me. Some people are pathetic worms who deserve to be laughed at.

Maybe I'm one of them.

[Off to an interesting start.]

By the way. I'm male. I'm bisexual.
If this is some feminist bullshit group of cock-jealous hags, count me out.

[Mayday, mayday. Derailing at Insanity Station. Why did you want to join if you didn't read and enjoy the site? Why do people think they can sham their way in here to boost their meager little reputations? Think of what a hit you'll be with your buddies with a brand spanking (oh, did I say spanking?) new Heartless Bitch card.
Your sex and orientation are just as irrelevant to this as they are to me. I'm not going to date you. Why should I care? Hint: I don't.
In the future, the proper misconception is that we're fat ugly lesbians, not cock-jealous hags.]

One Liner:
So tell me, am I cool enough for your fucking little club?

[No.]

Email : idiota@ack.edu

UserID : master

[I see.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
men are sexist pieces of shit that should kiss my ass. Every guy I've ever loved has cheated on me. They are all worthless pieces of shit.

[Awww. Poor you. Perhaps it's because you're boring and make dumb choices? Nah. Can't be you, right? You're the victim.]

One Liner:
Men are worthless without their dick's

[I love it when they answer their own questions.]

Read the Previous edition of the Weak of the Week

Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999


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