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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of August 12, 2001
edited by JadeSyren





Name: DICK HEAD

Email : FUCKFACE@loser.COM

UserID : SHITNECK

[Apt self-description.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[Couldn't think of a good rant.]

One Liner:
WHY DO ALL WOMEN USE THERE MENSTRAL PEROID FOR A FUCKING EXCUSE TO BE A HEARTLESS BITHCH AND NOT TO HAVE SEX.

[First of all, not all of us do that. I agree with you that some use their menstrual cycle as an excuse for just about anything, and that sickens me, too. We are not Heartless Bitches because of anything hormonal. I'm not going to level some well-earned criticism because I'm bleeding anymore than I'll sit and smile because I'm not. Finally, most of you guys get queasy at the sight of blood. It's not because of US that using your period as an excuse to not have sex works.]



Email : sore loser@cshs.org

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I like to feel superior to everyone especially if they have 'tude.

[It's called an inferiority complex. Get used to yours.]

I punched a girl rite in the nose two days ago and broke it cause she was gonna shoot on me in waterpolo..the son of a freakin bitch.. NO ONE scores on me, so i nailed her and got kicked outta the game...

[It doesn't count if you have to cheat to keep it. Tone up your skills.]

it was all worth it shaking her hand at the end with that huge bandage on her nose.......

[Now you've got another reason to hate her. She's a better player AND she's a better person than you.]

Im a ruthless, heartless bitch cause im by birth the royalty of hawaii

[That doesn't make you a Heartless Bitch.]

...my dream is to piss on the united states and take over hawaii so i can rule people..

[I have a dream where I convert the whole city of New York to this prison state, then I just let the criminals sort each other out.]

ive already hired masses of men to be part of my army , plus 5 or 6 to feed me grapes and perform sexual favors....i cant help being a ruthless, heartless bitch..its in my blood

[It's your upbringing. You seem to think that being a princess is a good quality.]

One Liner:
I am better than you.

[You're so much better that you have to CHEAT to maintain that illusion.]

dont shit in your pants about it cause thats just nasty and unsanitary.

[This is the best application Hawaiian royalty has to submit?]



Email : mail@booya.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
London beggars piss me off no end. I used to feel guilty when saying 'Sorry' as I passed by an outstretched hand. Now I don't say it at all because I'm NOT sorry. Screw you, I worked hard for my cash!

[Panhandling can be hard work, too.]

I don't presume to know how they got in that situation,

[Yes, you do, and you've made a pretty stiff judgment call about it. Whether I agree with that judgment is not the issue. Own up to the fact that you most definitely are presuming to know how they got there.]

and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be down there with them, but shit, I've got financial problems too and I'm out there solving them for myself not asking complete strangers to do it all for me.

[They aren't asking you to do it all. They're just asking for a few bucks.]

Unless you've got a damn good reason not to then - GET A JOB.

[Since you don't KNOW how they got into that position, how would having a good reason help? You're not giving out any money anyway, remember?]

When I first got to the UK I took a job as a cleaner so on this point I know what I'm talking about. I now live in London and I know there are a shit load of jobs available. Ok, so they may be minimum waged but at least they're available and provide some kind of a living.

[Begging doesn't require such physical labor, and the pay is better.]

Not only do you have to pass street beggars in London you now have to navigate around the Charity Beggars that have suddenly appeared on the streets. They wear

[The totality of your reasons for being a Heartless Bitch revolve around how you treat beggars?]

brightly coloured plastic jackets with the logos of 'Helped the Aged' or 'Charity for Children' all over them and they want me to sign over my bank details to them for life. Hey, all I want is to go to the supermarket and do my weekly shopping. I don't need to be harassed on the way by a minimum of 5 smug

[Grow a fucking spine, Ebenezer.]

faced jerks all wanting me to publicly prove that I'm a kind hearted, caring member of my community. (Yeah I give to charity - animal ones!) Screw your morality and your Victorian charitable tendencies. Get out there and do proper charity. Help out in a nursing home or dig a well in a 3rd world community and get your hands really dirty - that way you may be of real assistance to people in need.

[And you're the sole judge on what cause is a worthy one for everyone else. Ever think that what they REALLY need is money?]

The lot of you - just leave me to walk the streets in peace!

[What a whiner you are. 30 seconds of an intrusion, and you're squealing like a pig.]

London has opened my eyes to the world of the heartless bitch

[Naw, just to the world of the stingy and weak.]

and I just know I've got a lot more to learn.

[You got THAT right.]

One Liner:
(I can't sum up a whole part of myself in just a few lines - there's more to me than that.)

[Judgmental miser. There, I did it in a couple of words.]



Email : men_suck@annoying applicant.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i think men suck and i'm tired of my stupid girlfriends taking abuse from losers.

[You're not as different as you think you are. Stay tuned.]

i think car alarms are stupid, no one pays attention to them when they go off!

[They do when it's their car.]

i think they should take deadbeat parents and put them on a chain gang..make them bust rocks until they understand the concept of parenthood.

[So how, exactly, will busting rocks teach them anything but how to make pebbles?]

i really don't give a damn if you accept this "application" or not!

[That's an understatement. You didn't give a damn about it at all.]

i think beanie babies are stupid and tom cruise is ugly. breast implants are gross and if homicidal rampages were socially acceptable, i'd be busting a cap in someone's azz like there was no tomorrow!

[If your dumb ass didn't take a toe hit. You can barely operate a keyboard, how do you think you'll manage a gun?]

i use to date a guy that i work with. he treated me poorly one day, then asked me to warm up his food in the microwave: i spit in his food, warmed it in the microwave and served it to him with a smile. i happend to be getting over strep throat that week. oh well...

[See. No matter how rough and tough you claim to be, you still served him his food.]

One Liner:
All bitches aint Women!

[All women ain't Heartless Bitches. Sorry for y'all. (All y'all.)]



Email : no moxie@mail.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
hard bitchism paranoid!

[What? Where?]

hard bitchism paranoid! so hard
hard bitchism paranoid! so big

[This doesn't work as Rap or Poetry. Back to the drawing board for you.]

One Liner:
dig ito dicks!

[You'd do better with books.]



Email : vandal@mindspring.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
In my 29 years of life I have always been considered a bitch because I did not get wrapped up in what other thought about me and if I had something on my mind I would let it out. I started the gangster bitch revolution of the late 80s

[You mean that you JOINED it. I doubt that you created it.]

early 90s when I noticed that guys would be cuddling girls one day and treating them like trash once they got some booty from them. I vowed that I would not get wrapped up like that if I was going to give up this booty homeboy had to tolerate my bitchness.

[Unaware that men can and will tolerate most anything to hit it once.]

I was 16 years old when i was officially classified as a crazy bitch.

[Before then she was the "crazy chick" or even the "crazy girl down the block."]

I was dating a guy named "chiquito" for two weeks and the relationship was going very well. He wanted dome booty from me and I told him no I am a virgen

[Just because you haven't had sex with HIM doesn't make you a virgin.]

and I want to make sure the guy I give it up to must be special. Well, he treated me like dirt. So, I did what every bitch would do in that situation

[Left and found ANOTHER man to gift with our booties?]

I smashed all his windows to the 72 Corvette

[Why didn't I guess that? If he treated you like dirt, you stayed there in the pig pen for it.]

he worked so hard on and I sprayed it with my favorite saying at the time "You fuck with me, you fuck with your life"

[How'd you fit all that on a Corvette? Braille? Lowercase letters?]

He never called the cops

[He must have had warrants.]

and I went on with my life.

[Or what passed for it at the time.]

I put frat boys in their place when I went to college. I would shark them at pool. Question their mahood. Let them know who was in total control.

[There are two ways to be in the control of another. One is doing what they want you to do, and the other is to do something because they don't want you to. You still aren't doing what YOU want to do. I can't imagine a bigger waste of time than spending it on something I despise.]

They used to look away when I walked through the hallway. I told one guy, you think you bad come at me dog I will have all my homies

[What homies? You're crazy, remember? They were glad that you were gone. Fight your own battles.]

down here so fast you would wish you were back in Ohio where you came from.

[Depends on where in Ohio he was from.]

I hate weak women. I had a best friend from Kindergarden to when I was 18 years old and had to break up the relationship.

[You didn't know who she was after 13 years?]

One day she her man and I were standing around and he pinched my ass so hard a tear came down so I slapped him in his face.

[If he was gentler, he wouldn't have gotten slapped.]

She got upset at me because I slapped her man. Her justification was even though he pinched my ass I was supposed to "tell her" because that's her man and she would have asked him if he did touch my ass (as if he would admit that to her) I told her have a nice life. 11 years later he's married to her niece.

[You know how to pick 'em.]

I was always the one that planned the revenge for people after they were screwed over. I was always the one that creatively got even with everyone no matter what i always have my homegirls back.

[Back in jail, you mean. Why not just encourage them to GO ON with their lives?]

I got a job in a construction company last year. The other women in that company were all cookie cutter princess good little girls who did what they were told. I have never been a good little girl.

[Unless you consider crazy to be good, no.]

I guess I will never comprimise my intergrity or personality

[…disorder]

in order for people to like me. They gave me a hard time I was the only female engineer in a group of 6 in the project. I admit I gave them hell but they desrved it.

[Being honest with you earns them your version of hell?]

One guy said my perfume smelled like a toilet (Jean Paul Gautier the bottle that look like a woman's body)

[Maybe it DID smell like a toilet. Maybe he knows (if you don't) that perfume on a pig just smells like perfumed pig. I'm just curious as to why you don't even know the name of it. Probably because you bought it off the back of a truck.]

so I sprayed it in his desk drawers, in his hard hat, on his chair, and all over his work area.

[Grow up. He doesn't have to like your perfume. I can't agree with him more. Sometimes the sheer amount of perfume you bimbos wear is enough to curl my nose hair.]

I denied it to the boss and got away with it.

[They were more likely afraid of the "crazy" girl, and what she would do.]

The guys in the project (Electricians, Carpenters, Laborers) feared me.

[With good reason. You've got the maturity of a kindergartener.]

The guys in the office felt so threatened by me they had a memo campaign and got rid of me because i never wrote a memo in my defense.

[You think that this is something to be PROUD of? You think you had a defense? Johnnie Cochran couldn't even help you. "If it smells like shit, you must acquit."]

I bounced back on my feet (found a better job and started the new job on same day I was fired from the construction job)

[So you didn't get away with it. Look for a new job with a psychiatric package in the benefit plan.]

Though my methods are unorthodox, my intentions are good.

[Punishing people because they don't like your stinky perfume isn't a good intention at all.]

I just dont let anyone step on me. Its hard enough being a latin woman and people thinking that you should be subserviant.

[Without being crazy on top of it all.]

i dont believe that I think I should be seen for my mind not my body.

[If I were you, I'd stick with being seen for your looks. Your brains and personality are losers.]

I also believe that no one owns me but me.

[Who else would want you?]

One Liner:
Always the bitch never the victim.

[You're just proud of making victims of others.]



Email : DarkGoddessVixen@goth.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love to torture and torment men without regard to their emotions and I love to flaunt My love for My own sex in their faces while they put so much effort into attempting to fuck Me.

[Torture? Men pay pretty good money for that kind of action.]

One Liner:
I am Goddess of Everything

[…stupid.]



Email : malarky@prodigy.net.mx

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
What I say is corrosive...

[...and stupid.]

I always know exactly what to say...

[Except for right now.]

I think faser than anybody...

[See what speed gets you?]

I'm mean...

[A lot of stupid people are.]

One Liner:
I'm just so wonderful... I can only love myself above all things... I'd would kiss myself but I can't reach my cheek...

[You haven't figured out that you have more kissing surface?]



Email : duped@pandora.be

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
my hubby always has online lovers and when i found out i go afterthose bitches

[Your HUSBAND was the one who committed to you, so why are you mad at THEM?]

and make there life hell

[How? By sending them angry and illiterate email?]

that will teach them to get involved with a married man

[Meanwhile your hubby is on to the next hussy.]

One Liner:
you never dealt with a bitch till ya met me.

[That's one way to put it. A more accurate way is that you'd do anything to keep your worthless man.]



Email : got a problem@sms.at

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have this curios "weakness" of pretending to love someone (males, of course) although I'm quite certain I don't. I make them crawl, pretend, swear while being incredibly sweet and understanding. The moment they take advantage of my humble behavior - I dump them within a 20 minutes monologue which leaves them speech- and libidoless. Most of them even deserve it... Thanks God my SO doesn't (yet).

[So can we put you down for a reservation at the Asylum?]

One Liner:
Darling, I'm perfectly aware that in your state of mind you just can't go to work. We'll work it out as soon as you get over it. You know, I'm on your side...

[HIS state of mind? I can't believe he came to you with his problem? Hell, you ARE his problem.]



Email : chatterbox@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
na







l

One Liner:
na







l

[I can't tell you how glad I am that you dropped in.]



Email : you must be kidding@mtsinai.on.ca

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bitch because I refuse to help, in any shape or form, those who do not speak proper english.

[This is rich. You have some of the worst English I've read. Please, DON'T help. I insist.]

I am a Heartless Bitch because I will not be talked down to by anyone, especially no it all guys who think they are "all that".

I am a Heartless Bitch because I refuse to change the way I look. I am short, blonde and slightly plump and proud of it.

[I notice that you didn't say that you were SLIGHTLY short or blonde. Some pride.]

I am a Heartless Bitch because I am peirced and tattoo'd.

[Oh yeah. DON'T help people who can't speak proper English.]

I am a Heartless Bitch because I don't need a man to be happy. I am content with myself.

I am a Heartless Bitch because I refuse to follow the leader. I make my own rules and I stay true to myself.

[That's absolutely true. You don't even help YOURSELF learn proper English.]

I am a Heartless Bitch because I do not accept anyone's friendship volintarily.
If I do not approach you, YOU DO NOT approch me!

I am a Heartless Bitch because I have no heart.

[Naw, you're a dumbass because you have no brain.]

One Liner:
I am in a constant state of PMS.

[You've proved Dickhead's point. (Not to be confused with "Shitneck," his user ID.)]



Email : idjit@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i just am i have no need for men so i dont use them

[You shouldn't use people anyway.]

One Liner:
"NO NEED"

[I can see a need for SOMEthing here.]



Email : stupidp0ptart@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
'cause in order to keep the male species where they belong you need to be assertive and strong and not allow them to push you around. Basically...Don't take any shit! The thing I hate the most are those damn egotistical men and the really sappy ones who think they have game. There's just something magnetic about their faces that just make me wanna slap some damn sense into them

One Liner:
Deal with it or shove a cock up your ass!!

[So let's peek at the AOL profile.]

Member Name: stupidp0ptart
Location: N. Carolina
Sex: Male
Marital Status: girlfriend for over 2 yrs
Hobbies: Sports, parties, drinking, sex, hangin with my girlie and my home skillets..lol
Personal Quote: Shut your mouth you dirty sIut, you know you want it in your butt, I'll put it in your cunt; let stupidp0ptart nut! :///: I'll be popin' coochies 'til the nut oozes!!

[If the nut oozes, you should seek treatment.]

Gender: female

[Sure, you're a girl.]



Email : abracadabra@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
... I have ZERO tolerence for women who marry jerks because they're pregnant. Hello! It takes two to tango and YOU are 1/2 responsible. Buck up, take some responsibility

[She is. She's settling for marrying some nimrod.]

for your actions. He did't GET you pregnant, YOU HAD TO PARTICIPATE.

... I have no time for men who are emotional retards. Grow up already I can smell you a mile away.

[You just defended them a sentence ago.]

... I tell people who don't shower how much soap, water and deoderent, in the proper combonation will enhance their life and get rid of their stank crotch.

[Um, yeah. Figure that one out yourself? However, that stank crotch is a sure-fire way to prevent unwanted pregnancy or marriage.]

One Liner:
Heartless Bitchiness: My own special gift to idiots, fools and the clueless.

[Good tactic. Fight fire with fire.]

Email : pathetic in Pink@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I just broke up with my girlfriend because the man I have loved for 11 months told me when he and his girlfriend break up, he'll be with me again..

[What kind of fucked up relationship tag is this? What are you, second string? On the bench? The runner-up? Waiting for her to make you "it"?]

She is crying uncontrollably, and nothing I tell her will help.

[Let me talk to her.]

The truth is, I had to do it. When it came between her and him, everyone knew I would MUCH rather be with him. His arms hold so much more comfort than do hers.

[She'll have the last laugh when he dumps YOU for someone else, and the girlfriend who REALLY cared tells you to fuck off, and rightfully so. You are an unbelievable ass.]

One Liner:
That which nourishes me... also destroys me.

[Oh no, you destroyed yourself. Stop blaming other people.]



Email : big baby@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i am tired of listening to the men in my town hit on me and then the next day, the a fucking some one else. Everytime one of the little whores whofucked my boyfriend talks to me,

[Oh, so you DID give up the cooter. You acted like you didn't have sex with them. One night stands don't make them your boyfriend. "If you let them hit, you must acquit."]

i tell them off. you are a whore , slut, skank and that they don't deserve to breath the air normal people do. as for the stupid idiot who told a bunch of people what we did in bed? well he knows that if he even talks to ar

[Arr, Matey. If'n ya be tempted ta talk about our sexu'l exploits, I'll be shiverring YER timbers.]

about me ever again, my bestfriend will beat him sensless.

[Too late. Anyone who sleeps with someone as histrionic as you doesn't have much sense.]

he was at a bar i was once, and i belittled him in front of the whole club. he could not speak, knowing i can ruin his life and parole. (i work at the countly jail)

[One. One wonderful convict. Ah Ah Ah. One. One stupendous parolee. Ah ah ah.
Did you mean the cuntly jail? Fucking you is like being on lockdown? You can never leave?]

and a few weeks a go he was there again. and made the mistake of trying to talk to me. i sent my bestfriend who is 6 ft 4 in and 350 lbs over to speak to him. he is now shitting his pants

[Still? What kind of woman picks scumbags to sleep with and then sends in some big oaf to do some body and fender work when she can't fight her own battles? Get out of the game if you can't afford the ante.]

One Liner:
someday i will find a man with a cock. until then women will do

[EVERY man has a cock, nitwit. All this sex you had and you didn't see one?]



Email : pompom-cicle@epix.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I ahte those bimbos that prance around and throw themselfs on men they need to have respect for themselfs but no i feel liek bashing them in the head and men just dont seem to get the idea that i dont want them , they just dont leave me alone and when i say siomin im called a bitch im liek yeah you say it liek its a bad thing

[Factoid: Pompom-cicle is a cheerleader! Yay. Team.]

One Liner:
IM a bitch live with it!

[Yeah, so give her a "B!" Give her an "O!" Another "O!" A "T!" What's that spell? The boot, the boot. Yay. Team.]







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