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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of August 5, 2001
edited by JadeSyren





Email : Jesus, so how old's her dad?@webtv.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm am sick and tired of those generation X'rs who have the MY DADS COMPANY DOWNSIZED SO THEY FIRED HIM AFTER 30 YEARS IN THE MILL SO I'M ONLY HERE UNTIL SOMETHING ELSE COMES ALONG..GO IN THE MEAN TIME, I"LL DO AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.

[That's a gen X motto if ever I heard one.]

One Liner:
why is it that if you only go around once in life people get so dizzy?

[Inner ear infections?]

Age: 45-55

[45-55? What age group is your dad in? He didn't get downsized, he RETIRED.]



Email : terminally confused@netzero.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I allowed my husband to continue living after he cheated on me,

[Oh, that's just because you love him, and you blame her.]

even though I left him to remain as a dickless dyke

[Dykes are dickless. You're so upset that you're confusing terms.]

and his girlfriend a cuntless whore.

[Temper. If she WERE a cuntless whore, then you wouldn't have a problem.]

Yes, I lit the fuse to her tampon.

[Big deal, so you chewed her out. So he won't be sleeping with her again. One down, millions to go. Deal with your problem at the source...YOU.]

One Liner:
Don't get pissy unless your ready to be pissed on.

[Get the hell out of the bathroom, and on with your life.]



Email : the brat bride@ccsi.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have been married three times. All divorces have stemmed from the fact that I don't feel it is necessary for me to be told no about anything I feel,

[As in "No, we can't afford that." Or, "No, you can't fuck the pizza guy."]

as a person, should make my own decisions about. I work in the construction industry for the simple fact I hate working in offices with whinny women who complain about there husband, yet refuse to do anything about it, who, if you look at them cross eyed , will not only hold it against you forever, but will screw you over because of it. Addtionally, on a construction site, I can tell a guy to go to hell, and 5 minutes later we're laughing about it.

[You don't know what that's about, do you? There are guys that can't take that kind of kidding around, either. There are women that can. Think about it. You're not some anomaly because you can kid around in that manner. What made you divide this down gender lines?
No, you like the construction sites because being the only woman makes you the belle of the wall.]

If you tell a whinny ass woman to go to hell, she'll make sure she is anchored to you before she goes.

[Maybe you should just work on your social skills. Surely you can express disdain without invitation to your secret lair.]

I do not subsribe to the notion that I must be taken care of, told what's best for me, or have my decisions made for me because he has the penis.

[It could just be because you suck at making decisions. You've been married three times, and you make friends based on the use of the word, "hell."]

Last time I checked, penis size does not equate to brian size.

[Yet, here you are talking about how you prefer the company of pricks. (Apologies to any Brians reading today.)]

I find the oppisite is true. And in closing, if I am called a bitch, I thank the person, at least my efforts have not gone unnoticed.

[What does THAT mean, exactly? It shouldn't be an "effort" to be a Heartless Bitch.]

One Liner:
There is not enough blood in the world to fill both of there heads and make them work propely at the same time.

[You seem to have the same malady. You can't function a keyboard and think at the same time.]



Email : crazy-silly-slacker@jokeaday.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have little tolerance for grammatical errors in other people, but manage to overlook them in my own writing.

[You want to list your hypocrisy first?]

I love my husband who loves me back, but still manage to get jealous of a computer game.

[Maybe that's because you're two-dimensional too.]

I know that I will never be the person that my parents hoped for, and feel bad because of it, yet they are thrilled with whom I have become.

[That's a parent for you. Often, parents turn a blind eye to your gaping flaws.]

I honestly see no reason why my pets do not count as dependants. I have no idea how to format anything in HTML, but am too stubborn to not to try (just to show off). I failed at HTML formatting, but am still working on it with the aid (ha!) of Word.

[How can you show off doing something you don't know how to do?]

One Liner:
No, I was not touched *THERE* by an angel.

[But that's how you got the dimple above your mouth. Gabriel told you a secret before you were born.]



Email : touched in the head@elvis.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love Heartless Bitches,. . . .......I love Heartless Bitches,. . . ......vvI love Heartless Bitches,. . . .......vvvvvI love Heartless Bitches,. . . .......I love Heartless Bitches,. . . .......I love Heartless Bitches,. . .......I love Heartless Bitches,. . . .......I love Heartless Bitches,. . . .......

[It's great to have fans. I just wish they were a bit brighter.]

One Liner:
my one liner will be go fast

[Sorry, Speedy. There's enough of YOUR kind of man, already.]

[Somewhere, out there, a village is missing an idiot because he's RIGHT HERE. That's right, the Idiot comes back for more.]

First, I withdraw my apology. If u don't have the class 2 accept it in

[Class. Funny you mention that. I thought that it distinctly lacked class to make me a cohort in your perpetration.]

the spirit it was given, I certainly have no intention of being humiliated by having given it.

[How are you humiliated? Who knows that this is you?]

Second, i am not a lair or if i am, every comedian who ever "just flew in from Miami and man were her arms tired" is also a liar. it was a joke, get overit.

[You are a liar. The whole idea that you want me to go along with your "fake application" is a great big ruse. That's not comedy.

Most comedians don't take two days to set up their punch line. As a prankster, you are fair. As a comedian, you are poor.

Didn't you say that we'd never hear from you again?]

Thirdy, i can't believe u printed my apology. By unmasking me, you humiliate me by revealling me as a fakir & spoil my joke.

[It was funnier that way. It wasn't funny YOUR way at all.]

No fair. surely you realize that most of your "weak of the week" applicants are just bogus applications trying to get your goat.

[And I talk about them in that way. The difference between them and you is that you tried to get me to go along with this falseness.

One of the reasons that Weak of the Week works is because those applications are really sent. The fiction is not from me. It doesn't matter if the sender is "trying to get my goat" here. Sometimes the lameness stems from what they think will. Of course some of them are trying to get a reaction, but that's not the same as what you tried to do.

What you did, as a "fan" was to make up an application, then tell me that you wanted me to use this, but not your apology.

I take great pains to recreate the application as it was sent. Why would you think that I needed your "prank"? If I wanted to fake this, I could write better material myself.]

You guys obviously have no sense of humor...

[Who's not laughing? Hint: NOT US.]

I still like your site, just not as much as i liked it b4 (but i really liked it).

[I said it before, and it bears repeating: Look up "integrity."]

Part 2: The response from his anus.

Ms. Syren

My final thoughts on this hole sordid application process follow:

> >First, I withdraw my apology. If u don't have the class 2 accept it in >

[ Class. Funny you mention that. I thought that it distinctly lacked class to make me a cohort in your perpetration.]

Well I never!

[...make sense? ...have anything constructive to do?]

> >the spirit it was given, I certainly have no intention of being humiliated > >by having given it. >

[How are you humiliated? Who knows that this is you?]

I know it is me & that is enough. That people looking on ur site think i am some kinda looser IS humiliating, whether or not they actually know me.

[You ARE some kind of loser. You don't have to stay one. Anyone can make a mistake. Losers keep repeating them. You're right. It IS a humiliation to be you.]

> >Second, i am not a lair or if i am, every comedian who ever "just flew in > >from Miami and man were her arms tired" is also a liar. it was a joke, > >get overit. >

[You are a liar. The whole idea that you want me to go along with your "fake application" is a great big ruse. That's not comedy. Most comedians don't take two days to set up their punchline. As a prankster, you are fair. As a comedian, you are poor.]

Calling me a prankster just makes me sound childish & immature.

[Ring, ring. Clue phone for the Idiot.]

I AM a funny comedian. I used to entertain the ladies who had afternoon tea with my maman & they all called me "Little Johnny" like Carson.

[Maybe they meant "Little Johnny" like Toilet.]

[Didn't you say that we'd never hear from you again?]

I just had to speak up after you betrayed my trust.

[YOUR trust? Gimme a break, idiot.]

> >Thirdy, i can't believe u printed my apology. By unmasking me, you > >humiliate me by revealling me as a fakir & spoil my joke. >

[It was funnier that way. It wasn't funny YOUR way at all.]

Was 2, Was 2!

[Your comedic skills are shining through with each letter.]

> >No fair. surely > >you realize that most of your "weak of the week" applicants are just bogus > >applications trying to get your goat. >

[ And I talk about them in that way. The difference between them and you is that you tried to get me to go along with this falseness.

One of the reasons that Weak of the Week works is because those applications are really sent. The fiction is not from me. It doesn't matter if the sender is "trying to get my goat" here. Sometimes the lameness stems from what they think will. Of course some of them are trying to get a reaction, but that's not the same as what you tried to do.

What you did, as a "fan" was to make up an application, then tell me that you wanted me to use this, but not your apology.

I take great pains to recreate the application as it was sent. Why would you think that I needed your "prank." If I wanted to fake this, I could write better material myself.]

Could not, could not!

[Oh, yes, I can see where you think you'd be stiff competition.]

> >>You guys obviously have no sense of humor... >

[Who's not laughing? Hint: NOT US.]

WAH! WAH! WAH! No fair.

[This is just boring, now. If you're going to argue like a first grader, then cry like a baby, stop writing. If you want humiliation, stand outside with your dick in your hand. That oughta do it.]

> >I still like your site, just not as much as i liked it b4 (but i really > >liked it). >

> I said it before, and it bears repeating: Look up "integrity."

I don't haveta look it up. I KNOW what it meens.

[How is it thrilling for someone as intelligent as you claim you are to act in this fashion? What kind of challenge IS it, really, to pretend that you are an ignorant child? Don't you have some job-finding to do?]

[So what does this idiot do?]

Email : the idiot part dull@ivillage.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
It's not that hard to be a bitch:

[You seem to be failing miserably.]

you take control of your own world,

[Own world, as in you live in yours?]

speak up when needed, take success instead of waiting for it to come knocking on your door, enjoy a good debate and suddenly you are the evil woman (also known as a Heartless Bitch).

[So tell me, Idiot, is it a lack of female companionship that drives you to so desperately seek it here?]

One Liner:
PEACE comes, not from an ABSENCE of Strife and Conflict, but in our ability to COPE with it.

[Boy, does THAT sound familiar. Where have I seen that before? He couldn't be as silly as to quote the Quote of the Week, could he?]

[Since then he has applied yet again, changing his gender to female in an attempt to disguise himself from me, yet still seek the attention he craves. Enjoy this spotlight, Idiot, because now you're just tedious.]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999

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