Email : Duck O Dick Lips@bellsouth.net

[This is what she sent in. I can't make up shit like this.]

UserID : shitmouth

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[Ran out of ideas.]

One Liner:
FUCK IT

[Yes, it's fucked.]

Email : onions make you cry@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
HTML im not too concernered with anything that doesnt have to "personally"

[Imagine living in a world that tiny and constrained.]

do with me... therefore, dont know your lingo

[We've replaced her normal lingo with HTML. Let's see if she notices.]

...if you mean web address, best your gonna get is a home page, WITH NO PIC!!

[She didn't supply it, but I found it anyway. It's another showcase for her demands. Her ability to make a webpage, yet not understand a thing about HTML is just another reason why AOL sucks.]

One Liner:
KING for a day ::: FOOL for a lifetime ....

[Oh yeah.]

Email : average annoyed teen@netscapeonline.co.uk

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
some days..ok most days i wake up hating everyone and everything, but not cos Im moody or anything well ok yes I am

[That's all part of being a teen, for many of you.]

but thats not the point

[Good. That was your cue to delete that last part.]

people in general just find new and exciting ways to piss me off

[I'll bet most of them involve an obstacle to you getting your way.]

and im not really a bitch i just say what i think its just what im thinkin thats bitchy

[If you're just thinking about how to insult people, then you're just shallow.]

One Liner:
"pour me another your still ugly" or " yes id sleep with you if your knob wasnt so far up your own arse"

[A couple more of those drinks, and you won't CARE where his knob is or, more importantly, where it goes.]

Email : bullwhipper@earthlink.net

URL : http://home.earthlink.net/~bullwhipper's site

[Think of an answering machine out in cyberspace. All the page consists of is a link to email her.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have two eight-foot Australian bullwhips and I know how to use them. (Yes, as well as Catwoman.)

[Better her than Young Indiana Jones, eh?]

Typical male viewing one of my typical practice sessions: "Is that a *real* whip?"

Me(with feral grin): "Yes. Would you like to help me with my target practice?"

Amazing how a six-foot redhead with a whip can instantly separate the men from the boys.

[Any fool can separate men from boys. Men tend to be taller, possess facial hair and bald spots. You actually need a whip for this?]

One Liner:
I have several, actually:

[None very good.]

"The miracle worker doesn't work here any more."

[When did she work there?]

"Two whips... no waiting."

[I can't imagine that there would be a line for a flogging.]

"Don't call me a bitch; it's been done. Get a bigger vocabulary and call me something *really* original."

[I prefer not to call you at all.]

Email : ugh@globaleyes.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[Even Eeyore thinks this sucks.]

I am a mother a wife and a jacquline of all trades i have a man because i choose to have one not because i need one.

[Do tell. How would you know? You never gave yourself that choice.]

I can do enaything

[That's not a typo. That's actually how she says "anything."]

any man can and most usually faster and better. Men never cut the apron strings,

[I hear that an awful lot, but it's rare that I see a man that became a father because he failed in his career.]

i want to be a mother, i gave birth, i did not marry you to raise you if you want a maid and a b**b to suck on by all means go home to momma

[He IS home with Momma.]

One Liner:
I am not your maid, your momma or martha stewart my rules my way no exceptions, if you dont like it go the hell away!

[Or she'll complain LOUDLY as she picks up after you.]

Email : so spoiled she's rotten@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
(Laughs out loud)

[My reaction.]

I truly apologize. I don't know how to write HTML and quite frankly even if I did I probably wouldn't why waste my time when it's your job. (laughs)

[Because it's YOUR application. Some people care about how their application is presented.]

Ok, my name is Jordana. It's pronounced Jor-day-nah.

[While this is annoying, I don't see why you want to make this an issue.]

It's not hard so don't make it so. My mother graced me with such a beautiful and unusual name and all the stupid people out there that can't pronounce it just plain irratates me.

[Plain stupid would be mispronouncing Jim or Sara. You're got a "beautiful and unusual" name, and this is just part of what goes with the territory. Frankly, I think individual achievement, and not the funky-ass misspelled or "cre-8-tiv" name, is what makes someone memorable.]

OK, here's the scope.

[Limited.]

I may seem like a majorly spoiled, highly intelligent, selectively virtuous, arrogant, conceded,

[Which you should have done.]

materialist, sarcastic, trucker mouthed, loud voiced, opinionated, rotten bitch at times and it is merely because I am.

[At least you are self-aware. None of this makes you especially welcome here.]

I've always gotten what I wanted whether I earned it myself or whether it was handed to me.

[There's a world of difference between the two.]

But unlike most others that don't deserve a handout I earn mine by merely being me.

[No one deserves a handout.]

How do I earn this? Easily. Even If I don't receive things by mere ease, like that of a "gift," I would've gotten it anyway if I wanted it. I always get what I want if I want it bad enough.

[Ah, so in your eyes, WISHING is earning. I see. We all owe you something.]

Perhaps, worse yet I'm impatient enough to get angry when I don't get it when I want it.

[Like a two-year old throwing a temper tantrum.]

Here's a story you might like.

[I'm cringing and flinching already.]

I work at a very competitive hospital currently employed within an entry level position. I had to start here (regardless of my vast experience and virtual expertise)

[Virtual is not real. Again with the idea that someone owes you something.]

due to the fact I am still working towards my BS degree in my field.

[I'm glad that you didn't mention your extensive education. Think that's maybe why you had to start at an entry-level position?]

I've been in this bottom feeder position for about 3 months or so now.

[Three WHOLE months? How dare they!]

I was approached on my third day (while discussing my major with some nurses) by the director in my program offering me a job. The rules of the hospital regarding transfers are as follows no transfers are allowed if the employee has been working in their dept. less than 1 year.

[That happens in a lot of companies, and there are very good reasons for this restriction. The right person for the job not only has the proper education and experience, but the proper temperament, as well.]

Well, because I'm smart, experienced and professional my Boss went through great lengths to help me bypass the rules of no transfers; even though he himself would be at a disadvantage losing one of his favorite and hardworking employees. So what's the problem?

[I'd love to know myself.]

My coworkers are beyond green within their envy.

[It's called "unfair treatment." Again, it goes with the turf. Quit whining.]

Rumors are flying like hot cakes that I only received this promotion because I'm pretty. None alone the various other rumors that I'm promiscuous since I'm flirtatious and that I'm a bitch because I don't put up with my co workers stupid petty gossip, and laissez faire attitude towards work.

[Sometimes where there is smoke, there's fire. So what if you're promiscuous? I find it hard to believe, however, that you are both professional AND flirtatious. The two have a hard time getting on together. Don't you have better things to do in a hospital besides running down every rumor? Besides, you admitted that sometimes you get things that you haven't earned. Why should this be any different?]

Of course the rumors bothered me at first (briefly) then it became evidently clear. Their jealousy amuses me. Most of the men and woman in my dept. are far from beautiful none alone

[None alone? What the fuck does none alone mean? Do you mean let alone?]

they lack the more important things like character and wits.

[I note that they seem to hold the same basic qualifications as you, however. You note that they are NOT beautiful. They could be on to something. Ironic that you should mention THEIR lack of character. They must be totally shitty people if you noticed.]

I do my own thing. I live by my own code of rules.

[Which only applies to others.]

I help those that help themselves

[Then they don't need your help.]

(which are far and few between) and I loath those that fall short. If I can do it, anyone can.

[Some people aren't willing to trade in dignity for "success."]

There are no excuses for being a loser. Being a loser, in the broader terms, is a choice.

[Such as if you CHOOSE to accept things you don't deserve, of if you insist on having your way all the time. Yes, being a loser IS a choice.]

If you choose to lose don't hate me for laughing at you.

[You're such a good sport. Most people concentrate on how to make sure that their children aren't sore losers, but fewer teach their children how NOT to gloat as they succeed.]

Yes, I may or may not talk shit-but I will not fear to say it to your face. I am all about brutally truth. If you know me and don't like me. Hey that's your loss not mine.

[It helps you to think so. You wouldn't have to do anything messy like develop some character.]

If you hate me and don't know me. It's still your loss but you only make yourself look even dumber in the process. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

[You're not worth wasting good hate on. Ask your co-workers. If you'd bother to listen, you might find that you're NOT the only golden child there. You'd do well to pay attention because the next time around YOU might be the one passed over for a deserved promotion in favor of the next young thing.]

My shortened version of my worthy opponent theory.
I have a gun. A hypothetical one. The gun represents my stake,

[Why couldn't you just use a STAKE to represent your STAKE? Any theory that needs this much set-up is silly.]

my attack on you as a weapon which is sharp, quick and fierce. This bullet will leave scars if not change you forever.

[At least you'd like to hope that you have that much impact.]

This weapon of my mind

[Completely of your mind. You're waging a war that no one else is fighting.]

is pointed at everyone's head. You get one chance before I shoot.

[Your mouth off? Quick, everyone do as she says. You DON'T want to hear her complain about her name anymore, do you?]

It's always loaded and it's always there one for each hand. If you drop yours, I'll probably drop mine.

[Your theory is that everyone is strapped? Far from it. Some people don't even carry matches.]

I never shoot the innocent, but if your guilty I can promise you I'll know.

[Just like the police. No one is innocent after they are shot.]

If this makes me heartless. I've been called worse.
If this makes me a bitch, take a number.
But if this makes me a heartless bitch I take pleasure in saying "thank you"
I'm a worthy opponent but are you?

[I don't think the whole world is against me. I don't have to live down to your standards. You have to show yourself worthy of us. This will burn you up more than anything else I've said thus far.]

One Liner:
"I am more of a man than you will ever be, and more of a woman than you could ever get."

[And more of a crybaby than you could ever imagine.]

Email : Mrs. Hotts@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because....., I was born one. My Mom is one. It runs in our family.

[It tends to skip a generation.]

We are no bullshit, no mamby pamby pussy footing kind of people. Weak women annoy me; As do Mama's boys. I stand up for myself and my family to a fault. Sometimes it means stepping on others toes. Oh fucking well.

[As long as you get yours, right?]

Anyway this is rather disjointed as I didn't get much sleep last night.

[No excuses, missy. I've got med students applying on finals week.]

I'm married w/ a 17 month old son that is getting all four of his canine teeth at once.

[Goddamn. It's an "It's Alive" baby. Does he have cloven feet too, the little vampire?]

I have plenty of things to bitch about.

[Do they all involve your unfortunate choice of breeding?]

Please accept into your bitchy little empty chest cavity's. LOL

[Why? Because you asked nicely? That only works for children. But, if you send me a picture of the little bloodsucker, fangs and all, I might make an exception.]

One Liner:
Don't waste energy being jealous of me,

[Don't worry.]

put the focus back on to yourself

[Funny YOU should say that, mom of Babasaurus Rex.]

and get your life together JUNKIE SLUT!!!!

[You think you're different because you're married? No, that just makes you exclusive.]

Email : kattallica@crybaby.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate scumbag men who father kids

[You've got to understand that her site is devoted to her hate of her ex. He's in a band that appears to be successful, although they probably aren't making decent money yet, and none of them pay child support. She ridicules his looks, then talks about how many children she had with him. Did he get ugly overnight? What did he look like when she was fucking him on the regular? Answer: the same.]

and dont pay any child support then go on to father some more and not pay for those either. castrate them i say!

[On her site she offers advice on how to get child support, but she's not getting any.]

One Liner:
whats that you say? if your dog goes you go? well, goodbye then!

[Throwing the dog out is cruel and unwarranted.]

Email : warning signs@georgefox.edu

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because the majority of humanity pisses me off. I, like Dr. Laura (my heartless bitch hero),

[The woman who has high moral standards for everyone else and not herself?]

need a stamp that says "Quit whining and do somthing about it!" so that I can stamp it on the forehead of all "victimized" idiots that I run across in this world. I've had a pretty shitty life of my own, but do I complain about it? No!

[No, you just use it to feel a little bit better than everyone else.]

As we speak I'm at a prestigious college training to become the Opera Diva of my dreams. If I can become a worthwhile and self supporting member of society then so can anyone else. My #1 goal in life is to raise my children to be

[So why are you wasting time in college?]

responsible for themselves and to live their lives without complaining that they should be able to sit on their ass and live off the government because the world owes them something.

[You'll be on the Baby Gravy Train too.]

I kicked my college roomate out of my apartment for having that kind of attitude and refusing to hold down a job and keep her rent current. That's just the kind of heartless bitch I am.

[Was it because of her attitude, or because she wasn't paying rent? Not so noble when it's for not paying rent, isn't it?]

I should also add that I am not a man hater - I have the best husband a

[Of course you have a husband. You'd have to have one.]

heartless bitch like me could ever hope for. He's a big teddy bear with a level head that can easily manage to hold me back when I try to kill people that piss me off.

[I don't need a man to help me control myself. You shouldn't either.]

One Liner:
"Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have."

[Whose car did you steal this one from?]