Dec 28, 2009
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July 27 2009
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Oct 26, 2003
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August 31, 2003
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July 27, 2003
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June 15, 2003
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May 25, 2003
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Apr 27, 2003
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Apr 1, 2003
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Jan 26, 2003
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Dec 29, 2002
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Nov 10, 2002
Nov 3, 2002
Oct 27, 2002
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Oct 6, 2002
Sep 29, 2002
Sep 22, 2002
Sep 15, 2002
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Sep 1, 2002
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Aug 4, 2002
Jul 28, 2002
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Jul 7, 2002
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Apr 28, 2002
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Mar 31, 2002
Mar 24, 2002
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Mar 3, 2002
Feb 24, 2002
Feb 17, 2002
Feb 10, 2002
Feb 3, 2002
Jan 27, 2002
Jan 20, 2002
Jan 13, 2002
Jan 6, 2002
1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of July 8, 2001
edited by JadeSyren



Email : hungry@btcellnet.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
when i find a man i get him to the point of no return and then bite into his flesh!

[No time for take out?]

One Liner:
I'm a bitch and theres nothing you can do!

[We can always hope that you won't apply here again.]



Email : spattlecat@mediaone.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
You know I don't feel like I need to voice why I am heartless.

[*choke*]

If you want me to come out and visit you and show you why then that's all good,

[If it's not grunting, then you can't do it, right?]

but to waste my time asking me to type you an essay. Come on.

[When you submit this shit, you're wasting OUR time.]

One Liner:
You're just jealous because the voices are taking to me

[You should have asked them to help you with this essay.]



Email : weed in the garden@thedeal.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am sick and tired of watching most of the people I know (and everyone I don't) get by in this world with the minimal amount of effort, while I work my ass off but seem to be getting nowhere as my life passes me by.

[If this is you working your ass off, then that "passing you by" is deserved.]

And I'm sick of wearing a comfortable shirt that fits me perfectly, and getting catcalls from ugly men as my reward.

[Oh, poor you.]

One Liner:
Either do it, or don't. But either way, SHUT UP.

[Looks like someone could have followed her own advice.]



Email : didon't@cblink.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a total one. I make my husband beg and plead for sex.

[Remember this when you find him in bed with your best friend.]

If I don't like you then you will know it.

[I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that you give me the silent treatment.]

When we have sex, we do it doggie style so i don't have to see his face.

[I love it when the applicants try to act tough, and it backfires.]

One Liner:
I've learned from the best and will become even better bitch.

[From where you are, the only direction IS up.]



Email : nerdy@webtv.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have not given my boyfriend any sex for a month because he cuts me down.

[Here's a novel idea: DUMP HIM. Why keep him around if you're denying him sex for good reason. Let that fish go.]

One Liner:
For a man that has had a lot of women, you sure don't know anything about women.

[Eating a lot of chicken doesn't make you a hen, either.]



Email : MISTER WANT rocks@msn.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a genuine gold digger and have the fucking shovel to prove it. try jumping my claim and I'll smack you on one of your heads with it. it ain't gonna be hard when you figure out which one I hit first.

[If you worked this hard at forging your OWN career, you wouldn't have to defend your claim.]

One Liner:
you men

[That should read WE men, since YOU are male.]

have the right to dig you own grave. I have the right to sell you the damn shovel.

[You're a graverobber? That's an interesting spin on the whole "gold-digger" act.]



Email : over-the-rainbow@msn.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
If you get in my way, I'll fuck your shit up, especially if you're a dickhead man, a stupid dumb bitch, which by the way is totally different from a heartless bitch.

[But of course.]

One Liner:
You fuck with me, you're fucking with all my spilt personalities, and that's a whole lotta people to be fucking with!

[To YOU, it's a whole lotta people. To us, it's just one crazy asshole with different voices.]



Email : bleck@msn.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I HATE MY F****** HUSBAND!WHO'S DIEING FROM HEART DIESESE!

[Grief takes many forms. Sometimes it leads one to lash out at the target of the grief, and sometimes it really fucks up the spelling skills.]

One Liner:
JOKE E'M IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A F***!

[Take this fuck and joke off.]



Email : phd Oh please@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I would just like to learn more

[I'd like you to learn more, too.]

about being a heartless bitch.

[This isn't boot camp. You have to know before you get here. (How many times do I have to say this?)]

It would be good to let some of these bozo's that we have in the world today that the world doesn't just revolve around them.

[If they can't figure it out by now, what makes you think that anything will change that, assuming that you meant "know" here?]

One Liner:
How about when fat guys brag about the way they use to look instead of getting on a diet.

[How about 'em? Are they any different than the women who do that?]



Email : briquette@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[I can only guess she went for lighter fluid.]

One Liner:
Goals of a Bitch: To dominate, control and destroy a mans finances, mental health self esteem and any hope for happiness!!!

[Your small, little world revolves around him.]



Email : iron-E@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I will NOT be igored when i know I'm right. I'm right ALOT. Get used to it

[I guess that now isn't one of those times.]

One Liner:
My BRAIN is my largest erogenous zone,moron.

[You misspelled "erroneous." If you left your erogenous zones alone, maybe you could spell better.]



Email : common thief@home.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't give a fuck what anyone has to say, including people on this website, because I'm gonna get mine. Even if I have to take it from you.

[If you have to take it from me, it's not yours.]

One Liner:
God created man first, because SHE needed a rough draft before making the masterpiece.

[Are you saying that God makes mistakes?]



Email : SHOUT@AOL.COM

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
JUST CAUSE OK , OH WOW YOUR BAD EAT SHIT AND DIE YOUNG WHATEVER !!!

[Who are you talking to, and how are these reasons?]

One Liner:
ASSHOLE DORK !!!!

[Tourette's. It's so sad when it affects your fingers.]



Email : torture-whore@AOL.COM

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I AM JUST SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THE IGNORANT ASSES OUT THERE IN THIS WORLD AND I INTEND TO MAKE THEM ALL PAY DEARLY JUST LIKE THE LAST JERK I DATED I STILL TORMENT HIM DAILY HE WILL PAY FOR MY MISERY.

[Believe me, he is. Have you ever considered living YOUR life, instead of living for someone else?]

One Liner:
I DONT CARE WHAT YOU WANT OR NEED ITS MY NEEDS AND WANTS THAT ARE IMPORTANT NOT YOURS.

[It's ONLY about them. You don't have an identity outside of your dates or ex-dates.]



Email : shit for brains@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Hell,`you figure it out.

[Who do you think I am, Miss Cleo? That'll be a buck fifty.]

What do you want from me, anyway?

[Your reasons.]

A 200 page thesis on when exactly it was I came to the realization that I was and would forever be a heartless bitch?

[Do you think it would take you two hundred pages to talk about your ex? I'm GLAD you skipped this question.]

How it impacted my life and changed me for the better? Forget it. If you are that into other people's lives, you need something better to occupy your time.

[You want to talk about wasting time?]

One Liner:
I'll listen to your whiny assed complaints the day that Indian cooking doesn't stink up whole area codes at a time.

[I hate to tell you this, but it's not the INDIAN COOKING that reeks.]



Email : all about dick@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
all men's names should be richard cranium AKA DICK HEAD

[THEN how would we know which one we're suing?]

One Liner:
GO KISS OFF ASSHOLE

[Now there's a keeper.]



Email : space cadet@austin.rr.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because charm didn't work and George W. Bush got elected president.

[Just as I was about to ask if they were from outer space, I read the rest.]

One Liner:
I've come ten million light years out in the galaxy to be the infinite core of a bitch on earth.

[NOW your application makes sense.]



Email : sprogmuffin@twcny.rr.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a mother, (a single mother,that is) and if I gave a shit what anyone thought about that, I wouldn't have my beautiful girl.

[Of course you give a shit, that's why you introduced yourself as such. Who are you WITHOUT your twat?]

One Liner:
Excuses are like assholes, everybodys got one.

[You think with this, too? You know your brain is ABOVE your neck, not in your dorsal region, don't you?]



Email : Stinka@gateway.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
MY OWN MOTHER CAME DOWN TO FLORIDA

[…she was looking for a soul to steal. She was in a bind, 'cause she was way behind. Wait, you didn't say Georgia? Never mind.]

FROM COLORADO THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN FOR 2 YRS. AND I BITCHED ABOUT EVERYTHING SHE DID AND WANTED TO DO.

[Now this is just plain horrible. I hope you know that you're not too old to bend over her knee, missy.]

WHEN SHE FOUND HER OWN PLACE TO STAY AND I FOUND OUT SHE GOT INTO MY HOUSE W/O ASKING I TOLD HER MY NEIGHBORS WOULD KEEP AN EYE ON HER AND IF SHE DID IT AGAIN, I'D CALL THE COPS ON HER. AND EVEN THOUGH SHE'S HELPED ME OUT PLENTY OF TIMES,

[You're just an ingrate. This is what comes of overindulging your offspring.]

EVEN FINANCIALLY, ANY LONG DISTANT CALL SHE MADE, I MADE HER PAY ME BACK. OF THE PEOPLE MY MOM MET, ANYONE SHE GAVE MY PHONE # TO AND CALLED MY HOUSE FOR HER, I WOULD TELL THEM SHE DIDN'T LIVE THERE AND NOT TO CALL AGAIN-THOSE ARE A FEW OF THE REASONS WHY I CAN BE CALLED "A HEARTLESS BITCH".

[Well, that's not the only untrue thing in your application. Abusing your own mother will NEVER make you a Heartless Bitch.]

One Liner:
WHEN YOU GO TO SLEEP TONIGHT, I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR TONGUE AND DIE.

[This is your mother's prayer.]



Email : mothra@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well, I did check out your web-site. If I'm drawn to it, I probuably am it.

[Moths are drawn to flame; it doesn't make them fireflies.]

One Liner:
whatever.

[That goes double for your bland application.]



Email : pyro@AOL.CO,

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
IM A HEARTLESS BITCH BECAUSE I SIMPLY DONT TAKE SHIT OF ANYONE.. I AM ONE OF THE RARE BREEDS LEFT THAT WILL TELL YOU LIKE IT IS

[You can't even identify what it is.]

AND FUK YA IT PISSES YA OFF....... YOU TOSS THIS IN THE BIN THEN OH WELL FUK YA TOO!!!!!!!! LIFES A BITCH!

[And you're not.]

One Liner:
WHO THE FUK LIT THE FUSE ON YOUR TAMPON?

[Fuse on your tampon? Where'd you put the dynamite?]



Email : cybertwit@FranklinISP.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I've been used, abused, and generally screwed over by heartless people, and would like a card to show them exactly how I feel.

[You don't need us for that. Get an old business card (anyone's will do) and just draw a big sad face on the back.]

One Liner:
Don't bother me, I've got enough blood on my hands!

[THAT'S where she hid the dynamite.]



Email : snooze@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i don't put up with lying men that just want a piece of ass

[Yeah. You want a piece of HER ass, you've got to come right out and SAY it.]

One Liner:
dickwad

[She'll take it in any form. Wadded, spindled, folded or bent, she's not choosy.]



Email : liar, liar@austin.rr.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have told many of my guy friends that if I am driving and see a guy in a nice car, I will turn my vision else-where.

[With your brainpower, you should stay focussed on ONE tiny thing at a time anyway.]

I, which they never understand, don't like the guy to thinkk I am looking at him. I don't want to boost his ego any more. "Don't throw gas on fire". I do the same thing if I am not in my car.

[That's a relief. I can just see you tripping over your own feet when your attention wanders.]

If a guy that is very attractive and is friends with one of my friends (a guy) I will not make eye contact with him,

[What are you REALLY afraid of? Are you twelve and posing as an adult? If you're out on a date, you're not supposed to be flirting with his friends.]

I don't want him to think I am trying to check him out. But don't get me wrong, I like guys

[Whom are you trying to convince?]

just I think I can take care of my self. I might consider myself a slight feminist.

[Do or do not, there is no try.]

I just like to be able to open my own doors and pay for my self.

[This has about as much to do with feminism as washing your own hair.]

not all the time but most of the time. Some times my attitude may get the best of me to where a guy will finally just say "Do you have stick up your ass or something?"

[He forgot to add, "Do you want one?" One day, and none too soon, you will learn that it matters not what others say.]

In this, I just write a little about myself. How you take I don't know, it is up to you. but after reading all the comments writings of "Heartless Bitches", I felt I could totally relate.

[In what way? You can't seem to "totally" do anything. You can't even look at a man whole-heartedly.]

One Liner:
We're all Bitches in some way or another, it's just a matter of how we choose to use it.

[Don't confuse "Heartless Bitch" with "Inner Child."]



Email : bigPsycho@Excite.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I've raised 4 kids for 8 years because my ex has high hormones for little girls

[This is just sick, and I don't know what part is worse:

  • …that you shared this.
  • …that you want a cookie for raising your own kids.
  • …that you made children with a man(?) who has "high hormones for little girls" (ech)
  • …that you haven't reported him, probably because he's good for babysitting in a pinch and pays you money on the regular.]

and I'm tired of hearing a woman can't do a mans job,well to all those assholes I'm doing it and I'm doing it better than they ever could of!!!!

[Oh, no. You're just a pinch above outright failure. Since when is motherhood a man's job?]

One Liner:
2+2= FUCK YOU

[That's how you got all those damned kids in the first place.]



Email : Robwho?@usa.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
when my lover keeps telling me how special I am and how much he loves me I just want to hit him in the NUTS! It makes me want to puke!! But he does have a nice tush.

[This is a disorder. Seek help.]

One Liner:
Sine yo piddy on the runny kine cuz I'm a heartless Biatch!!

[Sa da tay.]



Email : antydumbass@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because I really don't care if it makes YOUR job easier to have this in HTML.

[Ha! It already IS in HTML.]

And we do NOT owe these lazy people a job, money, or free day care because they are too stupid to support themselves or take care of their kids.

[You'd rather pay them to stay at home to watch them? I am all too happy that free day care allows people to better their lives.]

One Liner:
Life is a banquet and most damn fools starve to death.

[Then again, some people piss and moan about the service.]



Email : bimbette@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because I dont care about anything or anyones feelings but my own. The world revolves around me!

[You're in for disappointment.]

My ex boyfriend spent $500 on presents for me to get me back and he also wrote me a poem telling me he would die without me, so i sent him a letter back just saying R.I.P

[R-eturning I-nvested P-resents.]

One Liner:
*If Paybacks A Bitch & Revenge Is Sweet.Then I'm The Sweetest Bitch You'll Ever Meet*

[When you set your own definitions, you can make up "true" shit all day.]



Email : Indygochild@mediaone.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
My Mother-In-law is very sick and I can't wait to take care of her the best way I can. Like leave her in the hot sun all day.

[What is it about picking on old people? How challenging is it, really, to pick on someone sick AND elderly?]

One Liner:
Just Because I have Red Hair

[…it's formula #309.]

does not give men the right to yell "hey Red"

[You find anything to complain about. Pick a shade of red less startling.]



Email : jedi girl@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I refuse to accept folks, including myself, re-writing their history to suit their current mood swing/situation.

[Ironic. Her AOL profile is a character sheet for one of the various RPGs.]

I once suffered a history class in college where our main text book was entitled, "INVENTING THE AMERICAN WOMAN". Women need to get over the fact that we weren't permitted THEN to make historically significant contributions compared to the men

[Dig deeper. It just wasn't documented.]

back then, and no matter HOW many books are written now, about the woman who sacrificed to create the hankerchief that was used to save IMPORTANT MAN X during the war (etc!) I am not saying that women didn't play important roles

[Funny you say ROLES, dark jedi...excuse me...FORMER dark jedi.]

back then, but c'mon folks, get REAL! Don't give me "pity morsels" aimed only to appease folks who just don't get the bigger sociological picture back then.

[Get a load of the sociological picture you represent NOW.]

Another thing that irritates me beyond belief that people, no matter what THEY look like or have to offer the relationship, are searching for a barbie/ken doll.

[Your character is 5'2" and 99lbs, missy.]

Furthermore, when they say they want brains, they only want you to be smart enough to intellectually agree with whatever genius ideas THEY come up with. God-forbid you come up with some theories of your own!

[According to your theories, women need permission, at least historically, to have them.]

One Liner:
My life is a circus alright! I'm surrounded by clowns and animals and folks doing tricks.

[You're surrounded by folks who roll dice to see what they do next.]



Email : annoying and spoiled@acc.org

[Modern day Princessa]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
What DOESN'T make me a heartless bitch?

[Just about everything you've listed.]

I'm that self-assured fuck-you attitude chick you see from across the street and think, "DAMN! She's got her shit together!"

[Is THAT what you think people think of you?]

I'm the fabu grrl with the top down, wind in the hair, Jackie-O sunglasses and music blaring - do I care if you tight assed suburbanites don't want to hear my music? NO I DON'T!!!!

[So you're just rude and inconsiderate.]

Oh, and speaking of which, get your goddamn minivans and SUVs off the road!

[Do you think that they care if you don't want them on the road? NO, THEY DON'T!]

I grew up with 4 of us crammed in the back seat and you don't fucking need a fuel guzzling eyesore to cart your one spoiled kid to private school.

[You don't like facing the fact that the world doesn't revolve around you?]

This kid who, of course, is watching something on the VCR with the headphones on because you don't know how to talk to your kid!

[You think that your example is better?]

Who the fuck decided that it's more embarrassing to discipline kids in public than to let them run loose like wild boar?

[I find it horrifying that people will call the police for a child who gets swatted, but no one calls when that same child is starved.]

I'll walk right up into your face - or your kids face - and tell it like it is!

[No, you'll just mangle the facts to suit you.]

Your kid's screaming and throwing a tatrum at the grocery store - watch out! Here comes a tantrum from me like you've NEVER seen before!

[That's just what I need. TWO babies to listen to in the store.]

What the hell happens to women when they get married anyway? Is that ring on your finger cutting off circulation to your brain? If remaining single means I continue to have original thoughts and a zest for life, I'll take that anyday!

[Besides, marrying someone means that you'll have to shelve your own needs sometimes, and YOU ain't about to have that.]

Besides, I'm sure my dildo's better than your husband! And, don't dare ask me again, "why aren't you seeing anyone?"

[I have a good idea why you aren't seeing someone. It's nothing to do with your sense of independence and everything to do with your rotten personality.]

or "aren't you lonely being single?" The truth about married women is that they are MORE lonely married

[While this may be true for some people, how would you know?]

than when they were single and just can STAND how much better my life is than theirs!

[They probably can't stand your description of your life. If they knew the reality, they'd feel much better. How rewarding IS life when you're emotionally two-years-old anyway? Telling typo, by the way.]

One Liner:
The rules are simple: I am right. You are wrong. Call me when you've memorized them.

[It's THAT easy to be rid of you? I thought I'd have to bribe you to go away.]



Email : Nice try@mail.gr

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
36 yars old from Athens Greece.

One Liner:
lol

[While his English is better than my Greek, it's still funny that he thinks that this is a dating service.]



Email : utero-tracker@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a mom, but I was a "Mother" first. I am a very kind person, I just choose not to be. And because I was tired of my uterus being a central locating device,

[Did you use it for storage or something?]

I had a hysterectomy. Find your own fucking files and your brown pair of shoes!

[You could have accomplished that without the painful surgery.]

One Liner:
Any person who says "it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean" either has a small dick or fucks one.

[Now that your uterus is gone, you can take 'em even bigger!]



Name: the girl you want

Email : whothefuckdoyouthinkyouarelittletwerp?@aol.com

UserID : youdork

URL : readandlearnyoustupidtwit.edu

[She obviously doesn't realize that we E-MAIL the acceptance letter.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
It's a public service to little dorks such as yourself. If I took the time to notice, I'd probably hate you, but as a HB, I simply walk over you on my search for the real men. Feeling my tire tracks

[You wear tires on your feet?]

on your back is as close as you'll ever get to some contact from me--consider yourself fortunate.

One Liner:
I think it would be best if we were just friends.

[I don't think it best for you to be friends with anyone.]



Email : spellchecker victim@ICQmail.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I'm tired of whinning No brain peace

[Peace: it doesn't mean a portion or part that has been separated from a whole.]

of crap men and thoughs stupid I need a man sluts

[Thoughs: not to be confused with those.]

who think there

[There: not a substitute for they are.]

the best looking thing on the fucking planet.

One Liner:
I'm a battle axe bitch and I have the axe to prove it.

[That doesn't even mean that you're a lumberjack.]



Name: Janet Reno

[It can't be. Not the REAL Janet Reno.]

Email : penisenvy@freuddream.com

UserID : mp3dyke

[Trite.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I know that with a penisI could really be someone!

[Just look what she could do WITHOUT one.]

That Bill C., he doesn't understand that I ran thiscountry!

[That would be "didn't understand." We've had an election since then, you know.]

I'M the one who sent that little Elian bastard back to Cuba! I'M the one who incinerated all of those people in Waco! I'm Janet (Jack) Reno, and I'm a REAL man!

[Then why don't you have a penis?]

One Liner:
I'm gonna travel the country in my little red pickup truck.

[Good retirement plan.]









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