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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of June 3, 2001
edited by JadeSyren



[This just in. A comment from a rejected applicant.]

I applied to be a card carrying HB last week, I havent heard anything so I guess I did'nt pass. That really does'nt bother me all that much.

[You were so not bothered that you sat down and wrote us a letter about it. Riiight.]

I'm a bitch of the ordinary sort, that's more suitable for me.

[If you set your standards low, you're more likely to meet them.]

Because if I had to be so obviously detached from any emotional response other than disgust and bitterness I would have to kill myself.

[All this from being ignored.]

All I've read on your site is you hate this and you hate that.

[So why did you want to join in the first place? How's the Sour Grape Merlot?]

Well ironically enough it seems you hate everything. I personally feel as though I can overcome and adapt every situation for my needs, but I do not want to adapt my life around you jellyfish.

[This would have meant more coming from someone who didn't get rejected.]

You probably rejected my application but, in retrospect I'm deciding to withdraw it.

[You can't fire me...I QUIT.]

Frankly you people don't deserve me.

[You're right. I can't imagine what I could have done to deserve you, and I was right.]

You will probably pick this apart and put it on your site thinking there is weaknesses in it.

[If you can't see them, then it was a good call to defer your application.]

Go right ahead. Your piss ant rumblings and whining about whiners is worse than the real pansies of this world. Not one of you is a real woman. For a real woman would'nt need sycophants like you.

[And she consoles herself with that.]

[The application she submitted that was so avant-garde, so cutting-edge, so je ne sais quoi.]

Email : whinebaby@azonemail.net

UserID : SMURF

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I can not and will not put up with stupidity. If I meet someone and I don't like one thing about them I will tell them. I've had a friend of mine escort people of my premises becuase I did'nt like them on site. My family calls me a Bitch because I say whats on my mind whether they like it or not. I tell people their business all the time. I hate it when people do things they know they should'nt. And it bugs the crap out of me when some one repeatedly makes the same mistakes.

One Liner:
I'm a Bitch becuase I want to be what's your excuse?



Email : Ginger@notmyaccount.freewebaddress.com

UserID : Dominatrix

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
This is piss, your judging people by whether their a fucking bitch or not?

[No one is asking you to join. I mean, really, NO ONE is asking YOU to join.]

How many fucking members do you actually have?

[Why does that matter? If you really believed what you said, then one member or one million, it shouldn't change. Unless you're one of those pansy ass people that change their mind with numbers.]

Nah, ya need some help aye. and what's this bullshit about no web-based emails?

[What part of it don't you get?]

You got fuckin U15 yr old's joining this site, they can't afford $9.95 a month,

[We have some young Heartless Bitches that are not only employed, industrious, and self-sufficient, but they could run circles around your mentality. If they want something bad enough, they figure a way to get it.]

think about it for a fucking second. I work 6 days a week? And I cna't even fucking afford $9.95 a month,

[Stop smoking that crack. You'll be glad you did.]

hell.. who says I have the internet ?

[Who does? Most of us just have access.]

Good luck on approving this hey..

[Good luck on getting a decent job.]

One Liner:
I have a strong sense of animadversion for you and your supererogatory attitude is somniferous. It makes me wonder why you waste your fucking time when your obviously recondite. You can shove this obdurate bullshit up your ass :o)

[And we wondered what value those "Words of the Day" sites had. "You are" is not "your," so the effect is dampened by your illiteracy.]



Email : jokelani@private.as

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm not going to format this into html to make it easier and sluts suck.

[That's what sluts do.]

One Liner:
"His ego is like this |                      | big and his package is like this |    | big"

[Dick jokes. Don't you think of anything else?]



Email : bluemoon@netzero.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't put up with stupid, and I tell whiners to shove it and come back when they can shut the hell up.

I told my mother-in-law-to-be "Church wedding over my dead body," since I'm not a Christian and neither is her darling baby boy. I deleted Darling Baby Boy's user account off my machine when he kept cluttering up the drive with his stuff after I'd warned him several times to quit it.

[Look, but don't touch. Taste, but don't swallow. Use, but don't save.]

I dumped my fiance when I realized that though I liked the guy, I didn't trust him, especially not after he knuckled under to his mother's whining and expected me to sacrifice my principles for his mother's good opinion of me when he didn't respect the woman himself.

[And your "principles" are more important than the family? What did you think marriage was going to be about, anyway?]

My best female friend and roommate went through a legal name-change, which her mother refuses to recognize. The old bat has been a pain about the name-change for so long that my roommate has given up.

[She has been her original name for over 17 years. The ink's not dry on her new name yet. I had a friend that changed her name, too. She didn't expect the people that knew her as the original to change what they called her just because she changed it.]

When I answer the phone, if the mother does not ask for my roommate by her real, legal name, she gets told that Trisha doesn't live here, she must have the wrong number.

[You just love instigating matters between family members. What business is this of yours?]

Oh, gee, did I start a family feud? Ooops. I'm polite, too, which is more than the old lady can handle or even manage herself. Aww. Does the truth really hurt that much?

[That's not a family feud. It's the intervention of her daughter's crazy friend.]

I refused to administer a survey for work (I am a telephone survey goon) that asks about cigarette brand preference, because it advocates smoking, and that's something I refuse to be a party to.
"An it harm none, do as ye will!" I intoned at the supervisor, who turned an interesting color and put me back on the antismoking survey for teenagers.

["An it harm none" is not something you can invoke just to avoid work. Funny how you forget this when you're involving yourself in problems that don't involve you at all, and when you're assaulting people.]

My best guy-friend stood me up for a movie because the third friend of ours who had been planning to attend could not, and my best friend did not want to be seen in public with me in a situation that could be mistaken as a date.

[This says something about YOU, not your "best friend."]

I socked him a good one the next time I saw him,

["An it harm none" indeed.]

after he condescendingly pointed out why he'd skipped out on the movie. As he lay slumped against the wall moaning in pain, I asked him "How many fingers am I holding up?" extending just the middle one in front of his dizzy eyes.

[Ah yes, the answer to everything: violence and vulgarity.]

My best guy-friend

[Same guy? You've got more "best friends" than I've got lame applications.]

got engaged to a woman who lied to him about all his friends, and visa versa, and ended up driving them all off.

[Some friends.]

I recommended against the marriage, but went to the ceremony anyway (the only one of his friends who even bothered to show up) and flipped the little twat off as she walked down the

[You're just the turd in the swimming pool, aren't you?]

aisle. She gave me a healthy glare, and my best friend's little brother cheered me on. I still correspond with the little brother. The little brother also helped me "decorate" the getaway car.

[With fingerpaints, no doubt.]

My math teacher is a good-for-nothing windbag. We got into a discussion about a particular concept he hadn't covered well enough in the previous day's lecture. He interrupted me when I started to ask my question, and tried answering the top question on his Frequently Asked Questions About Interest Rates list.
He and I had a five-minute dialogue where I tried to explain to him the question I was asking, and he refused to hear it. (Most of the rest of the class followed along with me just fine.)

[They were ahead of you, wondering when you were going to shut the fuck up and let him go on with the class. Only someone as self-involved as you would shut the whole class down to answer your silly question.]

After five minutes, I said, "Never mind then. This class sucks," and gathered my things and stomped out and stomped up to the Dean's office.

[They promptly pulled the "whiner" file. I know students like you. They barely show up for class, then blame the teacher, the school and the system when they do poorly.]

The math teacher is taking next semester off.

[Unrelated to you.]

More than half the class has dropped it, but I'm sticking it out and I'll pass it despite the dumb bastard and then write him a nice little end-of-class review.

[Because those who can't do anything else, complain.]

I refused to type up a himbo's English paper in return for sexual favors from him because, as I put it, "Why trade something for nothing?"

[What did he say? I'll allow you to suck my dick if you write my paper for me? You want me to believe that?]

One afternoon I was actually cheerful to a person I usually disregard entirely, because I was about to fix my completely crashed computer. The next morning, after I'd still failed to fix the poor machine, this pest came up to say hello. I didn't feel like dealing with his crap that day, so I said, "If you know what's good for you, piss off."

[Grow up. There are mature ways to deal with people that don't involve quietly seething only to mouth off later.]

"Awww, what happened to the nice person I was talking to yesterday?" he asked.
"She doesn't exist. Piss off."

[You're a fraud, through and through.]

My best friends attempted to explain to this clueless fellow exactly why he ought to leave right then and there. He failed to take a clue. "Hey, that color lipstick looks very good on you!" he said, in a vain attempt at a compliment.

[Are you in college or kindygardy?]

My lipstick was black. Black is the color of death. That would look very good on him,

[Why the fuck would you wear that on your lips, then?]

I thought, and with that in mind, got to my feet. "Let's see if the pen really is mightier than the sword!" I cooed, finding and uncapping a pen and advancing toward the poor little sap.

[You never learned to flirt, did you?]

The dude attempted to hide behind my best friend as I advanced around the table with sharp liquid ink pen in one hand and a battery-operated Radio Shack pencil sharpener in the other.

[Why would he be afraid of a pencil sharpener? Why would you need to sharpen a pen?]

My best friend decided to get out of my way.

[Thought he was married.]

The pest stammered something incoherent about class starting and ran off in the wrong direction.

[Let's hear it for the poster girl for Mental Illness '01.]

One Liner:
"Let's see if the pen really is mightier than the sword!"

[If you think that you have to sharpen it first, the answer is no.]



Email : does as told@bigpond.com.au

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
when i am trying to be nic eeveryone say that i am being a BITCH so i guess i should just take there word on it and lump it! "I'M A BITCH"

[You're a fucking sheep. Baaa!]

One Liner:
standing here with you make's me think

[That had to be a first.]

"that you should have been drowned at BIRTH!"

[That's not really thinking, you know, when you quote bumperstickers.]



Email : skairdee@telus.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
If being defined as a Bitch means that I live my life " MY WAY!!!" So be it! Just because I am opinionated, outspoken,& determined to get what I want is all the more reason to fear me!

[You mean aside from your freak show appearance?]

Piss me off and the HOUNDS OF HELL come for you! And remember always I'm not the kind to dial 911

[Because she can't find the eleven button.]

Understand where I'm coming from? I am YOUR Worst Nightmare!

[Oh, you are, you are. I'm shakin' in my boots that you'll just keep applying.]

One Liner:
I'm real sweet til u fall asleep

[Sign of the weak.]

and when that happens your ass is mine! Sleep with one eye open cuz I WILL attack!

[What are you fighting about? What does being opinionated have to do with attacking people in their sleep?]



Email : angie_stoddard@shit.com

UserID : fuckyou

URL : fuck you

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate everyone, everything, and everyone.

[You hate everyone. I think that message is getting through.]

shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone.

[I don't understand you "mixed message" queens. You apply only to say that you hate us. You apply only to ask to be left alone. You want to join, but you don't want any friends. You would have been if you'd kept this to yourself.]


stupid fucking.... KILL KILL KILL!!

[That's not the way to delete a message.]

One Liner:
hey. guess what. im giving you the finger and telling you to fuck yourself.

[Hey. Guess what. I'm sitting right outside your window with a loaded gun. No wait, I'm the waitress coughing phlegm into your serving. I'm repossessing your car. Look out the window if you don't believe me.]



Email : cockeyed@onthenet.com.au

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I like to see just what sort of male is coming onto me on the internet.

[Please. You KNOW what kind of "male" it is.]

We have all been there

[Whoa. You're flying solo there.]

where we get these so called straight up and down 'honest' men who tell you that you are the only one for them. But are they to be trusted?

[What kind of foolish question is that?]

The internet is a marvellous thing but a person can be anyone they choose to be and taking people at 'face value' on the internet can be dangerous as well as emotionally devastating.

[The internet is a great place to MEET people, not marry them. The worst thing you could do is hang a great deal of emotional weight on a person you don't really know. The second worst thing you could do is bore me with it.]

In order to test the 'honesty' of these 'men' - a group of my friends and I set up all these fake identies on the internet, particularly in the sites we know

[Ha. Baiting.org does this so much better and with a better purpose.]

they frequent or on MSN or ICQ -- it is really easy.... then we wait to see if they make a move on one of us or we make a move on them.... once we hook them and all start gettng the same lines our task is then to reel them in either using the same soapy techince they are trying to us or sexual turn ons - once

[I cannot express to you how I don't want to hear about how lame your life turned out. I really have no need to hear about the pseudo-men in your virtual life. Can't you find something ELSE to talk about here?]

that is accomplished the one he goes after the most pulls the rug out from under him -- sometimes we tell them how we have all played him at his own game or we just all quietly disappear leaving no trace of our existence.

[And you probably congratulate yourselves on a job well done. Meanwhile he is moving right along to the next "WetHottie152."]

It is our hope that it might make some of them think twice before they try the same stunt on some idiot of a female

[Oh, you nailed that sucker.]

whose hormones are running her life and is prepared to believe every bullshit line she is fed.

[Worse yet are the women who turn to extreme measures to sift through that mountain of shit.]

We are self preserving bitches to the core.

[You're just afraid to be manless.]

One Liner:
I can handle any dick - it is the asshole attached to it that I cant stand.

[You're not handling ANY dick, and that bothers you.]



Email : Tcarr@springerland.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Im a HEARTLESS BITCH simply because it's my divine destiny. Every sad excuse I've dismissed, Every pitiful person I've rejected and my sheer BOREDOM and lack of CONCERN with anything outside the realm of ME has led me to believe that either I live on Planet ASSHOLE,

[Always trust your first impression.]

or I'm a HEARTLESS BITCH- which, by the way gives me that warm tingly feeling all over...

[That's just the alcohol talking.]

OH YEAH- the fact that I conducted an internet search to confirm whether there were heartless bitchess similar to myself speaks highly of my DIVINE BITCHNESS. Trust me, finding this site was no mistake.

[It's not like we're obscure, either.]

One Liner:
. . . BECAUSE I'M [possible name].

[But who cares outside of your planet?]



Email : sexyqtthey are numbered@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
men make me be one.

[Being a Heartless Bitch is a good thing, and I would never give that responsibility to anyone other than myself.]

What right do guys have making you feel like the wrong one in everything you do in life.

[Take some responsibility. When you're with a loser, leave him, or forever hold your peace.]

Who do they think they are trying to push us women in the sub-serviant category.

[Don't assume the role.]

I'm sick of it and ready to be a heartless bitch to all those losers who think that they are gods gift to women and worthy of our time.

[If they aren't worthy of your time, why are you wasting so much of it on them?]

One Liner:
I'm not a bitch, I'm a sexy bitch...Get it right next time!

[Okay, go get me a beer, sexy bitch.]







Email : SpankinmeTyme@aol.com

URL : I see your IQ test results were negative.

[So says the person who put her one liner in the URL section.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because it's inherent in me.Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.

[But she was warning guys about YOU.]

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?. I have a very low tolerence for stupidity and share my opinion on it freely.

[Because you're an expert in the field.]

One Liner:
I see your IQ test results came back negative.

[Yes, this IS where it goes.]

[AOL profile]

Member Name: call me Spanky
Location: cyberland USA
Sex: Female
Marital Status: 100 percent all hotblooded woman
Hobbies: anything that blows your hair back

[Hobbies: Hair dryer. Driving fast with the windows open.]

Computers: a fast one like me
Occupation: bending over of course....for him, and for whomever else he chooses

[I hate you sex workers who seek some status by applying with us. "I'm a Dominatrix, and I've got a seal of approval."]



Name: Bitch

Email : youwannab@bitch.com

UserID : sukme

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
you dikes suck more pussy than me

[Jealous?]

One Liner:
lick my ass lips

["Gramma, Gramma, what big asslips you have."
"All the better to speak through them, my dear."]





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