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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of May 13, 2001
edited by JadeSyren



Email : stewart's wife lacey@mvn.net

URL : Ill have one of my bitches make me one.

[Don't you do anything for yourself?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am not afraid to speak my piece of PMS constant mind.
Im not afraid of anyone or anyones dick.
Not ALL Bitches are panty droppers.

[She just can't get her mind out of her crotch.]

One Liner:
Im the asshole, your the whole ass!

[I'm so glad you cleared that up. Here I was thinking that being either wasn't good.]



Email : dimwitt@angelfire.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
when i was little my mom asked me if i had seen her medicine and i told her that my baby brother ate it all. after searching around the house and not being able to find it they rushed him to the hospital to have is stomach pumped (he was 1 1/2)... thats when they realized that he didnt eat the medicine. it was in my little pocketbook the whole time.

[How clever AND bitchy. You managed to outwit your mother who trusted you and an infant. On the other hand, you managed to get a head start on your lucrative drug-dealing career.]

One Liner:
"Oh you forgot your wallet? Get a job you fucking bum!"

[Tough girl, aren't you? Picking on babies and the homeless.]



Email : yahoo serious?@email.msn.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm an aspiring film director who is very much looking forward to bossing those silicon bimbo Hollywood girlies around the set one day. Mark my words, it will happen! ;)

[I'd be looking forward to the casting couch.]

One Liner:
Rejoice fearless females, for the day will come when bimbos are replaced by androids and will therefore be jobless!

[Your idea of utopia is bimbo layabouts? The only thing more frightening than a bimbo is an unemployed bimbo.]



Email : bitch@whateva.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
"I'm a Heartless Bitch because inconsiderate assholes like you made me that way."

[Read: I have no control over my own life.]

One Liner:
If you don't like it get out of my "Fucking" face.

[Bleah. The only way this could be worse is if she did those annoying "quotation gestures" when she said it.]



Email : jen@lovestruck.uk

UserID : iloveduncan

[I hope she means "Hines."]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
life sucks, why go round smiling outside, when inside you don't want to, thats WHY I'M a heartless bitch.

[Because you're surly?]

One Liner:
Sure Jesus loves you... but would he swallow??

[Which is why we should date you instead?]



Email : B-I-N-G-O@aol.com

UserID : danny

[Hope that this is her dog.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
One of my favorite quotes - In life a woman may at a certain point "want" a man but she will never -- ever need one for anything! Excuse me, what exactly do you think you are trying to do, calling to talk to my 4 year old son?

[At least HE would talk about what HE did that day, not other girls or their opinions.]

If for some chance I was looking for a father figure (a no use, lazy, incompetent, lying, poor excuse for a role model) for my son, which by the way he does not by no means need that kind of corruption. I certainly would not pick

[While I understand that there are times when people have no choice but to raise a child alone, it should not be something you strive to achieve. Of COURSE the child needs a father figure. It's just that not every model is appropriate.]

a piece of shit like you! I was once asked/told, You just hate men don't you that is why you wont take a chance on dating one. ME: Nope that's not it at all, I just have yet to find a man that the word asshole does not best describe!

[I don't give a damn what some rejected suitor told you.]

I guess the best way to prove just how heartless I can be, my ex-husband lived next door to me during our divorce. He had no idea what it was or how to grocery shop. He would come and see all the food I had at the house (I purposely bought the things he liked)

[Because it was all about him.]

he would ask to have them. I said sure the one day, and after fixing him up a to go bag of 6 Oreo cookies two cans of Pepsi and a small bag of salt and vinegar chips (typical male brain power fuel)

[Nah, they're douche chips!]

I then asked him for $6.50. The best part is that he actually paid!

[The worst part is that you're still doing his shopping and making him lunch. You've even got the nerve to pat yourself on the back for doing it. Why didn't you buy the foods that YOU liked?]

In court on D day, the day we were finally divorced, the judge asked me why I thought the marriage did not work, my response was simple.

[In every definition of the word.]

I told him that I truly believe Dan (my ex) thought he married one of his dogs and he was disappointed that I just never was able to be house broke!

[I don't know about that. You WERE still shopping and fixing for him. Sounds pretty well-trained to me.]

One Liner:
Boys are like toys, you can only play with one for so long!

[Only to the immature at heart?]



Email : manipula-girl@darkcommunity.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Oh to list the reasons!

[Yes. I'm waiting.]

Ask any of my ex's, after they are done smashing their hearts back into their chests, I'm sure they all have lists to tell you why!

[Bleah. If you can't speak for yourself, I'm not interested. Chances are good that I'm not interested anyway.]

I just don't care. I mean, I care about my family, and esp about me, but outside of that, unless your my beloved cat, I'll love you as long as it serves me, but if I get along better by stepping on you, watch out, I wear Heels!

[…the only sharp thing about you.]

(Though I must point out, there are exceptions to this, like some very dear friends, but if your a man, see above!)

[Definitely NOT interesting...er, interested.]

One Liner:
I Expanded My Horizons Once.....It Hurt

[All…that…thinking. *GASP*]



Email : blockhead@adelphia.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
First off, I am not going to tell you how many men I have triumphed over, or how I've told it like it is to many of my distance girl friends. (Notice the word distant.) I don't have time for that Shit.

[Neither do I. Thank goodness.]

Proving I am a bitch is like proving my existence.

[Meanwhile, expressing yourself is an exercise in futility. Do you mean to say that if you're not talking about men that you have nothing else to say?]

" I am, what I am!" regardless if you think so or not.

[Pretend that I don't know who you are. Would that increase your communication skill?]

If you don't like it then you can shove it up your ass.

[How can I like or dislike it? There's nothing here.]

I am not asking for acceptance from anyone. You heard the phrase: "Great minds think alike". Well here I am!!! Take it or leave it.

[Left.]

One Liner:
Male: Hello, I am from India and 37yrs of age. I am looking for a wife in the USA, that will love me, do as I say and treat me like a king. Me: "Dose it say Servant, Bride Ordering Service, VISA or Immigration Office on my fucking Profile?" I don't think so.

[If your one-liner is this specific, it sucks.]



Email : JACQUI@boredom.COM

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
This was emailed to me because (obviously) one of my friends thought that this applied to me, which it does. I just finished working on a rap video where there were disgusting fat strippers on set - pumping and grinding for all the male attention they could possibly want.

[That's what you hire them for.]

Mind you, they were loaded and man haters.

[How were they man-haters? I'm having a hard time reconciling stripper with man-hater.]

Some of the women watching felt sorry for them. Well I didn't! You make your bed - better lie in it! We all make choices and have to be accountable.

[I'm so glad you feel that way. I know that you will blame yourself for being here.]

Speaking of which, tired of men that blame their mothers for everything!

[I'm tired of people that refuse to raise their own children, forcing the world to child-proof itself for the benefit of lazy parents.]

One Liner:
Men are affraid of strong womrn that know what they want and won't put up with BS.

[I thought the music industry affected your HEARING.]



Email : be@stupid.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am hungry of all women and i want to make them feel the beauty of being bitches and giving men the marvellous sensation of doing it on the net

[Read: Horny Net Geek reporting for duty. Makes you feel a little weird about cybering now, doesn't it?]

One Liner:
super dick

[Relax, it's not a job description or a personal accessory; it's what he IS.]



Email : dumb…plain dumb@dopey007.freeserve.co.uk

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
No Challenge No Conquest

So you thought me a challenge

[If these are supposed to be rhyming couplets, you've skipped a line.]

Well you've pushed too damn far
gonna use your guts for my guitar
and if after that your still living
It's a damn good beating I'll be giving
And when your body is soaked in blood
A final blow will slice off your manhood

[I've always wondered why those words don't rhyme.]

So do I sound really pissed at you?
You've no idea you've not got a bloody clue
You call me touchy and expect me not to react
How's about you leave me alone and I'll leave you intact

[How's about you lay off the poetry?]

© Hp

[Copyrighted. Possibly the funniest joke on this page.]

One Liner:
Get them before they get you

[It's poetry warfare, and she's winning. Her verses ARE painful.]



Email : princess of course@webtv.net

UserID : shit

[98% at least.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I Stood a guy up on his prom because he didnt give me good notice.

[True story: I saw some guys that were stood up by losers like you. They dressed for the prom in PLAYA style. Canes in white, black and LUCITE, I kid you not. One sharp tack even wore a Kangol hat. Kangol! The only dude on the planet allowed to wear a Kangol was Samuel L. Jackson. Now we can add this guy to the list. They went in their raggedy getaway car and hooked up with some other girls at the prom, saving a bundle on dinner and limos. But you really hurt him.]

One Liner:
dont let your mouth write a check your ass cant cash!

[Like accepting an invitation to the prom knowing that you won't show?]



Email : written on TP@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
... any sort of pansy-assed emotional self-indulgence & irrationality makes me want to barf. For example, I think phobias are a bunch of bullshit. I have this cousin -- she's got a dog phobia, a lightning phobia, she's got agoraphobia, she's got claustrophobia. She 'inherited' all these phobias from her mother. When I first saw her dog phobia in action, I was dumbfounded. The dog in question weighed less than 15 pounds. The dog in question would have a hard time hurting anyone or anything. The dog in question was a perfectly harmless toy. I wanted to slap my cousin uphside the head for such foolishness.

[Do I get to slap you upside the head for THIS foolishness?]

I wanted to let the dog in the house, see her scream & run. I have no sympathy for such weaknesses as hers. Such irrational fears.

[Bingo. A phobia IS an irrational fear.]

Get over it, is what I yelled at her. Snap out of it. You've never been hurt by a dog in your life. I myself have been bitten by dogs a bunch of times, once in the mouth. A Scottish terrier leaped for my mouth & split my bottom lip. Hurt like hell. But did it make me scared of dogs?

[I'll bet you that I could hit you in the head with a bunch of books with the same effect. Knowledge doesn't work that way, and phobias aren't based in reason.]

God, no. I'm sick of weaklings, sick of spoiled rotten brats. Keep all 'phobics' away from me, for their own good.

[Indeed.]

One Liner:
You can get more done with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

[Only if what you want done involves shooting.]



[Part 2: Funnier in retrospect.]

Email : written on TP@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'd like to be a member of your heartless bitch site but I don't have the fucking patience to fill out this form in full nauseating detail for the SECOND time after your site ate my first application, OBVIOUSLY IN ERROR. Your loss, baby.

[Oh, like losing some shitty little jealous rant about your cousin is a big loss.]

One Liner:
You shall find true perfection under my foot.

[Surely it will not be in your work.]



Email : paranoid-schizophrenic@enter.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Why should I bother telling you? what right do you have to know?

[Because you're asking to join. If this is the way you feel, DON'T fill out the form, moron.]

One Liner:
It's not the voices in my head that bother me so much as the deafening silence of when they all go to sleep at the same time.

[Even your split personalities find you dull.]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999

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