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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of May 6, 2001
edited by JadeSyren



Email : VERYdsad@sadfdsa.com

UserID : suckmynuts

[Sometimes you can just smell 'em coming.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
women are sex objects

[Whew! That's original.]

One Liner:
gimme head be otch!

[But you've scarcely used the one you've got!]



Email : Got a life@mvn.net

URL : I have a life sorry!

[It's not the quantity that counts.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Beautiful
Intellegant

[That's what YOUUUU think.]

Thoughtful

[And it shows. Look how much thought you've put into this.]

Constantly
Horny

[Note to self: I need an animated gif of rolling eyes.]

I hate the girls who say there sooo sweet and perfect..

[No one likes a "goody-two-shoes". The only thing worse is someone whining about them.]

One Liner:
You gotta be a bitch to kick it

[Nonsense. There are tons of cool people that "kick it." Being cool isn't a requirement here. Being SMART is.]



Email : sodismal@pacbell.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm sorry, I'm not really a Heartless Bitch. In fact, I'm not even a bitch, presuming that bitch implies female.

[Didn't you bother to find out first?]

I'm just sending in this application because I want to read your bitchboard.

[Stand in line.]

To be honest, I'm having a little difficulty believing that any Heartless Bitches really exist.

[Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.]

All the truly intelligent women that I am acquainted with seem to be at war with their own femininity,

[Where IS that rolling eyes gif when you need it? No, it means that they just aren't interested in dating you. It's most likely because they ARE intelligent.]

and their fundamental conflict with their perceived position in our society has them reeling in an endless cycle of self defeating life choices.

[If this isn't a loaded statement.... What's a self-defeating life choice, Dumbguy? Not being a mother before having a career, or just dating other guys?]

Of course, I've never actually dated

[What. A. Surprise.]

a truly intelligent woman, because being truly intelligent, they were way too smart to want to be seen with me.

[Groveling won't do. My "Bitchy" sense is tingling. I just KNOW you'll be in troll-mode before the ink dries on your card.]

So I want to read your Bitchboard (in a passive, lurk-only role) in order to vicariously relive my dating days,

[We're WAAAY too smart to be seen with the likes of you. If you want in, submit a stellar application.]

and maybe, just maybe, my basic perceptions of intelligent women may be permanently altered in some sort of a positive way.

[You'd come out with scars on your psyche. All kidding aside, people who are literally riddled with the dumbass, like you, never let things like facts stand in the way of their opinions.]

One Liner:
Is it Thursday already?

[The proverbial question: Do you know what time it is?]



Email : she IS@bigpond.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because...I don't have to explain. I am a heartless bitch because I CAN be. Because I WANT to be...and most of because, I just am!

[A compelling argument from the land of make-believe.]

One Liner:
Trust nobody, blame everyone else and deny everything.

[I stand corrected. She's a politician.]



Email : dick-obsession@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Sorry, do not know html, but wish i did.

[She's just using the force.]

i have only recently discovered that i am a heartless bitch. i have been going out clubbing because i am ready after divorce and death of ex-husband to go out with girlfriends and have some fun.

[I'll bet you're kicking yourself about that death thing. All that money, down the drain.]

I believe i am a heartless bitch because i have managed to piss off every guy i come into contact with. How do i piss them off? Only by nicely turning them down time after time because i am not interested either in the man (sometimes chemistry is not there for me)

[If this application is going to be about men, you're NOT a Heartless Bitch. I don't care HOW many men you piss off.]

or because they only want sex and i want more than that. In their eyes this makes me a bitch in their eyes.

[Did I read that right?]

I will dance with almost any man that asks me because i care to be nice, but if i find that i am not interested in them after dancing and talking with them, i move onto the next guy. This also makes me a bitch in their (men's) eyes. I swear i only treat them they way they treat me

[Are you actually proud of that behavior? Dancing with anyone you desire because you desire that is one thing, doing something because you are out to "get even" is quite another.]

I actually did have a one and only one night stand and i did what i think the man would have done to me. I woke up in the morning, got dressed and left without waking him up to say goodbye. Is this so bad?

[More so because you know better. It's not less shitty because you're doing it back, doing it to even the score or because you're a woman.]

Apparently so, because one night lover boy got his feelings in a tiz and told me so next time i saw him.

[Good for him. Why'd you see him again? You're like a criminal returning to the scene of the crime.]

I feel that i am discriminated against by men because i am assertive the way they are. Is this so bad?!

[If you call having a huge chip on your shoulder "assertive."]

Anyways, i have managed to piss off alot of guys at this particular club i have been frequenting. It's to the point that i feel i need to stay away so they can all cool off.

[Your ego is astounding. Guys work a club. They move from one reluctant female to the next, hoping to find one drunk enough to follow them home. No, that's not all of them, of course. It's just an apt description of any man that would get angry because you didn't "put out" on the dance floor.]

However, I am not mean to them -- I feel my only wrong is that i have been totally honest about what and who i want.

[Suuure you have. I'm sure that you tell the guys that buy you a drink that you're not interested before you take it. I'll bet you're the type to maintain a safe dancing distance, too. Nothing like letting a man grind all in your ass while you're dancing to send him the "I'm not interested at all" message.]

One Liner:
Don't bring out the woman in me unless the little boy inside you stays home.

[You sound like a Frosted Mini-Wheats commercial.]



Email : Raving lunatic@aol.com

URL : A URL??

[AOL. It's NOT the internet.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I actually just decided I was a heartless bitch when I saw this page. It makes sense.

[Unlike some people.]

My ex boyfriend sent it to me. I always thought I was a nice person. He didn't think so I guess.

[And his opinion is STILL the one that counts.]

But now, it sounds great! Sign me up!

[So you can turn the tables on him? Not a chance.]

One Liner:
You're cool.

[I know. Sucking up doesn't work. Especially when it's this vapid. Stretch your imagination muscles. Tell me something I DON'T hear a thousand times a day. Not that it would help, but if you're going to do something, do it right.]



Email : DJ Madame Bovary aka DJ Veggie@home.com

[I can't make up shit that good.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because my purpose in life is waste my money on weddings, begin a mommy, and looking nice for the sake of other people.

[I thought this was good satire, but it continues.]

I work in the IT Support field where you are respeceted for your intelligence, not you looks.

[Ah, that clears up why you look nice for the sake of other people.]

I also am honset with people. I do not sugarcoat what I say to them.

[You just sugarcoat how you look. I'm figuring that you're a Quasimodo, if you have to dress yourself up for my sake.]

I am a DJ that owns over 1,000 CDs of female fronted groups.

["Why didn't you list this among the assets in the FIRST place?"]

One Liner:
"And I reply, 'Everything you said to me was a lie. I know your kind, you just want a daughter without the wife. You don't need a girlfriend you need a life.'" (From the Lush song, "Childcatcher")

[I quoted the "Princess Bride;" that doesn't make ME the Dread Pirate Roberts.]



Email : From the Moon@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Thats just who I am. What else can I Fucking say I'm a red headed bitch from hell. Deal with it or move on.

[Moving on rapidly.]

One Liner:
I would talk to you right now but I really don't like shit that much.

[How much DO you like shit?]



Email : tear-jerk@online.no

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
beacause my boy friend broke op it hurts so much

[While breaking up is painful, it doesn't make you a Heartless Bitch all on its own.]

One Liner:
dirdyu

[Please let this be a foreign word that I just don't understand.]





Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999

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