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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of April 15, 2001
edited by JadeSyren



Email :Dick Worms@home.com

This is for the bouncer of heartless bitches. How by one e-mail or application you can decide if anothe women is a hearless bitch is beyond me. You have said nothing on your web site that stands out to me a being a heartless bitch just someone in need of getting a fucking life.

I'm so glad you asked that question, Dick. I can't tell absolutely by one application if someone is Heartless Bitch material. Some applicants reapply, share their webpages, or even send personal letters to help with the decision process. Some fake up a good application only to be burned alive in the BitchBoard (the trial by fire of this site).

You've got the obviously stupid, the hopelessly confused, and those who try all too hard to enter on one hand, and those who seem to understand on the other. Occasionally, people who have directionless anger to share, like you, find their way here as well.

Keep reading, Dick. Maybe you'll figure it out someday.



Email : insensible@execulink.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Gay men or not gay all them is you need to harp at them to do things nor matter what they are all like kids!!!!

I can't even figure out where to punctuate that to make it make sense.

One Liner:
MEN are like CHIlLDREN they just never learn!!!!

I wouldn't be so quick to point out how men and children just never learn, missy.



Email : wifey@tieus.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
My husband says so....You have to know me to love me.

This isn't about loving you. What do you have to say when hubby's hand isn't up your butt, moving your lips for you?

One Liner:
You don't have to be rich to be a bitch!

You're just full of irrelevancies.



Email : miss bravado@rediff.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
why the fuck should i have to explain my self to you asshole?????

If you want to be accepted, which I take to be a given since you submitted an application, then this is the first step toward that goal. We're selective.

One Liner:
Can't convince em.......confuse em....

Ah, so THAT'S your tactic.



Email : kiss my pituty@asianavenue.com

UserID : dondondon

By the time of this update, Don was history. Oh, the irony.

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't let anyone, man, woman, girl, boy - my gym teacher get in my way when they fuck around with me. I stand up to them whenever and wherever. When the boy who flirts with me asks me if he can get my books at school I let him know I am an independent woman and that he should find a girl who will fall for his dickass- acts. I am a 100% heartless bitch!

What a dickass trick! How DARE he offer to carry your books to class? He should be grabbing your ass and jamming his tongue down your throat instead. Learn what to be angry about, Pituty.

One Liner:
"Stop your dickhead ways before I'm gonna have to slap you upside your mother fuckin head."

Slap yourself upside your head. He's not suggesting sex in the hall, after all. He's flirting with you. If it's unwelcome, say so. Resorting to violence at this level indicates that you suffer from a mental illness.



The passive-aggressive method of application:

Email : take a gandar at this@delta.co.nz

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I dont hate men, I actually quite like them. They're fun. Why waste time festering on the finer points of male downfalls, when our oh-so-precious hours could be utilised playing with the opposite gender. They're easy.

I don't enjoy making games of people. My oh-so-precious hours are whittled away on something BESIDES men.

How very mundane of these (actually quite clueless) so-called "bitches" to think that taking the piss out of stereotypical male traits makes them so.

Get a real job!

Didn't you just say that the hours should be spent playing with the opposite sex? Make up your mind.

If you're lucky enough to be born female - be female. Use it to your advantage. Don't live your life in resentment - its very boring, and as the highly commendable producers of this site would say "overused".

No, we'd say that using feminine wiles to an advantage is very, very overused.

To those women who think that being a "bitch" is expected, you need a sea of coffee shoved up that facial feature you use for smelling.

You couldn't just say "nose"?

You've either got it, or you don't.

A nose? Doesn't everyone have one of those?

One Liner:
All perceived personality faults are purely circumstantial extremes of quality attributes, possibly personality conflict.

Because it couldn't be YOU.

If these failings are considered "bitchy" by ignorant parties, I pity them.

So do I. Obviously they haven't a clue.

Fire with fire, baby, make yourself heard.

Any fool can be heard. Be understood. Be understood because you said something meaningful.



Email : aimless-meandering@santel.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
take your estrogen and shut the !@#$%^&*()+ up!

I don't know any curse words that are twelve letters long.

I don't have time for a bitch bag like you!

But you have time to hold shift and press the entire number row?

If you don't like my attitude, come chat with me and I'll tell you to shut the !@#$%^&*()_+ up!

Now you've gone and ruined the surprise.

To my husband...."stop acting like a !@#$%^&*()-+= pussy and grow up!"

When did pussy stop being vulgar? Shouldn't that have read "stop acting like a !@#$%^&*()_+=   !@#$%^&*()_+= and grow up"?

Why don't you just tell your husband that yourself, instead of writing poison notes about him behind his back?

One Liner:
Don't ever piss me off because you will regret it!

Do tell. *Yawn.*

Take your dick wrap it around your neck, put it in your mouth and suck on it until you turn blue!

Hold the phone. You know a man that can wrap his own dick around his neck and still be able to suck it?



Email : freudian_slut@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because I my best friend just broke up with her boyfriend, and then I went and slept with him.

Well? Which one of you broke up with the boyfriend? Sure, it was your "friend."

One Liner:
My boyfriend likes to talk during sex, but I told him to shut up and go down on me.

I don't know if I'd trust someone that I just disrespected with my precious and tenders.



Email : Sybil@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
first off, i'm just really bored and procrastinating packing right now, normally i wouldn't have time for this. in fact i don't actually have time for it now.

So why waste my time because you've got a few minutes to spare?

i believe that i'm a heartless bitch because i'm completely bored with everything that has been offered to me, because i believe that it is possible to find something better and i'm not going to accept mediocre romances, jobs, or societal roles any longer. i'd rather be fiesy and bold, holding out until what is best is found. i don't look at the word bitch as a bad thing as it is a word owned by women. it may be used to put us down at times, but it is our world and we can make it what we want to.

Which is basically fine, except Sybil switches gears andů

i answered yes to all of your questions on the first page. plus i think that bitch dog would look cool in my cubicle, but i'm not going to buy her if i don't get to join this club and at least get some sort of id card for my wallet you do give id cards, don't you?

As if the threat of a future purchase would sway me.

One Liner:
Do you know who Andrea Dworkin is?

Well, not personally.

She said this one, "Mimicry of male sexuality is to delude oneself and to contribute to the oppression of one's sisters." This isn't a "one-liner", but its something everyone person should hear and at least think about - even you, the reader of this application.

Oh, why can't you just apply without feeling like you have something to teach? It just reeks of insecurity.



Email : too much tv@AOL.COM

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I WAS BORN & BRED TO BE A BITCH AFTER MANY YEARS OF PERFECTING MY CRAFT. JERRI IS A WIMP COMPARED TO ME!

You're seriously asking me to consider you versus someone disliked from the "Survivor" t.v. series?

One Liner:
BORN TO BITCH

Born, anyway.



Email : bored@aol.com

UserID : nsajrtjc

How would she have remembered "nsajrtjc"?

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I like being a bitch, cuz it's fun, so deal with it.

Consider this dealt with.

One Liner:
no

This whole application is a big "no."



Email : What!@cableone.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
get your dick out of your hand, its shutting off my wants needs and desires.

And he should live to serve you?

Sticking it out until noon will not be a reason to take a lick on me.

I'm not even going to hazard a guess as to what she means by that.

One Liner:
Either get it up or get out.!!!!!!!

You just said that he should put it away and that sticking it out until noon wouldn't help, and NOW you want him to get it up or get out?

You're on medication, aren't you?



Email : horny grampa@bigfoot.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
- not a heartless bitch
- am addicted to them
- thought you might need some of us around to keep things interesting

We're interesting already. You know that because that's why you're here.

One Liner:
gettin' older - been married too often - want to save time and energy and just find a heartless bitch that I can hate and buy her a house

If all your marriages have ended poorly, you've just got to consider the possibility that it's not THEM.

However, I'm sure that if you set your mind to it, you could find a woman to hate and then purchase a house for her. You're just not trying. Turn off the computer and go outside. There are many people in the service industry, for example, who are just waiting to piss you off.



Email : her ass@lakers-school.co.org

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm never ever wrong and it's only the rest of the world that's at fault, not me. I can be as bad as you wish, I'm a bitch; asshole!

Got any more symptoms of your disorder that you want to share?

One Liner:
'You got your sarcasimn from a cereal box, you'll be eating them when you're in hospital with a head injury.'

Boy, oh boy, I just love it when the prize is something COOL.



Email : earth girl@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch so as I can bring smiles to the faces of women accross the world and I want to work with children.

Don't mind her, she's just confusing her beauty pageant speech with her application. I think she's up for the Miss Idiotic award.

One Liner:
Hey pussycock how u doing

This would have been better as "What's new, pussycock? Whoaah, whoaah, whoaaaah-oh-whoaah." Then again, maybe there's no way to make "pussycock" a one-liner.



Email : penius@telusplanet.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I chopped off my ex-boyfriends penius

"Whoaah, whoaah, whoaaaah-oh-whoaah."

for getting mad at me for not having sex with him after 2 days of seeing eachother.I guess he won't be getting sex from anyone else either.

They'd just reattach it. John Wayne Bobbit reattached his, after all. Did you ever just consider dumping him? Hmm? You know, before whipping out the cutlery?

One Liner:
Yeah i'm a bitch.
Beautiful,independent,take no shit ,caring and fucken HEARTLESS

B.I.T.N.S.C.F.H.?

How can you be caring AND fucken [sic] HEARTLESS?



Email : her name is a. balls@imadike.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I wont let my boyfriend cum in my mouth after blowing him

Yeah. You and well over half of the other women who perform oral sex. Watch out for the stealth orgasms, Ms. Balls.

One Liner:
I am a bitch

Your entire claim to Heartless Bitchery is NOT swallowing?



Email : wrong foot@paramount-international.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I do know how to format this in HTML and I'm not going to bother. Also, you appear to have rejected my last tirade of selfish venom,

It was rejected for triteness.

so having failed to make the office junior cry in compensation, I am now going to let loose on Americans (to which overweight, overpaid, over sexed nation, you apparantly belong)

This isn't a rant section, twit. Why are YOU a heartless bitch instead of a clueless fuckwit?

Please tell me, how the fuck a nation run by the likes of GW Bush and Clinton could possibly raise bitches with half the apptitude and 'tough-shit' approach to one formerly run by Super-Bitch herself, Maggie Thatcher. (and the Queen Mums pretty damn tight too.)

I'd sure like to know, but some of the silliest applications come from your country. Weird. I guess it's because Heartless Bitches are not made from other sources but developed from within. Dolt.

One Liner:
Ok. So you start a site for Heartless Bitches and you ask for us not to go off on you. Cos Hey - bitches are discriminate?

Where do we say that you can't "go off"? We only ask that you not cry about it when we answer you.



Email : Goat@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because I don't take any shit from guys, as far as I am concerned they are good for one thing and one thing only.... To play with!

One Liner:
fuck you A-HOLE

The stupidity is in the AOL profile. Member Name: *[deleted]*, Goat, ~Ali~, Leelee, leela, I've been called a lot.... LOL
Location: [various cities, all deleted]......... Where ever you want me to be!! LOL j/k
Sex: Female
Marital Status: Love='s pain! (Mike) looking tho Hobbies: Guys, Goin to wal*mart and usin the fire escapes... (right... ashley)LOL! Talkin about ex-boyfriends and how pathetic they are Especially the ones who are in jail!!! Hangin out with friends,LOL hehe!
Computers: bizzaro[boy]: Yea who is not a nigg@... Im a cracker. Occupation: Student @ [deleted] high, work at [deleted], (and do anything on the side that will make me a few bucks) thats what "THE BITCH" thinks!
Personal Quote: *~"Charlie's angel's eat Charlie's bagels!!!"," His name is Billy peanut mcaurther rameriez the 3rd next in line to the gorbechev throne Which is nicely located in south afganistan next to shadom shadikwa raoul rameriez's Temple." (right Travie)~*
Hometown HomePage: [deleted]





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