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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

For the Week of February 25, 2001
edited by JadeSyren



Email : doof@blvl.igsicom

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I do not put up with shit from anybody.I am a heartless bit and do not put up with anything remember i am special.

One Liner:
I am special.Don.t you forget.

[Oh. I can see how "special" you are from here.]



Email : eloquence@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

One Liner:
Get out of town Brown

[Thanks for the tip, Chip, but you stink, dink.]



Email : degenerate@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I get a powertrip from giving head. What better way to have control than to have their dicks in my mouth?

[Actually being in control? You're just a cocksucker.]

One Liner:
What are you more scared of? A woman confidance, or a woman with power?

[A woman that thinks sucking dick means SHE'S in control.]



Email : easy@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
My boyfriend of two years left me for a girl that he works with and was some what a friend of mine. In November of last year he brought my christmas tree to me and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together.

[What does that mean? It's just a way for you to absolve yourself of the responsibility of what you did.]

I then waited till i knew he had bought her christmas presents and he his then i called her a week before christmas and told her that we had slept with each other, for her to believe me i had to describe his boxers to her, i was surprised to find out that she had bought them for him...

[How the conversation went down:
Easy: Hey girl. Wassup. Just wanna tellya that yer man's a 'ho.
Gullible Girl: Wha? Whozzis?
Easy: You know who this is. 'Member a couple of weeks ago when he didn't come home? He was wit' me.
Gullible Girl: I don't believe you. Okay, if you slept with him, what kinda underwear was he wearin'?
Easy: Pastel color wit' a hole in the front.
Gullible Girl: That BASTARD! I bought him those.]
One Liner:
Lean from your parents mistakes --- use birth control

[Yeah, or else the Christmas tree delivery guy can have you leading one thing to another. Before you know it, needles and pine sap are everywhere.]



Email : Wah@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't have to explain my heartless bitchiness to you people, GOD!

[That's right. You DON'T have to join. See how this works?]

One Liner:
Well, it might help if you wipe "welcome" off your forehead, for starters..

[Yes. "Other side, jackass" works so much better.]



Email : ilovelads@ifonlyyouhadaclue.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm so pathetic i send people farts from farts.com! lol

[Oookay.]

One Liner:
im so great dont mess with me

[…or you'll mail me an e-fart?]



Email : jany.j.moron@attcanada.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bitch because I dont need FROM men!
I do as I please.
I chase but men run after me.

[Are they men in white suits? Please, just put on the jacket.]

I am very busy..men are somewhere on my list.

[Somewhere between talking to little blue people and escaping from the institution.]

[And she left about ten lines of blank application here.]

One Liner:
I am busy..call me

[Call you what? Do they allow you to have personal phonecalls?]



Email : bigbutthead@pmt.org

URL : fuckifiknow

[If this question is stumping you, rest assured, you're not going to make it.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I dont care what makes your job easier and as far as submission goes maybe you should try it

[Sorry, buddy. It's going to take a smarter man than you.]

One Liner:
guber sucks green donkey dicks in hell

[…but can you be more specific? What rung of hell? What length of dick? What shade of green?]



Email : real-ahem-bitch@LUCYMAIL.COM

UserID : 413340

[Measurements?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
IM A REAL BITCH!!!!! SO DONT FUCK WITH ME .... I MIGHT JUST DO SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET!!!!!!!!!!

[I already regret that you found the exclamation button.]

One Liner:
LITTLE BITCHEEE

[After I looked around to see if the rest of your application was to follow, I kept singing "Little Bastard"…over and over again. I hate that song, mostly because that's about all of the song that I know.



Name: Nosferatu Orlock

[If you mama really named you this, she's gotta be the cruelest woman in the world.]

Email : malaria@diseaseboy.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am not a heartless bitch.

[No kidding.]

Im male.Then again men can be bitches.Bitch can mean alot of things.In the case of females it can be negative or positive.

[So long as you're taking a definitive stance on your opinion. Wouldn't want you to get off the fence and choose a side, or anything radical like that.]

I just want to join so I can argue and debate with you.

[You're doing a bang-up job so far.]

By argue I dont mean call you dykes and cunts either.

[Oh, why not? What good is an argument without name-calling? It's like a debate where someone speaks out of both sides of their mouth.]

I mean intelligent arguements.I see that in someways you are very right and very intelligent and fed up with stupidity.

[And you're just gonna serve us up some more, fresh.]

Then again I am sure some of you are merely just stupid manhaters with nothing really important to say.

[Good news. Today, you're the resident expert of having nothing important to say.]

Those are not the ones I wish to argue with.I have no right to actually judge anyone and most people that are really angry have had something happen to make them that way.

[And then they expand and turn green. You wouldn't like them when they're angry.]

Too much angers not a healthy thing at all but its part of the human condition

[Something slightly alien to you.]

and you cant deny itSo thats my point.

[Gimme a hint, you alluded to so many.]

Either you like me or hate me but dont judge me.

[Aw. But you were going to get the (Booby) prize.]

One Liner:
I dont have one.Even if I did consider myself a heartless bitch most the good one liners are already on keychains and coffee mugs.

[That's why you're supposed to think of a new one.]



Email : HelterSkelter@aol.com

[Which is the name that he probably wanted, but knowing AOL, it was already taken, and HelterSkelter245xz just doesn't have the same ring.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because I know what 'guy talk' really is and it makes me sick.

[It's just the smell of your unwashed socks in the locker room.]

One Liner:
Show me your intestines!

[Waitaminnit! Where ARE you going to have this "guy talk"? When you say guy talk, how many guys are involved? Talking amongst yourselves doesn't quite qualify.]



Email : Sparkin@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Im a heartless bitch because I cant stand all the girls i meet cuz theyre so fucking retarded.

[Naw, that's all the drugs talking.]

And yesterday i was drinking

[You? Drinkin'? Naw.]

and a guy thought he could ask me to take my clothes off and wrestle him in front of all these guys

[That's only because you did it last week.]

and i beat the shit out of him!

[Naked, and all.]

It felt really good but i got some bruises from slamming him down but you should see him...LOL.

[Probably just drug-induced dementia. Like the reason you sent this three times.]

One Liner:
"Look i know your upset but its not me, its you asshole GET OVER It"

[Let's examine what it really is. On her AOL webpage we find:]

What I like to do:
Lets see my favorite everyday activities...sniff sniff,smoke weed,drink, drop x, go dancin, partyin, drive ta random haunted roads and gettin lost as hell...lol, playin the field...ya know,i dont really have any hobbies or skills except maybe rollin and mixin EVERYTHING till im off my ass...

[Girl 6]...your my girl im so glad we started chillin your the only person i know thatll do what we do as much as we do it...if you know what i mean

[Note to Sparkin: EVERYBODY knows what you mean.]

To [Anita Dick, Ophelia Breasts, and Eeyore]: i know we all dont chill that much anymore but yall were my sisters before and ill always remember the times we had...my god theres so many its sick!

SOTB forever, always remember [deleted] especially last year baby...MUDD n J!,screamin at crusty, saturday nights at [girl 6's]...and partyin in my basement...blazin all day every day wit [G] and [Cocks]!

To my girl [Smelly]...no matter what your still the craziest girl i know...even tho you wanted to go to the zoo that time...i guess ill forgive you for that...lol Bahamas was awesome! I love you hun

[Cocksanne]: You are definetely the most chill girl ive ever been friends with...i hope when you get bak from wherever your parents sent you your still the same ole crazy [cocks]...remember rehab is for quitters...dont be a quitter [cocks]...as soon as you get back were smokin a FAT FAT FAT blunt!!!

[Which totally negates the point of Rehab.]

[Oh yeah. It's HIM alright. How do you know what day it is, unless somebody tells you?]




Email : K-9@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because I hate every single guy that I've dated. They're stupid pieces of shit and I want to get back at them.

[Let me understand. You hate them. You think you wasted your time with them, and now you want to waste even more. Just flush, K-9. You'll be glad ya did.]

One Liner:
dont hate me because i'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so

[And the AOL profile.]

Member Name: *~~~*~~~*<3 *k-9*<3*~~~*~~ ~* I MiSs u mY La gUrLz!!!!
Location: [deleted]
Sex: Female
Marital Status: SiNgLe...HoW BoUT yOu?
Hobbies: DrInKiN...sMoKiN dA iLl ChRoNiC...hAhA...cHiLlIN w/ My gUrLz....SpOrTs..pArTYiN... sH*T liKe tHaT

[This would explain the quality of dates she has.]

Computers: ShOuT oUtS*~* JeN, KrIsTeN, aNn, LInDsAy, JuLiA, AsHlEy, ChRiStInA, TrIsH, lAuRiE, liZa, AHsLey D, hEiDi, mArY...LOvE Ya!
Occupation: wHaT uP*~* jOn h, DeAcOn, JeFf, AdAm, AnDrEw, MaRk, KrIs,MiKe L, miKe C, MikE M, gEVeRd, SwIfTY, AlVo, pQuIn, nEiL AnD aNY1 eLse
Personal Quote: " gUyS aRe lIkE StArS...tHeReS a mIlLiOn oF tHeM oUt ThErE...bUt OnLy 1 tHaT MaKeS yOuR dReAmS CoMe tRuE" "sH iT HaPPenS...DeAl w/ iT" bLiNg BliNg..wHerE U At?? " yEaH..hEs Fu*KAbLe"HeY~StEpH, jEsS, lAuReN, jEnNy,oH..AnD --> NiNa(BiTcH!)

[The jury's come back with a verdict, K-9 sucks.]




Email : Hoovermatic@AOL.COM

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
1. I DON'T ENJOY "ROMANTIC COMEDIS" AT ALL. EVER,. IN FACT, I HATE THEM

[There just wasn't enough punctuation to go around.]

2. I DON'T CRY AT WEDDINGS. I USUALLY FEEL SORRY FOR THE POOR GIRL/GUY, BECAUSE HE/SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GETTING THEMSELVES INTO.

[How did you make the guest list?]

3. BECAUSE I HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER MORE THAN THE GUYS IN MY BAND AND THEY ALL HATE ME FOR IT.

[I'm sure they have other reasons to hate you. Maybe it's because you shout all the time. Maybe that's what happened to your hearing.]

4. BECAUSE I SAY WHAT I THINK AND WE ALL KNOW THAT WOMEN SHOULD BE USED AND NOT HEARD!!

[Used and not heard, eh? Is that what all the shouting is about?]

WHAT CAN I SAY? I WAS BORN INTO THIS!

[Who let R. Lee Ermey in here?]

One Liner:
Just because my attitude sucks doesn't mean I will!!!

[But your battle cry is women should be used. Suck away.]



Email : twitadale@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I am a woman...enough said

[Enough said to get you here.]

One Liner:
fuck you very much

[You smell cum.]



Email : ig'nant-shit@AOL.COM

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
OF MY "don't give a fu.. attitude".
I ONLY NEED AND WANT A MAN FOR ONE THING-SEX!!
AND WHEN I WANT OR NEED IT I'LL CALL HIM!! AND IF THE SEX IS NO GOOD OR IF 'EQUIPMENT' IS LACKING-I'M GONE-AND DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN!! I DON'T NEED HIM TO PAY MY BILLS- FIX MY SH.. TAKE ME OUT-OPEN MY DOORS NONE OF THAT SH.. I'M QUICK TO TELL HIM "NIG.. M..... F... YOU...NOW HOW ABOUT THAT" AND EVEN WITH ALL THAT THEY STILL KEEP COMING BACK..

[They'll always come back. You're the 'ho that gives her pussy away for free. Shit, you should at least get a bar of soap to wash your ass -- Melanie's Aunt Vel.]

One Liner:
M..... F... YOU!!
DON'T LIKE IT- - GET THE F... OUT!!

[Now you know that they are going to agree to anything to get that ass. Expect to hear a lot of "Fuck ya's" when they are done with you.]



Email : wayne@smartasslaw.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
obviously you are not manhaters i happen to hate dickheads whether they are men or women i also hate self appointed chatroom guru wannabes

[Who doesn't?]

i enjoy dishing out crap and can take it as well

[Sounds like you spend a lot of quality time in a chatroom. Takes more than that to get in here.]

i believe some male perspective could be helpful for you

[I hardly think that you're man enough to give it to me. If you're an example of male perspective, I hope that the men you're insulting beat the shit out of you. Male perspective. How about some PLAIN perspective?]

believe it or not it is ok for guys to not wanna put up with crap either

[Yet you want to enter our hallowed halls and fling chatroom crap around.]

One Liner:
The only person in control of your

[…feces?]

feeling is YOU

[Oh yeah, you're a deep thinker with tons of perspective to offer me.]



Email : cina@needs-lesson.ms

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
snälla flickoor kommer till himlen
De elaka kommer hur långt som helst!!

[Jade does not speak Swedish, so she hired a consultant to translate.]

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go anywhere they want.

[This seemed like much ado about nothing. My translator said it even bored her. It was a great disappointment. In the future, if you're going to post in a language that is not English, do us the courtesy of being interesting. You might not get accepted, but at least you won't be here. Make it worth the effort of the two people that had to read this.]

One Liner:
I have pms and a gun !!
-What was it ju want to say.....

["Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."]





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