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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

For the Week of January 28, 2001
edited by JadeSyren



Email : vegheadgirl@yep.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
IŽm a heartless teenage bitch picus

[Picus?]

I never take any shit from anyone who ever they are!! i am really independent, stubborn, i always think iŽm rigth no matter what!!!

[Third "Rigth." Heil Vegheadgirl.]

some times (whery meny times) men can realy be asholes but i doŽnt hate people thid dicks picus of that!!!!

[thid dicks picus? What the hell are you saying? This is like listening to someone eating crackers while talking.]

I wanna help other women to become bitches.

[I'll just bet you do. Who helped you spell bitches?]

One Liner:
I wanna kick men asses (I didŽnt whrite that picus I have to do it, it is true!!!)

[Aha. Okay. Thanks for calling.]

Email : skinassta@aol.com

UserID : FATHO

[Oh boy.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because i'm so bitter and twisted cos my dad preferes to shag the dog than me. And my mum is fat, so fat infact that i cant get to her minge so i'm sexually frustrated.

[Appreciate it in all its glory. Where do they get their material?]

One Liner:
Take me for a ride and i'll snap your dick off.(coz i'm fat)

[I can't explain it, but the idea that he had to clarify this made me laugh all the harder.]

Email : can't_pick_em@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
becuz ive been married 2 times to 2 loser, fucking asshole pieces of garbage who would fuck anything with big tits and a nice ass.

[And you married that type of guy TWICE. That's YOUR fault, sister.]

All men that are commited wanna get some "strange"

[They don't come much stranger than you. (rimshot)]

and the ones who arent committed will do the same once they are,

[If they are committed was covered in the first part of your statement. Sheesh. The holes in your logic.]

and if i could i would disintegrate every one of them

[After you bludgeon them into marrying you, you mean.]

One Liner:
men are like toilet paper, you should wipe your ass on them!

[But you got married to them...twice.]

Email : brat@msn.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I dont give a flying fugg about anyone but myself , i have driven my family insane by being a spoiled brat, have to be force to do chores and run the house with my puke teenage girl friends every week end for years. I swear at my family and, dont give a rats ass about them or thier needs, only mine and I want them fullfilled now or else I will throw a tantrum hissy fit slamming doors insulting and bitching til i get my way of my parents get divorced or I wind up in a ditch. No one is as heartless as I..........A true teenage heartless self centered bitch whos never worked a day in her life or walked in another mans shoes.........please.....talk to the finger your not good enough for the hand.

One Liner:
I am the cunt of all cuntliness, I eat children for breakfast, and i am a hormornal teen from hell whos spoiled rotten.

[A lesson on how NOT to get accepted.]

Email : too-dumb-to-say-no@excite.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
in my life No is not an answer.

[Which means you're acquiescent.]

The whos, whats wheres, and whens in my life are decided by me for me; and generally for those around me.

[It's good that you feel that you make your own decisions, but deciding for those around you makes you a tyrant, not a bitch.]

I don't feel I have to use bad language nor do I have to use unneccessary force to have what I want done done. I don't have to get mand, get mean or anything else. I think a true heartless bitch gets done what she gets done because of her own control over herself, which causes her to control any given situation.

[How can you take charge when "no" is not an answer?]

One Liner:
Your First Impression I s Almost Up

[It IS the end of the application.]

Email : catastrophe@sympatico.ca

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm bipolar and bitch at anyone who says anything aboutut taking medications for it.

[It's just too easy to poke fun at the chemically imbalanced.]

I am not speaking to my mother-in-law, father-in-law or my own father becasue of my various wrongdoings.

[For which they are truly grateful.]

I go to pro-life boards and bitch about how they can call themselves "pro life" when they think the death penalty is cool.

[Welcome to Weak of the Week, troll.]

I am a personal friend of [name and URL deleted].

[This doesn't get you acceptance.]

I like to write stuff about the ex and his yinzer girlfriend in my online journal mostly because I know it will piss them off.

[Mostly because you don't have anything ELSE (like a life) to write about.]

I like animals more than I like people. I will pet a strange dog before I will talk to a strange (as in unkown to me)

[Glad you specified, because YOU are a strange person. Strange as in unusual, damned scary, weird, and get-the-hell-out-of-my-yard.]

person because, well, odds are the dog is smarter than the person.

[We ARE still talking about YOU, right?]

I'm seriously thinking about voodoo.

[You wouldn't think that was shocking if you knew anything about it.]

One Liner:
Do you wear a cup when you sit on that fence?

[Do you down your lithium with alcohol?]

Name: Ms. Jeannie Maiden name PLUS three married names...and she used them all.

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I never liked to be called a bitch when I was younger, but after all the lame men,

[Which you married.]

and pathetic females I have had to deal with in this world I have come to apreciate the handle. I know I have earned my stipes so it is an honor when I hear it whispered behind my back by peon men around the watering hole too afraid to raise their voices, or by other woman who turn and mouth it to each other in the secretary's pool, whose tits I could rip off and wear as shoulder pads.

[Wouldn't the nipples interfere with the crisp, clear lines of the suit?]

I have five children, ages 21, 15, 11,11,& 11,

[Triplets or typo? You be the judge.]

I've successfully been raising them on my own 13 years now.

[Ahem. So?]

The oldest I just took to the side on his 21st birthday in November, and reamed him a good one for still working in a gas station, he went out the next week and landed a position designing web sites with a notable company. His stay at home unemployed father, and pimped out step mother hadn't done him an ounce of good raising him.

[You raised him too. Don't take the credit and not the blame.]

All it took was getting on his ass and

[Try setting an example. You'd be surprised at how easily that works.]

telling him what he was going to do, not asking him what he needed, or what I could do for him, or telling him what would be nice to see him doing with his life.

[And telling ME. Let's talk about YOU, not your slacker son.]

That pansy aproach just doesn't work, you have to tell people point blank where they are going,

[You remind me of a woman I used to work with. She'd hoot and holler about how she "single-handedly" raised her two sons, but when they did something horrible, she would tell us that her in-laws did a shitty job of raising him. Which is it, Ms. Jingleheimerschmitt? Because if you didn't raise him, you've got a hell of a lot of nerve telling someone ELSE how to do it. Raising an adult is easy.

And I'll bet he stays at this job for a month.]

how they are going to get there, and what they will bring you back if they are going to acomplish anything. It took me a long time to understand this, but I'm starting to realize people desire to be run like dogs, if a woman doesn't care enough to rule her men

[And you've had a heapin' helpin' of practice. You wear all your names like a badge of failed marriages.]

then they will act like whimps with no sence of self respect or pride in their accomplishments. It's what makes them know they are loved, when a woman can make them make something of themselves. Same goes with my kids, and the women in my life who respect me. My sons and daughters know I am not raising whimps!

[Nah, just slacker chimps with bad spelling and wretched grammar. They'll also abdicate responsibility in a heartbeat. What a proud momma you must be.]

I won't even date a man unless he can stand up

[That would be your litmus test.]

under the direction of a powerful woman and rise to the occasion.

[Stand up? Rise? Freudian slip says you're just talking about penile function.]

Otherwise they can go set in the loosers box and hope for a mommy to adopt them. I have no time to raise any more children in my life,

[Now, now. You didn't have time to raise the children that you HAD.]

I want a real man with the ability to make me beg for it is

[Bzzzt! Wrong answer. You're talking about sex again. Begging for it, indeed.]

what I am looking for to share my golden years with.

[Aren't you IN your golden years? What were you, twelve, when you had the 21 year old?]

Been looking a long time and they keep running with their tails between their ass cheeks within a few weeks tops.

[They heard your name, Black Widow.]

There has to be one out there who can make me drop though I haven't lost hope. One who knows how to make something of himself without being driven to the edge by a real bitch.

[Stop looking for a husband and just find a fuck, already.]

One who will make me feel like a pussy cat. One who was well groomed by a mother who was a real bitch is what it will take.

[You'll settle.]

One Liner:
"I could rip off her tit's,

[Her tit's what?]

and use them as shoulder pads."

[Jealousy kills.]

Email : sadsack@excite.com

[I can't take credit for her name. She spelled it phonetically, and I didn't.]

UserID : shit

[What is this made of?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love my husband, its the asshole in his clothes I hate

[Package deal.]

One Liner:
Its not the little people I dislike at my job, its how they feel between my toes as I step on them on my way to the top

[Don't you just love these formulaic saying? It's so keychain-esque.]

Email : demonikwho-didn't-get-IT@worldnet.att.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am not a bitch.

[You didn't need to tell ME.]

i don't think that's a very nice word,

[It's not a nice word, but it's not a nice world. That's the point, demonik.]

and besides, I think you're using it to imply female, when I'm a male.

[Bitch generally DOES mean female. A Heartless Bitch attitude transcends and unites all genders. Consider that this forum is open for all genders. What you infer is directly caused by your lack of basic understanding.]

But don't take this the wrong way.

[Because that's YOUR option, and you're keeping it all to your piggy little self?]

I hate everyone...every last stinking human on the planet must die to pay for what they are, and what they have done.

[What are you willing to DO for your convictions? That's why you're not a bitch.]

If you want to help by killing of half of them, that's cool.

[Hold the phone. What site are you reading? It would be MORE than half.]

I'll find some other way to kill of the rest.

[The stupid seem to survive, somehow.]

Hey, do you know if there is a "Kill all the Humans"club???Where can I jjoin.

[Actually, I DO know. I'm not doing your homework for you.]

One Liner:
We'll see who's the bitch when I bend you over, punk.

[YOUR interpretation makes bitch weak and inferior. Your interpretation makes this equal woman, ya ignorant bastard.]







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