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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren

For the Week of November 19, 2000

Email : dummyberger@iturf.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
the world is my playground and i decided that you should fuck it.

[You want me to fuck the whole world or just the playground part?]

One Liner:
fuck you bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Wow! Looka all dem exclamation points. I think she means it.]



Email : kooky@flinet.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I was seeing this man for several years. Before our wedding, he was diagnosed with ALS. I kicked him out of the house. I started seeing another man two days after he left. I am also bi-sexual and would have other woman during our relationship. I went through his money. Took advantage of him. He had to move

[Ah. Say no more. Have you no shame?]

3,000 miles away and have his daughters take care of him. I still talk to him every day. I was banned from the car dealership that he worked at. I went there over the weekend and lied. I told them that Alex told me to come. They felt obligated. I got a really good deal on my trade in. Even though, I was banned and Alex never said to go there!

[Two words: Restraining order.]

I tell him that I care, when I really don't. He still buys me things. He has no income. I tell him that I need this or that. He buys it. I don't care! I deserve it!

[Oh, you deserve so much more. Like a swift kick in the ass. A bat to the back of your noggin. I'll settle for sticking you in Weak of the Week.]

One Liner:
Men are only good for one thing...watching!

[Untrue. They've given you a wealthy lifestyle.]



Email : shoutmama@NETZERO.NET

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I EXPECT EVERYONE TO DO WHAT I SAY WHEN I WANT

[Get used to crushing disappointment.]

IF NOT THEY CAN SCREW OFF INCLUDING MY OLD MAN AND BAD THING ABOUT IT HE KNOWS HE SAYS I AM THE BITCHER OF ALL BITCHERS AND I AM SO BLUNT THAT MY 8YR OLD SAYS MOM QUIT BEING A BITCH

[Sounds like your son could use some discipline.]

One Liner:
IF YOU WANT KIDS HAVE THEM YOUR DAMN SELF BECAUSE I CAN'T BEAR TO HAVE ANYMORE OF YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Like YOU really needed to have the child you DO have.]



Email : decidedly-unoriginal@AOL.COM

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I CAN BE (HOW MANY OF THESE HAVE YOU GOTTEN)

[If logic got you to the second statement, why didn't it carry you to the obvious conclusion: DON'T submit it.]

One Liner:
I'VE BEEN CALLED WORSE BY BETTER

[That oughta learn THEM.]



Email : slow-on-the-draw@cwcom.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
do i really need to explain myself?

[Don't I have to answer this every week?]

One Liner:
i have breasts, i can have anything i want

[Breasts are the master key. Imagine all you can achieve with just a set of breasts:
  • Handy and portable money storage areas.
  • Permanent food-catching snack trays.
  • Portable Kleenex carry-all device.
Breasts are NOT handy for: Getting a membership from Heartless Bitches Inc.]




Email : mxqj@grow.up.edu

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I'm a hearless bitch because I

[...have no ears?]

tell my damn to sensitive fiance he acts like like a woman

[Should come in handy when you need a tampon or two.]

, and my dad calls me a bitch at least once a week becuse I won't take his shit either!

[Wouldn't that make you a Daddy's girl?]

I'm also the founder and former president

[Membership: 1]

of the Bitch Club from High School , I'm now a sophmore in college/

[Riiiight. And that's why I don't care about what you did back in high school.]

One Liner:
Of course you don't understand what I mean little boy , you're to busy thinking about the next time you can get off to understand a word with more than one syllable !

[People who live in glass houses....]



Email : berra-stupid@gte.net

UserID : pera

[Rhymes with Berra]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm allergic to assholes, so get away from me.

[Wonder how they do the scratch test for that.]

One Liner:
Berra

[??? -- Maybe on her planet that means something. Maybe the whole idea is to shock them with inanity. Successful.]



Email : burnout@cardaymail.com

UserID : cuntroyal

[Cryptic? Never.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i fuck a mans world whenever i can.

[Thus the meaning of the UserID.]

One Liner:
fuck with me and i will fuck you back until stars burnout!

[Get a 900 number, Granny.]

Country: United States of America

Age: 45-55



Email : the-shitster@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because i don't take shit.

[yadda yadda yadda]

I tell someone how i really feel about them to their face whether it be positive or negetive, usually it's negetive.

[Ho hum, ho hum.]

If you're doing something i don't approve of i will sure as shit tell you what you're doing wrong.

[Same ol', same ol'.]

i dont take shit from men or women.

[Someone define "original" for her, and wake me when she's done.]

They wanna screw me over i'm gonna screw them double with out a second thought.

[Zzzzz.]

Well, guess that's all i got to say and if you don't accept me to your little club than fuck off.

[Even louder snoring.]

One Liner:
It takes 42 muscles to frown but 4 to bitch slap the fucker who's pissin you off.

[Lullaby...and goodnight...da da dee dum...dee dee dum.]



Name: natalie 'bitch-face' cretin

Email : eminemgroupie1@aol.com

[I wonder if Dr. Dre is telling her what to say also.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i take no shit off anyone, if they/you have a problem kiss my ass!!! asshole(s)

[Nope. It would have been better than this shit.]

One Liner:
i may be a super-Bitch but it gives my life meaning!!!!!!

[Not hard to do when you're coming from ground zero.]



Email : Aprilatta-girl@aol.com

UserID : wish

[Don't ya.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I tell people how it is. If your gonna come whining to me about stupid shit I'm not going to save your feelings I'm gonna tell you what a dumb ass you are. I learned my lessons the hard way and I DON'T PUT UP WITH SHIT FROM ANYONE! I KNOW I'M A BITCH EVEN IF I'M NOT CERTIFIED.

[Au contraire. You ARE certified. Try next door.]

One Liner:
gO LAY DOWN AND LICK YOURSELF LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE.

[But you're standing right there!]



Email : gotta_be_aWYFE@AOL.COM

[Yet another man-centric application.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I do not have the time or tolerance to deal with ignorant panty wipe shitheads

[Oh no. You're too busy steppin' and a-fetchin'.]

that are to brain dead to see that there

[Gotta be a Southerner.]

la la la look at me attitudes fries the last nerve I have... I let them know in no uncertain terms to shut the hell up when around me. If they would justlook and listen to their bimbo asses they might see why I'm such a bitch.

[Probably because you stand by your man so often it fries them there last nerves of their'n y'all was just a-talkin' about.]

One Liner:
Take your line of bullshit down to the five and dime and sell it there cause I aint buying it!

[The AOL profile --it's all about HIM.]

Member Name: Only If You Tell Me Who You Are
Location:[deleted] SC

[Like we couldn't tell she was a Southern-fried Belle.]

Sex:Female
Marital Status:Cuffed to a cop
Hobbies:Cujo (my rottie), Reading
Computers:Hewlett Packard
Occupation:911 Operator, Dispatcher for Police Dept and Sheriff's Dept
Personal Quote:Yes, As a matter of fact I do like being married to a police officer...

[Wonder what your identity was before you were MRS. Robocop.]










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