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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren

For the Week of November 5, 2000

Email : random@vanderbilt.edu

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

my wife is an amazing teacher- my parents knew how to raise a child- i was born in an ice storm- i refuse to speak to people who haven't read Xenos and Epitetus- and to finish off, well, i don't always

[This is what happens when you put all your facts into a hat and select winning pieces to make your entry.]

One Liner:
i love my wife but she terrifies my friends

[Get better friends.]



Email : rules?-what-rules?@excite.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

because I am!Do you really need to hear a sob story on my road to bitch-

[Nope. Feel sorry for yourself much?]

hood?Disfunctional family?Broken home?Bad relationship?Maybe..all you need to

[I'm going with option #4: sound reasoning. Just tell me why you feel that YOU are bitchy, because if you're just going to blame your family and date-mate, then you've missed the point.]

know is that I am a strong,independant,bitchy woman,who is looking foreward to other bitches who need not pop an ex-lax because a boyfriend thinks you're fat!

[That's where we are different. My standards are not what goes in your mouth, but what comes OUT of it.]

One Liner:
Me,a bitch?No,I just hate you!

[Why? Most people are a waste of good hate. See the following application.]



Name: ghdfgzrgz

Email : gmndkj@juno.com

UserID : tDfSfF

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
hello i am fucking bored, and fucking bored,

[The things people do to achieve greatness...then there's you.]

and my girlfriend wants to become aheartless bitch,

[This is her application? Denied.]

and i am here when she leaves the computer making trouble, tah.

[If you had a dollar, you couldn't make sense.]

One Liner:

nvku. shsyssss ssijdk djd djdndd ddkd. hhittt. siskssk jdsisndd sjsj djsjs, dssj.

[Jade calling Loser, come in Loser. Resend message, over. Encrypted message reads as follows: I am a loser with fetish for naked chicken in pants. This can't be right. Over.]



Email : everyone-named-holly-gets-a-hollywood-id@netacs.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a red head.. what more reason do you need?

[I'm more interested in the contents of your head, not the bright, shiny packaging that's more manageable, thanks to some shampoo.]

One Liner:
BITCH!!-- I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

[You probably mean wear it, don't you, Miss Superficial.]



Name: dasd

Email : asd@aayg.com

UserID : ssdf

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
im independantof killing you. To be attacked by especially
cute bunnies would be a terrible way to go. You could die by getting your ass kicked by a motley crew of cottontails: chewing, scratching and pummeling you with their feet. Yeesh...it just gives me the shivers. I imagine they would grab you by your fingers and drag you back to their warren or whatever. It would be like reality TV meets Watership Down.
[O-kay. Here comes Peter Cottontail. Hopping down the bunny trial (to madness --shh!)]

One Liner:
Cxvv

[Enigmatically stupid, yet thoroughly banal.]



Email : cindi-penni@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I will not marry a man who cannot give me 10,000 dollar engagement ring.

[I don't know what upsets me more. The fact that everyone has a price, or that the price is so low.]

One Liner:
plain and simple bitch

[Well, simple, anyhow.]



Email : nitwit@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

Well, I hate idiots, Everything gets on my nerves, I have to comment on whats wrong with everyone, I have 24-7-365 PMS and I say bitchy remarks all the time

[Except right now.]

One Liner:
"Your mom in a bag"......I say this when people comment on my bitchiness

[Does this get laughs where you're from?]



Email : queendummy@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
< im a heartless bitch because i drive a hummer and im better than everybody and i have a cell phone that i call 2 people on then tell them to

[My cell phone washes dishes, then does the Cha-cha. Didn't you get the deluxe version, or does your cell phone only DIAL people?]

hold on so they think im doing something important but im really watching loveline.

[They can hear through the mouthpiece, you know.]

One Liner:
im queen b

[I'm Tralayna of Tellazar. Nicetameetcha.]



Email : whatever@bear29.fsnet.co.uk

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am and if you disagree then I don't particularly care because you don't know me.

[I can't see that changing either. Bully for me.]

One Liner:
People are scared of me, now run away little boy, run.

[No, no, no. Growl at them. Startle them. Frankenstein never needed to shoo away the townsfolk. Amateurs.]










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