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May 17, 1999
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren

For the Week of Oct 1st, 2000

Email : nasty@satisfyme.co.uk

UserID : piss

[The innate value of this application]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Hey if you wanna fuck with me, come say it to my face instead of sniggering about me when i'm a meter away it aint funny, so you wanna fuck with me come say it too me and I'll met you after school.

[She'll be the one in the dunce cap.]

One Liner:
Do me a favour, go play in the traffic, and maybe while ya in hospital they could do summit with ya face, just too make you look a bit more like a humen-being.

[Summit: When Brits watch just too much "Goodfellas".]



Email : drunk-ass@bacardi-and-coke.co.uk

UserID : jennercide

[Ordinarily, this would worry me. Since Drunk-ass can't figure out if she has a website or not, I'm pretty sure that all Jens are safe.]

URL : not that i know of!

[Didn't you hear about those rogues that make URLs for people without their consent? You should find out if you were one of the victims.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't need a website to tell me if i'm a heartless bitch. I know I am

[Pssht. You don't even know if you have a website.]

One Liner:
bitch/female jokes are short so men can remember them

[Look who's talking.]



Email : superficial@allianceatlantis.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
When I see the word "TESTER" on lipstick at the store, I assume that means "put me in your purse now so you don't have to waste good money on something this redundant."

[What?]

One Liner:
This day has been a total waste of makeup.

[It's okay, just go and steal some more.]



Email : dumbass@optusnet.com.au Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I think all models (catwalk heroin sluts!) should be shot and minority groups should just SHUT-UP and GET OVER IT because the world IS big enough for all of us!!!

[So SHUT-UP and GET OVER IT, already.]

One Liner:
A BITCH with attitude and brains....what else do ya need?

[Less filler.]



Email : pornstar-in-the-making@superheltinne.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
because i have fuck with 12 boys and im only 14 years old..

One Liner:
fuck you and fuck me to...

[You've done enough fucking, missy. Time for someone else to have a turn.]



Email : innocent_child@oxymoron.com

UserID : hellraiser

[What a shocker! She's the innocent, childlike hellraiser. The tragedy of trying to be unique with little to no imagination.]

URL : i dunno

[Who is surprised?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
why im a bitch? cuz i said i am!! cuz everything i do revolves around me me me me me me me me me me me

[Why am I getting the image of dozen of little kitties crying for their Meow Mix?]

.....and all the cute gorgeouse guys i know. because u can ask anybody who knows me. im a b i t c h do i have to explain why?

[Please do not subject us to anymore of your writing.]

One Liner:
smile in the second best thing you can do with your lips.

[Reading tops your list.]



Email : Courtney_Love911@fauxcelebrity.com

UserID : chandler

[Her identity is all from television.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
hey whats that on your neck, oh sorry its just your face

[My head is on my neck. My face is on the front of my head. Anything else I can help you with?]

One Liner:
theres nothin wrong with me honey, but if your mirror brakes dont come runnin to me

[This is another one of those silly put-downs that lost a lot in her translation.]



Email : tough_as_toejam@aol.com

UserID : Bitch666

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Fuck you, I don't have to explain myself.

[This coming from someone with pictures of Golden Retrievers on her webpage.]

One Liner:
Your Proctologist called, they found your head.

[Yuk, yuk, yuk. This was funny the first thousand times.]



Email : Evyllyz@aol.com

UserID : EvylLyz

[Did you know that substituting a "y" for "i" makes you unique? Yes-indeedy, according to the Evyl one herself.]

URL : http://www.angelfire.com/soapbox

[Not only did I have to guess at the extension of her site, but she's got that stupid cursor thing. Bleah.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
When I rule the universe: the only people in stiletto heels and pantyhose will be men, stupid fucking idiots will not be allowed to breed, and "Playgirl" will have as much airbrushing as "Playboy" (We gotta get those limp-dicks erect somehow). Right-Wing conservative politicians (men and women alike) who would like to tell me what I can and can't do with my body, who I can or can't marry, and what deities I can worship will all suddenly develop a horrible disease. First, their genitals will rot and fall off. Next the inner lining of the stomach will breakdown allowing them to feel searing agonizing acid pouring into the visceral cavity. Just before they die , they develop a rash on their foreheads in the shape of a 'B'(for Bigot), and go into that burning screaming death knowing that their names will be struck from the history books forever for being such moronic assholes. That is why I'm a Bitch. I want power and I hold viewpoints that differ from the patriarchial "norm"

[In your efforts to be "unique and different", you sound just the same. You've just changed the "victims". Congratulations.]

(In otherwords I'm a feminist).

[Snort.]

And Society as a whole can bite my ass if they don't like it, because I won't change for them. I put up a website detailing my views on politics.

[And you should see how cutesy and cuddly it is.]

This week's topic is Abortion, and the right-to-lifers are writing in left and right in my face calling me a "Femminazi" and a "Bitch". My response to them all is "Thank you"!

[Anything for attention. Wait, that should be: Anythyng for attentyon.]

One Liner:
I'd tell you to pull your head out of your ass, but you make a better target this way.

[You HAVE to set them up to knock them down, don'tcha.]



Email : indecisive@alltel.net Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
The only thing I have to say is......Hello, Get a Grip, Step back, Rethink, and Try saying it again!!! So get the hell out of my face!!!

[You need to figure out if you want conversation or not.]

One Liner:
I am the whole damn party mix!!!

[Especially the nutty bits.]



Email : clueless@excite.com

[Free Clue: Lose the free address.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
*Laugh* Reasons are for conformists! I definately enjoyed this site, and I can't help but want to see the discussion board. I hope that feeling anticipation is not misplaced. You do a damn good job with everything, so thanks!

[I have some dreadful news for you. Getting in is the easy part. If you can't cut it here, just forget all about the discussion board.]

One Liner:
Aww... Your belly-button is cute but I didn't ask to see it.

[Quit looking.]










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