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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren

For the Week of Sept 9th, 2000

Email : davidad@daddybrain.net

UserID : dad

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am sick and tired of being treated like a poor pussy cat. When I was younger my parents made me have sexual contact with small fur bearing farm animals. I have grown to be obessed with larger farm animals. Please e-mail me back.

[Not on your life.]

One Liner:
YOu wanna f*ck?

[Out of your preferred species.]

Email : jfelli@does-eat-oats-school.com

UserID : jade

[An admirer!]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i am a heartless bitch because i dont give a shit about other people. Whatever i do, i do well, manipulating, using, black-mailing, and walking over people

[Is this your idea of well?]

(anyone and i mean anyone) to get what i want. i get satisfaction from mind- fucking with people and i also enjoy fucking around with people's emotions. enough?

[When will you get to the part with the reality in it?]

One Liner:
i am not a bitch, i am the bitch, and if u dont like that, u can fuck off and die.

Country: South Africa

[Let the hooting and hollering commence.]

Email : ZDonald@is_my_favorite_place.org.com

[False ID alert. I mean above and beyond what I've altered.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
im a heartless bitch because i have no smart or wity coments because im not some fucked up person that pays attention in class.

[Whoa. Way too much material.

  • Someone that paid attention could actually SPELL witty.
  • People that pay attention in class and eventually find themselves successful are fucked up? That explains a lot.
  • Let me be the first to tell you that you don't have to confess that you don't pay attention in school; it's painfully obvious.
  • This is overstating the obvious.
I guess we could gather 'round and shie coconuts at her for a spell.]

No offence (actualy i dont care )

[All together now: If you really didn't care, you wouldn't have to mention it.]

but i read

[You? Read? Pull the other one.]

ur guide lines on what you like, "ur heartless bitch qualites" but noone can tell me how i should act.

[Nonsense. You're told how to act every single day. As you walk along in any moderately civilized country, you're subject to the law of the land. You break those at your peril. Aside from that, there are societal standards (like not farting in public) and moral obligations (which you undoubtedly follow and probably had no voice in the creation of that code). There are also rules of behavior on top of all these in your family and school. Sure, no one tells you what to do. I'd say we were probably the only people you've encountered that didn't tell you how to behave...and you missed it. Maybe you should start paying attention in school.]

luv ya zo

[Misspelled Zero.]

One Liner:
lifes a bitch and so am I

[Whatever, kid. Your mama's callin' ya.]

Email : Stupidy@tir.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm intolerant of the idiots that occupy the precious space on Earth, yet I don't ramble on like an idiot using incorrect grammar, trying to be 'ghetto'. [You'd prefer to ramble on like an idiot with a falsely-inflated sense of superiority.]

One Liner:
I can only be nice to one person a day, today's not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

[Weren't you the one talking about incorrect grammar? Strike while the irony's hot.]

Email : chevonne_the_bingo_chump@shsu.edu

UserID : Bitch101

[She will be auditing this one.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I fucking hat eall of you bitches! Eat my ass and suck my clit!

[You couldn't type this without a typo?]

One Liner:
Eat me and fuck off.

[That's what I like about you, Chevonne. You have an assload of meaningless, yet undirected angst. Just think what you could do if you ever got it together. Why, you could be asking me if I want "fries with that" in no time.]

Email : gigglefit@aol.com

UserID : Whore

URL : [I'll spare you all of it, but here's a highlight:

You are always there I can't turn around without you watching 2 make sure I don't fall, I love u all ~

D~IS 4 U dating the prude ass MoFos
A~is 4 the ass U don't have
N~is 4 not having a life (not like I do)
I~is 4 the interesting things we don't do

E~is 4 every year weve been friends
R~is 4 not regretting being friends
Y~is 4 who the hell knows not 2 many words start with it~lol
N~is 4 never 4getting me
N~is 4 nevre quite knowing whats going on

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heatless bitch because everything I say I mean.

[Thought it might be because you're cold, or something.]

My motto is what was said was meant to be and shall never be taken back and no one will be forgiven. I say whatever I want and if it ends up hurting you your a weak person. I don't invole myself with people that say they were kidding after they say something that hurt someone. To be my friend you have to have guts and

[Agreed. You have to have a strong stomach to be your friend.]

you can't be a little pussy. I don't think before I speak so everything I say was right out of my head so I definetly meant it. Thats why I'm a Heartless Bitch.

[You were out of your head, alright.]

One Liner:
You call me a bitch and I'll thank you, You call me sweet I'll take your body scrape it on the pavment then poor achahol in you wounds.

[Achahol ™ - when regular pain just isn't enough for your inner masochist.]

Email : taratarred_n_feathered@chickmail.com

UserID : tara

URL : nope

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate everyone. i just wish everybody would go the hell away. men suck too

[Aren't they included in "everybody"?]

One Liner:
screw me. then screw you.

[This will stop them dead in their tracks.]

Email : no-socialgraces@nccoast.net

UserID : Beaaaarch

[Must be a barge coming through.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
My favorite hobby is making my fiancee' do useless shit for me, then I treat him worse than my dog. I have two daughters whom are Heartlessbitches in training. Just becuase my fiancee is a professional, doesn't mean he's on top in the sack. After I marry his sorry ass, then I'll divorce the fucker and take his house!

One Liner:

The thing that drives my man to succeed is my blackhearted foot in his ass!

[It's the subtle sense of surrealism in this application that really deserves special notice. Observe the bizarre absurdities in her work: blackhearted foot, useless shit as a hobby, marrying someone (with a dangling apostrophe) just for the house. What talent!]

Email : jokeboy@aol.com

UserID : bitch

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i dont care what people think of me and i like to make people hate

[How can you like to make people hate you and not care about what they think simultaneously?]

me and when im angry everyone knows it and i always speak my mind.

[You're a boy of little words.]

One Liner:
i make my presence known with my anger

[I'll bet it's acknowledged with laughter.]









Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999

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