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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren

For the Week of July 30th, 2000

Name: Susan

Email : tim@alligatorinc.com

[Either Tim is a cross-dresser or Susan needs her own address.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have a ring that says BITCH,

[I have a ring with a turtle on it, and I suppose that makes me a tortoise.]

I also have a t-shirt that my ex-husband bought me that says 99% BITCH and everyone I know says it should say 150%.

[Oooh. Nothing better than having friends that can't add. Can I hit them up for 20 bucks?]

I love men, my husband and son anyway, but I don't need a man to

[NOTE: Bold brackets closed for Susan. Susan, if you OPEN it, CLOSE it. You'll be saying this to your hubby and son soon enough.]

survive. I tell my husband I am with him because I love him and want to be with him, not because I need to be.

[It would almost be worth finding out if you actually MEAN this, or if all the security has simply gone to your head.]

I am a very strong woman, can do my own up-keep on my van, speak my mind and don't and will not use my body or act stupid for attention!

[All this and you use your husband's e-mail?]

I have a mind and will use it for everything I'm worth and if I'm a bitch for those reasons, then so be it because I consider myself Proud to be a BITCH!

[Not needing (no, really) a man is a very good reason to consider yourself a Bitch. Buying products that proclaim your Bitchiness will never be a reason, even by a healthy stretch of the imagination.]

One Liner:
99% Bitch, that's me, don't like it? Bite me!

[The 1% is the active ingredient. Her 99% is just filler.]



Email : bitch@yeahright.ca

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm stupid

[Amen. That's the end.]

and I think that males are the roots of all the problems in the world when really I

[...didn't read a single page of the site?]

don't have two brain cells to rub together, just like all the other girls on this site.

[UN is not spelled j-u-s-t.]

One Liner:
I think

[Beg to differ.]

men are stupid when I'm really the idiot, just like all of you.

[Cheer up. You're nothing like us after all.]



Email : Invisibleu@zzzzzz.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
why the hell should I get into this crap now,

[If you don't know what you're doing, why the hell do you expect ME to?]

I only came here because a friend of mine told me to check it out,

[And you always do as you're told, dutiful friend that you are.]

I think it's stupid,

[...because you found yourself at the butt of the jokes?]

and repugnanat,

[No, that's just your spelling.]

and all of you should get on the bus!!!

[Never fear! Some of us own Clue-Bus franchises.]

and besides, I'm too busy eating my icecream, and you can't have any... thspbbbbbbbbb.....

[Stupid and selfish, what a combination.]

One Liner:
see the above reasons you dolt

[Thinking up that ice cream line took the creative steam right outta her.]



Email : prisonchick@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I believed all his promises he made to me while he was in prison

[How do you say that with a straight face?]

and deep in my heart I never believe any of it.

[So you're a liar too.]

But I let him back in just July first. and already its back to the same old shit.

[Why did you think it would change?]

I do everything he does nothing he could say anything and I have to shut up.

[I can safely say for women everywhere that you should run, not walk away from this guy. If you can't kick him out, leave.]

I can really truly say I want him out of my life. but he won't leave he is the type of man that has to have a new Bitch before he lets go of the old one.

[He's not attracted to Bitches, babe. This application is weak. YOU don't have to be.]

One Liner:
Prison is his only hope!

[Prison (should be) his only HOME.]



Email : Partygirl@netscape.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bitch because My Ex-Man Tried to rule me and never let me go party with my friend's or even family.Then when I tried to brake up with him he pulled a gun on me! So that is why I am a HEARTLESS BITCH!&ALWAYZ WILL BE!

[You've got the wrong part of the story here. I don't need to know what HE did, but what YOU did.]

One Liner:
I can fell a controling ass freak from a block away!

[You mean NOW, don't you?]



Email : nurseratchett@home.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have absolutely no compassion, understanding, or caring left for the whiners of the world. As an ER nurse, i have been whined at by the best.

[Merely by the sickest.]

I told one patient that vomiting was NOT a spectator sport, so no I dont want to see but thanks for asking. Another person had been dipping in the whine cup, and chewing gum.I asked her if she was chewing it or trying to create a new life form.

[??? I don't get the humor. What happened to your bedside manner? No one asked you to become a nurse. Maybe you should find a profession more suited to your personality, like driving cabs.]

These examples prove the whining is inversely proportional to how sick one really is.

[Well, the comatose can't speak, after all.]

On a personal note, my ex told me once we both needed a wife. I considered that my blessing and his idiocy.

[What do you consider it when your patients tell you that you both need therapists?]

One Liner:
Fuck you and your little dog too, i am busy

[Damn those sick people! If it weren't for them, your job would be a breeze.]



Email : chianninny2k@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
In three words...was married twice. LOL I know as if the first time WASN'T enough ;o).

[Some people are doomed to make the same mistakes over and over again, mostly because they aren't able to accept responsibility for their actions. Marriage alone makes you no Heartless Bitch, Ninny.]

One Liner:
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?!?!?!?!

[MacGyver, with his ultra-magnifying glass.]



Email : demonica'scharlie@aol.com

UserID : notkelly

[Charlie's not Kelly? Then who is, pray tell?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I fucking hate men.

[Meanwhile your application reeks of them.]

It seems as though they are all sexist,

[Just the ones you know.]

and they expect woman to just except it, like it's natural. I get called masculine because I can drink most of the guys I know under the table, and use "fowl language".

[Like "Buck buck ba-cuck" and "Cock-a-doodle-do"?]

I am so fucking sick of getting into arguments with men about abortion.

[Then don't.]

It is so easy for a man to be pro-life.

[This could explain why you keep losing the argument.]

The other day I put this dick in his place

[Oh...I can't imagine where you'd consider a dick's place.]

when he got angry with me because I wouldn't sleep with him.

[Wait. I thought you just said you DID sleep with him.]

My reason: "how the hell am I supose to know what your motives are.

[Come now, you know what his motives are. You don't know what his MOTIONS are.]

I am NOT INTERESTED in having sex with you,

[Because of the motive thing? You use sex to get things, don't you?]

or any man tonight." He told me that I was alienating him because of his gender.

[Next on Springer: The NEW Sexual Discrimination - Women that DON'T Want to Sleep with Men Tonight, and the Men that are Suing.]

I told him, "Your fucking culture alienates me!" I slamed the door in his pathetic face. I hate, I FUCKING HATE walking down the street and having men screaming at me, and staring me down like a peice of meat.

[Oh, bullshit. You'd hate being ignored even more.]

Then they just drive off before I can humiliate them.

[You CAN'T humiliate them. You're just one of many recipients of a cat-call that day. You can't possibly think that you're the only one.]

They all deserve to be casterated.

[Casterated, the act of being doused with Castor Oil, is a fate worse than death. Maybe she meant castrated?]

They are all pigs, and I hope I am never involved with one again in my life.

[This is the part in the movie when you hear the "flash forward in time" music and see her with another guy.]

Oh, and you guys have a kick ass page! Keep up the good work. I am so glad to see women with the same veiws as me.

[Ah, two outta three ain't bad.]

Oh, and because I feel this way, a couple of guys told me that I am not "classy". What the hell is "classy" any way. I think it's just some word that men made up to "complement" submissive naive women.

[Truly, they are out to get you.]

One Liner:
You say I'm alienating you? Your fucking culture alienates me!

[This would mean more coming from someone else.]



Email : lilmissidontread@excite.com

UserID : Lucas

[Fuck of the week.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bitch because I use guys

[Go on.]

and after i make them beg for fogiveness

[Shouldn't you be apologizing for this shockingly bad (and largely untrue) application? Perhaps if you begged a bit, I'd reconsider.]

I laugh in there faces

[I mock them.]

and say NO!!! So is thats a good enough reason ?

[I'd say that's what got you here.]

One Liner:
"I may be a BITCH, but I am good at what I do."

[What would that be?]



Email : b_i_t_c_h_@2die4psychotically.com

UserID : fuckme

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

i know u..u dunno me..
ur so sweet...thats why ur fucken skum..
i'm comen after u...
guess why..

[Many empty lines later....]

I know u..u dont know me
i'm commen after u ..
guess why...

[How many do I get, and is "crazy" taken?]

One Liner:
imma fuck that thang till its time to die...for him

[Die for who? The Lord? This just gets creepier and creepier.]



Email : bigheadedgoddess@mindspring.com

URL : no!

[OKAY!]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I had a guy SO hooked on my wiles and charms,

[That's a new one.]

and TOLD him I'd break his heart in the end, since he KNEW I was married. I didn't care about the soon-to be ex-husband, I booted his ass out. (I asked him back though, just to insure a roof over my head)

[Let's shelve getting a job to support yourself for a second. Why didn't you pick a lover with a positive cashflow?]

I used the "other man" for simply Sex, ans money

[What money? You're using the ex-not ex-husband for money.]

while I was sorting out details with the now-re-united husband.

[I think I object to your rampant stupidity more than I object your thread-bare morality.]

Now I have this whiny-assed bastard that refuses to leave me be,

[Would this be the lover or the husband?]

and I am at this moment considering getting him fired from his job so he won't be able to pay his bills and have a way to e-mail OR phone me.

[Think about it, YOU have e-mail with no job.]

I KNOW this makes me evil, but does being evil incluse being a heartless bitch?

[Since you asked, no...on both counts.]

One Liner:
I don't ned a one liner, life's too short to remember something small.

[What you need is a job. There, that's short enough for even YOU to remember.]



 







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