by JadeSyren
For the Week of
July 23rd, 2000
Email : beammeup@scottie.net
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
uh, guys make me that way..and i dont let guys boss me around becuz i am IN TOTAL CONTROL
[Equation meltdown: If you're in total control, then how do guys "make" you anything?]
haha, and sometimes i'll rage for no reason, and that's why i'm
[Annoying?]
a bitch, becuase when things go wrong, BOOM, I'm bitch in2 seconds flat..
[You're an idiot instantly and incessantly. Bitch? Never.]
One Liner:
I may be a bitch but i learned it from your mama
[Anything you learned would undoubtedly be from an external source.]
Email : tauruslady0505@zodiackiller.com
UserID : cunt
[Just when you thought ladies didn't say cunt....]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I will take everything a man has, drop him and leave, and never look back.
[That is a cheap price to be rid of you.]
One Liner:
I will ripe your head off you fuckin pussy.
[In her secret garden, heads ripen on pussies. Must be a sight in bloom.]
Email : superjenius@bigfoot.com
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because I have such low esteem for everyone, just like Daria! Daria's cool. Anyway, other people are so not worth my time
[So you opened by refering to the people not worth your time.]
that I'm really quick to point out their failings and put them in their place! I have a whole bunch of people I hang out with (when my parents let me, that is), and I am their queen!
[You're definitely something.]
They all love me because, well, they don't really have a choice.
[Because your parents pay such good money? Because this is your fantasy, and we're all just starring in it?]
And they must love me because I was dating this one guy for two years, but he wouldn't come and see me every weekend (I don't care if we live at opposite ends of the country and he'd been working all week, he should be able to come and see me whenever *I* say so!)
[Yes, this sounds like love to me.]
, didn't want to have sex with me so I got really bored and started checking out his housemate, who was desperate to lose his virginity because he was 22 and still hadn't had sex.
[Out of the mouths of babes...but I'm sure that she'll just think I meant she's a "babe".]
So then me and the first guy split up and I was going out with his housemate in, like, a day!
[Because you have low standards? Or would that be the housemate?]
And now I say loads and loads of bad stuff about my ex to all his friends (who are my friends too) and they all just sorta nod and smile a bit,
[This is commonly referred to as "humoring". This occurs when one is faced with a blithering idiot and they are too polite (or fear a psychotic episode) to tell the vapid airhead to "shut the hell up".]
except this one girl who tells me to shut up any time I try to say what I think,
[Most people have a low threshold for self-centered idiocy.]
and she defends my ex for no reason. Anway, I'm so bithcy that I'm forcing her to leave our group, which means I'll be the only girl in the group and therefore I really will be their queen!
[Are you on medication? Seriously.]
I'm really popular at college too, because I'm so cool!
[Yes, and your friends simply ADORE you, which is another way for you to redefine "leaving you in droves".]
I'm taking an A-Levl in Drama,
[You've found your kingdom, dramaqueen.]
and for this one play I was playing a witch and had to act really nasty, which was really cool because I wasn't really acting when I played the part and that's probably why I got it! I think I have a really good chance of becoming an actress or singer after I go through university.
[I'm pretty sure that you'll be "acting" your whole life.]
Also, I'm really into heavy music! I wear spiked collars and bracelets, and loads of black eyeliner and lipstick, and I listen to Kittie and the Manic Street Preachers, and anyone who tells me they aren't real heavy music is a blatant fool!
[What are we? Girlfriends? Why is all this shit necessary to prove you're a Heartless Bitch?]
I had an argument with this guy recently about Metallica, he said that if I was really into heavy music I should like them but I think Metallica are crap. I haven't listened yo anything of theirs
[Attagirl! Have an opinion without facts.]
but they sued Napster so their blatantly just in it for the money and thwey must be really, really crap!
[Name me a musician on a record label and I'll show you someone "in it for the money".]
Then that girl I mentioned before told me to shut up and asked me if I knew who Tura Satana were, and I said I didn't and then she said that Kittie sounded just like them, and that if Kittie hadn't gotten all the media coverage that they have I wouldn't have even heard of them, much less liked them, and then she said I was just being "fashionable" by dressing like I was, and that when Kittie stop getting media coverage I'd move on to the next trend.
[I'm starting to REALLY like your friend. She should apply, although I question her judgment in friends. Perhaps she just finds you amusing.]
Then she had the nerve to call me an "unoriginal, no-personality clone"! She's a really annoying bitch. But I didn't pay attention to anything she said because I'M SUCH A HEATLESS BITCH!!!
[Indeed, you're tepid at best.]
And anyway, she's just jealous because my breasts are bigger than hers
[That's GOT to be the reason she finds fault in you.]
will ever be, and all out friends madfe a really big fuss over me on my birthdaty and got drunk and stuff, but they didn't do anything for hers, so they blatantly like me better!
[Couldn't be that they found an excuse to get sloppy drunk, right? I'm sure she's "crying in her beer" that you got the breasts AND the frat-boys. Great litmus test you've got.]
So, in conclusion, you have to let me in, because I'm a super-cool bitch!!!
[You're just another ordinary teen. The answer is a blatant no.]
One Liner:
No breasts are greater than my own! My name is Polly-sama and you will worship me as your god Atashi wa mimizu desu! Atashi wa megamisama desu! and no-one else. Ya got that right.
[Look! It's Boob-zilla! Run!]
Email : bitch@you'rekidding.com
UserID : innocent
[My ass.]
URL : whats a url
[For some, playing dumb comes naturally.]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i am really bitchie to amnyone who getys in my way. i dont take any crap and anyone who starts on me regrets it, i stand upfor what i beleieve in and im very very strong minded. and i cant believe some of thie shit peope try andf give me.
[Would you believe that this is someone that speaks English as her first language?]
One Liner:
fuck umotherfucker i am the fucking queen of bitch and if u dont like it fuck OFF
[She submitted the same uncorrected application again because she thought of a better one liner.]
One Liner:
So you like it wet and sexy? Well sit in a puddle and jerk off, coz you sure as fuck ain't getting nothing out of me!
[What astounding wit! My sides are a-killin' me.]
Email : lull-a@aol.com
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because every single guy that has ever come close to liking me as anything more than a friend (other than the ones I am interesting in), has ended up with a broken heart. I pretend I like them until they are truely convinced and get the guts to ask me out, which is where I heartlessly bitch at them and then go on to cut off all contact from them and spread merciless rumors about them for making the simple mistake of liking me. I always know what I want, and have never failed to get it, so don't stand in my way.
[Failing to follow her instructions would cause her to befriend you. A fate worse than death.]
One Liner:
Evil shouldn't look this damn good.
[Dumb comes in a pretty package too.]
Email : spittle@aol.com
UserID : drooley01
[No, I didn't alter that ID.]
Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a bitch. I will stop at nothing to get what I want. I set my goals and achieve them. I have standards.
[We all have standards, it's just that yours are depressingly low and therefore easy to achieve.]
One Liner:
I'm a bitch.
[And I'm the Queen of Disneyland.]
Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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