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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren

For the Week of July 16th, 2000

Email : verry_kunfused@zd.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love men, hate men, adore men, despise men, idolize men, and detest men.

[Can you submit something that doesn't have men as the center, the totality, of your world?]

And still am a well balanced woman.

[Some people call that indecision.]

One Liner:
You're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

[Look at the bright side. They're hiring! Take this application as your resume.]



Email : agony@netscape.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I wanna give a tight BITCH slap

[Tight?]

to the majority degenerate male race that has contaminated our beautiful MOTHER earth

[And it's simply a-ok to reap the benefits of contamination so long as you complain about it.]

, weak , naive girls who can't tell da

[I roll my eyes heaven-ward, fully aware that there is no help from that region.]

difference between self-respect and self-submission..to the former

[Word to your mother, peace out!]

..and I am believe that we'd better do something really fast b4 these ppl rule

[And break your secret code!]

the world and our poor sisters become Britney Spear lookalikes and wannabes.

[The price of freedom is that some people will inevitably do things you simply can't stand.]

One Liner:
I am 32 Flavors of everything female and no one ... can

[No one...can like you? No one can...understand the dramatic pause you've supplied?]

lick me.

[This was my next guess.]



[The Boring and Deranged.]

Email : cjcj@cah-ray-say.com

UserID : pussy

[Self-loathing.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I make the nigga eat the pussy while it is wet and sticky, shit and he thought he was gonna get some. Nigga please ....... get on yo' fuckin' knees and "lick."

[Never "chew".]

One Liner:
put it in yo' mouth in yo' motherfuckin' mouth

[Thanks for stopping by, cj. You make stupid look treatable.]



Email : tockhead@earthlink.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
My brain is bigger than both of yours put together.

One Liner:
My brain is bigger than both of yours put together.

[When did I get two brains?]



Email : crybaby@printwebcorp.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have my eyes open as I go through life so that I may see things/people as they are and not as the media or crowd mentality presents them. I am on a mission to improve myself and grow intellectually and spiritually without becoming boring or judgmental.

[Interesting how being boring is the worst thing she thinks she could be.]

One Liner:
If a man asks monogamy of me, I ask him NOT to go to strip clubs. I'm supposed to sit there

[Who invited you? Do you work there?]

and "behave" while some naked 18-year-old stripper is rubbing her nakedness in his face???

[Nakedness? That's an interesting euphemism for pussy.]

I THINK NOT.

[We know. We know.]



Email : dimwitgirlie@juno.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i can be if I want to. I f you all don't like the fact that my email is from hotmail then to bad.

[But it's from juno.]

You come pay for it.

[Better idea: you don't gain entry.]

Men are lazy nincompoops that do nothing & I tell them every chance I get.

[Who are you kidding? You're not a conversation piece.]

I also hate it when they want your body, but decline because you are assertive or sarcastically perverted.

[They decline because you're more crazy than they are used to.]

One Liner:
Keep it in or i'll bite the damn thing off

[This sentiment doesn't help either.]



Email : dumbandstupid@home

[Yes, she's just HOME. No dot com. No dot net. Just HOME. Because that's where she lives.]

URL : uh dont know/

[This is the BEST sign that you don't have one.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i always have something smart to say.

[Perfect.]

i tell it like it is and i dont five a fuck.

[No. Never five a fuck. Four to a fuck.]

some guys are bitches so i only like them for dick.so dont piss me off!!!!!!!i give big props to other bitches cuz we on top of da world

[You're just on top of dick. There's more to the world than a penis.]

One Liner:
i dont give a fuck.so kiss my ass.nice ass tough dont pass it up!!

[You and cj should get together and form a band.]



Email : doesn'tread@angelfire.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch: I every guy that fucked with me i kicked his ass

[His ass? Why did you use 'every' to describe ONE encounter?]

and I take shit from NO1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

[No one? You're talking about that guy again. You've got a one-track mind.]

One Liner:
Anyone that fucks with me has gotta a date with the devil!!

[It's sure to be a slice of hell at any rate.]



Email : freakonaleash@whatever.uk

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
"i am Jonathan Davis and marilyn manson's love child and if that dont make me cool, cruel and heartless enough i know of some shit hot surefire ways to kill all bimbo trendies...!"

[Ironic. Tell me, Freak, did you ever consider that being a Manson fan is a trend?]

One Liner:
just remember when you think you're free the crack inside your fucking heart is me.

[My ass wants to laugh.]



Email : anashole@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
the asholes in this world think they can run my life and get away with it.

[Wait until you get a job.]

One Liner:
why yes, I AM a castrating bitch and i'd emasculate if you had anything i could chop off.

[You could start with your fingers. This way, all your silly thoughts could stay safely inside your head.]



Email : nutball@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I get what i want, when i want it because i want it. Thats the way it is and no one will stop me, not even those lil pussy ass little girls with the big tits and perfect bodys.

[Obsess much?]

One Liner:
I what i want, when i want it, who cares what u say.

[The AOL profile.]

Member Name: [the moron]~The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

[She's ripe for a killing spree.]

Location: George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.If you are feeling unsuccessful just think about this: eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Sex: Female
Marital Status: i am 14 and i am mei, k?
Hobbies: Life is too important to be taken seriously~No guy is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make ya cry~Drive like its ur first time, make love like its ur last time~
Computers: It takes a minute to like someone,and hour to love someone,but to forget someone takes a life time~
Occupation: Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring~Life's a journey not a destination
Personal Quote: If all my friends were to jump off a bridge I would not follow I would be at the bottom to catch them when they fall~U don't stop laughing because u grow old;u grow old because u stop laughing.~Make him beg~

[Everything SHE ever needed to know is still locked safely away in a book somewhere.]



Email : filingexempt@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I don't feel like answering this stupid question.

[And I don't feel like accepting this stupid application.]

One Liner:
Oh, go die in a fire already.

[Funny that you mention "fire"....]



Email : dizzy@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
If I wasn't, then how could i look at myself in the mirror each day?

[You got me, Diz. Maybe it's because ya got eyes?]

One Liner:
"Better to think stupid and sit silent then to speak and forever remove all doubt."

[That is a one liner you should engrave on every surface in your room. Start with your all-important mirror.]



Email : assholio@biteme.com

[You know this isn't a real address.]

UserID : fuck you a

[I hate cliffhangers.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
You people are fucked up, be nice,

[Being nice because YOU say so would be fucked up.]

stop whining and being assholes to everyone,

[Assholes to everyone? Who's in MY mailbox, telling me how to live? Assholio, consider yourself aptly named.]

and you might actually meet some decent people instead of whiners and dickheads.

[If all we wanted to do is meet nice people and be (artifically, I might add) nice to everyone, we'd be assholios too. Tell me, don't you ever wish your life was more than what other people think of you? Frankly, I can't imagine a more hellish experience, unless it's dating that angelfire.com chick.]

One Liner:
Go fuck your goddamn dog you fuckin piece of shit whore

[Looks like his civility just ran out.]

[Let's hear from his sidekick, the amazing Wilhelmina.]

Email : Wilhelmina@airmail.net

UserID : Dumbitch

URL : www.getadamnclue.com/dumbass

[This application is gives nosedive a new name.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I like watching people hang themselves; I always am willing to supply the rope.

[How thoughtful. I didn't get anything from...er for you.]

I also enjoy watching idiot, puddinghead women

[Much in common. I enjoy watching idiot, puddinghead women too. They come here quite often.]

attempt to be men, when they damn well know they cannot.

[Bleah, the last thing we'd want to be is a man. Of course, you'd have to do all that unpleasant thinking to get past your outdated gender roles to see that.]

The fact is, most women would be content to be women, unfortunately they fall prey to some feminist fad and pretend to be men.

[Even worse. They miss the point by such great measure that it's almost painful to watch them flounder in an explanation of their conclusions.]

I would suggest to you so-called "bitches in control" to get off you fat, lazy asses and go get a job

[We heartily recommend job-getting to every able-bodied person. Horrors, not only do you think we're pretending to be men, but now we're sleeping on the couch, unemployed sponges of men. Bums.]

and quit using some weak, emotionally emmasculated man as a sugar daddy...honey, that is not being a bitch, but it IS being a whore.

[Now you're confused. Are we men or whores?]

Bugger off and go piss up a rope. Cheers

[Dynamite closing argument!]

One Liner:
What? did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

[I'm not the one with the bug up her ass, Wilhelmina.]



[In the tradition of saving the "best" for last:

When Good HTML Goes Bad.

(this page was SO stinky, so horrifying, that we had to quarantine it.)]






 







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