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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of June 24th, 2000

Name: ambah [°sessy package°]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Hi my name is Amber I am a sixteen year old heartless bitch.
I'm 5'9", slender, long blonde hair, and green eyes. Obviously, I am vewy attwatctiff.

[Very At-twat-tive.]

I like to have sex with guys, and then just treat them like they would treat me. (Surrrre I'll call you tomorrow! Righhttt.....)
I think I have all the makings of a heartless bitch. I'm not a psychopath or anything, but I am what people call eccentric; or, what you people would call "a heartless bitch".

[Not as yet. Why are you a Heartless Bitch? Surely it's not because you sleep around.]

I used to be a cheerleader, but I just quit because I don't fit in with all the chubby ditzes who are the majority of the cheerleading squad.
I really like talking to people on the computer, which of course involves arguing with people, and I like coming up with weird insults. Insults that aren't really serious -- just bizarre. I am usually pretty good at this.
I like to chat on icq, the palace, furcadia, irc, and yahoo.

[Chat maven, sure. Heartless Bitch? No.]

I really do like to have cybersex as well as real sex (which, lets be honest, is not often enough for any of us). You can pick them up anywhere and they don't usually care if you never want to hear from them again.

[Guys, need a woman that won't tie you down with details? Need a Booty Call, but you just don't have the Booty to call? Dial 1-900-A-TWAT-TIVE to talk to Miss Sessy Package.
Now available on the internet at every chatline.]


I like all kinds of music except stuff like korn and metallicca, which severly get on my nerves. For a long time I tried to like metallicca and stuff because like EVERYONE else at my school likes them, but they just annoy me! And now I say 'fuck you' to people who are like "you don't like korn/metallicca/icp/limpbizket? what is up with that'? and stomp off.

[Your musical tastes are even less interesting.]

I am also what is called a wiccan, and I like to wear my pentagram to school, it

[It's a phase, you'll outgrow this.]

like freaks some of the preppier people out. (the ones that have crushes on like n-sync, and go to church every sunday and stuff. like ugh)
I believe in the goddess, and worship her every full moon with my wiccan buddies. I know she is looking down on me

[We ALL are.]

(from the moon, or venus, or whatever) and is praising me, because the goddess is a bitch too! And I am a goddess.

[Nothing is scarier than angst-ridden teens that have seen The Craft all too often.]

I am not very good at school and don't get very good grades,

[You don't say?]

but I AM reallly witty, and I think that means intelligent.

[Wit DOES take a smidgen of intelligence. Dazzle me with your wit, and not your lack of astronomical skills. No, Ambah, Astrology is the Zodiac. Astronomy is knowing where the moon, or Venus IS.]

I am intelligent, I just don't like to like bother with my boring work. On the last day of middle school, I told my math teacher (who was a prick) to fuck off.

[That's your idea of wit?]

Funnily enough they came to teach math at my highschool last year, I think he's stalking me in school like, muahaha lmao. No but seriously he always tries to get me in trouble, and he caught me running in the hall after my friend the other day and I got detention, is that too fucking sad?! What a motherfucking asshole piece of monkey shit.

[Your wit is astounding. You should thank all your lucky stars (those shiny, stationary objects in the night sky) that I can't give you detention.]

Anyway I told him, in front of everyone including three other teachers and the principle and his whole math class that he needed to get over his fucking grudge on me and stop acting like such a jerk. I don't think it was inappropriate at all, and well deserved. What do you like thinks?

[I, like, thinks that you should go to as much school as you can, and twice on Sunday. I also, like, thinks you got more detention and a parent conference.]

Well that is just a minor example of my bitchiness. I don't feel like going on and on. Well I can't wait to get an email from you, I hope I get accepted. The goddess will make sure you accept me! Praise her.

[Sorry, dear. I just got a call from the Moon, or Venus, or where ever. It was bad news.]

See you latersh!!!!!!!!!! *poofies i go bye-bye 4now* =)

[More magic incantations?]

P.S.! That no web based email thing is really fucking annoying.

[You get points for reading that. Most of the people that make it this far never have.]

I share a computer with my family, and my mom and dad have the main email, for which I don't have the password. What do you expect me to do, go buy another fucking computer just so I can be a certified heartless bitch?

[I expect you to ask them to set up your own mail account. Or, horrors, get a job and get your OWN ISP.]

Tchea! Right! My email is sessywitch@hotmail.com.

[Of course.]

OK? Bye... GOD, like..

[Shouldn't that be GODDESS?]

One Liner:
A snarl, a sneer, a whip that stings. These are a few of my favorite thingss.....

[I prefer a wit that stings, but that's just me.]



Email : onlyat@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Sorry I don't know HTML.

[And I am grateful that so many of you don't. I couldn't take another marquee.]

I am a heartless bitch because I just totally ditched my exboyfriend. He thought flowers were good enough for our 4 year anniversary. I don't think SO!!! Yeah, that is what makes me a heartless bitch.

[What did you expect, ingrate?]

One Liner:
I'm not wrapping paper, you can't use me and then throw me away.

[But I can reject you, over and over again.]



Email : minddevour@mail.gcsu.edu

UserID : craton

[That's cretin.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I was born that way. Would you like to see my long list of references to the fact?

[Most people just use a birth certificate. It does the same thing, and those people don't have to get annoying phonecalls.]

One Liner:
Women who think that someday their prince will come are oneI don't taco and an order of refried beans short of a full combo platter.

[Reading a one liner shouldn't be this hard.]



Email : www.jackie@freemail.com

[Got a little confused between her URL, which she doesn't have and her e-mail address.]

UserID : robert

[But she remembered to list her boyfriend in the credits.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

One Liner:

[Got a lot on your mind?]



Email : sukyesyoudo@aol.com

UserID : pimps

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

One Liner:
u aint no fun if the homies cant have none

[Consider us the least fun women you'll ever encounter.]



Email : KittenherIMsrunnethover@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I can't stand whiners. I post to a message board on AOL with a whiner..I found out a guy she liked online and took him...hehe.

[You and about 50 other women. Taking an online relationship is not a feather in your cap, Kitty.]

I hate angel sites and these friendship things make me gag.

[I hate lame applicants.]

One Liner:
Who the hell are these people and why are they in MY world?

[Don't you think that if it were really YOUR world, you'd have more control?]



Email : ScoobyDivine@bigassweb.com

UserID : criminal

[What's the connection?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because I hate men, women, small children, and the cute fuzzy animals at the zoo. Die fuking die!!!

[How in hell do you misspell FUCK?]

I am tired of being dumped by guys that I am 10 times better than,

[Stop dating them. Try and date guys that are your equal, so when they dump you, it won't feel like you were doing them some big favor.]

and that suck in bed.

[How would you find this out before you date them?]

I will have sex with who I want to, when I want to. I don't care if it fucks with his mind he probably deserves it anyways.

[The head you're fucking with is yours.]

One Liner:
I refuse to be burned by a man who can't fuck his way out of a wet paper bag.

[You mean, "anymore", don't you?]



Email : neptune@chiapet.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't know that I would call myself a Heartless Bitch....well ok, yeah I would. I am not here to bitch about men by any means,

[So far, you've given no signs whatsoever of a decision. Why ARE you here?]

I love them to death. But I refuse to take all the crap and nonsence that always seems to accompany them. I don't like dealing with the "me" attitude in any way shape or form. I am the type of woman who will sometimes cater to my man but that is only when he is being a man.

[Would that be when he beats you, or just demands that you fetch him a beer?]

I don't show alot of sympathy when they have had a shitty day a work becaue nine times out of ten they damn sure don't want to here about your day. I don't want to hear about how they hate working on the damn car when they are the one that bought the piece of crap in the first place.

[And probably with your money.]

It makes no sence to me why they have to be suck babies in some areas of their lives and such hard asses in others.

[Think it makes sense to cater to them?]

Like I said I love them to death but I guess their are some things that we could do without.

[Like this application?]

One Liner:

I have been changed in by men in the past....never again.

[Unless they are acting like "men", right?]



Email : gbghetto@cheapservice.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
iuoliiiiiiij;kk;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;lkjj;lk;kl;kl

One Liner:
lk;;;klkljjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

[Looks like his "Talk 2 Type" is on the fritz.]



Name: line

Email : line@addy.com

UserID : line

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

i m stupid
i have not a boyfriend
i m really deseperate
One Liner:
line

[Poetry, pure and simple.]



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