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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of Aug 24th, 1998

Name: Dee

Email : (yetanotherloser)@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't listen or care about ANY of my friends. They are just my "people". You know the people that I hang out with so Im not alone. I also am backstabbing the only real friend that I have had . Oh, well. I don't care!

[Oh great. Another "senseless bitch" asshole. The door is on the left.]

One Liner:
You can't be one of us, but they are looking for spares down the road!

Name: Jeni

Email : someplace in oz

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate all men. Men have treated me like shit all my life and now im going to get my own back.

[You know what they say... you get what you expect...]

im a heartless bitch because i dont give a stuff if men and their problems, only what they can do for me.

[You also don't appear to "give a stuff" about grammar, comprehensibility, or forming a coherent sentence. Perhaps this is at the root of your problem with men?]

One Liner:
i have 3 points for all men. 1) God was a Woman 2) Eve was created before Adam and 3) God always regretted making a man

[Huh? I wonder how she ever managed to learn how to use a computer...]

Name: Jenny B.

Email : anotherfakename@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have a heart that is hurt by alot of people like boys.

["like boys?" but what are they REALLY?]

I dont like boys because they try and kiss me when i dont like that to be kissed.

[a swift knee to the groin would solve THAT problem]

I have curl long brown hair and blue eyes.
I tell boys to leave me alone and they dont leave me alone sometimes.

[and other times?]

I want a new boyfriend.

[I have an idea, how about a new brain instead?]

Do you have a boyfriend that is bored and lives in Virginia?
I would like to met you.

Hihihi
I think I will never had a bofrieed again.

[nor a spell-checker]

By The wa, what is HTML?

One Liner:
I am sick of boys!

[ I am sick of people refusing to take their medication... ]

Name: Katja

Email : pompoustwit@someinstitution.edu

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Why the hell should I tell you? It should be your intuition on who's a bitch and who's not.

[My intuition tells me you are an idiot.
I'd tell you not to let the door hit you on the way out, but you didn't even make it past the threshold...]

One Liner:
What the f*** do you want?

[oooooh. ORIGINAL. and without the guts to spell FUCK. <shakes head>]

Name: Lea

Email : GiggleGal@somelamesite.com

UserID : DitzE

[Oh great. What a classic combination of userid and email address. The clue phone is ringing off the hook...]

URL : Not yet..

[God help us all if she ever gets one...]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
*Um Sorry I have no beging Clue to html Sorry So I guess I just Mad your Job a little Harder! *

Alrighty I am a Heartless Bitch For Very Simple Reasons. I can't stand Kenny G Nor Michal Bolton I don't Care That I can't spell.

[Sorry sweetie, but "willful ignorance" is not on the checklist for "Heartless Bitch". It IS however, on the checklist for "stupid bitch". I'm sure there MUST be a site for that somewhere on the net...]

I see something I want I get it

[or have a tantrum until someone gives it to me]

No Matter What The cost... Or who I disturb. I need what I want and Got to have it then and there! Men well Gotta love most of them for well simple reasons and well while we are at it.... I am one lucky one I got a great one.. But.. He knows who' Boss I invite you to ask him yourself Welp..

I know I sound Lame But Hey i am me I ain't changing! (o; TTFN

[yep. You do. So why did you bother applying?]

One Liner:
Gotta Have Gonna Get it.. Stand Back.. And Give it to me!!!

[a verbal smack upside the head is all you are going to get from THIS bitch...]

Name: 'Manda

Email : someone@prolog.net

UserID : HB4life

[in your dreams...]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because I laugh at my mom when she cries at sappy movies!
Also because I slapped a friend I invited to my party across the face for being a bitch to my mom, and then dissing me infront of my friends ! And other reason why I'ma Heartless Bitch is because I nicknamed a girl Miss Teen Prude USA, for complaining that she's never kissed a guy before!

One Liner:
Why couldn't your parents use birth control?!

[Yet another teeny-bopper who mistakenly thinks "Heartless Bitch" means "be a JERK" - sorry sweetie, that's "Senseless Bitch". Come back when you have matured and understand what the site is REALLY about...]

Name: Rebecca

Email : blahblahblah

UserID : sexxyred

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
having control over myself isn't nearly as much fun as having control over somebody else!

[Oh boy. Another candidate for "Manipulative Bitches from Hell". Sorry Wrong number.]

One Liner:
Who can I blame for my problems? Give me one minute I will find someone.

[Definitely unclear on the concept...]

Name: Pandora

Email : *****

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I do not put up with my friend's "drama"...
[ oh my, the double standard! But it's OK for you to disgorge your own sordid tale...]

Everyone I know is either whining about not having a man, having the WRONG man, or trying to get rid of a man. I have only one answer for this: "Enough of this-Let's talk about me!!!" [Must we?] If I hear one more comment on women I know or men I know whining about LOVE--I will have to grab my war hammer and thwap them on the skull --- This is what I did to my boyfriends car when I found him in bed with my maid...Two weeks before the wedding...He was also wearing my mother's lingerie...I came in and saw this three hundred pound woman in bondage gear and my future husband in a pair of maribou pumps...Needless to say, I threw all of his stuff out the second story window of our home overlooking the pool...Have you ever seen a wingback chair float? I have. I think this is enough for you for this time..
Love and smootchies,
Pandora;)

[Yes Pandora, I think we've heard quite enough. Thank-you for playing... we have some lovely parting gifts for you...
Why is it so many women think that their ability to pick and then dump LOSERS somehow qualifies them as a Heartless Bitch? All it means is that they have incredibly bad judgement.]

(for the week of June 22nd, 1998)

Name: Alona

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I do anything I want to, by my own rules. I fancy myself a writer and in the

[Funny, the writers I know have a better grasp of English.]

name of a story I have taken on rik such a hitchiking through central america alone, stripping, and (gasp) prostitution. I expre myself and do things the way I want to, getting only more empowered , never victimized. I get stronger and fiercer with every obstacle that come my way

[Well now, call me Jaded, but this doesn't convince me. Let's peek at her profile, shall we?]

Member Name:	Alona
Location:	San Francisco
Birthdate:	02-28-78

[Hmm. It could be me, but I have a hard time believing that she's had time enough to do all the things she's claimed, being only 20 and all. It's possible, but my feelings tend toward the unlikely side of the coin on this one.]
Sex:	Female
Marital Status:	marriage is evil
Hobbies:	snoboarding, travelling, dancing, writing, pot
[Now we know why she hitched through Central America, don't we?]

Occupation:	crazy

[Now you're preaching to the choir, Alona.]

Personal Quote:	life is short, i need a coktail

[Correction, WE need a cocktail. I often find myself needing a stiff drink (or wiping the drink from my monitor) while reading these.]

Name: Beth

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I don't have to explain myself to you and i don't need your post card to prove anything.

[I wish I had a nickel for every "I'm too bitchy to explain why I'm bitchy...now do I get in? The answer is a sarcastic, "Do you get IT?" and a resounding "No...FUCK no. We're too bitchy to send you a post card, so THERE." Never one-up a Bitch.]

Name: Erin

UserID : hooker

[Uh-oh. I smell trouble. This lame ID alone merits Jade's Clang Pan (named for the sound it makes when you drop a lame application in there. *clang*]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I am naturally a heart less bitch. A lot of people and the hypocrytical things they can do sure pisses me off. I could give you reasons, but being the heartless bitch I am, I don't feel I need to exactly explain to you why I am a bitch. I guess it is in my gene pool, okay

[Meaning: I am too lazy and lack the creativity or the ability to express myself verbally. I will attempt to cover my ignorance with false bravado. I hope that you will see that as bitchy. (We won't.)]

One Liner:
I am not a BiTch, I am ThEE Bitch

[The next time you alternate the caps lock, try to spell THE correctly. You also left out about half of this one-liner. (muttering) If I only had a nickel for every time I heard THAT one...]

[This is the only application of this type that I'll include in the Weak of the Weak. We get this kind of thing quite often, but I'll only spotlight it this once.]

Name: FUCK OFF

Email : fucku@aol.com

UserID : Up yours

URL : like I'd give it to you!

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

If I saw any of you so-called "bitches" anywhere in the REAL world (you know, outside..away from your computer!)

[As if we need directions on how to find the REAL world.]

I'd like to see how bitchy you really are.

[No, you don't. Really. Consider this fair warning.]

It's so easy to act "hard" when you are staring at a screen. I don't feel sorry for any of you, anyway

[That's great since we find pity revolting, for the most part. Hmm. I don't remember seeing a request for pity on the site.]

You sound like a bunch of ugly losers!

[Ooh, OW! Gosh, that hurt. You...you pegged us alright. Aigh! We're all a bunch of FAT (one you missed), UGLY (one you remembered), LESBIAN (yet another you missed), LOSERS. This one really stung. I'm seeing the light as we speak. Supreme Bitch, tear UP my card as I am rescinding my membership because FUCK OFF thinks we're ugly losers.]

One Liner:
Get off the rag already!

[Damn, FUCK OFF is psychic. Yet another scathing retort, that cuts me to the quick. I'm bitchy because I'm bleeding? Why did I never make this connection? FUCK OFF, try using Julie's Hate Mail next time. You'll get the appropriate response.]

Name: Gretha

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I fuck the lover of my best friend, and she is also my sister. But i don't give a damn! I get what I want and I realy enjoy it!

[You fucked the lover of your best friend, who is your sister? You slept with your sister? Euuuw.]

I have a lot of self esteem and I don't have a relationship becuase i don't want to sacrifice anything (especially not my personal growth, that is sacred to me) I take fully responsibiliti for my actions and behavior and I'm VERY HAPPY!!

[Would that you would take full responsibility for your spelling.]

Name: IDA J

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

its my life and i have no time for loosers.and as we all know

[You skipped a lot of typing and English classes, didn't you?]

thats the majority of the worlds population.oh

[Yourself included.]

yeah monica lewinski sucks and she is a whimp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[There were so many unnecessary exclamation points here that my automatic checker just ignored them. It's only got about five underlined in red. Now, just who is Monica Lewinski? Why is she in this application? Why did you think it was BitchWorthy to include her here?]

One Liner: CAUTION CAN GO FROM ZERO TO BITCH IN 2.5

[2.5 WHAT? Seconds? Years? Lifetimes...that's my guess.]

Name: Jeroen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I'm a man hahahahaha you loosers

[Tell me again...how is the joke on us?]

One Liner:
Heartless Bitches go to Mars!!!

[Is this a headline or just wishful thinking? I swear, I wish people would make these attempts at insults a little interesting.]

Name: Lydia

Email : (reallyfunnynamehere)@hotmial.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I am a heartless bitch becuase I hate stupid men, with stupid pick-up lines. They bug the hell out of me. It makes me wish I had something stronger than mase

[I prefer a very sharp tongue to maCe any day of the week when dealing with the very stupid. Do you prefer your mace in liquid or solid form? I prefer solid...with big spikes and a chain, although I believe that's a Morning Star, not a Mace.]

to ward them off. I think that all men should be castrated and the sperm should be extracted from them. That way they would be completley useless, instead of

[This is just too funny. Lydia, think but a moment, why do we need men for procreation when we could just clone ourSELVES? When you're a lack-wit, Lydia, you need a back-up plan. Find a back-up Plan, Lydia. Rent your brain out as a speed bump or something.]

just utterly useless... i also think they should be chained and locked in a cave.

[Why keep them around at all? Think about what you're saying, Lydia. It's very simple-minded. I recommend that you try READING the site, and taking notes next time.]

I AM a heartless bitch becuase I have beaten and mased over 10 men trying to pick up on me...

[You know, all this time I assumed that 'mase' was Lydia's was of misspelling mace, when it could be a misspelling of "Amused". Think about it.]

One Liner:
If i had a dollar for every man I "mase" I would be a millionair by next tuesday.

[You'd have over $10. Hardly a million.]

Name: Maggie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

"I'm a Heartless Bitch because - Beautiful, Intelegent, Tallented, Charming & Horney

[Did I miss a keychain de-briefing somewhere? How many of these am I going to have to endure?]

- No one is going to run my life but myself it's been done before and it taught me to become a bitch."

[A bore...it taught you to become a bore.]

One Liner: "I'm a bitch because I'm B eautiful, I ntelegent, T alented, C harming & H orney"

[It's hard to stifle the laughter when someone misspells Intelligent twice. Not one of you could think of a BETTER descriptive word beginning with H? Better I Talk Correction Heartily. Being Intelligent Takes Cunning, Hoss. But I'm Taking Charge Here.]

Name: Marlene

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

Note to Registrar: I am in here now only to change my one liner which I entered about 15 minutes ago...please see below new one liner that I would like better.

[I can barely contain my excitement over the NEW one-liner.]

One Liner:
I'll take a man with more hair on his ass than his head ANY day of the week!

[What does THIS mean? I prefer a man with a hairy ass? Step aside, Fabio...tap the Wolfman on the shoulder for me, would ya? I just don't get it. She changed her one liner from this:

I am stone sick of the psychic vampires walking among us who, because they have no energy or power of their own, go about trying to suck the life out of those of us who do.

--I would have kept the original.]

Name: Michael

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I am ok! Deal with it. I am sick and tired of cute people, sweet people, so called goodlooking people, row upon row of boring faced, type No.II breast implant, bleach blonde airheads, with all the wit charm and sofistication of a chiuwawa thats been run over by a mac truck.

[Aside from the horrible spelling, this one was almost considered seriously. Until...]

Give me a dark haired, floppy tited, jersey wearing, book reading HEARTLESS BITCH anyday,

[I smell a rat that lives in polarized generalities. No big loss, he sounds largely uneducated and I get tired of deciphering babble.]

the kind that, if she does not like me around, tells me to fuck off, and if I say something that she disawgree's with tells me its bullshit, the kind of people I like are Big boot wearin ball bustin, no shit, to the point, know what they want individuals, and if you dont want me to join, well I'll just have to apply again, and express myself, a little beter, and if that doesnt work then its time for the electric cattle prods!

[I don't think he was ready to be publicly mocked. I wonder what THAT will merit. Will we go directly to the cattle prods?]

One Liner:
I'm not sorry I was rude, I am sorry however that I did not make myself more clear, fuck off before I fuck you off then fuck you up.

[Fuck me off?]

Name: Missie

I don't really know if I am a heartless bitch. I mean I have an boyfriend AAAH!!! Is that the awful word?

[Let me put it this way. You don't get it. Oh, and AN is used when the following word begins with a vowel.]

Let me put it like this -- I am myself. I am my own person. I may be in love, but he doesn't control me, just as i don't control him. We have seperate lives, and seperate interests. I don't give a fuck what other people think of me. If ya don't like me, don't talk to me!

[Being in love and under someone's control are not states of being that go hand in hand. You shouldn't have to spell that one out. Reapply when you get a clue, and after you really read the site.]

One Liner:
I may be a bitch, but your talking to me.

[Bitch isn't an insult, twit. And it's "YOU'RE"]

Name: Omarie

[What a cool name...Omarie. Ovarie. I could live with that.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I say so.
And don't try to contradict me. I know
who and what I am.
No, you can't come over and bitch at me
'cause it's useless. I'm queen bitch at
MY house. Notice it's not OUR house, mister.
Mine. All mine.
I might let you in if you can keep your
ugly attitude in your pants and take
it back home with you when you leave.
Yes, I'm a heartless bitch. That's me.
So what?

[As free style poetry, I give it a 5. The content is confused and trifling. Why let him in with a concealed ugly attitude at all? The writer appears totally confused about the whole "Bitch" issue as well.]

Name: Pauline

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I am a heartless bitch because I do not put up with anyone's crap. I can understand people who are just inately stupid, but those of our race who simply thrive on being bitches will suck my hairy poontang.

[Tell me why it is that you pride yourself on being a Bitch, then tell us that bitches (of our race, *chortle*) can suck your poontang? Your pick-up lines need work, M'dear.]

One Liner:
I hate dick heads, but all they need is a good fisting to explode and be rid of.

[You can't fit a fist in a dick head.]

Name: sarah

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

Re your Heartless Bitch Hall of Fame, what about Dorothy Parker?

[She's there, oh clueless one. Read the site again. Bitches always doublecheck before they speak. Consider this application denied, try again.]

Now in my opinion which is worth plenty because I am myself a heartless bitch and therefore my opinion counts,

[Think so?]

she was a Heartless Bitch before her time. Consider this for the 1930's/ 40's

[Do some research. There were Heartless Bitches in the world before the 1900's, Sarah.]

"If I had a shiny gun,/ I could have a world of fun/ speeding bullets through the brains/ of the folk who give me pains;/... Ypour challenge - locate and recite the rest of the poem. Cheers - I love the site -anore

[Look who's giving challenges. I love it. I have a challenge for you. Make an application that's BitchWorthy. Note: MY opinion DOES count.]

One Liner:
"cogito ego femina"

[This sentiment stinks in any language.]


Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1998, All Rights Reserved

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