Latest: May 12, 2002

Previous 'Issues':

2002
December 23, 2001
December 16, 2001
December 9, 2001
December 2, 2001
November 25, 2001
November 18, 2001
November 11, 2001
November 4, 2001
October 28, 2001
October 21, 2001
October 14, 2001
October 7, 2001
September 30, 2001
September 23, 2001
September 16, 2001
September 9, 2001
August 19, 2001
August 12, 2001
August 5, 2001
July 29, 2001
July 22, 2001
July 15, 2001
July 8, 2001
July 1, 2001
June 24, 2001
June 17, 2001
June 10, 2001
June 3, 2001
May 27, 2001
May 20, 2001
May 13, 2001
May 6, 2001
April 29, 2001
April 22, 2001
April 15, 2001
April 4, 2001
March 31, 2001
March 25, 2001
March 18, 2001
March 11, 2001
March 4, 2001
February 25, 2001
February 18, 2001
February 11, 2001
February 4, 2001
January 28, 2001
January 22, 2001
January 12, 2001
January 7, 2001
January 5, 2001
December 30, 2001
December 23, 2000
December 10, 2000
December 3, 2000
November 26, 2000
November 19, 2000
November 12, 2000
November 5, 2000
October 29, 2000
October 22, 2000
October 15, 2000
October 8, 2000
October 1, 2000
September 24, 2000
September 17, 2000
September 9, 2000
September 2, 2000
August 27, 2000
August 20, 2000
August 12, 2000
August 6, 2000
July 30, 2000
July 23, 2000
July 16, 2000
July 10, 2000
June 24, 2000
June 19, 2000
May 28/June 12, 2000
May 22, 2000
May 15, 2000
May 7, 2000
May 1, 2000
April 24, 2000
April 17, 2000
April 10, 2000
April 2, 2000
March 20, 2000
March 6, 2000
February 20, 2000
February 13, 2000
January 30, 2000
January 16, 2000
January 2, 2000
December 13, 1999
December 5, 1999
November 28, 1999
November 21, 1999
November 14, 1999
November 7, 1999
Aug 24, 1999
June 1, 1999
May 24, 1999
May 17, 1999
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of May 7th, 2000



Email : owhattahogg@msn.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
well it's like fuck the world why should i care about some fucked up post-adolesant Dawsons Creek reject.

[Like, you'll understand when you're older.]

looking after number one is such a cliche but no one else is going to save ur sorry ass if a bus is heading 4 u.

[How specific. Ironically, you'll have exact change.]

well fuck this site 4 using up 5 of my precious minutes.

[Agreed! Time better spent at the mall.]

One Liner:
if u can't handle hell don't play with the fucking devil and then expect an angel 2 appear.

[Which basically means that we shouldn't expect anything better from you any time soon.]



Email : Amy@ass.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
in every aspect of my life,everything has gotta be brutal

[Oh, in THAT case, I've got good news for you....]

One Liner:
If you smell what the rock is cookin'. I'm on my way ass-hole

[To what? Serve it to him?]



Email : candi-girl@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I always get what I want no matter the cost. If you come near my man beware because I don't put up with shit from sluts like that.

[So how else are you affording the "no matter the cost" life? You say that you don't have a job.]

There are too many stupid people in the world and we need to weed all of them out, just take the warning labels off everything.

[Obligatory rebuttal #35: It doesn't work, you're still here.]

One Liner:
Lets get rid of all the stupid assholes in the world by taking the warning labels off everything.

[The obvious hole in your plan is that stupid people can't/don't read already.]

[Bonus fun] Member Name: [candi-girl]
Location: [deleted]
Sex: Female
Marital Status: happy and in a relationship
Hobbies: hanging out w/ boyfriend ([El-Dorko]) & friends, computers, dancing, listening to music (BEASTIE BOYS, madonna, 80's music, anything with a good beat you can dance to!)
Computers: all the time everyday
Occupation: need to get a job ( I am broke!!)
Personal Quote: Life only gives you things it knows you can handle. It may not seem like it at first, but you can handle anything life gives you. Oh-and by the way...... I LOVE [El-Dorko]! Find someone to love and love you back, life is better that way.

[Anticipated response: I am jealous of her love for El-Dorko.]



Email : birdbrain@Mindspring.com

UserID : bitchface

[*yawn*]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
...if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem, and I want to make a change.

[Got a specific direction, or were you going to wander aimlessly, town to town, like so many TV superheroes?]

One Liner:
(kind of dirty...sorry) Do you know the difference between eating pussy and a hamburger?
"NO"
Lunch is on me...

[Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's Sex Education Girl! Faster than a premature ejaculation, and she comes with free lunch.]



Email : sxytwit16@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
guys are all dicks! they are all fuckin stuck on themselves and dont give a shit about anything except getting some ass!!

[You just got played, didn't you.]

they can all go to hell. fuck them

[A little more about YOU next time.]

One Liner:
Are u talking?

[Weren't you listening?]



Email : Aguilera's#1fan@digitas.com

UserID : dilly

[This comes with an intro.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
and I wake up crying because it's only a dream.

[Ooh. I HATE walking into a movie that's already started.]

it actually cracks me up when people presume that I am jealous of this moronic, bogus drama queen.

[Well, given ample opportunity you HAVE been talking solely about HER....]

Oh yes, I admit that it has always been my life-long dream to allow a bunch of sick-fuck, middle-aged, limp-dicked men to mold me into a "Teen Sensation" (read: soft-core porn-star) and subsequently shake my surgically-enhanced tits and ass in a pathetic, vainglorious attempt to disguise my rampant and omnipresent insecurity!

[I think you use words like 'vainglorious' when you rant about a teen pop-idol to disguise your rampant insecurity.]

bring it on! what-the-fuck-ever. As if any of these pre-pubescent, shit-for-brains, Lolita-wannabes have anything to offer the world besides spank-material for the masses of slaves-to-the-almighty-hard-on.

[Come now, anyone that can use vainglorious in a sentence ought to know that talent seldom has anything to do with stardom. The keyword is MARKETABILITY. She has TONS of that.]

I'll happily enlighten you Christina with what THIS girl wants and needs: to open a fucking can of whomp-ass on your bottle-blonde head and watch you cry all of that mascara off!

[Don't you talk about anything else? Like I want to dredge through even MORE of Christina Aguilera dreck.]

One Liner:
I keep having this recurring dream about breaking Christina Aguilera's nose...

[I'm sure you have something better to do with your time than waste any more of it on her.]


[Due to the planets all aligning in the House of Taurus* this past week, the lameness has been extraordinary. While doomsayers predicted earthquakes and tidal waves, and general "Wrath of God" type stuff, we didn't get that. We DID get...Poetry Corner.

[*Don't believe me? Startling proof]


[I bring you an all new low selection of pain-inducing applicants. Enjoy.]

Email : bluebird@idiota.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I DO NOT LET ANYONE PUT ME DOWN , aspecially not wimps who cant accept when a strong women stands up for her self!!

One Liner:
This is my cloud and im proud...so take a hike or else ill strike

[To paraphrase: Hey, you! Get Offa my Cloud.]



[The pain isn't over yet.]

Email : amazon_rage@prisonrhyme.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I refuse to be nice to anyone i've just met.
With me there is no 'get

[Although this wouldn't be bad, it's not part of her poem. Sorry.]

to know someone before you judge' you piss me off i will squash you like a bug
You have to win my respect if you want me to like you.
Sexist, racist and generalization, will render you incapable of producing offspring, whether they maybe male or female.

[How? Bigots of any type still breed.]

One Liner:
I'm a bitch, but i have class
Fuck with me and i'm kick your sorry ass.

[In a singularly non-threatening way, this poem illustrates what I love best about the average applicant. Note the "but I have class" which belies her "Bitch as an insult mentality". I'm especially fond of the "i'm kick your sorry ass" portion. You just can't fake this kind of ineptitude.]



Email : completesucker@coolemail.com

UserID : SuchABitch

[Convincing.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
One Liner:
Im a bitch and i have class
Fuck me with and ill kick your ass

[No points for originality here.]

So all you hoes who think your cool
Just remember Bitches like ME rule!!

[And the second try.]

Name: SuchABitch

Email : completesucker@aol.com

UserID : Bitch4EVAA

[Graffiti-like in its charm and insistance.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I will kick all you fagotts little asses cause i have the right to... im 49% Woman and 51%BITCH

[She imagined that this would help her gain admittance.]

One Liner:
Im a bitch and i have class
Fuck with me and ill kick your ass
So all you hoes who think your cool
Just remember bitches like ME rule!!!!

[I will be more than glad when the planets shift and the evil influence of "The Horrifyingly Bad Poetry Conjunction" is over. Earthquakes would have to be better.]



Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2000, All Rights Reserved

Send this page to someone who needs to read it.
go to top

Pause your cursor over each link below for a more detailed description

Home
Search HBI
HBI FAQ
   Rants
   Collected Quotes
   The Manipulator Files
   Nice Guys? BLEAH
   Links
    I'M NOT BITTER...
   Auntie Dote
   Honorary HBs
   Adult Books
   Kids Books
   Privacy Policy
   Awards
   HBI Sitings

---

Want to link to HBI?



  Want to know when we update? Subscribe to our "What's New" RSS Feed

(What is an RSS Feed?)


Get SharpReader - our favorite RSS aggregator - it's free!

If you don't have a Newsreader, you can subscribe to updates via email:

Enter your Email


Powered by FeedBlitz

Add this Content to Your Site