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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of May 1st, 2000



Email : noshedidn't@nyu.edu

UserID : DramaQueen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I AM A HEARTLESS BITCH BECAUSE I SUCK DICKS UNTIL THE BALLS EXPLODE. YOU CAN TALK ALL YOU WANT ABOUT MENTAL GAMES BUT I HURT EM PHYSICALLY AND *WHERE* *IT* *COUNTS* *BIATCH* AND I LICK AND SUCKLE THEIR SHAFT BUT THEN AT THE END, BOOOOOOOOOM BITCH, TESTICULAR EXPLOSION.

[*Cringe and shudder* There is simply nothing more I can add to the horror of this application, aside from making it bold, blinking and bright red on a blue background.]

One Liner:
He broke my heart.... ....So I tore his out.

[After he sees your HTML skills, I'm sure he'd rip out his eyeballs for you as well.]



Email : T-errible@forum.dk

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
....a bitch knows how to dress like a real woman.

[Complete with frilly apron!]

....I know that I am a sexy woman.

[Just when I thought I'd seen every way to miss the point of HBI....]

One Liner:
Life is tuff when other women hit on your man

[Those extended hospital stays can be ruff on a sexy woman's sex life.]



Email : T-errible'snana@forum.dk

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
...a bitch is a 100% woman, and don't date men who aren't 100% sexy

[One of those rules to live by. Brush and floss twice a day, never date a man that isn't 100% sexy. Got it.]

One Liner:
Life sucks so is unsexy men

[Can you imagine T-errible hunched over her keyboard thinking that this "totally NOT her" application would get accepted?]



Email : nWogrrl@tellmeyourekidding.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I let people choose to be my closest of friends or the trash that I adore ridiculing, whether it be in public or personal. I don't put up with any ass kissing crap as well. I figure if I want something then it was meant to be mine, if I wish I will disgard it after I am done with it. This includes people! My work place is an area of rumor mill. If things have already started then it doesn't hurt to stir the fire as well getting most to agree and initiate more torture.

[No, no, no. This is all wrong. If you're going to have the Wrestling Fan screen name, you've got to play the role. Start from the top.]

Email : nWogrrl@tellmeyourekidding.com

[Cue "angry grrl" theme music.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[Oily girl grabs the microphone.]

[Grrr.] I let people choose to be my closest of friends or the trash that I adore ridiculing [like the candy-ass pansies they are.], whether it be in public or personal. [Whooo!]

I don't put up with any ass kissing crap as well. [I can open up a whole case of whoop-ass on you right now.] I figure if I want something then it was meant to be mine, [because I'm strong enough to TAKE it, and get your ass in the ring if you have the guts to challenge ME!] if I wish I will disgard it after I am done with it [like an empty beer can. Whooo!] This includes people [like you, you weak ass punk! So I'm calling you out, to meet me in a no-holds barred cage match, if you dare! Whoo.]

[Oily and now sweaty girl drops microphone on the mat.]

One Liner:
If I wanted your opinion? I would give it to you!

[First you'd have to have one of your own, and I can tell that you spend far too much time muck-raking at the copy machine to do a lot of thinking.]



Name: BigFatScaryScank

[Skank has another "K" in it.]

Email : Snipedyerbitchass@notreal.com

[Our favorite person has come to visit.]

UserID : Useless

URL : Hahah - (was that a joke?)

[No, that was laughter. A joke precedes this, which is why people laugh AFTER you enter the room.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I think some how by getting on the internet and banding with the rest of the low life/no like bitchs that it will make my pethetic life a tad bit likeable (conclusion: I am one big fat scary hoe that won't do anything about it but "bitch")

[Key word: SCARY. Response: BOO!]

One Liner:
I'm not fat I'm big boned

[That's hella lame.]


Email : inattentive@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I am a Bitch, the Bitch, and that is Miss Bitch to you.I don't except excuses or worn out phrases,

[What would you say is a worn-out phrase? You've only used about three of them.]

if it isn't honesty don't even say it. My motto--Chew'em up, spit them out, and move on. Use, abuse,and throw them out like refuse.

One Liner:
I am not a Bitch,I am The Bitch, and that is Miss Bitch to you. Now on your knees.

[Yeah. Pick up her double standard.]



Email : handpuppetone@AOL.COM

UserID: KILLER

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
One thing before I walk out the door,
You're not the last there will be more
Just remember I have no shame
I am a Heartless Bitch and this aint no game!!I

[Ah, the power of the rhyméd word. Brava!]

One Liner:
I played your ass like a card game
and right now I feel no shame

[That's because you have no idea how much this application reeked.]



Email : handpuppettwo@AOL.COM

UserID : KILLERS

[This threw ME off the trail.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
A man once told me if I broke up with him he would kill himself. So about a week after I did break up I called him and asked what happedened I already made the funeral arrangments.

[Did you arrange one for this old joke? You're dying up here.]

One Liner:
I'll watch you slither, I'll watch you squirm Laughing while I watch you burn.

[When did you set him on fire?]



Name: Dullanna (Does it matter)??

[No, considering I have to change them anyway.]

Email : bigjoke@aol.com

URL : Nope what do you want blood?

[Just for you to say something original and clever. Witty would be a big plus.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[Sounds of crickets chirping.]

One Liner:
Is the best bitch and if your online you better type it in all caps and show respect ya skank biscuit!

[While big, tough Dullanna left the room, her little brother secretly replaced her application with this ridiculous one. Let's see if she notices a difference.]

[And the AOL profile, which lends more proof to the "little demented sibling" theory.]

Member Name: Dullanna
Location: [deleted]
Sex: Female
Marital Status: Absofrigginlutely NOT..
Hobbies: Wisdom, Compassion and Humor!
Computers: A real PURDY looking thang!! ;) When he let's me use it LMAO

[A real HBI candidate there.]

Occupation: Realist, Entreprenuer (never DOUBT yourself)! Party [favor]
[deleted business URL]
Personal Quote: "When I'm good, I'm good, when I'm BAD, I'm BETTER". - Mae West A woman ahead of her time, may we learn something from her!



Email : minionofstupid@aol.com

UserID : bigBitch

[As if she'd remember THAT ID.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
If I want something bad enough, I will get it. I knew that Mike was still in love with his ex-wife, but I didn't care, I took what was left of his heart, had my way with it, and dumped it in the toilet.

[Euuw. Sexually abused hearts can clog plumbing something fierce. What did you do with the rest of Mike's body?]

One Liner:
If I want something bad enough, Not even you can stop me.

[I just did.]



Email : sweettooth@hondo.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I believe I should have the best of everything and FUCK everyone else!

One Liner:
Men are like candy wrappers, You get the good stuff and throw the rest away!

[How do you know if you won the sweepstakes, then?]



[A Cry for Help Theater presents: Dementia - a story in two acts]

Name: ngjjg

Email : ggmfmgfmgf@hotbot.com

UserID : kjfj

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
jgfjgfj jgfjghjgjg jgjg jj h ghhghgh h h hghghgh gh h gh gh hghghghgh h h hhgfhgfhgfhgf hgfhhghghghg hghghggjj jgjgjjgjjj gj j j j gfkjh h;kj kj;l kjp; gfd gfd k;gh ;lkgh ; hkl;gh jk;hjkg;lhjlkghgkjh hjkg hjgkhjgkhjgk;hj;kg h hj gkhjgkhj h hghjg

One Liner:
g,nbvbm jngjgfjf fhgfhdhdhf hfh

[Intermission]

Name: fhk

Email : kjkj@nativestar.net

UserID : edddddd

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
ddddddddddddddddddddn ddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddd
ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

One Liner:
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

[Standing Ovation]


Email : nosygal@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i just want to know what is goin on on here.

[Cut the crap. You'd just like to know what's going ON.]

and guys drive me crazy with their stupid acts!

[Which is why you obsess over them.]

One Liner:
guys no matter what you say your ex-girlfriend is a hoe

[Hmm. I've known some women that dated rakes, but not a single man that dated a hoe.]

[The profile:]
Member Name:     [deleted] :)~~ hey deleted whats up baby? :) kisses are like tears~ the only ones that matter are the ones you can't hold back
Location:     Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?guys..You don't have PMS:don't act like you know what it's like.THEN No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a hoe.
Sex:    Female
Marital Status: *~~*~*~*~*~*BUZZY~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*
Hobbies:     I ran up the door, shut the stairs, said me pj's, put on my prayers,turned off the bed,hopped in the light,all cuz u kissed me goodnite.Girls are always right- so don't forget it.dO yOu BeLeIVe In LoVe At FiRsT sIgHt, Or Do I nEeD tO wAlK bY yOu AgAin???
Computers:      again guys... We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we arent!
Occupation:     OnE dAy YoU wILl LoVe Me As I lOvEd U,1 DaY u WiLl ThInK oF mE aS i ThOuGhT oF u,OnE dAy U wILl CrY fOr Me As I cRiEd FoR u,
Personal Quote: 1 dAy U WiLl WaNt me And I WoNt WaNt YoU!



Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2000, All Rights Reserved

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