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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of May 19, 2008
edited by The Morrigan



Greetings, Morrigan here.  I’m doing this instalment of Weak of the Weak.  It’s the distraction part of my convalescence after my recent bout of seizures.  And let me tell you, this crop of vindictive psychos,  shallow losers, racist child abusers, unbalanced loons, clueless freaks and a dickless wonder is almost more than my poor frontal lobe can take. 

 

Ready?  Here we go….

 

Name: Bianca

 

Email : (somewhere in the UK)

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 some other bitch stepped on my foot so i slapped her

 

[Seems a bit extreme.  You’ve got to remember to take your meds.]

 

One Liner:

 i aint slapped me a bitch in two weeks

 

[I’m sure your probation officer will be proud of you.]

 

 



Name: Yolonda

 

[OK, somebody’s lonely…. And when you continue reading this little gem, it will swiftly become apparent WHY…but don’t say I didn’t warn you…]

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I've always had bitch like qualities all of my life it's just certain people bring it out the most...mainly men. 

 

These days I'm very straight forward and  cranky & short tempered with men. I will just sit around and wait on a guy to fuck up..next thing ya know my phone number has been changed and he dont even know it or I won't even answer the phone...eventually he will give up.

 

I always get labels as "Crazy" , "Angry ,"Bitter" but I don't care. 

[To be perfectly honest, so far we’ve got a lot in common….]

 

I had several female associates/so-called friends who have betrayed me..either by talkin about me behind my back or just being shady period...I play mind games with other bitches; I will let em think I don't know what is going on.  

 

[And here’s where we diverge.  You NEVER play your girlfriends.  Not cool…she’s already bounced on that basis alone but if you’ve got some bleach for the inside of your eyelids, keep reading by all means…]

 

I scheme and plot my time to let my claws out and flip the script on them. When I finally show my ass..it scares the shit out of them 

 

[While I adore my friends, generally I draw the line at showing them my ass.  I’m sure that sort of thing would scare them too.]

 

and they don't know how to react. 

 

[Can you blame them? ]  

 

I will tell them about themselves and when they finally know my point of view ; their pathetic ignorant asses end up apologizing to me.  

 

[Does she seem anal-centric to you or is this just my take?] 

 

Do I accept their pathetic bullshit ..HELL NO! I will curse them out for the last time and I cut them off. And if I see them in public like at the grocery store I will try to run their ass over with my shopping cart; which I did to this one bitch..she was so scared. 

 

[You know, I thought the police in the southern U.S. were rather more diligent about random violence.  Maybe I was wrong.]

 

A former g/f of mine tried to play me close and kicked me out of her house over nothing. We attended the same schools since we were in the 2nd grade. She had moved away after college to the fabulous ATL. All the time she would say you should move over here..blah blah.

 

[This application is a whole lotta blah blah.]

 

You would like it. Start looking for a grad school and jobs over here .blah blah ...constantly I would hear this whenever I conversed with her over the phone.So one day I was like what the hell..I'll will give it a try. I quit my job and went to the "A".

 

I had moved into her home temporarily for a seasonal gig with a government agency. We agreed on the terms that I would help her out with rent and other expensives  

 

[*snort*  “the other expensives!”]

 

& when I got me a steady gig I would move into my own apartment. Not a problem. I wanted to help her out ; she was struggling and meanwhile she was helping me out by letting stay with her until I found something permanent. She was working 2 jobs at the time.

 

But when she got the extra money from me..she ended up quitting her 2nd job.

 

[So what?  I assume the deal was half and half on the rent, right?  Why should you be able to freeload off her?  Why should she have to work two jobs to support you?  You said it yourself:  she was helping YOU out.  Quit your Gawdawful whining and be grateful.]

 

Anyways , my job assignment ended but I managed to line up another gig. She started seeing this guy that she had her reservations about from the start and it got hot n heavy. The next thing I know the bitch had turned on me and was calling me a leech..and a gold-digger.

 

[Sounds like a woman of remarkable insight.  Only saying…]

 

I'm like WTF? Where is this coming from? I was new to town and I got alot of attention from the guys.  

 

[And now I’m like WTF?  What does this have to do with anything? ]

 

I was seeing a variety of guys and they were hot too! All kinds of ethnicities/races...like 7 guys at once. My phone was constantly ringing. I cant help that guys want to take me out.  I didnt put out for a gaddamn thing. Lol 

 

It blew me away. 

 

[Just a guess, but with 7 guys on the go, I’m guessing that’s not the ONLY thing that was getting blown.]

 

She made up some sorry ass excuse that I'm so unappreciative. I really believe she wanted this guy she was seeing at that time to move in with her. 

 

[IT’S HER PLACE!  She was perfectly within her rights to do this.  Gawd, some people! ]  

 

But it just so happens that he was married all along and his wife lived in another state. Sadly, lol he ended up going back to his wife and dropped her ass like a bad habit unexpectantly. She thought they were going to be moving into an expensive lavish , stylish townhome. (WHICH WE LOOKED AT TOGETHER)

 

I got my own apartment..didnt really call her or socialize with her for about 6-8 months. 

 

[You’re a real peach.  What a way to return a kindness.]

 

She would call me but I wouldnt call her. So this one day she calls and has this sad sad pathetic story about how she only had $100 in her bank account that would have to last for 2 weeks. I was just sitting there thinking to myself ..Is this the same bitch that kicked me out of her house & is she about to ask me for some money???

 

I knew where the shit was going but did I volunteer to help this bitch out? HELL NOOOOOOOO...I said I'm sorry to hear about that.

 

[Nice.  I wish I had friends like this.]

 

I am currently fuckin wit my supervisor at work mentally..I can sense she is fake anyways, she is always giving me fake ass compliments about me being cute and fashionable etc.  She thinks I'm such a sweet girl from the country lands of Alabama. 

 

[She’ll learn.  I should forward her this.]

 

But little does she know me & my co-workers are dogging the hell out of her behind her back. We refer to her as "the cow", "Mother Earth" (because she has these dusty ass dreadlocks), and "Debbie Downer" (because she gets sad over petty, small things that the average person with a life wouldnt be sad over).  I HATE HER.

[What a sad, petty little world you live in.]

 

One Liner:

 I'm not only numb [and dumb?] emotionally.. I sit around & wait for people who betrayed me or pissed me off in the past to get down and out then I stump them down a level lower. [so you can look them in the eye?]

 

That's not right but I see it as karma.

 

[We can only hope it visits you soon.]

 

Country: United States 

 

[Good.  Stay there.]

 

 



Name: Carla

 

URL : (some blog with “bitch” in the URL)

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 

I'm a sweet heartless bitch and I don't discriminate men or women when i get mad i become a Real insensitive bitch!

 

I hate dumb people, and I'm to good being bad, so don't try me with silly ideas or questions, please. Really, you shouln't mess with Da Princess...Sometimes, i make people cry, only with the true.

 

I'm a clean bitch,I don't conspirate, 

 

[I love it when people who’ve grown up speaking English still haven’t mastered the language.  What on earth does “conspirate” mean?  Is it when you sweatily conspire against someone?]

 

I don't mess people´s life only for fun. BUT if I need I an hurt people only with words in a face to face.

 

I always have what I want, no matter how i allways get my target.

And as a good bitch i have a bunch of girls that hate since high school.

 

One Liner:

 Insensitive and Cruelly Trully words when mad. So make me sweet, and do as i want. Be always carefully handling me, well I told you so...

 

 

 




 



Name: Hmm

 

URL : my website about hating men

 

[And some people think WE are bitter.]

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 I'm the moderator of a website called [deleted] and I laugh when I see bad men get what's coming to them.

 

[Shameless attempts to get plugs in for your own (lame) website will definitely find you in the loser bin. Besides,  what part of  THIS, didn’t you get?  “Despite the statements of some of our more Bitter Heartless Bitches, Heartless Bitches International is NOT about Man-Hating.” (It’s on the main page).]

 

 

One Liner:

 Could men be any more retarded?  [Ah, the irony.]

 


 



Name: Cristina

 

WARNING:  MAJOR psycho alert

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 Well, for starters, I don't really give a shit about anyone or anything, I couldn't care less if someone died, I laugh at others if they're in pain, and I seem to enjoy vasts amounts of reading up on others' sufferings and mortifying experiences just for a good laugh.

 

[Where are the guys with the butterfly nets when you need them?  I read the first paragraph and reached for my DSM-IV…]

 

I dumped my boyfriend directly on Valentine's Day, waiting just until then so I could do it - that's the only real reason I became a fraction fonder towards the holiday [but only slightly].

 

[You are a real charmer.]

 

I don't care what you say, I don't care what you do, I really don't give a shit about anything. Men are a pain in the ass and certainly not worth all of the fucking effort [women too; they piss me off even more than men sometimes. They're such catty little bitches].

 

One Liner:

 Steal candy from a baby? Like hell. Just kill the little fucker.

 

[Twenty bucks says this one ALREADY has a criminal record.  She puts herself in the 15-19 age range.  I’m thinking psych ward/penitentiary before age 21.  Who wants to take that bet.  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?]

 

Country: United States

 

Age: 15-19

 

 

 



Name: Randi

 

[Attention all Americans:  don’t they teach spelling in your elementary schools?]

 

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 that is simple because im a heartless horrible ripe out your heart

[Oh God no!  Don’t “ripe” my heart out! Anything but that! ]

 

and put it in a blender and laugh while you emmotionlly die kinda bitch. i hate valentines day its stupid. and i hate mushy gushy girlie girl stuff like romantic movies ewwww

 

[I hate the crappy writing like the stuff displayed in this application. Ewwww.]

 

One Liner:

 im a hardcore spit in your face step on your fingers kick u when ur downheartless bitch

 

[Oh Puhleeeze. You’d probably cry if you broke a nail. ]

 

Country: United States

 

Age: 15-19

 

[Here’s a bit of advice: STAY IN SCHOOL. Try to learn something this time.]

 

 



Name: Renata

 

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 I love to take revenge and then pretend I had nothing to do with it so I can be the seen as the "poor victim"

 

[Ooh, I HATE this kind of person.]

 

even if I know I did something wrong hahaha... For example, my ex boyfriend started dating a girl just 2 months after our 2 years relationship was over... and one day I ran into them and in the heat of the moment I asked one of my friends for a little favor... to throw a glass of water to my "replacement" and she did...

 

[hating her even more now…]

 

I laughed for hours... She was completely wet! At first they blamed my friend but of course everybody ended up saying it was my fault, but who cares anyway? SHE was the one totally wet who had to go home inmediately and SHE is the one dating that daddy's boy!

 

One Liner:

 Boys are like clothes... They only last a season

 

Age: 20-25

 

[I would have expected this sort of behaviour out of a 12 year old.  MAYBE.  You’re over 20.  There’s no excuse.  And WTF is up with your friend that she would actually agree to participate in this?]

 

[WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?]

 

 



Name: Tamrah

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 I'm a heartless bitch because I dont care about anyone but myself. I wont talk to you or even look in your direction if you are fat or ugly.  

 

[Off to a roaring start here – God, this is depressing.  Jade?  Jade?  Where are you Jade?]

 

People say I should be looking at the personality of a person and not looks; fuck that. 

 

[Oh, I cannot WAIT till this one ages/gains weight and suddenly nobody’s looking at HER.  And let’s all pause for a moment and muse over the gem of a man she’s going to wind up with, if this is her selection criteria.]

 

 I'm not about to be seen even NEAR someone that doesnt look as good as me. I have no problem telling people what I think about them either. If it makes them upset or even cry; good, my goal has been accomplished.   They could go kill themselves for all I care and I would laugh about it. 

 

[Maybe we can hook her up with that psycho from earlier.  ]

 

One Liner:

 You're not worth my time so just go fucking kill yourself.

 

Country: United States

 

Age: 20-25

 

 



Name: Sarah-Jane

 

Email : [(she shares it with her husband. How joined-at-the-hip)]

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 I refuse to put up with other peoples bullshit and I find it hard, if

not impossible, to bear ignorant idiots who feel the need to sprout their

uneducated assumptions all over the place. I have no tolerance for needy whiney people, especially women who constantly whinge about their husbands but do nothing to change their situations. Same with fat people. If you don't like the way you are... PUT DOWN THE POTATO CHIPS AND GET OFF THE COUCH YOU LAZY SON OF A.....! I hate dole bludgers and anyone who uses their past or race or sex etc  as an excuse to do whatever the hell they please.

 

[Up to this point, I thought maybe she was just inarticulate.  That there MAY be a grain of sense in there somewhere, however offensively expressed.  I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.  Until we got to this…]

 

I believe that the reason we have so many arsehole children and young

people these days is because everyone has gone too bloody soft. We can't smack or even yell at kids anymore (I had a woman have a go at me the other day for disciplining my 6 yr old after she disappeared on me in the mall... needless to say she was promptly told **** off and mind her own business!)

 

[Yes, because it’s called child abuse.  It’s a CRIME.  If a perfect stranger felt compelled to step in, can you imagine what was actually going on?]

 

I do believe in karma, but I also like to see it come back on people within

a reasonable time frame, and if I have to be of assistance in that, then so be

it.

 

[*Snort* Careful what you wish for.]

 

I am the creator of a network, predominately operating via telephone and

facebook, called "(name removed)". It is an invitation only group. We are an international group of bitches dedicated to helping each other by

bitching about the various bastards and women that have created problems in our lives, and occasionally plotting their demises (lol),

 

[Now I’m convinced you took a wrong turn at Albuquerque – didn’t you mean to apply at psycho-bitches.com?  Do your plots involve wearing adult diapers while you drive across the country? Never mind. Don’t answer that.]

 

links to other related sites such as yours and RevengeLady.com,as well as general gossip and chick stuff. 

 

[God – I hope you weren’t planning to include HBI in THAT invitation!  How about counting US out and having a good look in the mirror if you’re looking for “women that have created problems” in your life?]

 

I make no apologies for being a Heartless Bitch!

 

[That’s good, because you can’t apologize for something you are NOT.  And Heartless Bitch certainly isn’t a label we’d bestow upon you.]

 

In fact I am quite proud of the fact that I now have the strength not to put up with other people's bullshit!

 

[A raging victim is still a victim.  Learn this:  Not putting up with shit, doesn’t mean BEING a shithead.]

 

One Liner:

 I am a great friend, but an even better enemy!

 

Age: 26-34

 



Name: Gabriella

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 

Heartless Bitch? But of course.

First of all, I don't really like to tell you my entire life story.

I can be a bitch, I can also be slut's worse nightmare.

 

[I hate it when people use that word. What does it mean? A woman who doesn’t conform to YOUR sexual morality? Why would another woman’s sexuality be of ANY concern to you?]

 

I can be anything people want me to be, and whatever I have to be.

 

[Yes, I’m sure you can.  For a price.]

 

I say what's on my mind and doesn't give a damn fuck about it.

I don't like to be around cheap hoe's much 

 

[wait for it…..]

 

Just because your a bitch doesn't mean you come cheap baby.

If the guy has money, he can get me anytime ;) 

 

[Yes!  She’s the EXPENSIVE kind of “hoe”.  I guess by her definition a “slut” is someone who doesn’t charge for sex?]

 

HAH! he wishes. He needs to give me have the cut. 

 

[WTF?!]

 

I love being the center of jealous people's world. 

 

One Liner:

 Love me or hate me; I'm Still gunna shine.

 

[Honey, the only way you could ever shine would be if you stuck a lightbulb out of your ass and jammed a fork in an electrical socket.]



Name: SISSY

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 AM  ONLY  4

ME

FUCK  EVERY  1 

JUST  DIS  SISSY

 

One Liner:

 FUCK,FUCK,FUCK----U  

 

Country: Iraq

 

[I didn’t think they swore like that in Islamic countries…]

 

 



Name: Takuada Rice

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 Because I fucked my husbands two brothers while he was in the other room. Then I proceeded to say that I have never seen a smaller dick on a broke ass mother fucker. Shit yo!

 

[Indeed.]

 

One Liner:

 Skankalishish inlaw fuker. Yea I knows I spelled that right. Don't kuestion me mother fucer.

 

[Where to begin with this one? ]

 

[And really, in my neurological condition, springing all that “skankalishish” business on me really isn’t cricket.  And what’s a mother “fucer”? ]

 

[By their own words shall ye know them.  Heartless Bitch…ah, not so much.  Skank?  I think we have a winner!]

 

 

 



Name: bastard

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 Fuck you, you heartless bitches.

 

One Liner:

 You're the heartless bitches, so fuck you.

 

Country: United States

 

Age: 55+

 

Gender: male

 

[This guy needs his own column.  Talk about Issues.]

 

 

 



Name: Peter (yes, that's my real name)

 

URL : Is that like a penis? 

 

[As you read his email, it becomes apparent that this is a question that Peter has been asked MANY times.]

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 I'm not a heartless bitch, I'm a heartless prick.

Frankly, I've had it with you bitches.  You make fun of our dinky, little 

 

[Ooh, in Peter’s case, it’s coming across loud and clear that it’s “little dinky”, not the other way around…]

 

Y chromosomes.  You have us spending our hard-earned money buying books full of great opening lines, when for you "You wanna fuck?" works with about 99% of post-pubescent males under the age of 70.

 

[But what do you bet it doesn’t work for Peter?  Why would he be wasting his time writing to US otherwise?  Or spending all his “hard-earned money buying books full of great opening lines”?]

 

You tell us that we are hung up on the size of our dicks and that we should get over it, it's no big deal, we just won't ever get laid by a woman if we are less than average, you know, about 8 inches or so.

 

[WHAT?!  In what mythical land is the average man packing 8”?  I want to move there.]

 

You have the goddamn nerve to possess an organ, the sole physiological purpose of which is to give you pleasure, and then you hide the goddamn thing in a bunch of folds, nooks, and crannies so that a first-timer has about as much chance of finding the thing as he does Blackbeard's lost treasure.

 

[Oh my God.  You hear that!  We have the NERVE to have a clitoris!  The sheer effrontery of it all!  How do we live with ourselves?  And trust me:  if it would make it easier for you guys to find, we would light the damn thing up with neon and have screaming monkeys flying formations around it.  All that clueless fumbling is at least as painful for us, believe me.]

 

And then there are the "spots".  You have more fucking spots than a leopard, for Christ's sake!  There's the G-spot, the V-spot, the A-spot, not to mention  the "cul-de-sac", whatever the hell that is, and they are all semi-mythical and deeply buried in some yet-to-be-discovered location, like the lost continent of Atlantis.

 

[Clearly, geography is not Peter’s strong suit.  And just for the record, the only cul-de-sacs I’ve ever seen were in Quebec, but they have all the fun.]   

 

We males at least have the decency to hang it out there for you to see.

 

[Flattering yourself there a bit, aren’t you, Petey?  Sounds like you can barely manage a dangle.  “Hanging” is putting it a bit strongly, don’t you think?]

 

And what do we get in return?  You humiliate us by laughing at it until we shrivel up, and then you just laugh harder. You tell us you want us to "take charge" and then berate us because "all we want to do is hump you". You tell us we suck in bed.

 

[Most women are kind enough not to say it out loud right to your face.  Oh, they’ll never sleep with you again, but unless you’re so dreadful that you fall into the category of Public Menace, not many will be rude enough to actually tell you straight out.  Many of us can control our mirth, too. Oh, word will get around.  You’ll just be the last to know.  But deep down, you know, don’t you Peter?  You know.]

 

You act like your pussies have owner's manuals, and every male should have it memorized cover-to-cover by the time they are twelve years old.  When we finally figure out what does work for you, it's bound not to work on the next bitch, and what works on one of you this week is bound NOT to work 2 weeks later.  Hell, what works great now on one of you is "WRONG" five fucking seconds later!  And we're supposed to know all this stuff automatically?  Fuck you! 

 

[OK, Peter?  Just between you and me – I’ve had REALLY big and not so big.  And to tell you the truth?  The really big guy SUCKED.  He was just sort of “Behold!” and then he kinda lost the thread. While the guy who wasn’t as well endowed – ay carumba!  Now HE knew his way around a woman.  Here’s the secret, Peter – and it’s just a hint.  If you devote yourself to getting the woman off, everybody’s happy.  Instead of buying books on how to pick women up with cheesy lines, why not invest in one on how to sexually satisfy a female?  A little time and attention to detail.  That’s all it takes.  A bit of patience and experimentation.  And that 5 second thing?  Not a good sign, Peter.  Work on that cardio.]

 

Frankly I think we men were better off when we just grunted, bashed you up against the side of the noggin with the old club, dragged you back to the cave, and fucked your brains out while you were coming around.  Now that was a good system! 

 

[That’s called rape, Peter.  It tends to make a lot of people angry.  If you’re THAT inadequate, buy a doll or stick to jerking off, OK?]

 

One Liner:

 How big a brain do you expect a small penis to have? 

 

[Clearly, not very big at all.]

 

Country: United States

 

Age: 45-55

 

Gender: male

 

 

 



Name: June

 

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 You can't not speak English, point to the empty seat next to me on the train and say "ok?"  Because I'll pretend I don't know what you're talking about!

 

[Being an asshole to people who don’t speak English, simply because they don’t speak the language, doesn’t make you a Heartless Bitch.  Nor does hogging two seats on the train when you only paid for one.]

 

One Liner:

 I have no tolerance for fools at all.

 

[And we have no tolerance for assholes.]

 

Country: New Zealand

 

Age: 45-55

 


 

 



Name: Fuckin Michael

 

[Indeed.  What a choice moniker.  Though after reading his app, I’m inclined to believe it should be “FuckHEAD Michael”.]

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I'm a freakin guy!

 

[Big deal. So’s half the population.]

 

I tell women that I am an asshole (or manhole, whichever you prefer) and a sob, but they wait til six months later to realize that this is what I told them at the beginning! WTF? Are some women deaf?

 

[No, but some are desperate, apparently.  By the way, declaring you are an asshole up front doesn’t magically grant you absolution for dickhead behavior.  No amount of  “forward looking statements” give you the RIGHT to treat someone else like shit.]

 

Hell, I don't know anymore...

 

[Apparently you DO, but you choose to act like an ass.  And then cop-out with the “I told you so” line.]

 

[Sorry, Michael, but Fuckin Assholes (or Manholes) need not apply (see the previous application).]

 

One Liner:

 I am an asshole-enough said, I am not a "nice guy". Perhaps you need someone like me on your staff to teach these "nice guys" just what the hell i wrong with them. I sympathize with them not one little bit.

 

[I don’t see how you could teach anyone anything useful with your head shoved that far up your ass.]

 

Country: United States

 

Age: 45-55

 

Gender: male



Name: isabel

 

Email : sales@strtegiceventspr.com

 

UserID : 26857

 

URL : no

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 i dont giv3 a fuck ...about shittttttttttttttttttttt.. thatz the tru3

 

[No soup for youuuuuuuuuu.]

 

One Liner:

 th3y are cool...

 

[But what are “they”? And what happened to your “E” key?]

 

Country: United States

 

Age: 15-19

 

Gender: female

 


 



Name: ISABEL

 

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 YEAH BICHES YOU MESS WITH ME IMA MESS UP YOUR FUCKEN FAC3 BITCH.....

 

[Another one who has a broken “E” key.  Damn. It’s an epidemic!

And worse yet, the capslock is stuck on too.  What’s a “bich” to do?]

 

One Liner:

 FUCK OFF BICHEZZZ

 

[Yeah you are tough. Yeah we get it. *yawn*.]

 

Country: United States

 

Age: 20-25

 

Gender: female

 

[sadly, an embarrassment to the gender]

 

 

 



Name: Briana

 

 

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

 i am mentally draining and am emotionless

 

One Liner:

 im bitchy, emotionless and has been clasified as a heartless bitch

 

[Sorry, we’ve got all the zombies we need. Thanks anyway.]

 

Country: Australia

 

Age: 15-19

 







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2008
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