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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of September 4, 2005
edited by Jadesyren



Name: Clarissa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch becuase if you get on my bad sad.

[Oh, the suspense. What will happen on her bad sad? Mad glad? Rad Oranjestad?]

I'll rip your heart of throw it on the floor and step on it!

[After watching Kano in Mortal Kombat chomp my heart after he rips it out of my chest, this is anticlimatic. Does he still do that? I lost track after "Babality."]

I do not tolerate people who think they can and will beat me.

[Which could mean a lot of things, but most likely means that she'll talk about them behind their backs.]

Bitch are true and dont need to lie to anyone,

[Okay, that one's true.]

becuase if u step in my or any bitch's way......Be aware!!!!!! Becuase BITCH'S dont PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Yeah, and all this posturing is just another kind of game.]

BITCH 4LIFE!!!!!!!

~~~~Clarissa~~~~
(aka)
The Bitch

[This application makes me miss Cocopunani.]

One Liner:
Come across a bitch in the wrong way........Watch Out becuase they'll come and get you!

[Spelling "because" wrong ONCE is a typo. Spelling "because" wrong all the time is just ignorance.]



Name: Devon

URL : Kirby Sales (Suck and Blow)

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Hello, my name is

[Shake-Zula, the mic-rulah-- Wanna hear it? Sure ya do.]

DEVON,

[Like I can take you seriously NOW.]

I am sent to you from HELL not heaven. I look like an angel and sting like a bee.

[Cue Ricky Martin: And she bangs, she bangs
Oh baby
When she moves, she moves
I go crazy
'Cause she looks like a flower but she stings like a bee
Like every girl in history
She bangs, she bangs.]

I have very few flaws and am hard to please. Don't need to hear stupid stories or anybody to pat me on the back, just leave me the hell alone unless I ask.

[What the hell happened to the rhythm in THIS line?]

When things go wrong it is not my fault, I am not to blame.

[This should read, "When things go wrong, I am not to blame." Coward. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY...especially for these wack-ass rhymes.]

So now you have heard of me and you know my name.

[But I don't remember it. Everytime I hear "My name is..." the answer is Shake-zula. Sorry.]

One Liner:
I work for KIRBY, we suck and blow.

[Great when the applicant matches the job. Also, quit sending this to us. We got it. WE GOT IT. Four times is too much.]



Name: Ekaterina

[...Cadavera?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have a husband.He loves me very much(really).

[Which one of us are you trying to convince?]

Then I married him I loved him,too.Now I so tied BUT..... I don't want to divorce.He give me money and I don't work.I do what I want and I 'll not change this.

[Because you'd rather be a prostitute. Hey, that's what you call it when you fuck for money.]

I have a lover who younger tham my husband but I don't love him very much,too.I love only myself.I'm a Heartless Bitch

[You're a lazy bitch. You can't win 'em all.]

One Liner:
f''k them all

[You think we can't type FUCK around here? Maybe you just don't like to talk about work all the time.]



Name: Colon

[I HAD to keep her last name. HAD to. The power of humor COMPELLED me.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love being my true feminist stubborn.

[Stubborn what? You know, it doesn't make sense to be from the USA and have virtually NO communication skills.]

I have secret I really don't care about men..

[It's no secret. You've told everyone.]

and their pathetic need. I want a man that is all about me and fuck his need.

[And somehow you're different, better even, than they are.]

There have been way to many times in which i was fucked over because i wanted to be nice to those senseless fucks.

[Nice guys. It's not just for guys anymore. Go read the whole section and grow up.]

Its my time to shine and fuck what everyone else thinks.

[Cry me a river.]

One Liner:
Fuck you. It's all should be about me

[Bad sentence structure is your brain's way of rebelling.]



Name: Garlena

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
actually no I'm not a heartless bitch.

[Fuck right off then.]

My EX-girlfriend on the other hand was the queen of all heartless bitches.

[Wahhhh! Wah wah wah WAAAAAAAAAAAAH. You big fucking baby. Wahhh! Wah wah wah wah wahhhhh!]

I mean you treat her like a queen and what do you get in return SHIT!!!

[Redirecting loser to Nice Guy exhibit. Don't touch the glass.]

Yeah, she could make you fall in love with her in like 60 seconds.

[Well, no, she made YOU fall in love in 60 seconds. My first guess is that's because you know fuck all about love, and confused it hideously with lust and/or desire. My second guess is that you lack an incredible amount of self-esteem.]

Ripping out her lover's hearts while laughing is her main M.O.

[She's laughing because she didn't have to be mean. She was honest about it.]

I can't believe that I fell into her hellish grasp.

[I can't believe that you're still IN it.]

Well enough about her I'm just a venting.

[Well, you're really looking for a reason to talk about her.]

I on the other hand am a very nice, caring, fun, and everything that she can't be type of person.

[*SNIFF* Yep, Eau de Losair.]

Yep....

[Yep. We can scent you a mile away.]

One Liner:
Fuck HER

[You're just mad because you didn't.]



Name: heartless bitch

[Whoa. Originality AND humility. She's gotta be a ringer.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I was born heartless with a superiority complex - and I love it!

[She used to shit on herself in her onesies and KNOW she was better than all the other infants.]

One Liner:
I'll walk all over everyone just for the fun of it

[Careful you don't turn your ankle. People are lumpy.]



Name: heartless bitch

[What the fuck....look, ONCE was too much. I'm pulling the plug on this one.]



Name: heartless bitch

[Goddamnit! Why can't my email come with Caller ID?]



Name: heartless bitch

[You gotta be kidding me! ABORT! BA-LETED.]



Name: heartless bitch

[See, now this means war.]



Name: heartless bitch

[I may weep openly. This is torture.]



Name: heartless bitch

[Shh! Don't answer the door. Maybe she'll think we're not here and GO AWAY.]



Name: Jacqueline

[It WORKED! Power of prayer, baby.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Last year I married a guy I thought I'd be with for life.

[Fuck it all, a goddamned story. I hate stories. Now I miss heartless bitch.]

The back story being he was my now 13 year old son's father and besides actually caring for him I thought it would be the right thing to marry the guy.

[You waited 12 years to marry your baby's daddy, and you're worried about doing the "right thing?"]

Big freaking mistake. Within 6 months he had left.

[No shit? You know how to pick 'em, honey.]

Not because I was a bitch.

[Not QUITE the word I was looking for.]

Which I am. After he left I was without food, power ready to be shut off, no money, you know, the usual sob story.

[Why the fuck didn't you have a job? You call yourself a mother?]

He kept calling trying to talk to my son who wanted nothing to do with him

[Hey, YOU picked that kid's dad. It's not really fair to bring him in the middle of this.]

and I'd simply tell my son it was his choice. My son refused to speak to him because

["...he lives with me, and I poisoned his mind."]

he had moved into a trailer park in another town with some 500lb skank with no teeth.

[I think I saw that on Jerry Springer. "Help! My husband left me for a moose."]

I confronted him and he ran like the pansy he was. That's when he started showing up and harrasing me and demanding "his rights" to his son that he'd never been a father to to begin with. Finally however it got to be annoying and I took out a restraining order. That was step one.

[This smells like a lie. You're pulling my leg.]

Now we get to the meaty part.

[Shouldn't the meaty part have come a little sooner?]

Because apparently the charms of an 11 year old girl held more appeal than the trailer skank. Yes, that's right, turns out he was chester the molester. He's currently in jail. But when he first went in he sent me a badly spelled nearly illegible threating letter. So I had him arrested WHILE IN JAIL.

[You dragged me through this dull story about a skank, and about him being a derelict father, and NOW you get to the child abuse part? If this is true, your priorities are severely out of whack. If this is false, then you're a total fuckwad. Abusing children isn't funny material. Did you have him arrested for the abuse, or for the letter?]

He's also of course being divorced. I've taken his truck. I've also started on the road to terminating his parental rights to his son. And while he sits in jail at every turn and every path I encounter him or any sign of him I will obliterate him. I will do my damndest to make sure he not only stays in jail but that he regrets ever being born.

[I would have fallen out of this obsessive love once I knew that he molested children, or are you just making that up for the divorce? Either way, you're a sick puppy.]

One Liner:
Being a bitch is an artform.

[Stick with crazy. You've got that down to a science.]

You have to be subtle about it. Until you realize they are stupid. Then you get the bat.

[What do you mean "until you realize?" Stupidity is like funky-ass cologne. You can smell it coming, and it gives you a migraine until you clear the air.]









Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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