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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of August 24, 2004
edited by Jadesyren



Name: Milimar

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I just am. No explaining.I can't bother to go on a diatribe explaining or asserting my heartlessness or bitchiness, hun. I am it. Accept me, and you'll get that. Don't, and well, don't worry about it. I'll live.

[Go on with your life, in that case.]

One Liner:
I am heartless.I am a bitch. I hate witty one liners unless they are written by oscar wilde, and hate keychains or bumper stickers unless thay have a picture of sylvia plath with her head in the oven (amazing stuff; art)

[Art IS amazing. This application was the opposite of art.]



Name: fuck off

Email : fuckoff@mailinator.com

UserID : gotshit?

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Apparently I am not a heartless bitch, I am guessing since my request to be accepted to this board anyway. After scoping out your site, I have come to the conclusion that in order to be a heartless bitch, you must first be an ugly ass dyke. So lets see, if I cut my hair short, start licking pussy, and gain about 100 lbs then I will be accepted correct? I think I will pass, so you keep you fucked up dyke bitch board, and I will go on with my life outside of the computer.

[Dammit, now I have to scan the accepted pile just to verify that you didn't make it in. Thanks a lot, crybaby.]

One Liner:
Being a heartless bitch means you are a fat, ugly ass dyke, if you are not one, dont apply.

[Why don't you go and cry about it some more. All you had to do was reapply.]



Name: Jeanne

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
After 7 years of being in an predominantly male industry (Information Technology), I have grown weary of the "good ole boy" mentality and the token cutesy blond females. How many meetings have I gone into feeling as though I needed to fling my OOSIK on the table "I've got one, too"? For the uneducated,

[Yeah, like this particular word is covered in any college as a matter of course. We're unfamiliar, not uneducated.]

an OOSIK is a fosslized walrus penis.

[There's something you see every day.]

I actually have one of those. My husband got it for me when he was in Alaska because he often heard me say "Guess I need that appendage to get heard".

[I think I like your hubby. He had a great way of telling you to get the fuck over it.]

So it sits on my desk, with the poem explaining what it is. Pretty funny when the men come by my desk, pick it up "What is it?", I tell them to read the poem, boy do they drop the OOSIK quickly!!

[Yeah, who wants some freaky-ass fossilized dildo in their hand?]

I haven't actually needed to use it, since I've proven myself to be the one most asked "What do YOU think we should do?" They don't always like to hear what I say since it's not necessarily what they WANT to hear, but it's always what they NEEDto hear.

[So you acknowledge that you don't need a penis to be heard, but you bitched about it anyway. Maybe the reason you don't feel that they are listening is because you're saying something extremely stupid.]

One Liner:
Life is too damn short to be unhappy

[Or to fuck around with an OOSIK. Where the fuck is PeTA when you need them?]



Name: Robin

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I just ejected a Narcissistic controller from my life and have vowed, never, ever, ever again to allow that shit into my life.

[What steps have you taken to keep your vow? Some of this rests squarely on your shoulders.]

Because I slapped MYSELF upside the head, and am now pissed. BTW, for your enjoyment he was an 'artist', slithered into my life at the end of my 8 year marriage moved his crap into my apartment, stared deep into my eyes, told me he (as opposed to my husband) would bring me freakin' flowers every day and I never saw one. Because he told me that: I was crazy, stupid, hypersensitive (no shit!), a complainer, negative, psycho, a freak, a bitch, that (this is REALLY creepy in hindsight)

[Not creepy. It's ridiculous.]

people were controlling my mind and aliens were abducting me,

[Okay, didn't THAT shit send up a red flag? Did you actually think that he was right? Couldn't you see that he was off the deep end? I don't know, but when someone talks about alien abduction to me, I don't have very much interaction with that nutjob.]

that my friends didn't like me,I was insensitive, crazy, possesive, controlling and an emotional abuser...ANNNNNND that all I was, was a reflection of him since we ) humans (as opposed to him, godhead that he is) only see the faults in others because they are in ourselves (I don't think he has the capacity to enjoy the irony of this last bit...) and oh, and that he loved me. BARF! And thats just the beginning. I reclaim myself in the name of heartless bitches everywhere and vow to never again engage in or put up with such ridiculous behaviour. Thanyouverymuch

[I don't see anything about this application that says "Heartless Bitch" to me.]

One Liner:
Iron Goddess of Mercy.

[That shit is what got you into this shit in the first place.]



Name: MARGIE

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
well for starters i dont have a heart,well i dont wear it on my sleeve anyhow so people can blow their noses on it,and as for qualities lol where to begin..i guess i will start with my favorite quote..my own btw.."you lick i swallow".thats my answer to blow jobs,

[Now that's just nasty and confused.]

most usually i wont do them anyhow cause i dont do love

[Blow jobs aren't love. Givin' those "trick" blowjobs where the guy thinks he's getting head, but you're just jerkin' him off. I saw that show on HBO.]

and if i do they will fall in love for sure ..not happening.

[You mean to say that you are so skilled at sucking dick that they fall in love. You should have left your number. It's probably a good thing that I don't list e-mail addresses.]

i dont do long term relationships either because you aint moving in and he is not going to tell me where,what,who,i can hang with and im all grown up i dont need someone thinking if it weren't for him i would never survive..hell if i had a man i wouldn't be as well off as i am.i can get a lot more done for less money and no sex than if i had a man.and if i hhear them words i love you

[Not every relationship is dysfunctional. I guess with you they'd have to be, though.]

..you fucked up begone with ya..not all men are annoying some are dead. the live ones well we do need sex huh.and as for cheating lol,cant cheat if your not attached,and for real if i was why would i want to fake an orgasm for 2 guys..and as for men..i tell them i dont do ugly or old,and no jealousy

[Now I know I've seen your ass on that show. Which hooker were you?]

or klingons

[This just looks so funny in a serious sentence.]

One Liner:
i straight up dont give a good got-damn what others think i am not gonna be unhappy or feel like a fucktard to please someone else and if you dont like my mouth dont listen..and if you think i am nasty well give me a taste go kiss your boyfriend..im not out to make enemies and lord knows friends ha! where do you think my eneimies i have came from...i dont whine or gossip or sniffle over shit get over it and for real i dont want to hear it either,dont cry on my shoulder because i will flick ya off like a flea on a dog.and save the drama for i dont give a damn who just not for me..i dont care,it wasnt me,and so what

[Was this all one sentence?]







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