Dec 28, 2009
Dec 21, 2009
Dec 14, 2009
Dec 07, 2009
Nov 30, 2009
July 27 2009
April 27 2009
May 26 2008
May 19, 2008
Sep 4, 2005
Aug 2, 2005
Nov 2, 2004
Oct 23, 2004
Oct 15, 2004
Oct 3, 2004
Sep 22, 2004
Aug 24, 2004
Jul 31, 2004
Jul 4, 2004
Jun 20, 2004
Jun 13, 2004
Jun 6, 2004
May 23, 2004
May 2, 2004
Apr 25, 2004
Apr 11, 2004
Apr 4, 2004
Mar 28, 2004
Mar 21, 2004
Mar 14, 2004
Mar 7, 2004
Feb 29, 2004
Feb 15, 2004
Feb 8, 2004
Jan 31, 2004
Jan 18, 2004
Jan 4, 2004
Dec 28, 2003
Dec 14, 2003
Dec 7, 2003
Nov 30, 2003
Nov 23, 2003
Nov 16, 2003
Nov 9, 2003
Nov 2, 2003
Oct 26, 2003
Oct 19, 2003
Oct 12, 2003
Oct 5, 2003
Sept 28, 2003
Sept 21, 2003
Sept 14, 2003
Sept 7, 2003
August 31, 2003
August 24, 2003
August 17, 2003
August 10, 2003
August 3, 2003
July 27, 2003
July 20, 2003
July 13, 2003
July 06, 2003
June 29, 2003
June 22, 2003
June 15, 2003
June 8, 2003
June 1, 2003
May 25, 2003
May 18, 2003
May 11, 2003
May 4, 2003
Apr 27, 2003
Apr 20, 2003
Apr 1, 2003
Mar 16, 2003
Mar 09, 2003
Mar 02, 2003
Feb 23, 2003
Feb 16, 2003
Feb 9, 2003
Feb 2, 2003
Jan 26, 2003
Jan 19, 2003
Jan 12, 2003
Jan 5, 2003
Dec 29, 2002
Dec 22, 2002
Dec 15, 2002
Dec 8, 2002
Dec 1, 2002
Nov 24, 2002
Nov 17, 2002
Nov 10, 2002
Nov 3, 2002
Oct 27, 2002
Oct 20, 2002
Oct 13, 2002
Oct 6, 2002
Sep 29, 2002
Sep 22, 2002
Sep 15, 2002
Sep 8, 2002
Sep 1, 2002
Aug 25, 2002
Aug 18, 2002
Aug 11, 2002
Aug 4, 2002
Jul 28, 2002
Jul 21, 2002
Jul 14, 2002
Jul 7, 2002
Jun 30, 2002
Jun 23, 2002
Jun 16, 2002
Jun 9, 2002
Jun 2, 2002
May 26, 2002
May 19, 2002
May 12, 2002
May 5, 2002
Apr 28, 2002
Apr 21, 2002
Apr 14, 2002
Apr 7, 2002
Mar 31, 2002
Mar 24, 2002
Mar 17, 2002
Mar 10, 2002
Mar 3, 2002
Feb 24, 2002
Feb 17, 2002
Feb 10, 2002
Feb 3, 2002
Jan 27, 2002
Jan 20, 2002
Jan 13, 2002
Jan 6, 2002
1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of April 25, 2004
edited by Jadesyren



Name: Witchstress Melanie

[Here we go.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch. I guess I'll start off my application by telling you a long, dramatic story...

[Not if you wanted to get accepted.]

It all started back in highschool. I was a member of an elite faction of witchcraft goths

[Heh. Elite goths. I'm getting an asthma attack.]

rebelling against our fascist, suntanned, car-driving overlords. As exclusive members, we spent most of our days in dimly-lit rooms talking about the exclusivity of our club and chain-smoking Laramies we found on the floor in our G.E.D. classrooms.

[You've got to do better than this to yank my chain.]

One time this conformist skirt-wearing WHORECUNTBITCHSKANKSKEEZERDYKE girl was looking at me after I got done picking a booger (EVERYONE HAS BOOGS HUN! LOOSEN UP!), and I could see just by the glaze in her eyes she had recently been viewing George Bush reelection propoganda forcefed from her Nazi, fascist, car-buying parents in a sick twisted Clockwork Orange-esque fashion.

[Over a booger?]

I immediately retired to the bathroom post-haste,

[Ignoring all the free tissue located therein.]

and after stealing the remaining tampons in the free dispenser, furiously paged through my spellbook to the "esacteksab lautceffeni" cantation and swiftly inscribed a pentagram on the floor while looking very mysterious. I chanted the words whilst standing on one foot and fingering my asshole and left the bathroom, knowing that revenge would be within my grasp faster than an obscure German metal album in the 99 cent Walmart discount bin.

[And I resent just how trendy Witchcraft became.]

As the buzzer rang signaling the day's end to our fascist brainwashing, I cracked open a refreshing bottle of Chinese Herbal Yellow Dragon Tea and lit a Djarum Ultra in anticipation of my evil nemesis' fate

[All this over a booger?]

I then made my way out through the fire exit door to avoid the conformist ocean of Louis Vuitton bags and overtly cheerful cellphone rings, and caught a swift glimpse of my nemesis in the parking lot just as the high school quarterback's BMW mowed her down, CRACKING HER FUCKING SKULL WIDE OPEN! HAHA! SWEET, SWEET irony!

[You really want me to believe this?]

I squinted as much as I possibly could while retaining visual awareness and clenched my black men's size 36 waist parka in triumph, retiring later on that evening to regale my friends of my victory during their nightly ritual of Dungeons and Dragons and scrambled cable porn. With that in mind, I believe you should grant me access to your message boards immediately as I

[You really need to buy some new cliche and stereotypes.]

am clearly a Heartless Bitch of the highest caliber.

[Not with this application.]

P.S. I may be persuaded to throw in an honorary membership to our club upon acceptance of my application.

[I'd sooner put out my own eyes.]

Blessings from Gaia, Witchstress Melanie

[Yeah, and when you get this, you'll probably throw some impromptu curse my way. They matter equally to me.]

One Liner:
My child in an Honor Student

[Are you feeding your child to a nazi sellout?]



Name: kathy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I had a boyfriend, Michael. Turned out to be married- he lied to me- so I made him take me shopping.. I ahd needs- I needed to get even- so I spent close to a thousand- and broke up with him three hours later- on the phone. Why- cause I am a heartless bitch!

[No, you're an effective blackmailer. I've heard this before...I KNOW, it's that Blu Cantrell song, "Hit 'em up Style." "Put your hands on his cash, and spend it to the last dime for all the hard times."]

One Liner:
I bitch therfore- I am...now boogie!

[Or else it will cost you.]



Name: Anush

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Hmm i don't know i any of you might consider slaughtering farm animals since the age of 8 is heartless

[No.]

....most of my boyfriends want to puke when i tell them hahaha. I personally don't see a ifference in slaughtering a goddamn cow or a lamb. I'm not a damn animal hugger. Other than that most of the girls i meet tend to hate my guts because i kick their whiney arses in any political discussion, beacause i always expresss my opinions in the most articulate and correct way, and supriseingly it seems like, they get very confused if you speak correct english.

[That paragraph was certainly a shining example of articulate and proper English, eh?]

And if they dare to start talking about their stupid stupid relationships, and how their asshole boyfriend wants them to get their tits done i just tell them to shut the fuck up and get a grip. Other than that i've always been a tomboy so i learned early on how to kick butt, but even though i sound like a shitkcicker,i 've always know how to dress myself like a million bucks and shop like a madman. But if a guy should try to grab my butt i always tend to smack them in the head.

[It's like a habit or something, this tendency to smack them in the head.]

I don't tolerate idiots, and i'm in control!!! not the guy not his mom, no me. My money, my dads farm ,my hunting pistol, ME!!! Oh and i laughed at Titanic, c'mon what the fuck is that LOL

[It's a good thing that you're so articulate.]

One Liner:
nimals are animals, if they suffer it's their fucking problem. My boss doesen't have the guts to fire me even if i tell him to go shove it. I like to tick people off an laugh at them, when they whine an bitch i public.

[I feel like I'm playing "Wheel of Fortune" with all of these missing letters.]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
go to top

Pause your cursor over each link below for a more detailed description

Home
Search HBI
HBI FAQ
   Rants
   Collected Quotes
   The Manipulator Files
   Nice Guys? BLEAH
   Links
    I'M NOT BITTER...
   Auntie Dote
   Honorary HBs
   Adult Books
   Kids Books
   Privacy Policy
   Awards
   HBI Sitings

---

Want to link to HBI?



  Want to know when we update? Subscribe to our "What's New" RSS Feed

(What is an RSS Feed?)


Get SharpReader - our favorite RSS aggregator - it's free!

If you don't have a Newsreader, you can subscribe to updates via email:

Enter your Email


Powered by FeedBlitz

Add this Content to Your Site