Name: Witchstress Melanie

[Here we go.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch. I guess I'll start off my application by telling you a long, dramatic story...

[Not if you wanted to get accepted.]

It all started back in highschool. I was a member of an elite faction of witchcraft goths

[Heh. Elite goths. I'm getting an asthma attack.]

rebelling against our fascist, suntanned, car-driving overlords. As exclusive members, we spent most of our days in dimly-lit rooms talking about the exclusivity of our club and chain-smoking Laramies we found on the floor in our G.E.D. classrooms.

[You've got to do better than this to yank my chain.]

One time this conformist skirt-wearing WHORECUNTBITCHSKANKSKEEZERDYKE girl was looking at me after I got done picking a booger (EVERYONE HAS BOOGS HUN! LOOSEN UP!), and I could see just by the glaze in her eyes she had recently been viewing George Bush reelection propoganda forcefed from her Nazi, fascist, car-buying parents in a sick twisted Clockwork Orange-esque fashion.

[Over a booger?]

I immediately retired to the bathroom post-haste,

[Ignoring all the free tissue located therein.]

and after stealing the remaining tampons in the free dispenser, furiously paged through my spellbook to the "esacteksab lautceffeni" cantation and swiftly inscribed a pentagram on the floor while looking very mysterious. I chanted the words whilst standing on one foot and fingering my asshole and left the bathroom, knowing that revenge would be within my grasp faster than an obscure German metal album in the 99 cent Walmart discount bin.

[And I resent just how trendy Witchcraft became.]

As the buzzer rang signaling the day's end to our fascist brainwashing, I cracked open a refreshing bottle of Chinese Herbal Yellow Dragon Tea and lit a Djarum Ultra in anticipation of my evil nemesis' fate

[All this over a booger?]

I then made my way out through the fire exit door to avoid the conformist ocean of Louis Vuitton bags and overtly cheerful cellphone rings, and caught a swift glimpse of my nemesis in the parking lot just as the high school quarterback's BMW mowed her down, CRACKING HER FUCKING SKULL WIDE OPEN! HAHA! SWEET, SWEET irony!

[You really want me to believe this?]

I squinted as much as I possibly could while retaining visual awareness and clenched my black men's size 36 waist parka in triumph, retiring later on that evening to regale my friends of my victory during their nightly ritual of Dungeons and Dragons and scrambled cable porn. With that in mind, I believe you should grant me access to your message boards immediately as I

[You really need to buy some new cliche and stereotypes.]

am clearly a Heartless Bitch of the highest caliber.

[Not with this application.]

P.S. I may be persuaded to throw in an honorary membership to our club upon acceptance of my application.

[I'd sooner put out my own eyes.]

Blessings from Gaia, Witchstress Melanie

[Yeah, and when you get this, you'll probably throw some impromptu curse my way. They matter equally to me.]

One Liner:
My child in an Honor Student

[Are you feeding your child to a nazi sellout?]

Name: kathy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I had a boyfriend, Michael. Turned out to be married- he lied to me- so I made him take me shopping.. I ahd needs- I needed to get even- so I spent close to a thousand- and broke up with him three hours later- on the phone. Why- cause I am a heartless bitch!

[No, you're an effective blackmailer. I've heard this before...I KNOW, it's that Blu Cantrell song, "Hit 'em up Style." "Put your hands on his cash, and spend it to the last dime for all the hard times."]

One Liner:
I bitch therfore- I am...now boogie!

[Or else it will cost you.]

Name: Anush

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Hmm i don't know i any of you might consider slaughtering farm animals since the age of 8 is heartless

[No.]

....most of my boyfriends want to puke when i tell them hahaha. I personally don't see a ifference in slaughtering a goddamn cow or a lamb. I'm not a damn animal hugger. Other than that most of the girls i meet tend to hate my guts because i kick their whiney arses in any political discussion, beacause i always expresss my opinions in the most articulate and correct way, and supriseingly it seems like, they get very confused if you speak correct english.

[That paragraph was certainly a shining example of articulate and proper English, eh?]

And if they dare to start talking about their stupid stupid relationships, and how their asshole boyfriend wants them to get their tits done i just tell them to shut the fuck up and get a grip. Other than that i've always been a tomboy so i learned early on how to kick butt, but even though i sound like a shitkcicker,i 've always know how to dress myself like a million bucks and shop like a madman. But if a guy should try to grab my butt i always tend to smack them in the head.

[It's like a habit or something, this tendency to smack them in the head.]

I don't tolerate idiots, and i'm in control!!! not the guy not his mom, no me. My money, my dads farm ,my hunting pistol, ME!!! Oh and i laughed at Titanic, c'mon what the fuck is that LOL

[It's a good thing that you're so articulate.]

One Liner:
nimals are animals, if they suffer it's their fucking problem. My boss doesen't have the guts to fire me even if i tell him to go shove it. I like to tick people off an laugh at them, when they whine an bitch i public.

[I feel like I'm playing "Wheel of Fortune" with all of these missing letters.]