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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of April 10th, 2000



Email : quexwacz@serialtypist.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate britney spears and everybody who like her. she is a fucking bitch.

[We've got your number now.]

i tell people what i meen about them and i maybe hurt them, but they need to know the truth!!!!!!!!! thats why im a heartless bitch!!!!!!

[In her world, truth!!!!!!!! is more important than truth. Hypocrisy is just another word she's never heard of.]

One Liner:
pepole who dont likes party are way to boring for me......

[I have a problem with people that don't like studying. Put DOWN that favor and read.]



Email : mojo@stillscreaming.net

UserID : aly76

[So she will recognize herself THIS time around.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i dont give a shit about anybody but myself OK

[Are you asking us or telling us? This will directly affect your credibility.]

One Liner:
Fuck you arse hole

[And who says practice doesn't make perfect?]

Email : mojo@stillscreaming.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[This was a toughie.]

One Liner:
Can I help you DIM WIT?????

[The bell tolls for thee....]



Email : sweakes@majesty.co.uk

UserID : Highness

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I just am. Don't fucking question me.

[Spoken like a princess with a pea in her skull, not under her mattress.]

One Liner:
Have him washed and brought to my chamber.

[You've got this all wrong. FIRST, you convince me that you're HBI material, THEN you can try to give orders.]



Email : amy@olestra.com

UserID : queen

[Sure you are.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Being included with a bunch of whinning women who can not defend themselves and have to hide behide and chessy web-site makes me feel superior.

[How can you kick someone when they just fall over? Amy, a heartless bitch waits until she's struck to keel over, well, if she MUST fall.]

One Liner:
DENIED!

[And how!]



Email : sara@olestra.com

[Amy's other hand. Weren't you fooled?]

UserID : queen

[When you pretend to be someone else, it's a good idea to change the ID. It helps to fool the whinning, chessy people.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I work with a group of stupid fucking men which gives me a superior position over the small minded sex.

[How? You have the same job as them, right?]

One Liner:
DENIED!

[Dern tootin'.]



Name: HaHaHELL

Email : HaHaHELLnumberhere@aol.com

[Damn the luck! HaHaHell was TAKEN.]

UserID : whipazz

URL : [Believe it or not, there IS one.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because...
1) I hate general sentiment

[Don't get your hopes up. She only numbered one of her reasons.]

from most men that a woman's place is in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant! {s slap get realllll!

[For the AOL impaired, that {S means that she's triggering a sound. This works ONLY in AOL chatrooms and this meager joke is lost on the rest of the world.]

I'll have your azz in the kitchen cooking for me and as far as pregnant...I on the other hand are smarter then you...

[Yeah, I are smarter than you too, honeybunch.]

I am not make anything I have to clothe, feed, or wash they azzes.But I'll aloow you to do it for me. I Have no time for men with little minds and caveman ideas. I think my horoscope is right about me...>Virgo (August 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder.

[I'll bet you never expected to see astrology in an application.]

Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and coworkers.

[That's reaching. You know you don't have friends.]

You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking.

[You actually claim this with pride?]

Virgo's make good bus drivers and pimps.

[It's that excruciating attention to detail. When do you make a left, which corner is your prostitute on...it's all in the details.]

Well said horoscope. from a heartless bitch.

[Where?]

One Liner:
<^x{'o'}x^> chea! <^x{'o'}x^>

HaHa
Hell
you may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes.....you may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air , i'll RISE!
-Maya Angelou

[You're not fooling me. I know you learned this from Poetic Justice.]



[Now for something completely stupid.]

Name: yo muffa daddy,bitch

[Makes you my grandpa? All mine are dead.]

Email : notaworkingaddy@aol.com

UserID : headpush

URL : www.wifebeaters.com

[Great. ANOTHER site that's completely under construction.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
bitch,suck my ball sac til it turns blue.open up your wet droolin mouths

[He prefers them toothless.]

so i can jam it down your throat and you feel it in your ass!mmm your grammas

[Why on earth would you want my gramma? Oh, that's right. You're my gramps.]

juices flow like molasses.i gave her the shocker and she just ate it up,like i know the rest of yall bitches would.i bet yall like the headpush dontya.pullin hair and smackin that big fat nasty heartless bitch ass is our game!little sisters beware,phat cum shots in your hair,and you suckin the shitballs out of my asshair.

[Those are called dingleberries, by the way. You're not my REAL grandfather. He would know that.]

please accept our application ya bunch of lesbians

[Well, it doesn't have a good beat, and you can't dance to it.]

One Liner:
what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?nothing,you done told that bitch twice!

[Which is about the extent of your limited vocabulary.]



Name: eMILY

[Note the small e. This means that she knows better.]

Email : eMILY.LAMER@SAGASOFTWARE.COM

UserID : the Mpress

[Color me unMpressed.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[eMILY couldn't figure out why she wanted in, she just wanted to belong.]

One Liner:
Minor, recurring hormonal imbalances are small potatoes to testosterone-induced dillusions of grandeur

[Well, it's a little late for that NOW, eMILY.]



Email : mrsdummytobe@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
To my fiance' - "you don't feel you get enough intimacy? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - you don't want me to wear a tight shirt to my job consisting of all males? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - I'll show you my love and respect when I fucking feel like it"

[Don't be surprised when your love and respect hit the floor with your jaw when you catch him fucking your best friend.]

One Liner:
Treat men like the bitches they are.....

[We'll see who the "bitch" is when you're crying on his shoulder over how mean I am. (It's me, baby. It's always me.)]



Email : igbayoserlay@online.no

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I`m a heartless bitch because I realy love to see the people I hate suffer, and to know i`s because of me....

[Yes, I am suffering right now because of you. A massive headache and it's got "confused applicant" written all over it.]

One Liner:
That`s tha smallest asshole I`v ever seen! Piss off mister!!

[Quick lesson. Assholes are big, DICKS are little. Take note.]



Email : psychonutball@aol.com

[Where else?]

UserID : Cujo

[That's a new one. Never heard a dog name here before.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I sold all the kid's stuffed animals in the yardsale and put the money toward my "weekend at the spa" fund. The one year old really misses Pooh.

One Liner:
I have references, they're just "tied up" at the moment in my crawlspace.

[What page did SHE read to think this was application material?]


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