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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of December 28, 2003
edited by Jadesyren



Name: Ice queen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I must say this web page is really sad,

[I find myself unhappy with some of these applications.]

i can only guess the people that are members of this site are women or men that only know how to bitch about things in life and on there secret bitch board,

[Well, you'll never know what happens on our extra-super-duper secret members-only-and-that-ain't-you board, will you?]

Bitch bore about there sad problems, and world problems that they of course know the answer too, but of course no one else does.

[Yes. How did you know?]

All you can do in here is probably say how though you are how you bad mouthed some one and similar things...etc

[You're really upset that you're on the outside, and you can't even look in, aren't you?]

I really wonder do any of you losers in here have a really job except for bitch to each other like chicken?

[Yes. I am a chicken by day. I work undercover for Col. Sanders. What else did you want to know about my work?]

Are any one of you actually successful?

[I hope to get promoted to Nugget someday. The Colonel says that I am doing well. I'm a fryer.]

Or do you still dream of it.

[Why are you so worried about what we're doing? Shoo.]

Do you go home and bitch all day to your family about world problems and about a stupid girl in your work that just got promoted for no reason???

[Well, if that were all we did, then you would have been accepted, right?]

some things you can't change get over it.

[Shadow boxing! Watch as she sets up her straw man, and knocks him down.]

Your bitching wont change it, DO some thing for a change, that is what a real bitch would do not bitch on the internet, and type about she or he did this or that or think this or that is wrong NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK GET OVER IT!You are all sad people that have no idea of how to fight life really problems

[What's really sad is how you've concocted this all in your mind, and you're arguing with us about something that you think we're talking about.]

One Liner:
STOP BITCHING AND START CHANGING THINGS !! ADVICE

[Who is this person who speaks to me as if I needed her advice? If only I had a window! (Yes, I've stolen this from Braveheart. That's why it seems familiar to you.)]



Name: StaceY

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Too many to mention actually. But here is an example.

[AAAAAHHH! Sounds like I'm getting a story.]

I so despise my husbands ex-bitch.

[I've never heard that before. Don't you get tired of despising someone who is out of the picture? If that's not the case, then you need to dump this guy and MOVE ON.]

That I have had anonymous senders send her piles of *dog shit* for her birthday.

[Appropriate. You are stirring up the shit, so naturally, you'd ship it to her house. Typical that you'd remain anonymous, you little coward.]

Last year alone she received 13 packages neatly wrapped that housed *shit* for her birthday.

[I'm sure that this is a federal offense. Be a woman. CONFRONT her. LEAVE him. This pettiness is just ridiculous.]

I have gotten her and her family barred from selling "legally" on eBay.

[What does "legally" mean? Grow up. Develop some character. If you have this much free time, then I just have to wonder why. Don't you have a hobby? Shouldn't your man occupy at least SOME of this time?]

I have taken the time to meticulously learn as many details about her to use them against her.

[Why don't you fuck HER, then?]

By posing as an "internet" buddy

[I love how you put quotes on "internet" and not "buddy."]

I have recently discovered that her and her new husband are into dealing pot. So guess who got a call ?

[Wait. She has a NEW man, and you're STILL giving her grief? This doesn't even begin to make any sense. I think that YOU ARE the screwball here.]

I am sure there is a helicopter over their property if not one will soon be there.

[Even if you have to hire and fly the thing yourself. You just can't get enough of her.]

.Have also set up an account with a "Porn" dating service and had every sleaze ball this side of the equator calling her and asking her for *favors*. And there is so much more *BITCHY* things I have done just to satisfy my *BITCHINESS*.

[You're just obsessed with this woman.]

..Oh and I would prefer to remain anonymous to a certain point as I am an undercover BITCH most times..

[Not undercover, but cowardly.]

One Liner:
Hi,Ho,Hi,Ho off to be a royal BITCH I go...

[You're more like a psychotic stalker. I suggest you cease and desist before YOU wind up in jail.]



Name: Julia

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Am I a Heartless Bitch? Well some people may say that I am but personally I don't like labels

[Well, there you go. The answer is no.]

even good ones like 'Heartless Bitch'. Labels confine you and force you to act a certain way.

[Pfft. Labels can also reflect who and what you are. You're a woman. That's a label.]

I want to do what I want, when I want and say what I want.

[I want a bajillion dollars.]

To be me. That means that if one day I want to be a heartless bitch I damn well will be but if the next day I want to be sweet-as-pie I will be that too. If anyone doesn't like that - then too bad!

[Try tempertantrums.com.]

One Liner:
Some people evolve to a state of Heartless Bitchiness, others are born to it. I fit in the later category!

[It's later than you think.]



Name: Lisa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am what I am....you can take it or leave it, and frankly, I don't give a donkey's dong.

[How many of those do you have?]

I loathe whiny, sentimental, weak girls who NEED a man or daddy or an institution to do it FOR them. Take care of your own self, DAMNIT! When I want something, I pursue it with single minded focus - not really concerned about what or who may fall in the wake.

[Yeah, she doesn't give a donkey's dong.]

I'll only step on you if you're lying in the way. But if you are....OH WELL! I won't steal your man, but if he's sniffing arounf my door and I feel like keeping him for a while, DON'T come whining to me.

[Okay, you won't STEAL him, but you'll feed him like a lost puppy? I love your moral distinction.]

It's not my problem if you can't keep him satisfied, now, is it?

[Like men are insatiable? All he wanted was some strange, and he hit the mother lode.]

And why the hell would you want a guy who'd step out on you anyway? I wouldn't.

[Yes, you would. Remember. That guy sniffing around your door is the same kind of guy that would leave you to sniff another's.]

If he was mine, and it was your door in question....SNAP! All yours. You can have the bastard. Hey, chances are that's how you got him in the first place!

[Oookay. Now I'm really confused.]

The difference is you held on for dear life - knowing what a dog he is. I'm gonna chew on him for a week or two, milk him for all he's worth and then throw him back.

[It's a GUY, not a DOG. You can't milk either.]

So, calm the BLEEP down.

[You say BLEEP?]

...he'll crawl back to you soon enough. Don't ask me out and expect me to pay.

[Have cash when you sniff around HER door.]

Don't make me promises you can't keep. Don't EVER whine your excuses at me. PFFT! DOn't ask me a question unless you want an honest answer - 'cause you'll get one. Yes, you look fat.

[I'd rather be fat.]

No, I don't think your new pink boa is cute with those spandex pants. The couch is hideous. Maybe your dog wouldn't have dropped dead if you hadn't gorged him on fried chicken scraps, and by the way, you might want to eat a few thousand salads yourself.

[Superficial advice from Queen Pinhead.]

Your boyfriend's head is way to small for his beer belly. No, pushing cell phones at a mall kiask is NOT a career - you're still a LOSER.

[Beats fucking for dollars.]

Okay, I'd tell you more, but I'm getting bored, and so far I'm not getting anything out of this. What are you gonna do for me?

[Reject you. Treasure it always.]

One Liner:
Some bitches talk the talk, other walk the walk - meanwhile, I mow them all down with my car.

[Yeah, probably criticizing them on how fat they are. Pinhead.]



Name: April

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't need to explain why i'm a heartless bitch, the only person I have to answer to is myself.

[I hope that you and yourself are getting along well in Loserville.]

One Liner:
April: "Are you in yet?"
Male: "I finished"

[My cousin used to say this to get my aunt to wipe his ass when he was a boy.]



Name: ChocolateBrushy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Actually I don't feel like writing down all that shit

[Then don't. It's as simple as that.]

, who do you think you are :@?

[The Bouncer, who is rejecting your dumb-ass application.]

But for once I'll put aside my lasyness and tell you I'm so damn evil my only hobby is laughing at people.

[Mocking people doesn't make you evil.]

I just love to see the look on their face, knowing I'm ruining their live.

[Oh, come now. I mock people in a much BIGGER pond than that, and I know damned well that their lives aren't RUINED. The most I can hope for is a moment of discomfort.]

Of course I don't have any friends, but what do I care,

[Prozac DOES work miracles.]

I'm a bitch and wonderful and I love myself!!! And I still have my chocolate, I'm addicted to it, it's all for me, no one else can get it :@!!!

[You don't have friends, right? Who is there who would eat your chocolate, anyway?]

One Liner:
Sure, I'm a bitch, but what do you have to brag about?

[That you're not a member.]



Name: Seppy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have an infinite capacity to open my mouth and create rage amongst the small minded.

[If you have such a HUGE brain, why do you pick such a simple target? This is like lording over the fact that you can scare small children.]

I scare stupid people, insecure people and rigid people. Of course, the catch is that these people run the world right now, so my intention is to make sure that we change that as soon as possible.

[For what point and purpose?]

As a New Yorker living in the midwest, I am hopelessly direct.

[Being a New Yorker doesn't mean that you're direct any more than being from the Midwest means that you're not.]

My Meyers-Briggs profile is so high in "T" that I have no "F" unfortunately, this means that the people I piss off most are women. Sorry sweeties.

[Yes. I knew from the minute I saw this that I was dealing with a great mind. Then I wiped the tears from my eyes, and got serious.]

One Liner:
I have an infinite capacity to open my mouth and create rage amongst the small minded. I scare stupid people, insecure people and rigid people. They should get over it.

[They will, never fear.]





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