Name: Iya

[I was thinking more along the lines of "Ay yi yi."]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Lately I've been getting a lot of emails telling me to stop complaining. Stop COMPLAINING?

[Yes. You've confused what we meant by Heartless BITCH.]

My lifeblood!

[Get a transfusion.]

I don't know what I'd do without offense, dissent, angst, and consternation Without large, unwieldy synonyms such as those, I would be lost.

[You are ALREADY lost. At least you're still a teen. Teens are the only people who can express angst and not get a shot in the mouth.]

Teenagers are more helpless than even the smallest spawn-child, since we are past the age of being able to scream and roll around on the floor to get what we want.

[That's the problem. Temper tantrums should NEVER be rewarded.]

We're no longer cute and cuddly, and some of us are actively sharp. Our geriatric neighbors, who used to give us candy apples on Halloween, turn on the sprinklers when we walk past.

[You expect a handout?]

Our parents shake their heads and buy books with titles such as "Your Child The Freak: When Did You Completely Screw Up?" Your older siblings think you're immature and your younger siblings throw their pom-poms at you and have a monopoly on every bag of chips in the house. (At least, mine does). Your grandparents wail that you talk too fast and weep over your eye makeup while slurping down their medicated shakes.

[Welcome to the REAL world where everything doesn't go your fucking way. Remember this time with fondness. When you are an adult...if you are ever lucky enough to grow up to that stage instead of remaining perpetually adolescent, you will treasure being innocent enough to believe that you are having a hard time of it now.]

Everyone in the neighborhood eyes the family sedan with an expression of glee and doom, knowing it will soon be wrapped festively around a utility pole. Young suburban mothers, when they're not giving you 25 cents an hour to babysit the shrieking sprog of their loins, snatch the precious children out of your way should you happen to walk down the street wearing black.

[Ugh, please say that you're not one of those disgruntled goth-y twerps.]

Even your loyal dog enjoys nothing more than eating your eyeshadow and munching on your CDs.

[Try living in a world in which your family has to eat your loyal dog to stay alive, and you wear eyeshadow to make a few bucks from strangers.]

Can you find solace in other teenagers? NO. Your rock-stupid peer group are the same idiots who invented cliques and designer clothes. I'll fill your car with pot smoke, flash a thong with no consideration for innocent bystanders, and bitchslap you upside the head for minor infractions. Everyone has horrible taste in music. They all talk too loud and scream at their twittering friends. And they care too frickin' much about shoes. They all want to hang out at the mall, as if it was a mecca of light and joy, instead of a dark hole where all the coffee costs five bucks and the clothes always smell faintly rank. Boys alternate between being annoying, being downright pathetic, and being busy looking at boobies.

[Well, you can't be happy anywhere, can you?]

Even your so-called friends call you up at three in the morning with a desperate plea, "Dude, the cops found my stash. I need a place to crash for a week or two. You have a couch in your basement, right?"

[My mother would have KILLED me if I got a phone call at 3 a.m. You're spoiled.]

So why shouldn't I complain? It' all I can do. I have no other clout in the world besides the subjects of my angsty rants. I can't vote and I'm too young to get a job of any consequence.

[Wah, wah, fucking wah. You can't get what you want, so you just sit in your shit and cry about it.]

I can't take my beater out legally, although every day I thank the Magic Force of the Invisible Universe that I have a beater at all, even if I can merely sit on its spoiler, staring at suburbia and feeling like the coolest thing on the block because I have a CAR OF MY OWN TO SIT ON! Lastly, I cannot escape the suburban wasteland where I was born.

["Life just bores the shit out of you." Thank you, Denis Leary.]

I can barely walk out of my cul-du-sac before I'm standing on the shoulder of a six-lane freeway behind whipped about by frenetic lithites putting the pedal to the metal in a Toyota Camry. No one takes me seriously because I'm sixteen,

[No one takes you seriously because you're STUPID, and they hope--because you're sixteen--that you will grow out of it. You see, they hope you're immature and childish, otherwise, there is very LITTLE hope.]

an age that, to ADULTS (said with scorn) is something they grew out of a very long time ago.

[It's not the AGE they grew out of....]

So I do what I can do. I have an opinion of my own. So RESPECT, y0.

[Respect what? Anybody's got opinions, and they tend to foist it on us, whether we like it or not.]

Otherwise I'll have to scream and roll around on the floor.

[Try that shit near me, and I'll give you the spanking you're crying out for.]

One Liner:
I'm just a ball of dissention with no depth perception.

[With nothing to do but fake an application.]

Name: Meagan

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am confident being alone. I can fix my own car. I light my own cigarettes. I don't own a yappy dog. I don't believe in "inner beauty is everything" - come on, if they don't look good, how are you supposed to get close?

[Inner beauty can make something that is unattractive appealing. Nothing can save ugliness on the inside.]

One Liner:
You walk in my house, you better take your fucking shoes off.

[Bleah. Keep your fungus to yourself.]

Name: Sasha

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bitch because, I don't care about much of anything. I get what I want, usually when I want. I don't hate men but I realize that they are only good for two things, face and dick.

[Ugh, and you probably complain when guys say shit like this.]

I seriously doubt that I'll get married simply because the assholes that are coming out of the wood works, are exactly that, assholes.

[Whoever said that opposites attract was a big, fat liar.]

I've already been labeled many times by many a person. May as well make it official.

[Now you're OFFICIALLY an asshole.]

One Liner:
When the goin' gets tough, the bitches get to kick some fuck face in the balls.

[I guess this beats, "...the tough go shopping," but not by much.]

Name: amanda

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Why,because im fed up with men using me as a trophy and womens jealousy towards me just because i was cursed with 36c bra size!

[Oh, boo hoo hoo. Like jumblies are a curse. Try being fat, or flat...(not to mention the various other geniune minorities).]

im sick of being treated like an airhead because of my hair....I HAVE BRAINS 2!!!!!!!!!

[Well, technically we ALL have brains. Yours happen to be in your tits.]

One Liner:
realizing that you will never find someone who will love you as much and as good as your daddy did out of men!

[A hidden layer of me is recoiling from that sentence. It's like that oogy feeling I get when I watch "Little Orphan Annie," and Daddy Warbucks says that he wanted a little boy instead, or that she looks pretty cute in her bathing suit. Euw.]

Name: Aminta

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well I would have to say that I can't stand people that think they know everything and make other people feel inferior.

[...'cuz that makes me feel...like, you know..bad.]

I also can't stand a person that cheats. I think they are slobs.

[Huh?]

People who try copying and watching your every single move...etc. People who try to live your life and give opinions about how you have to live your life.

[It's as if each sentence didn't follow the next.]

One Liner:
I don't have an attitude problem...you have a perception problem.

[I see clearly that you suck.]

Life is a dick...when it gets hard...fuck it.

[So what do you do with Life's creamy filling?]

Name: Kosaru

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I read the article about 'nice guys.' It's SO true.

[We think so.]

I'm the kind of girl who always seems to attract

[Stop right there. If you are dealing with this kind of guy on the regular, it ain't THEM, it's YOU. What attracts you to a snivelling loser? Let's see if you give it away.]

these whiny, sniveling annoying irritating empty personality-less game-playing nose-dripping brats who are always whining about emotional baggage and 'who is me'. I hate guys who are constantly talking about their past and shit, like I really care.

[I knew that you would. It's all about you, isn't it, Princess? Well, when you're this self-centered, the ONLY guy who would find you REMOTELY attractive is this kind of broken, needy, self-esteemless man.]

The worst turn-off in the world is on the first date when you try to 'get to know' eachother, and they think THAT means they should tell you their whole goddamn emotional history!

[No, they should listen to YOURS, right?]

Now at the same time, there ARE some decent guys,

[There are LOADS of decent guys.]

though nobody is perfect. And I don't expect that!

[No, you just expect them to wait on you.]

But some guys are just incontrollable.

[That's an interesting turn of phrase. Why would you need to control them?]

Now it's not even just guys. Most females irritate the crap out of me-- perhaps even more than men do! I can't stand most girls.

[Everybody annoys you, I see.]

Some of them are just as bad for thinking that they are always having to be with them and always 'falling in love' every second of the day. I hate those girls who ramble on about 'destined in the stars' shit. But i'm only going on about the things that I hate.

[You're just going on.]

Oh, there's a lot more that pisses me off in the world. But about my heartless-bitch qualities: I don't give a fuck. So, I used to be in love with you for three years.

[Really? And you never even sent us a card.]

You can't come back and not only expect me to give you anything back!

[There should be more to that sentence, but I'm sure that more would make less sense.]

I'm not even bitter, I just don't GIVE a fuck.

[No, they have to EARN it by worshipping you.]

You can talk to me and while all you want, I'll just say 'hmm' and "alright'. Not to mention all of my guys who whine about that whole nice guy schpeil. So I just head 'em on over to this article now! I don't really HAVE much quality, hmm.

[You said it!]

Guess that heartless-bitch inside of me is something I have to be come attuned to ^__^

[It's too bad we can't broadcast like radio, and the dimwits could just receive our signal.]

One Liner:
Don't talk to me; I'LL decide if I can tolerate you enough to be friends with you.

[Who are you kidding? You don't have friends.]

[One more whiner from the disaffected masses....]

spazmicorgasmic

Hi...

I want to have a bitch.... about all your bloody bitching..

[Suuure. You really want to beg us to make you a member. How's the vintage on that sour grape wine?]

thus making me a hypocrite I know, however I can admit that and that means that my bitch is therefore ok.

[No. Admitting you are a hypocrite doesn't excuse you from the behavior.]

I would have submitted an application for your 'oh so' exculsive 'right to bitch' club... but since you assume that you can only be a real heartless bitch if you have your very own home and highly paid executive job to pay for your own email

[Ah, so THERE'S the rub, you cheap halfwit. Look, if a kid can manage to give an account, I think you can handle it. If you are too stupid to figure out the solution to this problem, then you really wouldn't be happy here, anyway.]

and internet account instead of things like ; rent and food,

[You crybaby. If you can't afford the internet service, perhaps you should stop wasting your time at the library, READ THE BOOKS, and get a better job.]

as web based account is deemed "unacceptable" by your standards...

[Among the many reasons, it DOES weed out the stupid.]

thus assuming that kick arse girls dont live any other way... well I do...

[A Heartless Bitch can pay her own way--and not complain about doing it. She doesn't BRAG about it either. Boasting about how you are self-sufficient (in general) is a bit like bragging about how you can wipe your own ass. You're SUPPOSED to be able to do it, and no one will care about your itchy, crumb-filled ass but you.]

so I wont be submitting my bitch membership form to you.

[Good. Less trash in my mailbox.]

So you said you weren't discriminatory...?

[No, we wholeheartlessly discriminate against the lazy, irresponsible and stupid.]

I am tired of people claiming to be 'Bitches' who are in fact no better than any other anal retentive looser whining about any other 'issue',

[So why DID you send this shit in?]

Don't you think it is the slightest bit hypocritical,

[By your own (il)logic, it didn't stop you, did it?]

having a website dedicated to bitching about people who bitch all the time? I think that sums it up sufficiently.

[Whatchu talkin' bout, Rachele? You know you don't think.]

'Oh I hail thy superior bitchiness "hail bitch queen"

[This will certainly keep you out of the yearbook.]

Rachele

- I don't have to gain the approval of you or anyone else… I am quite capable of validating my bitchiness by myself ... So you know what? Put me on your bitch, bloody website and proove me right.

[Here you go. Don't get used to my granting your wishes.]