Latest: May 12, 2002

Previous 'Issues':

2002
December 23, 2001
December 16, 2001
December 9, 2001
December 2, 2001
November 25, 2001
November 18, 2001
November 11, 2001
November 4, 2001
October 28, 2001
October 21, 2001
October 14, 2001
October 7, 2001
September 30, 2001
September 23, 2001
September 16, 2001
September 9, 2001
August 19, 2001
August 12, 2001
August 5, 2001
July 29, 2001
July 22, 2001
July 15, 2001
July 8, 2001
July 1, 2001
June 24, 2001
June 17, 2001
June 10, 2001
June 3, 2001
May 27, 2001
May 20, 2001
May 13, 2001
May 6, 2001
April 29, 2001
April 22, 2001
April 15, 2001
April 4, 2001
March 31, 2001
March 25, 2001
March 18, 2001
March 11, 2001
March 4, 2001
February 25, 2001
February 18, 2001
February 11, 2001
February 4, 2001
January 28, 2001
January 22, 2001
January 12, 2001
January 7, 2001
January 5, 2001
December 30, 2001
December 23, 2000
December 10, 2000
December 3, 2000
November 26, 2000
November 19, 2000
November 12, 2000
November 5, 2000
October 29, 2000
October 22, 2000
October 15, 2000
October 8, 2000
October 1, 2000
September 24, 2000
September 17, 2000
September 9, 2000
September 2, 2000
August 27, 2000
August 20, 2000
August 12, 2000
August 6, 2000
July 30, 2000
July 23, 2000
July 16, 2000
July 10, 2000
June 24, 2000
June 19, 2000
May 28/June 12, 2000
May 22, 2000
May 15, 2000
May 7, 2000
May 1, 2000
April 24, 2000
April 17, 2000
April 10, 2000
April 2, 2000
March 20, 2000
March 6, 2000
February 20, 2000
February 13, 2000
January 30, 2000
January 16, 2000
January 2, 2000
December 13, 1999
December 5, 1999
November 28, 1999
November 21, 1999
November 14, 1999
November 7, 1999
Aug 24, 1999
June 1, 1999
May 24, 1999
May 17, 1999
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of June 1, 1998

Name: Carla

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I have been with the same guy for 7 years, (4 of it married) and i just traveled 30 hours on a fucking greyhound bus, to go and have an affair for three weeks..and my hubby footed the bill.

[The Heartless Bitch in me doesn't respect a woman that slinks around, jobless or no. If you are not happy, tell him, pack up and move out. Get a JOB while you are at it. Finance your own affair.]

Now my object of my desire is moving up here and i am leaving my husband... On top of that , I came home with hickey's and a tattoo of my new man's design ;)

[(shudder) Branded. What Heartless Bitch in her right mind would subject herself to being branded? Maybe she means that her new man designed her tattoo? Nah. A woman that doesn't have the courage to end one relationship (probably fund reasons) to start another wouldn't object to being branded]

hehe..I am suddenly finding myself a very Heartless Bitch

[You're the only one, baby. What you are is thoughtless, selfish and cowardly.]

and i really don't give a shit ;)

[This is where we agree.]

One Liner:
If you don't like it..don't fucking do it

[We've got a better motto.]

Name: emelie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

i think i'm a Heartless Bitch because:

[I loathe submissions that lack a certain self-confidence.]

1) i HATE the snobby girly-girls that cry when they break a nail 2) i hate whiners 3) i dispise people that can't stick up for themselves and that's just a few reasons!

One Liner:
"If you went such a whiny little prick, you'd be a woman"

[I'm sure that I don't get this one. I thought it was an "interesting" concept, and some things need no further comment.]

Name: Jenny Kai-Larsen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch: I don't fuck my boss to get a raise, I use my brain.

[We'll remember you said this...]

One Liner:
People say there's nothing wrong with me a twelve-inch cock couldn't cure.

[Let me get this straight. Your cutting-edge wit says that you need to get laid? Your idea of a parting shot is an invitation for a fucking? It is to laugh...]

Name: KRISTEN

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I'VE OFTEN WONDERED IF IT'S PAINFUL TO BE STUPID ie:HELPLESS FEMALE

[Holy Control-Alt-Delete, is this an easy one. Wonder no longer, Kristen. It's not painful to be stupid. Obviously, one builds up a numbness over time. I'm wondering why you turned on your CapsLock, when you know where your SHIFT key is. Pick one, Kristen. Typing in all caps is a bit of a nuisance, but it's even MORE so when it's obvious that the typist IS familiar with the SHIFT key, and its applications.]

TYPES WHO CANT EVEN PUT A NEW MOTOR IN THEIR OWN CAR, MUCH LESS PUMP GAS.

One Liner:
IS IT PAINFUL TO BE STUPID?

[All signs point to...no.]

Name: maria

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

i'll tell you a little story and let you decide if i am a Heartless Bitch.

[You could have stopped right here. No.]

i was driving to work one day, minding my own business,

[How many people have time to mind the business of others on the way to work. Besides, Heartless Bitches have such a rich and full life that there is no time, much less interest, in the petty goings-on of others. Count that as yet another black mark against you.]

and apparently, i wasnt going fast enough for the person behind me.

[Tell the WHOLE story. Were you doing about 45 mph in the fast lane? Did you NEED to pick up the pace a little?]

the fact that it was a man is irrelevent. this guy was tailgating me.

[Yet you mention it anyway.]

never mind there was an empty lane he could have switched to. well, of course, i slowed down just a bit.

[Playing Miss Innocent isn't washing here. You are just as much to blame as he is. What do you mean 'of course'? This isn't the reaction that adult drivers have to someone that exhibits signs of poor driving skills. Fighting fire with fire is not only a really stupid expression, but a poor life choice as well.]

i looked @ him in the mirror and he was calling me

[How is "@" instead of "at" a short cut? SHIFT and reaching WAY over there to get that 2 isn't easier than typing at.]

all sorts of names, i am sure none of them were complimentary. he finally passed me, and of course, flipped me off.

[What do you care what some loser in a hurry thinks of you anyway? Heartless Bitches learn to drive before they go out on the road.]

i caught up to him @ a stop light and as i passed him, instead of returning the "favor" i decided to reward him for his act of intelligence and wit.

[We would have ignored the jerk.]

i blew him a kiss! he yelled a few expletives, i am sure, but i felt so good about it! i think it was the ultimate in sarcasm.

[No, this is.]

if that makes me a Heartless Bitch, then so be it.

[You make it sound like you've resigned yourself to it, and not like it's a badge of honor, which, of course, it is.]

if not, please feel free to use my story, as i am sure someone will get a kick out of it.

[Probably not the kick you are thinking of, nor the kick you need. Rest assured, what we are saying about you isn't complimentary. Take some responsibility. He was an asshole, but you are a poor driver.]

One Liner:
if you think money impresses me, then, 1. you don't know me; and 2. you don't have any where near enough.

[Then LOTS of money impresses you, which is not the same as saying that you aren't impressed by money. Although this sounds like a zing, it lacks the wit required to affect the target.]

Name: Neicie

Email : [Would you believe it's NOT hotmail, AOL, or WebTV?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

  This is for the pathetic males who can't see past his dick!!!!
                     Too   the pervert's
                            From tha Playett's       

[Some things are priceless, and some things speak for themselves. This isn't an example of either.]

One Liner:
Just because I don't want U! Does not mean I'm gay!

[Sometimes I refuse to comment simply because it's just too easy.]

This wasn't an application, but it deserves special mention:

>From: kelly
>Subject: Not Bitchy Enough?

[Vroom. Vroom. Who's driving the Clue Bus today?]

> I just sent my form requesting a membership to Heartless Bitches International. I'm a little pissed off about this.

[Be clear, now. Are you pissed about what you are going to say, or that Heartless Bitches is International...maybe you're pissed because you just sent in a form requesting membership? We're not sure, and I'm going to say that you're not sure either.]

I was completely unaware that you turned people down on the basis of their grammatical abilities, had I known this, perhaps I would

[What did you think? That you could type just anything and we'll say...okay, to hell with our standards. Perhaps Fab's notes on sloppiness didn't clue you in to this. The only view we really have of you is a verbal one. If you don't care enough to take the time to proofread, we aren't going to waste our time reading something you didn't care about in the first place. Get off your ass, stop complaining and correct your work.]

have proofread my ranting and raving. Now I feel as though I may be an unworthy Heartless Bitch. Don't think for a second that I am not bitchy enough, because sister, I'm right up there with

[No you aren't Bitchy enough. However, there is still hope for you. I recommend taking Medusa's 12-step program to becoming a Heartless Bitch. Failing that, read every inch of this site. You'll get it eventually. Helpful tip from Auntie Jade: Don't tell me that you are a Bitch, show me. Express a viewpoint that illustrates this. Do some fucking thing; just don't tell me that you're a Bitch. Put up or Shut up.]

you. I also never put in my bitchy one-liner, I'm feeling as though the fact that I omitted this item may hinge on my being accepted as a true Heartless Bitch, so here it is:

I have every intention of using you, and no intention of speaking to you after tonight.

[This is your idea of Bitchiness? Bitches don't USE people. We are too busy trying to live our lives to the fullest to really concern ourselves with things like petty revenge, or 'getting over'. To clarify, sometimes we may find it amusing to spend a little time giving the deserving a taste of their own medicine, if it doesn't take time from other stuff we'd rather be doing. Think of it as something we may choose to do 'on the way' to something else. Using someone is very far from the ideal of Bitchdom. In your misguided usage of Bitch, this may be an apt description. Here, all this means is that you are a manipulator as well as sloppy. If you were concerned that your omission of the one-liner was what kept you out, worry no longer. That was the least of your problems. They compounded when you filled in the blank.]

This applies to many different aspects of my life, trust me on that.

[That's what I was afraid of. Not only are you a selfish lover, but you are one of those hoohoos that flutters your lashes to get some male to pump your gas for you. Use him, then never speak to him again, although this does seem a waste of resources to me.]

I also wanted to let you know that it makes me proud to know that Heartless Bitches International hails from my own town, Ottawa.

[Why? What does it have to do with you except location? Any fool can LIVE somewhere.]

I appreciate you taking the time to consider my application.

[Oh, for what we considered it, however, you may not be grateful]

2Bitchy4U

[If this isn't the most annoying way to sign off. It's not like I haven't seen this every other application. It's not even theoretically possible that Kelly (your name is in the addy, honey) could EVER be too bitchy for Natalie. Oh, and Kelly. Try not to whine about your improper grammar in the next application, okay?]

Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1998, All Rights Reserved

go to top

Pause your cursor over each link below for a more detailed description

Home
Search HBI
HBI FAQ
   Rants
   Collected Quotes
   The Manipulator Files
   Nice Guys? BLEAH
   Links
    I'M NOT BITTER...
   Auntie Dote
   Honorary HBs
   Adult Books
   Kids Books
   Privacy Policy
   Awards
   HBI Sitings

---

Want to link to HBI?



  Want to know when we update? Subscribe to our "What's New" RSS Feed

(What is an RSS Feed?)


Get SharpReader - our favorite RSS aggregator - it's free!

If you don't have a Newsreader, you can subscribe to updates via email:

Enter your Email


Powered by FeedBlitz

Add this Content to Your Site