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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of November 2, 2003
edited by Jadesyren



Name: abid

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
resistence is futile! fukin arnie i hate that bastard, but he's got a nice arse. and becuz i keep on breaking ma nails wen i type

[Too bad you're not breaking your fingers...or your keyboard.]

One Liner:
i lik pussy

[Is that lick or like? Same difference.]



Name: Teresa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am just pissed off at stupidity.

[I just find it amusing.]

There are too many fake ass people in the world and I just want to start a cult and lead them back to reality.

[Drink the Kool-aid.]

One Liner:
I believe being a bitch is not a lifestyle it is the only way to live.

[Eat the pudding.]



Name: Molly

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm so tired on people blaming biology for their own shortcomings.

[I'm tired of people using ANY justification and rationale for their character flaws.]

You cheated on your wife? No, you didn't do it because evolutionarily men are more promiscuous than women. You did it because you're an asshole.

[Yep.]

I have nothing against stupid people. They tend to get on my nerves, and I try to avoid them, but if they're genuinely stupid, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

[Why? There IS no doubt (only Zool).]

What I can't tolerate are people who aren't stupid, know better, and still make shitty decisions.

[Oh, why do you care. You should be grateful that the stupid are this easy to identify, so you can cull the herd swiftly.]

Oh gee, [loopy friend's name], that internet boyfriend whose pickup line was "R U A VIRGIN?" turned out to be a creep? Quit calling me to bitch about it -- I don't care.

[Why do you keep Froot Loops as friends, anyway?]

I'm a heartless bitch on other people's behalf. I call my representative and rant to his beleaguered administrative assistant about welfare cuts or universal healthcare or the illegal sex trade and female trafficking. I'm researching a paper about female genital mutilation and getting more and more pissed off. I stay informed, and when something isn't right, I fucking say something.

[Good on you, mate.]

I was raised on "Free to be You and Me." And while some of those lovey-dovey songs and stories may not be heartless enough or bitchy enough,

[I remember seeing this in class. I did a mean impression of Michael Jackson, but I WAS a twelve-year old girl at that time.]

I did learn a lot of crucial stuff. My favorite line comes from the fairy tale "Atalanta,"

[Education was wasted on you. Try Greek mythology for $200.]

when the princess tells her backwards father (after he asks her why she hasn't found a husband), "As for me, I intend to go out and see the world. When I come home perhaps I will marry. And perhaps I will not." Sounds like a plan.

[Yeah.]

One Liner:
Sure, I'll listen calmly to your uninformed, rambling opinions. But don't be surprised when I quietly, brutally tear you apart.

[Quietly and brutally? Can you even put that together?]



Name: BJ

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i don't believe in santa clause anymore...

[I believe in Santa Claus because I believe in love. Thank you, Rankin/Bass.]

i'm not a naive fool anymore...desperately needing to believe in some "answer..." there is no fucking answer out there...

[You're saying all of this to me--at 20 years of age. Get out of your mother's basement TODAY.]

One Liner:
mtv real world is not the real world! they are are tall, beautiful, and perfect...that is not the real fuckin world...and i'm pissed cuz people believe that...

[I'm pissed because parents let their yard-apes roam the internet without supervision.]



Name: jen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i have no heart and i suck to many dicks

[Alrighty,then.]

One Liner:
im a ho

[Then get back to work.]



Name: Ines

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I will only remain with a man for as long as he amuses me. When he ceases to do that I give him one warning shot.

[In his ass?]

Then I am gone. I have been divorced 3 times, and I am the better for it.

[They are, too.]

I am currently on husband #4 and he is a keeper since he is not a breeder.

[But YOU have SIX kids. Hypocrite.]

This he did at my request, bless his heart. I am the mother of 6 great kids, and the Grandmother of 1. I own my own home by the shore in Connecticut bought with money I earned by serving my country in the U.S. Army. I own my vehicles free and clear.

[Good on you, but so what. You're SUPPOSED to do these things.]

I have never sought child support or spousal support from any of my exes because I can take care of myself.

[That's not heartless, that's stupid. They have a responsibility, too.]

These kids are my responsibility. I brought them into this world and I will support them. If their fathers want to contribute they can by buying them what they need.

[That is fucking support, then.]

I do not want or need their money but the kids need their Daddies in their lives.

[Too bad Mom keeps trading them in, eh?]

I been through a lot and keep a cheery outlook on life. Three divorces and the last one a vicious custody battle can take their toll, but I refuse to give anyone satisfaction. After all 'living well IS the best revenge'!

[And thank you for NOT sharing it.]

One Liner:
I am a Domestic Goddess and all should worship at the altar that is I.

[Thanks, but I'm giving bullshit up for Lent.]



Name: Monica

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I live in Birmingham, AL and I hate the conniving of the "southern belles".

[Oh, me, too.]

To me, it all adds up to dishonesty. I value honesty above all else. If you've got something going on with you and it involves me, get in my face with it. Don't hem and "haw" with your

[Haw is not a word?]

words and body language and make me try to "figger" out what's up. I can take anything when I know what I'm dealing with. Don't try to get me to read your mind!

[I'd have to start thinking in crayon and pictures.]

One Liner:
Be real. (I'll change this later.

[You only get ONE shot at this.]

Right now I'm so pissed off at my boss because she glorifies in being a "southern belle" and it makes me SICK!!

[Who cares what she does?]



Name: Odessa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Peopke cant seem to handle what im saying!

[It's because you read like a cryptogram.]

So ima bitch! Big deal! People should stop being such sensative little punks!I speak my mind and people jump all over me! It's just tha way i am! I'm not a bad person, I JUST DONT LIKE YOU!

[No, you're a bad person.]

And if I dont like you, ima let ya know!!! Would you rather I go around lying to you by pretending to like you, and say that your tacky ass clothes are cute or that your boyfriend is ass ugly and your breath stinks

[So, if I have tacky clothes, stank breath, or an ugly boyfriend, you won't like me? Who needs someone so superficial?]

and I cant stand the soun of your voice and the very thought of looking at you makes me want to roll over and die!

[Insert obvious remark.]

well I dont like you! I'd like nothing more then to see you get hit by a bus and watch your nasty, mutilated body bloat in the sun like a giant pulsating larva!

[Who wrote this part of the application for you? Who was it?]

And I would laugh! Just know no matter how much I hate you, ima kill you before I kill me!

[Clearly we are dealing with a genius here.]

Unless you're ugly face and breath dont do me in first! Ya lousy piece of shit!

[This application brought to you by Mrs. Kucher's 5th grade class.]

One Liner:
I hope you die....more air for me

[You weren't using it.]



Name: Not a real Gabor

UserID : zsazsa

[Heh.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a completely independant woman if a man doesn't treat me right he's outta of there.

[That's not really what independant means.]

I work my ass of for the things that I have. I don't have the patience for the games men want to play. And I'm definetly tired of men in their 40's hitting on me just so they can have an ego boost. (I'm 30)

[Are you easy, or something? Why would hitting on you, and getting rejected (as this tone implies) an ego boost?]

I have a couple of girlfriends who let their husbands run their lives completely and I can't stand it. I just want to slap them upside their head and tell them to get a clue.

[You ARE a Gabor, aren't you?]

One Liner:
I'm in total control and it shows!

[But of WHAT? (and that shows.)]



Name: Kelly

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because I have finally come to the realization that men are not the heart of oppression, women are!

[I can hardly wait to see where this is going.]

I have escaped the "sister-hood" of a post-feminism cluster fuck.

[We didn't want you around anyway.]

If you still believe that to be a woman you must either a) grow your pit hair out

[Was this EVER in the Feminist by-laws?]

and protest the evil patriarchal empire or b) think the "hair flip and giggle" is the feminine mating call- please stop sucking up our valuable oxygen and take you television networks with you!

[You...you don't want them to pull the plug on...LIFETIME, do you? Where will I ever see movies like, "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger," or those "Moment of Truth" dealies? I just can't live without the REAL story of Tonya Harding. What's a girl to do when MST3K went into reruns?]

I no longer have the time or interest in entertaining pigeon-holed ideologies about women,

[That's an outright lie. You OPENED this application with one.]

mother-hood,

[Can be found next to Red Riding Hoods, and the ever-popular "Hoodies" at your local clothing store.]

beauty, cultural and biological constructs of gender, or any other myopic attempt at assigning culpability for the ails of the world. I am a heartless bitch because I will not compete with other women for men's affection. I am smart, good-looking and I have perfect tits.

[See, now THERE you have it. These are the credentials we were a-lookin' fer.]

I do not need to play needy and helpless.

[...because she's got perfect titties!]

The best sex in the world is worth the desperate reduction in my character.

[Your Freudian slip is showing.]

(Okay, I might feign helplessness for the "best sex in the world," but I would have to kill him after I got off!)

[Why? The best sex is worth keeping around.]

I am a heartless bitch because I have zero-tolerance for ignorance, mindless cruelty and petty gossip. I am a heartless bitch because I have expectations.

[And they are low.]

One Liner:
Bring home the bacon? And fry it up in a pan? Let someone else do it. I killed the pig!

[Oh COOL! Another person who knows that Enjoli commerical. Sing along with me.
"I can bring home the bacon.
Enjoli
Fry it up in a pan.
Enjoli
And never, never, never, never let you forget you're a man.
...'cause I'm a woooo-man
Enjoli"]







Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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