Name: Victoria

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I tell it like it is, even though people are sometimes wounded because of what I say. Screw sugarcoating shit--like if I don't like my boyfriend's *hideous* blankie his mommy made him and won't allow it on the bed, too frigging bad.

[You're making it sound like this is some security blanket, but I have to wonder if his mother isn't a quilter. Like it's a challenge to hurt someone's feelings.]

It's ugly. Get over it. I'm not afraid to tell someone they're fat or having a bad hair day if they ask.

[You're not afraid to be trite or cliche, either.]

I'm not afraid to hurt people's feelings for the sake of honesty.

[One day you're going to get a tall glass of your own medicine. Or an ass whipping. Same difference.]

I've also had vindictive plans for snobby schoolmates...you don't even want to know!

[Right in one.]

And I'm certainly good at taking control of my man--and my own life.

[Who'd want a man that you could control? Careful. Sometimes they fool you with that "control" and you'll come home to him fucking your best friend--or his.]

One Liner:
I know what I want, and I'll get it no matter who gets hurt!

[I just hope you're not the crying type when someone with the same attitude hurts you to get what they want.]

Name: Shannon

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't listen to whiners. I don't listen to the ones who don't know me try to put me down for any reason. I give tough love. If a friend breaks a promise, I don't forgive him/her, I berate him/her until they do something to make it up to me.

[Ah, so you can be bribed.]

I will bite your head off if you irritate me in the slightest. If I don't like you, I'll tell you, and most likely everyone in earshot.

[What's the incentive in it for them to continue your friendship, if you'll try to embarrass them in public with some imagined insult?]

One friend of mine was consistantly late for get-togethers, and made the rest of us wait on him, when he knew of the plans for weeks in advance.

[If you knew that he's always late, why would you leave him in charge of the arrangements? Sounds pretty stupid, to me.]

The last straw was for the premiere showing of the Matrix: Reloaded, which was at 10pm the night before the release date. He decided to be late, and he had our tickets.

[He did you a favor, really. (Any mail sent to me in defense of that turkey will be promptly disposed of, unless, of course, you say something so idiotic that it's worth sharing.)]

I then called him on his cell, and said something to the effect of: "Okay, listen up you goddamned piece of shit! We are sick and fucking tired of you coming in late and expecting everything to wait and bend to your lazy-ass schedule.

[You didn't add, "We were pretty stupid for not getting the tickets from you in advance so we wouldn't have to wait for you"?]

No, we will not wait for a later showing. We want to see this one. We're going to get tickets, because your ass is lucky that there are still some available,

[Pfft. That should have told you something right there. An advance showing of something as anticipated as the Matrix should have sold out by that morning.]

we are going to see this showing, and you can see it on your own motherfucking time. And, when I come out of this theater, you had better be waiting out the door with a sorry fucking look on your face and a cash refund for everyone who paid you for a ticket.

[Fair enough. I'd have withheld a stupidity surcharge, however.]

If you don't, I will hunt you down like a rabid fucking dog and proceed to kick your ass. Do you understand me?!?!"

[Oh, get real. Like you were really going to kick his ass. Don't make empty threats.]

That night, he was standing outside the theater after the show, tickets in hand, looking scared as all hell. He was never late again.

[Is he dead now? Don't you mean, "He has never been late since"?]

One Liner:
Please go away. The endless void that is your stupidity is about to suck in the last threads of my tolerance.

[No, that was the Matrix.]

Name: Megan

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i bitch at people for whatever the say, i say what comes to mind and if its about a person i tell them even if its bad or good.

[Sounds like your mouth needs a clutch. Always engage your brain before you start talking.]

One Liner:
the closes thing you'll get to pussy is your boyfriends ass hole.

[That's not even close to pussy at all. Shouldn't this be your mama, or something? It would keep well with your incest theme.]

the closes thing you'll get to dick is your daddys finger

[Call me when you graduate from the playground.]

Name: Valerie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have mastered the art of getting free drinks, especially from ugly guys that I know I can use.

[As if it requires talent to get a drink from an ugly guy. The question is why you feel that thirsty.]

I have been screwed over so many time by men, that I think I'm turning into one of them.

[You sprung a dick? That would be handy.]

I don't believe anything anyone of the male species has to say. No matter who they are.

[What if it's "Hey, baby, lemme buy ya a drink"?]

People who are in relationships make me want to vomit.

[The green is for ENVY, not nausea.]

If another girl tells me how great/awful her boyfriend is, I'm going to punch her in the head.

[It's not easy being green.]

When an ugly guy asks me for my number, I don't decline politely, but rather make it blantantly apparent that he is not good enough for me.

[Unless he plies you with drinks. "Oh, DRUNKY."]

In general, I am a very bitter and tortured soul.

[Obviously. You're out of your depth here.]

One Liner:
I've lost all faith in humanity. I wouldn't really care if everyone died and I was the last person on Earth left to sit here and stew over my own thoughts and bitterness.

[Wah, wah, wah. All you need is a man to turn you around.]

Name: Jen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I think that "bitch" or "non-bitch" terms are directly related to how much time you have. Being nice takes an extra 30 seconds that most often is just too long to wait. Bitch example: "SHUTTHEFUCKUPI'MBUSY." Nice example: "Please excuse me, but I am currently involved with something important."

[You're just an idiot. You could simply say that you'll get back to them. Quick, easy, and efficient.]

Therefore in todays hurry-up world, being nice is not a good time saver.

[When you're an idiot, there's always time to do it over. OR again. Or listen to various coachings about how you could have done it right in the first place.]

One Liner:
"I think, therefore I am." Not original but a good line anyway.

[But what ARE you? Chorus: "An idiot."]