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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of March 20th, 2000



Email : feeble@another.com

UserID : bitch

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't give a toss about men that are used.

One Liner:
I will never be anything better than a bitch

[Looks like you won't be a bitch either.]



Email : DKILLJOY@WEBTV.NET

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
You call me a bitch lke thats a bad thing? Babe In Total Control Of Herself!

One Liner:
Bitch like thats a bad thing!

[And still more.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
All womens problems begin with men : Menopause,Menstration.Mental Illness.Im a Bitch Godess

One Liner:
Bitch Godess

[I think we've filled our keychain motto quota for today. Thanks so much for dropping by, Killjoy.]



Name: G. Starr

Email : Picasso@hurlworthy.net

UserID : meggiepoo

[Meggiepoo must be the middle name.]

URL : [Editted lovelorn URL. It wasn't bad enough to make Sappy Site of the Week.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I guess just because I know what I want and when I want it, and if I'm in control and that makes me a bitch, then okay

One Liner:
If I'm in control and that makes me a bitch, then okay.

[If you have to ask if you're in control, trust me - you're not.]

UserID : meggiepoo

[Meggiepoo wanted a take two.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I guess just because I know what I want and when I want it, and if I'm in control and that makes me a bitch, then okay

One Liner:

First, God created man. Then he had a better idea.

[And Lo! The Angel of the Lord came unto Meggiepoo, and bade her submit a weak application twice. And it was not good.]



Email : mentalcrutch@AOL.COM

UserID : besthoe

[In the whole garden, even!]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
my soul & body was taken now im free of heartless hoes \my new web \ bye hb

[At least it rhymes.]

One Liner:
have you ever had yo trap or kill an animal to eat ? I KNOW YOU ARE A PRETTY SHIRTS AND SISSY BRICHES BITCH

[Normally those critters can smell food a mile away, and they climb over each other trying to get to the food bowl. How bad is your cooking?]



Email : Honeyoneofthousands@aol.com

UserID : Fuck U

[Um-hmm.]

URL : NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[I'm beginning to sense that she doesn't have a webpage.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
SHUT FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please

[Shut fuck up please has as much commanding presence as Fuck off, okay? or Kiss my ass, if it's alright with you. With exclamation points, more doesn't equal better.]

I only look harmless doesn't mean I am.

[Looks CAN be deceiving, but not in this case. You're about as harmful as a cotton ball, powderpuff.]

One Liner:
DO me a favor and jump out that window

["...It's on the first floor, so you might turn an ankle, be careful."]



Name: YNEKIA

[I probably don't have to tell you that she's from AOL.]

UserID : BITCH

[And another one of those.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I DON'T CARE ABOUT A MUTHAFUCKER IF HE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEYF FUCK THESE STANKIN ASS WANNA BES

[I don't care about an applicant if she doesn't make any fucking sense. Fuck these stinking-assed hopefuls.]

One Liner:
MEAN BITCHES

[Live to serve you (up as a subject of mockery).]



Email : angerwithouta@bitch.com

UserID : crap

[Prophectic.]

URL : no, god dammit!

[Find a direction for the anger, young grasshopper.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't give a rat's ass about anybody except for my dog and kitty, dammit! I want to smack the hell out of whiny loosers.

One Liner:
God dammit you're pissing me off!

[We've established that you're angry, wanna take a stab at explaining why?]



Email : sad@AOL.COM

UserID : HOTGIRL

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I LIKE BEING A HEARTLESS BITCH

One Liner:
BITCHES

[You probably fall asleep at the wheel too.]



Email : cliché@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless Bitch because in my relationships, the men may wear the pants,

[This may startle you, but women have been wearing pants for over 30 years.]

but I control the zipper. I do NOT tolerate any scumbags or dirty BRAINWASHED males and the men lucky enough to be with me make me proud, and they are all in their place. I have standards, I am proud of them, and I use them. People respect me because of my assertiveness and the fact that when I want something I go above and beyond to get it. I do not let anyone stand in my way. Man, Woman, or Animal.... I am a loving person but if u piss me off, watch out. I AM THE BIGGEST 100% HEARTLESS RELENTLESS BITCH YOU WILL EVER COME ACROSS.

One Liner:
"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off."

[Lord, how she could use some wisdom. Behold, her AOL webpage.]

**><><^v^v NiPp'S pAgE v^v^><><**

ChEcK iT OuT
Hey Kids! Wuts Goin On? My NaMe is [deleted] n I lIvE in [also deleted]. UmMm... i Go To St. AnThOny's HS and IT SUX!!!!(( aww i love tha people, but its MAD HARD )) UMmM mY BiRthDay iS March 1, 1984....Me N DaRLa... We PiScEs bYtChEs!!!... I PlaY sOfTbAll AnD uMmM iM prEttY lAzY. n' dAtS iT 4 NoW! O n MeGgY? THAT PIC IS FOR U!!!! RIDE ME LIKE A TURTLE!!!! WHOOOOHOOO!!! lolol

***~**~***Id LikE 2 ShOuT oUt To mInE n DaRlAs FaVoRiTe LiTtLe pEoPle... OuR *sPeCiAl* "LiTtLe rAsCaLs" -- StYmIe , BuCkWeAt ,

[Meggiepoo? You know Meggiepoo too?]

Uh~hUh , AlPhAlPhA , AnD ThE OrIgIoNaL SpAnKy hehe I LoVe U gUyZ!!!***~**~***

~SuPeR NiPpS

~~~MaH cHiCoZ n' ChiCaZ~~~
LoL - UmM iVe dUn sUm PrEttY fUcKeD uP sHiT iN mY dAyZ n sO hErEs WhErE i GiVe cReDiT To AlL wHo hElPed Me GeT intO soo MuCh fUcKiN TrOuBlE. BuT I sTiLL LuV U GuYz -!!

NoRtZ - MrS. pAtTyWaCk, PiNoChIo n' JiMinY, "My CaT dIeD aNd ThE cArPoOl GoT sTaLLeD n ThaTs ThE oNlY rEaSoN wE aRe an HoUr lAtE!! I SwEaR!!", ObySS FeeLiNgS... YoUR tHe fUngUs...haha, WoLf HiLL rOaD - I LuV dAt pLaCe!! haha, X-MaS n ThE bLoW~uP cHaIr, DuNkIn dOnUtS "OmG iTs mY dAd! I SwEaR", "SoRrY oFfIcEr, BuT i'LL gIvE It To U rEaL gOOd If U dOnT TaKe mE HOmE to MoMmY" ShUt yOuR fUcKiNg fAcE uNcLe-FuCkEr!!"TuRn On YoUr LiGhTs!!" * TaD-J... ItS nOt A FrOg.. Its A LeAf!!!* hehehe --- TwEeDlE-dEE n' TwEeDlE-dUm, ThElMa AnD LoIsE, ThE fUnGuS iS aMungUs, MuD fIgHtS, ::HoNk:: ::HoNK:: o no! AnOtHer WhItE vAn fUlla SpIcs!!! ItS RaUl!! - haha - FaGoNeLLi, VoDkA n' GuShErS YEA BABY!!, SkInNy dIpPiN iN oUr UnIfOrMs, BrIaN fALLs n' ThE eLvIs dAnCe , AsHlEy "Im PrEgNaNt..."...O nEllY, TiNkIe n' WiNkIe, TeLL mE To ShOoT it!! Yo ThAtS gOoD sHiT! i CaN SiNg aNd Sound LiKE brItTnEy sPeArS!!!! haha lol - ThE bRiAn RuBbEr-BaNds - LOL - haha O gOd aNd thE CIA aGeNts, ThE cAr crAsH, AnD ThE mob DrUg ExChAnGe... AlL bEhInD tHe BaGeL sToRe!!!! ahhalolol that was fucked up - THE SUMP!!!! aNg LosT 50$? O WeLL!!! "ThE vEngA bUs Is CoMmInG..." haha - Go CaTcH a ShOoTiNg sTaR!!! DONT FORGET HAWAII!!!!

[And it goes on and on like this.]



Email : lonelyguy@altavista.com

UserID : fartdog

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I would love to receive email from Heartless Bitches.mAm submissive when it comes to woman

[You're a submissive when it comes to man too. You're just naturally weak.]

One Liner:
What ever you would like Baby

[To have twerps like you stop coming on to me.]



Email : nottoo@bright.net

UserID : babies

[You can almost smell how much this is going to stink from here. Like diapers.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I always buy things in my fiance's name without asking him first and I don't tell him that it is in his name, because his credit is better than mine and he always gets approved. I know that if I ask him he'll say no so I do it before I ask him, so he don't make me take it back.

One Liner:
If you can't buy it yourself, put it in his name.

[Some people would consider that theft. I prefer the independence that comes with paying my own way.]



Email : bellybuttonlint@worldonline.dk

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I'm a heartless bitch for several reasons! To mention a few:

1) I have contributed a lot to the above website [deleted]

[It loses a lot when the target is such an easy one.]

2)I master the 19 rules of flaming to perfection (in fact I'm the author of "On-line Flaming 101")

[Any twit with access can flame.]

19 easy ways to flame people (given with examples - all taken from real flame wars I have been part of (though not all the examples have me as the author)):

[Some people are proud of their accomplishments, then there is you.]

1) CALL THEM NAMES:
"You lame-ass fuckface!!!"

[I...I never would have thought of that one. The extra punctuation gives it just that special schoolyard touch.]

2) CALL THEM FAT:
"And believe me from the pics I have seen of you, you have eaten way to many cakes!"

3) CALL THEM UGLY:
"You're just ugly. You rag on others, calling them nasty, and you are the icing on the cake"

4) CALL THEM STUPID:
"If you had the IQ of a gnat, you would know by now!"

5) SAY THAT THEY SMELL:
"You stink as much as your sorry ass loser boyfriend's dick right after he buttfucked you!"

6) ATTACK THEIR HAIR STYLE:
"It's that no one in fashionable society likes your hair color. You have more black roots than Kunta Kinte, and the rest is so fried from the cheap peroxide you're putting on it it must crackle!"

7) ATTACK THEIR MAKE-UP STYLE:
"I bet you put your eyeliner on the inside of your eye too, right? Do you use Aqua Net?"

8) COMPARE THEM TO UGLY AND/OR STUPID FAMOUS PEOPLE:
"And this coming from a girl who looks like Tina Youthers on a twinkies diet convinces me more"

[These are really just subtopics of rule one. Flaming is so appealing because you don't have to be smart or clever. You don't have to think or deal with the issues presented, and the best part is you can always recycle all your best material, so you don't even have to think about being original. You're no Heartless Bitch, you're a (f)Lame fucker.]

9) ATTACK THEIR FRIENDS:
"Are your ugly ass friends to damn stupid to fight their own fight?"

10) ATTACK THEIR IMMIDIATE FAMILY (HUSBAND, MOTHER, CHILD ETC.):
"That explains your addiction to the Internet. Your husband just isn't cutting the mustard is he honey buns?"

[Merely variations of rule one.]

11) ACCUSE THEM OF NOT HAVING A LIFE:
"You have no other life than sitting around all day posting lame flames about people who are so superior to you it's not even funny!"

[So sayeth the person that actually authored the rules of online flaming. Ah, how I savor the irony of the "you have no life" argument.]

12) ATTACK THEIR WEBSITE:
"Your only hobby is doing this lame pathetic piece of crap you call a website!"

[See thoughts on not having a life.]

13) ATTACK THEIR JOBS/HOBBIES:
"I don't think you should be under your bed, I think you should be committed! There is NOTHING artistic about writing bullshit like that. Nothing creative, or brilliant, or talented at all!"

[Slow down while I bask in the brilliance of this sentiment.]

14) ATTACK THEIR SPELLING AND/OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS:
"CONCIDER?? What the hell is that? Did someone fail 6th grade spelling? Try again!"

[Ha ha. Reread your rule two and try again. When you start attacking typos, it's a good idea to ensure that you have none of your own.]

15) ACCUSE THEM OF HAVING MULTIPLE SCREENNAMES:
"Look, for any of you losers who managed to miss it - Frogsickle and Gizard Wing are the same fucked up loser!"

[And you say that THEY don't have a life.]

16) DELIBERATELY MISSPELL THEIR NAMES/NICK NAMES:
"I still say Filth and ComaHurl. Oops, I meant Milt and ComaGirl"

[Still on rule one, oh uninspired one.]

17) REVEAL THEIR REAL IDENTITY (OR AT LEAST THINK YOU DO):
"Don't get your panties in a twist now Froggie, I mean Gizard, I mean Chad!"

[And never let facts stand in your way!]

18) POST PERSONAL INFO ABOUT THEM:
"We have intercepted the IP addresses from the two anon flamers!"

[Anything but argue the actual point...oh, but you're a flamer. This means that you're the little irritant that lingers on the edge of the debate offering nothing of value and is largely ignored by the majority of interesting conversationalists.]

19) TELL THEM THAT THEIR INSULTS DON'T GET TO YOU:
"You haven't "taken the piss out of anyone" and no one feels insulted, chastised or any other way because of your posts. We're all just kind of bewildered because your posts make no sense, aren't flames or even insulting..."

[This usually means that they HAVE gotten to you.]

One Liner:
Shut up! If I wanted to listen to an asshole I would fart!

[Farting is the equivalent of what you've done here. Congratulations.]


Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 2000, All Rights Reserved

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