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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of August 3, 2003
edited by Jadesyren



Name: Carrie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
everyone sux and the reason i was put on this earth was to kill every single asshole and moron!

One Liner:
He broke my heart, so i broke his jaw

[It's the new country and western hit!]



Name: Jane

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'd like to begin by saying I was unaware that I might be a heartless bitch.

[They say it's the source of bliss.]

But hey, I guess if the name fits... Next, I don't really feel the need to tell you all my heartless bitch qualities.

[Oh, but of COURSE not. You dimwits seldom do.]

Suffice it to say I agree wholeheartedly with the HBI manifesto and saw a lot of my own feelings expressed on the pages of your site.

[Suffice it to say that this is simply NOT sufficient.]

One Liner:
What do you want? An award?...Does the word whatever mean anything to you? It's in the dictionary between WASP and WIMP...look it up.

[When you bastardize a cliche, it should still retain SOME of the former innuendo of the original. For example, that sympathy is between shit and syphillis thing. Get the point. It's BETWEEN shit and syphillis. ROCK + HARD PLACE = Get-the-fuck-over-it. The only way your little one-liner comes close to clever is because I feel like saying "whatever." I do not believe that was your intention, however.]



Name: Peter

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a man so I don't it is possible for me to be a heartless bitch (heartless bastard perhaps).

[No, you're too much of a dumbass. I'd tell you that you could lick my boots, but you'd like that wouldn't you, you sick fuck.]

I would like to join your site to learn more of the ladies point of view, if men are allowed to join.

[And why would you be wantin' to know the ladies point of view? On what topic? Go watch Oprah.]

One Liner:
A male who would like to learn more about the female point of view.

[I'll give you the Heartless Bitch point of view. You're an idiot.]



Name: Martha

[Martha and Peter have the same last name. Eerie!]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
LMAO!

[Get the fuck outta here. I can't believe you'd open with some internet abbreviation. Do you read something positive?]

I don't really think I'm all that heartless at all.

[Makes two of us.]

..I'm just not stupid, which, for some reason, makes people think I'm "overbearing", "pushy", "insensitive", "cruel", and, yes, an "evil bitch". Okay, granted, I have plenty of enemies, but only because I spoke up and told the truth when everybody else was pissing around playing nice.

[You are doing something wrong when telling the truth makes you a lot of enemies. Sure, sometimes people don't want to HEAR it, but again, you don't have to forget that you're civil to make your statement.]

My "bitch" label (which, incidentally, I wear proudly) comes from the fact that I have "wrecked" three marriages in the past year; not by sleeping with anybody or lying, but by pointing out the obvious.

[Or, by not minding your business. How is this a point of pride for you?]

Mr. Perfect won't "let" you hang out with your pals? He's a controlling bastard who needs his nuts ripped off!

[She left Mr. Perfect?]

Your "soul mate" deals drugs and wants you to be on his porn site? Ohhhh....So he wants to keep you too stoned to think cleary, so he can add you to his stable of whores!

[Are you sure he's not a pimp? Do you know any people who AREN'T in tragically obvious horrible situations?]

The last marriage I "wrecked", alas, wasn't even my doing...I told the bastard that no, I didn't want to fuck him and I thought he was a manipulative, selfish, egocentric asshole for trying to get in my pants while his wife was pregnant, and, amazingly, it's now being told everywhere

[Love the use of passive voice in that sentence. It's "being told"? Who's telling it?]

that *I* was trying to break up his marriage!!! LMAO!!! (What about MY marriage, shithead?)

[What ABOUT it? Seems like you'd have more time for yours if you weren't such a busy body.]

Of course, this little rumor was quickly put down by confronting the lying shit, in public, in front of his wife and friends, and then telling the TRUTH about his smarmy come-ons and manipulation.

[Well, good for you. It's rare to see someone who will directly confront the source of the drama. Waitaminnit. You ARE the source of the drama.]

I'm a bitch because I'm in a good marriage. Whoa! Don't boot me just yet, lol!

[You got booted for the excessive use of "LMAO" and "LOL." Christ, don't you know how to fucking TALK? Besides, who says that you can't have a good marriage AND be a Heartless Bitch. If you think so, then you truly DON'T "get it." This is also why you're dropped. Like a bad habit. Like a cold.]

I have a truly equal relationship with my husband; rare, I know, but there it is, and only because it's what we BOTH wanted. We both wanted a kid, we both wanted to take a year off work to be with our daughter (we did it-he stayed home and played "househusband" for a year, and DAMN did he get shit for it!), we both wanted our own business. Not that we never disagree; we just find a way to solve our differences instead of playing headgames for years, trying to manipulate each other into the other's point of veiw. Because of our "weird" relationship, though, we are both frequently judged as being freaks, or even insane! (Yep. We must be nuts because we get along and live lives that are remarkably free of psychodrama.)

[I wouldn't go THAT far. There's enough psychodrama just in this application.]

Oh, well. I'm a bitch for a lot of reasons. You want any more reasons to call me a bitch, talk to me. I'm sure you'll find SOMETHING.

[I want one reason to call you.]

One Liner:
"Intelligence is not measured by the number of drooling, hormone-driven idiots gathered at your feet."

[It's probably a more accurate measure of bust-size and availability.]

"You can beieve whatever you need to believe to make your own life bearable. Personally, I believe you're an cling-on on the asshole of the Universe, but you can take that to mean you're a tough little shit."

[This is about a sentence too long, and it's already been said before, and it was wittier then.]



Name: Josie

[As in the Outlaw Josie Wales.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well, I am not exactly a Heartless Bitch-

[Then go away and stop wasting our time.]

But, I am one of those Males who has Leared through a lot of Life Experience,

[I bet you leer, you sick bastard. What's with the Arbitrary Use of Capital Letters.]

that Woman are definitely the Smarter and more Intellignet sex. I have also learned that it is my duty to Love and satisfy an Aggressive, Dominant, Heartless Bitch type of Woman. I feel that this is my Duty as a man. I really enjoy being around Dominant, Heartless Bitch Women, and I love taking orders from them.

[Buddy, have YOU got the wrong website. Try HeartlessBitch.com. Singular. Which is probably your normal state of being.]

One Liner:
Yes Maam!!!

[Ugh.]





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