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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of July 20, 2003
edited by Jadesyren



Name: Diana

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I work on a suicide hotline.

[This oughta be good.]

A women called whining that her boyfriend had women over when she stoped by unexpently. She picked up his best friend and got his number at the party, he was a jerk also. I sugested that she go back to the party and warn the women there about the fact that they both have clap. (as they did)

[I thought you worked on the SUICIDE hotline. How on earth would you know about their venereal diseases? It's a wonder we don't have higher suicide rates if you're indicative of the kind of help they get.]

One Liner:
Your still breathing. Get over it. Tomorow is another day to get back at them. Pint of HagenDas? Put it in there Gas tank insted of your hips.

[Because jail is INFINITELY better than just getting OVER IT.]



Name: Doug

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
1) I am tolerant of sincere incompetence but when it comes to incompetence couched in pretense, I am not impatient,

[Patient?]

nor apathetic ... I feel compelled - no, inspired - to perform the mandated "notch-dropping" ...

[Whatever THAT means.]

2) Since I suspect there may "stock rejection letters" to heterosexual males,

[Which is why I suspect you're pretty stupid, Doug. First of all, we don't exclude males, just stupidity. Second of all, our rejection letters are normally tailored to the specific idiot intended.]

I'll also readily admit that I'm interested in your methodology for screening "traceable" e-mail accounts ... I help administrate a message board and we are tired of bullshit ....

[First of all, you must refrain from spreading it. This isn't fool proof, but it goes a long way. After that, there is a painstaking process involved with screening. You can't do this automatically.]

(Oh and if it helps, my co-administrator IS a truly heartless bitch - which is how I found out about this site )

[If she can't help you, then certainly we can do nothing with you.]

One Liner:
Whne I went to college, I learned one thing profoundly - Education is often wasted on the fundamentally stupid ...

[Much is wasted on the fundamentally stupid. This is why they're stupid.]



Name: alan

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
im a cum bubble left over from a lebian finger fuck that dont give a fuck about no one but my self if you dont like this you can suck my dick cause i dont give a fuck

[That's almost clever. "Suck your dick because you don't GIVE a fuck."]

One Liner:
i set my grand moms house on fire for the fun of it

[It would have been funnier if you were still IN it.]



Name: Remy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Anytime a guy ogles my body I fuckin stare him down and make the ugliest face until either he gets intimidate and looks away or coes up and says, why are you doing that, youre so beautiful? And I say because you looking at me makes me UGLY!

[What is particularly unattractive is your aggressive ignorance.]

One Liner:
If you can't beat them...arrange to have them beaten.

[Too bad the rest of your application wasn't this funny.]



Name: Laura

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
heres a few examples

[...and a chill ran down my spine.]

1) I find it amusing when me and my friends scare old people

[Just knowing that you are the future is frightening enough.]

2) I laugh at the people in the adverts for Personal Injury Claims, because they somehow managed to hurt themselves doing perfectly simple, normal things that even a chimpanzee could easily master.

[That's about the size of it. Right now I'm enjoying the laugh at YOUR expense. Wonder how you feel about that?]

3) I watch Animal Hospital to see cats in pain (i HATE cats)

[Do your parents know how disturbed you are?]

4) i Bitch about everyone and everything, for example, my IDIOT friends who complain non-stop about how their relationship is going to fail, then act suprised and upset when they get dumped for being a paranoid clingy freak. Oh, I'm sorry, do you want sympathy? Fat chance.

[Especially with YOU for a friend. I wonder if you expect sympathy yourself.]

Your brought it on yourself and personally, i find it highly amusing. Or slutty girls that wear teeny tiny clothes to attract boys, and when no-one notices the fact that they're practically falling out of them, THEY draw attention to the fact by saying things like "Oh this skirt keeps riding up, Look!" Or "Do my boobs look a funny shape?" Take a hint, if even MEN are too suprised or embarassed to comment on your totally lack of decency, and the fact that you must have a terribly low self esteem to think you NEED to emphasise what a easy bimbo you are, then you've gone TOO FAR. Shut up, go home and buy a mirror.

[Why do you care what THEY are doing? Shut up, go home, and develop some personality.]

5) If you so much as utter a word against me or my friends, you're dead. I don't care what you did or what you said, if my friends care, i care. Be Afraid. If i find out where you live, be VERY afraid.

[I think the lot of you deserve one another. You can dish out all that laughter, but you can't take it.]

6) I learnt from the master. If you think i'm a bitch, you should meet my mother.

[No doubt mental illness runs in the family.]

7) To all those suicidal people out there, you're complete and utter retards. I'm sorry, but i don't think your life can ever be that bad. And if you even TRY to convince yourself or anyone that your life is that bad, your more sad than i thought. You know what? The worlds probably bettre off without crackpots like you.

[At least the suicidal don't get off on the pain of others. Now, THOSE scumbags I could REALLY do without.]

8) To all the people that are too sensible to commit suicide, but still stupid enough to think you can solve your problems by cutting themselves, you're probably even worse. Ive never seen anything so sad in my entire life. You are now going to go the rest of your life with scars, to not only remind you, but publicly embarass you. Just because you felt overwhelmed by your miniscule, pathetic little attempts at problems. How humiliating for you. If i didn't think you were so utterly stupid i might even feel sorry for you.

[There's no room in your little, tiny world for anything but the Kingdom of ME. I am not a subject.]

9) This is the mother of all irritations. People who actually COMPETE with eachother to try and see who has the worst life. What the hell is wrong with you? Is your life so empty the only thing that makes you feel worthwhile is finding out your even more pathetic than the next person? How the hell does your mind work? And, just what colour IS the sky in your world?! Christ almighty, get a life, or a boyfriend or a pet or SOMETHING.

[The mother of all irritations is people who want to share their irritations with me.]

10) I can't decide whether i want to kill or congratulate the inventor of problem pages and agony aunts. On the one hand, its actually encouraging people to share their sad little insignificant problems with the world. Like we care. On the other and, it gives heartless bitches like us a chance to get a sadistic kick out of reading about their pain and personal humiliation.

[Us? Oh no. You're definitely out in left field with that one.]

11) Other peoples pain is funny. So what if they're my friend?

[I thought you'd hunt down anyone who talked about your friends. How many of you are writing this application?]

So what if they never did anything to me? Watching people squirm is one of the funniest things you will ever see. Imagining people squirming because you and several of their other 'friends' are bitching about them behind their back is the next best thing.

[In the real world, some of us have better things to do.]

One Liner:
My Friend; Does this skirt make me look fat? Me; No, your FAT makes you look fat. Needless to say, we weren't friends for long afterwards :D

[I imagine that you don't keep friends longer than it takes for you to open your mouth.]



Name: Gaby

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am cause i like to kick everybody ass when i fight..so you better dont probe me!!!!!!!!!!

[Because he's got this thing about aliens. Okay, it was funnier when I thought about it. Ass? Probe? Aliens? LAUGH, DAMMIT.]

One Liner:
Fuck all

[This was all fucked.]





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