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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of June 29, 2003
edited by Jadesyren



Name: jessica

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
how about you just take my fucken word for it!

[That's the general idea. You write something witty, original, compelling, or at least interesting, I TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT, and you're in.]

One Liner:
I've been considering murder for a while, and, unable to verbalize my bitchyness feelings in a manner in which you would understand.

[No, which COULD BE understood. You're about THIS far from premorbid.]



Name: Catherine

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am an evil person, i do evil things i think evil heartless thoughts. I manipulate those around me of weaker intelegence into doing my bidding..or just into horrible and humiliating situations that amuse me.

[She's the one responsible for leaving one square of tissue in public restrooms, chewing with her mouth wide open at restaurants, shouting out spoilers in the movie theatre, sticking gum under your seat with her posse of second-graders, and other truly EVIL stuff.]

One Liner:
Because i lie, cheat and steal, and i always get away.

[Because no one chases you. Why? They can't wait to see you leave.]

Because you know i'm getting more vengful and vicious every day.

[Vicious like an ankle-bitin' poodle.]



Name: suzanne

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't know if I'm a heartless bitch,

[That's what I'm here for. All signs point to "No."]

but because people keep telling me I am, I figured I should throw some examples of my so-called 'heartless bitchiness' at you girls and see if you agree.

[Trust me. No.]

Example 1. My ex-husband's new wife likes to take the passive-aggressive approach to confrontation by sending me sms's, letters and emails (she never calls or speaks to me in person). I don't reply and have sent back every letter unopened. But I do forward her sms's and emails to my friends because I enjoy listening to their hoots of laughter and biting comments.

[Attagirl! Talk about her behind her back!]

Example 2. When I go out on a first date and I find myself wishing that I were home writing an essay or watching the news,

[If she feels this way on the second date, she just fucks him.]

I tell him at the end of the night

[After you've wasted all his money.]

that I don't think we should bother going out again. If he calls a day, a week or a month later to see if I've changed my mind (as they do, because 'no thanks' means 'try harder' to some men), I don't

[This is called a "Booty" or "Wake up" call. Just in case your silly ass figured out that people just don't like you, he's willing to throw you a bone. For example, when you realize that your razor-studded personality is seriously causing dust to gather, he's offering his cleaning services.]

answer, nor do I return his call. (I'm a big fan of Caller I.D!) I just don't see the point in repeating myself.

[You really think you're quite the hot little turd, all the while you're running from confrontation. Just TELL HIM that you're NOT interested. I see why you know all about passive-aggressive behavior. I can't imagine why the hypocrisy doesn't choke you. I know I'd like to.]

Example 3. I adore my friends, male and female, but if they choose to take up with a person who I consider to be a total loser, and they confirm my opinion by constantly complaining about him/her,

[Glad that you added the disclaimer.]

I quickly get around to telling them that I don't wish to listen to their greatest-hits medley of grievances. The only words I want to hear in relation to their relationship are 'I'm single again.'

[Read: She leaves them little poison sticky-notes on their monitors.]

Example 4. I have a real problem with the wannabe HBs that initially seem to enjoy your site, but become vitriolic when you knock back their application for membership. Whether you do or don't like my application matters not at all - I will still think your site rocks.

[Good on you. Hopefully we'll see you again.]

Finally, my seven-year-old daughter thinks that I'm not a heartless bitch, she says I'm nice. Now that pleases me!

[She's not supposed to really understand what this site is about. She's SEVEN, not SEVENTEEN.]

P.S. I applied for an HBI membership some time ago, but regretted my flippant offering the moment it was sent. This one is more honest...

[Meaning that some parts are still not true?]

One Liner:
I love living alone with my child. I value our autonomy and enjoy my own company. I would only consider making space for another - friend or lover - if I were absolutely certain he or she would further enrich our already happy and fulfilled lives.

[Why do I need to know this? I'm not planning to visit.]



Name: Nikki

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have used so many guys. I know i am very good looking, because guys hit on me anywhere I go. I have a big ass, a nice ass, i'm in great shape, so even if they don't like me they look, and comment on my ass. I have fucked guys to get what I want, if that's what it takes.

[And when you're a big, giant ass, this IS what it takes.]

Most of the time i don't have to. My friend asked if i'd fuck to get a job, of course i would. What sane person wouldnt.

[A sane person with credentials and qualifications. You know, a REAL applicant. Someone who DESERVES the job.]

For 6 months last year i lived with a guy, simply because he lived closer to my work then i did. My drive from my house was about an hour, from his it was 5 minutes.

[You fucked a guy over, what? 50 miles?]

This guy liked me, everybody knew it, and everybody knew he had no chance. Even he knew. I made him sleep on the floor, he was so disgusting looking, and i trained him to not look at me, not talk unless spoken to,

[Ah, now I see. You fuck for the job because that's PART OF WHAT YOU DO. Well, that's different.]

if anybody we knew came around he would leave. Basically i said jump and he would jump then ask if it was high enough.

[You're supposed to train them to ask that first. What kind of mistress are you?]

He has never gotten anything from me. I don't allow him to hug me, i told him i'm not a hugging person, although i hug every other person i know, even in front of him, to piss him off i hug his friends. Basically he's on he shortest leash in the world, and i don't have to do anything.

[Especially you don't have to develop moral fiber or anything resembling character.]

Buys me stuff, never asked for anything, when i got a new job, i stopped staying with him, and moved in with my aunt, who lives closer to my new job.

[At least you're an equal opportunity user.]

He always said things like, "when you stop working here you aren't gonna come around are you?" I lied to him and said that "we are friends and we always will be."

[That's not really an answer to his question.]

Hey it was a lot closer to work. I think the poor sap thought i actually liked him. That's just one of the idiot's i've used, and that was just the begining of his story.

[Years from now we'll be watching some forensics show which features this sordid affair.]

One Liner:
I will suck or fuck for what i want, job, money, merchandise, services, if i don't have to pay or it helps me financially then I'll do what it takes to get it.

[If I were the guy you so callously used, I would be more upset that I didn't get my money's worth out of you. He could have held out for sex, instead of just a deadbeat roommate, since you'd do it to save on the mileage.]



Name: Tara

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Stupid People hurt my brain!!

[Mine, too.]

I am sooo sick of people staring at me simply because I wear clothes that reflect who I am and what I believe in.

[One of the prices of openly rebelling is that people will stare. You dress like that for attention, so get over it already.]

I am sick of being labeled a freak simply because I don't give in to the bullshit mentality that the christian God is the only God and if you don't worship Him you are going to hell.

[You're labeled a freak because you wear more black than Manson.]

Also what the hell is up with labeling me satanic simply because I choose to wear the symbols of two religions?

[That would depend on the two symbols. One wouldn't happen to be a satanic symbol, would it? That would explain a lot.]

Get over it already this is AMERICA and I can worship the freaking toilet if I so choose!

[And on late Saturday nights or early Sunday mornings, MILLIONS do. Love live the Duke of URL on his porcelain throne!]

One Liner:
Fuck the Dumb Shit!!

[Yeah! Fuck this application.]

I am beautiful, you're not; DON'T look!!!!

[Ah, true beauty's on the inside, anyway.]





Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999
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