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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of May 4, 2003
edited by Jadesyren



Name: sharon

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i've already got it all figured out... here is an essay i wrote for my english class, (if you would care to read it)

[My Bitch senses are tingling.]

"Girls (heartless bitches) Just Wanna Have Fun"
To girls, the whole dating scene is a game of Pac-man. In the game, Ms. Pac-man runs away from the little monsters that are chasing her. When Ms. Pac-

[Yeah, and you get THREE Ms. Pac-men for only a quarter. Are you SURE that you want to continue with this ridiculous analogy?]

man eats one of the big white dots, she turns around to catch the monsters. The only problem is that when she finally decides to pursue them, the monsters have lost interest and have started to run away. When the powers of the big white dot finally wear off, Ms. Pac-man is back at square one, and runs from the monsters again. Such Ms. Pac-man, a large proportion of girls in their teenage years also enjoy playing games with the minds of men.

[In other words, you think that the use of drugs is crucial in a woman's reclaiming of her sexual identity?]

This is just one example of how girls play the dating game. Girls are only interested in the men that have no interest in them. When a man does show interest in a girl, this is when she loses interest, and quickly pursues someone

[Wait a minute, Blinky, Ms. Pac-Man eats the "big white pill," and she chases (and eats) the guys who were pursuing her in the first place. There aren't any new guys in the maze with her. I can tell that you never got to the intermissions in the game. Why haven't you mentioned how she meets up with Pac-man, marries him, and has the baby delivered by stork. Go play Space Invaders, or Asteroids, or better yet, get the hell out of the arcade.]

else. The scenario is made up by a series of role playing of being the aggressor and then the pursued. It is the challenge of getting the male to fall in love with her that keeps the girl amused. It is like a cat playing with a mouse. When the mouse is finally captured by the cat, the cat lets the male mouse free because she experiences a loss of interest. It is over, the girl has

[And sometimes that cat eats the little mousie. I don't know which is worse, your ideas of love or your knowledge of biology. Stay out of the arcade. Go read a book.]

won the game and it is time for her to find a more challenging capture, which she will also let free in the end. Although, there are special cases where the male mouse is unlucky, and instead of being let free, he is caged. In this situation, he will be forced to stick around until she feels that he is not a good enough toy to play with anymore.

[What do we expect from someone who learned about the birds and the bees from video games?]

Unfortunately, I must admit that I have been in with the "large majority

[Is there such a thing as a small majority?]

of teenage girls" in the past. At one point I really liked one of the boys in my youth group and eagerly pursued him.

[In other words, after you downed a few pills, you looked at that blinking blue and white feller with the googly eyes and thought that he was the man for you.]

When I found out that he in liked me in return, I was happy that I won the game I was playing. I tried starting a relationship with him, but when he seemed a bit too interested, I quickly lost interest. It was then that I subconsciously started looking for someone else to pursue. I am not proud of these actions, but since I detected them, it was something I wanted to try and change.

[I blame commercialism for our youth's short attention span.]

I had good intentions in my second attempt at a relationship, but unfortunately I became a victim to the same pattern as before. When the second

[Oh, no. If you're doing the choosing, you're not a victim, you're an idiot.]

man I was with became too eager, my ego once again expanded and I became bored. Consequently, I was forced to pursue someone else. The situation that I had found myself in is not a rare occurrence. Almost all of my friends and acquaintances have had this problem of becoming bored when their situation seemed unchallenging. Yet, some people experience this particular syndrome more

[Have you thought about developing your own characters so you would refrain from being as shallow?]

seriously than others. There are a select few girls who hop from one relationship to the next. These girls always break up with their partners to be with others who are newer and more exciting.

[You don't count yourself among this number?]

These examples lead to the answer of the question, "Why is it that girls always neglect the nice men and date the jerks?" The answer to this question is simple when the examples and explanations I have given are taken into consideration. Teenage women are intrigued by drama. When their lives are

[No, that's the trite answer, and it inevitably absolves you of looking into your own emotional problems. The problem isn't them, it isn't some outside love of drama, the problem is YOU. You don't describe these guys as being clingy or overly dependent. YOU say you got bored with them, you say that you crave excitement. What YOU are saying is that people who don't feed into your need for turmoil or crisis just bored the shit right out of you, and that doesn't mean that you neglect nice men and date jerks, it means that you ARE the jerk, and you seek out other jerks for contentment, which is utterly ridiculous, because there IS NO CONTENTMENT to be found with people who thrive on misery.]

smooth sailing, they need to do something that will shake the water and make the ride more interesting. If a man treats her with respect and devotion, where is the excitement in this situation? The teenage girl would surely not find any excitement, and would quickly become bored. Once the male mouse is caught, the chase is over, and there is nothing left for the cat to become excited about.

[Yeah, yeah, take this to your therapist.]

In order for this cycle to end, the female cat must do enough chases for boredom to occur. This is when the girl becomes more susceptible to search for something more fulfilling. It is plausible to conclude here that the teenage girl has matured, and she will decide to explore what the man actually has to

[You make it sound like maturity is something you wake up and suddenly HAVE. No, you'll just be old and immature.]

offer her in the future. This is when the honorable men start becoming popular, and the less honorable but "more exciting" men lose their female supporters. This is also usually the point where the woman finds out that the chase of the male mouse is not only the tricky element. She discovers that the keeping of a relationship over an extended period of time becomes the new challenge.

[The light is on. The challenge isn't in keeping a relationship, but in figuring out why you couldn't do this in the first place. I understand that teens are fickle, but this is silly.]

Although this stage tends to take awhile to occur, most women will achieve this stage. Some women may seem to have achieved this new method of thinking, but often they regress to the previous stage of merely enjoying the chase of the male. Although my theory has yet to be scientifically proven, I know of countless examples in

[Your theory has yet to have any scientific basis.]

my favor. Some girls do not even date the man after she has achieved making the man desire her. My best friend in high school simply pursued a man until he showed any sign of interest, then became bored and moved onto her next challenge. There are many different approaches to the chase and capture of the male, because each female is equipped with her own instincts for dating and relationships. My theory still remains true whether the female becomes bored after merely receiving positive signals back, or after dating the male for a couple of days or weeks. The fact of the situation remains that the girl becomes satisfied with winning at her game of love and moves on to her next challenge.

[Love isn't a competition.]

One Liner:
stop complaining and just move on with your life... everyone has their good days and bad days.

[True, at least I can agree with this much of your application. However, you didn't succeed in blindsiding into accepting your way-the-fuck off-topic application.]



Name: Denae

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch becuase: I dont give a fucking shit what people think about me. Im gonna be who i am and if you dont like me you can fuking kiss my white ass. And if you have the balls to talk to say it to everyone else(but me) you better watch the fuck out... Cuz i'll beat the living shit out off you and fukin hang you up on my wall and use you as my personal fucking dart board. And yeah, im a fucking ray of sun shine......cant you tell?

[Yes, you're just a joy to be around. I always have to wonder about people who are always prepared for a conflict before there's even the threat of any.]

And GOD!!! Pleez don't cum up to me crying and snevling about your problems because i wont do shit but sit there and laugh because i dont care, i have my own problems..

[That's for shit sure.]

I dont need yours. So shut the fuk up and and go jack off or sumthing because i dont wanna hear it.

[Talking to you is a lot like licking sandpaper.]

One Liner:
Awwwww how cute....its as small as my baby brothers.....

[That's the convenient compact travel size. It expands with contact.]



Name: Travis

UserID : TrustMe

[Suuure, buddy.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am not a heartless bitch, I do however find your website interesting and I would relish the opportunity to read your boards.

[Eww. You're like the guy who asks to use the bathroom just so he can sneak into the bedroom and sniff the panties in the underwear drawer.]

One Liner:
I'm not a heartless bitch as I said above.

[And you're going to have to read us from out THERE. WAY OUT THERE.]



Name: Edgar

Subject: Vagina Envy

I would LOVE to find out. I'm sure I can hold my own with the genetic girls.

[Hold your own what? Believe me, bud, your genitals aren't your enemy. You're simply too stupid to be welcome.]

PLEASE PLEASE reconcider. My wife took away my AOL screen name.

[We don't accept that excuse from teens who claim that they can't work so they can't pay for their own ISP. I'm definitely not going to accept that from a grown man.]

Natalie: When you've had your first period, I'll consider it.

I know this sounds strange but I do simulate menstrual periods using egg yolks dripping from a disposable enema bag onto a Kotex pad.

[*FREAK ALERT* Oh, where to begin with this lunatic? Why don't you simulate intellect by reading random trivia from the encyclopedia? What kind of weirdo are you? By this theory, are kids simulating ejaculation when they squirt milk out of their noses? You're not just weird, you're disturbed.]





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