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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of March 6th, 2000


Email : trashed@WEBTV

[WebTV, the stand-alone ISP.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
WOMEN WHO GET DOGGED LIKE IT OR THEY WOULDN'T ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN

[I suppose the same could be said for you and your fellow Weak of the Weekers.]

One Liner:
ALL A MAN IS GOOD FOR IS FELLATIO

[With this as a one-liner, you're a shoo-in for Miss Congeniality.]



Email : simpleton@aztec-net.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
on occasion life sucks and it makes me feel good to cross the line.

[What line? The line between life and death? Why don't you make it a permanent move?]

One Liner:
I live on the other side of the line.

[There goes the neighboorhood.]



Email : blackwidow@osu.edu

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I really wish my soon-to-be ex would go play on a highway.

[End both your miseries, file for divorce.]

One Liner:
There's something about justifiable homicide and that y chromosome....

[There's something about blaming troubles on men that just absolves you of all accountability.]



Email : rheingold@cadvision.com

[I'll bet he's changing his address as we speak.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because I smoke dope, drink beer, and listen to old Metallica.

[No, but it explains your tendency to repeat yourself and the rapid disintegration of your synapes.]

One Liner:
All you really need is a bag of pot, a case of beer, some old Metallica, and a couple quarts of motor oil.

[I thought it was Sterno, not motor oil.]



Email : chicken-hearted@webtv.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I want to be castrated by some heartless bitches so one of you will marry me.It is in support of you.

[Dickless wonders are in no short supply. Come back when you get your brain on-line.]

One Liner:
I want to be excepted by you

[Nothing easier. When we think of smart men with something to offer, we'll EXCEPT you.]



Email : angel@yourekiddingright.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i can get away with cheating on more than 3 guys at once

[Come now, you really think they don't know?]

and pms is not an excuse it's life force taking over the testoserone era of male chavanistic egotistical male bastards

[That's just what they want you to believe. They want you to think that you're only 'powerful' from 3-7 days.]

some one needs to bring them down to their own level right

[No. They are already ON their level.]

One Liner:
lifes a bitch and then your boyfriend end up fucking one behind back

[But you've got three of them that you're fucking behind their collective backs.]



Email : whatta.loser@newsedge.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am sleeping with my ex roomates's ex boyfriend.

[You're a strike while the iron(y)'s hot kinda girl.]

I say ex, because

[It USED to be?]

yes. I was living with her.

[No, that's why you say "roommate".]

And I don't give a fuck. He's worth it!

[Obviously you give fucks over and over again. I hope you feel the same way when he cheats on you. At least your roommate would be liable for half the rent.]

One Liner:
Every man has IT'S purpose!

[Like most purposes, it's probably a self-serving one.]



Email : dumbcollegechick@uni.edu

[The date rape primer edition.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well, this one time I was out with my friends and we were all like totally buzzed and this one guy he was really hot well he came up and started talkin to me and I was like really into it and then he asked if I wanted to go back to the sig Ep house with him and I said ok cause I was feeling a little low cause my boyfriend had just dumped me and I thought maybe I could feel better if I got a little lovin but then once we got there this is the worst part when he asked me to go down on him I told him ok then I puked all over him and passed out. :( I have never felt like a bigger bitch in my life!

[If being a bitch meant getting drunk and throwing up, you'd get the booby prize.]

One Liner:
If i'm havin a bad hairday it's best just to let me be.

[Why not braid it up and go? Too much responsibility for you?]



Email : shoofly@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
...its valentines day tomorrow, and its enough to make a free thinking woman like myself gouge out her eyeballs with an old rusty pair of scissors.

[The worst thing about Valentine's Day is the pink, and hearing people whine about it. Other than that, it's just another day.]

I'm only 17, but after numerous break-ups with men (or should i say, *boys*)

[If you're seventeen, they were boys, no matter what their physical age were.]

RIGHT before Valentines day (yes, conscecutive years) ive come to relentlessly *hating* this "holiday." I guess that would mean somewhat more to those of heartlessy bitchy qualities.

[This self pity means much, much less than you anticipated.]

Tomorrow i will find myself glaring in contempt and disgust at those

[Otherwise known as undisguised jealousy. I reserve my loathing of this holiday for the retail industry.]

ignorent fools who buy into this money making scheme of unabashed transparent nothingness (aka hallmark cards & cheap candy) thinkingly diguised as

[Which you'd like if you had a date....]

a day to show that special someone that you care, while leaving those of us who are not in the throes of love to feel rejected, unloved, and downright bitchy.

[That burning you feel in your gut isn't righteous anger, or bitchiness, it's the green-eyed monster. Don't blame the holiday because you base your self-esteem around being an "item".]

And those of you (of course, im sure, NOT reading) who are lucky enough to share the

[Au contraire.]

companionship of another are are very aware that passing this wretched date by unheeded will will result in scorn and contempt from your partner.

[Or just from you. Because you're eating your heart out.]

I refuse to remain passive tomorrow....instead, join the ranks of angry and angstful, bitter-disillusioned, jaded girl-friends of mine and inevitably become the stronger race on this exploited day.

[Which means that you'll meet at the local trend eatery and order one low-cal dessert with 5 spoons. Crying. Then you'll talk about cutting off your cheap, ex-boyfriend's dick.]

-thankyou for your time and space- One Liner:
I'm so tired of dealing with other people, im dating myself.

[At least you'll never run out of things to talk about.]



Email : Bow2theQFU@confused.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am THE QFU. My husband (whiner) and his best bud (also a whiner) deemed me this and my daughters are the official princesses....we wear our titles with pride.

[How does this matter outside of your little whining household?]

One Liner:
No I am not an ice princess, I am the QFU!

[Only if QFU stands for Queen Fuck-Up.]



Email : psychosys@asylum.com

UserID : 666

[Mark of the Least.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I've always been a rude insensitive bitch...at least that's what all my friends tell me..haha..

[Ha ha. If you were really rude and insensitive, you wouldn't have any friends.]

One Liner:
You want to do WHAT with me? Buddy..even the sheep avoid you....

[Was that a no?]



Email : sJeFzMuZa@justplainlame.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love to trick guys and make them scream. Afterwards I dump them!

One Liner:
Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?

[You shouldn't smoke and apply. It's bad for your pride.]



Email : bigass@gatewy.net

[Think she meant gateway.net?]

UserID : queenbitch

[Self delusion is just the first of many symptoms.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I would argue with my boyfriend have sex with him argue and take his stupid ass car and go to a club and flirt with the next nigga with no remorse. WHAT!!!!!

[No, wait. That's MY line.]

One Liner:
Damm lisa(my nick name)

[Glad you told us. Never would have guessed.]

your such a mean cold hearted bitch how could you do/say that.

[Here's where you would normally insert an example, not a testimonial.]



Email : sissypoo@thisisrich.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

I'm tired of being treated like a floor mat by guys who think they are just all that!

[Stop letting them wipe their feet on your back.]

One Liner:
Grow up, get a fuckin life asshole and leave me alone!

[Poor, poor, down-trodden (upon) you.]



Email : janea@noidea.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a heartless bitch because my best friend fucked me and asked me not to fall in love with him

[That makes you obedient.]

One Liner:
go ahead, make me gay

[Yes, Virginia, there is no lesbian fairy.]



Email : robyn_c@octopus.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't see why I haven't heard from you yet about my original application.

[Let me be the one to break it to you. You haven't heard because it wasn't good. At least it didn't suck, then it would have been here.]

I discovered the true meaning of heartless bitch back in 1974 when I read "The Female Eunach" at 15. I pride myself on having converted my mother to "heartless bitchiness" in the same year. So what's wrong with you? Can't you see a worthy applicant unless you're spammed to death with email?!

[While I admire your persistence, the cold hard fact is that unless you submit something worth reading, you're not going to hear from us.]

One Liner:
I haven't got time for this crap!

[Like most that utter this inane statement, you proceed to spend your valuable time on it anyway.]



Email : totalloser@bitchbord.com

UserID : balls

[When having a set of your own isn't an option.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

One Liner:
fuck me quick

[Right away, sir. We'll dispatch our best hottie for your pleasure. Slim or Menthol?]



Email : typical@heartlessbitches.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i make men go crazy around me . my attractiveness lies in my height . i like to fool men who tries to act cool. i dont like fucks 'coz there are nothing but son of a whole lot bitches.

One Liner:
if i get fucked by any person i cannot help my self to stop kicking his asshole basterd.

[I simply can't be funnier than this, and I tried.]



Email : bitchhopeful@aol.com

UserID : Ms.bitch

[Mrs. Dash was already taken.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I let you know in 5 mintues if you even remotly interest me,don't be offended if while you talking i seem to be bored,I am..when i was born i looked at the doctor and said,what the f... you looking at..

[Your mother must have had an abnormally long gestation period.]

One Liner:
I am sorry you must say something intelligent for me to pay attention.

[Pick up your Ritalin refill while you're out.]



Email : houston@there'saproblem.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I stay up all night to make everybody in the house mad. i dont care if it makes YOUR job a lot easier k??

[You staying up all night doesn't affect me at all.]

good, i dont really like this webpage, i think its gay and for losers.

[The passive-aggressive application.]

Are you a loser?? yes i think so...if you dont likes this too bad for you cause... i was born to be A HEARTLESS BITCH!!!!!!!!!

[She's covered all her bases. If she's accepted, that's cool. If she's rejected, we're a bunch of losers anyway. Choose a side, already. Commitment should mean more than just straitjackets and rubber.]

One Liner:
When I grow up I'm gonna join the FBI!! That's right the Fired (many times) Bitchs International!!

[You'd have to be hired to be fired. Remember that little detail?]



Name: Sam

Email : lotteryname@cs.tut.fi

[He's Baaaaaack.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
You talkin' to me? You Talkin' to ME? Cuz I don't see anyone else around here!

One Liner:
I'm as subtle as a bratwurst!

[With all the style and twice the humor.]

[His first entry.]

Name: Sam

Email : lotteryname@cs.tut.fi

UserID : sam

[Sam also has matching tattoos, in case he leaves his ID at home.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love the world I love the world I love the world I love the world

One Liner:
I love the world I love the world I love the world I love the world

[Times like this I often wonder what compels people to do the things they do, and some dark part of me is hoping that it isn't drug use.]



Email : millenialbitch@handbag.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i'm fed up with people telling me i have an opinion of everything!ok, yeah i do but i just like 2 make my voice heard!

[Because you like the sound of it, I'm sure.]

One Liner:
I'm not bitchy, its people like u that make me this way!

[Stop whining and take responsibility.]



Email : cockcrazy@aol.com

UserID : princess

[But of course.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
...blowjobs are so much more fun to tease about than to give.

[You're all talk and no action. What a surprise.]

One Liner:
Fuck me? Suck MY dick, mother fucker.

[You're one of those people. You've got to give to receive.]



Email : bigbi7ch@uncommonlylame.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
because they told me so ,so there four I am what i am to them at least.

[Those voices in her head. They know all.]

One Liner:
life with out men is like a child with out a toy no fun to play with sad but true.

[Life without you is like a sentence with punctuation, it makes sense.]



Name: Queenb69

UserID : usmellbad

[Picking an ID that you'll remember and that sounds cool is hard work.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Queenb stands for Queenbitch and everyone at school and even at home will attest to the fact that I'm a heartless bitch. I make everyone cry, especially the kids I babysit.

[If you were the personification of evil that you painstakingly illustrate, no one would trust you around children.]

My teachers are afraid of me so I never get a detention because they cant stand the thought of spending an extra minute in my presence. When I walk down the hall no one dares to make eye contact and the crowds spread like moses and the red sea. I go through boyfriends more frequently than I change my underwear and believe me that's often because I scare the shit out of me sometimes!!

[Try investing in Depends. Alleviates those annoying, embarrassing accidents.]

I dont make it on any of the sports teams because I've sent too many girls to the hospital. And I've failed all my art classes because none of my teachers seem to see my dark point of view. I have a row of lockers at school all to myself cuz no one dares to have a locker near me and my locker number has been changed by someone other than myself to 666. enough said.

[Satanic references aside, what do you really have to offer?]

One Liner:
My favourite song of all time is Israel's Son by Silverchair. I always put this quote at the end of my emails or letters and I write it all over my binder and assignments at school: "Hate is what I feel for you, and I want you to know that I want you dead, You're late for your execution and if you're not here soon I'll kill your friend instead"

[This is why you're flunking class, now put down the lyric sheet and pay attention.]



Email : Taint@handbag.com

UserID : Fluff

[FDA requirements dictate that we specify what each application contains.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
It's, like, the only thing I know how to be. I am in control of the world Men will bow before me before they get in my panties, cos like they're no better than like dogs. Icky. My friends are like all weak whores and like let their men walk all over them, and even do them up the arse. That's like totally gross and weak. A guy at least has to introduce me to his mom and buy me flowers before I'll stoop that low. I'm totally harsh, I am the Doctor of mean and you can't possibly refuse me. I am like,QUEEN BITCH.

[Queen Bitch rules of dating:
1. Date guy.
2. Meet Mom.
3. Get Flowers.
4. Anal Sex.]


One Liner:
Don't touch what u can't afford - I'm priceless!!!!!!

[Valueless and priceless are not synonyms.]



Email : stupidass@socal.rr.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

Well, since you think you really need to know how heartless I truely am--
I guess I'll tell you even if you don't want to listen.

First, there is this "bitch test" and I decided to take it.  As if it was going to tell me
anything I didn't already know.  After the first test, it turned up 47 percent.  Can't be true,
nope not at all.  So two days later and in a totally different frame of mind, 66 percent.  SCORE--

[Tell me you don't actually base your self perception on an online test.]


this is a little more like it!  Something that truly says my nature and temperament!  Now at work since I'm
already aggrivated because I work in an "all male" department I have

[Why the quotation marks?]

a new saying, "Well boys I'm about 57 percent
today and your pushing it!" Always with the "kitty want a saucer blood"

[That's not intimidation, that's flirtation. You've dated at least half of them, haven't you?]

smile.  :-)) Just for you!

[Could you direct me to the returns department?]

One Liner:
I am SWAMBO and if you have to ask, you were not listening the first time.

[I didn't see any SWAMBO up there.]



Email : sonofmillenialbitch@handbag.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i don't fuck around waiting 4 things to happen, and people to arrive. if i want somthing done i dam well do it!

One Liner:
my mom was a bitch and so was hers so i gues it just had 2 happen sometime!shame it was while i was speaking 2 u!

[She thought this one was better.]



Email : pampams69@thorazine.com

UserID : PamiPooh

[Had to share this.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!!!

[Hey, reason enough.]

and lots of people on icq and stuff call me its!!!!

[And you come recommended. Sorry to have doubted you.]

I hate the following words:
BISH
BICETH
BIOTCH.

[Those were not words.]

I AM A FUCKING BITCH OKAY, YOU FUCKING MORON!! SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!! I AM STEAMING WITH RAGE!!!!

[Like a lobster, or like rice?]

last night i as just in a weird mood so i drove out to this park and screamed and screamed and screamed and then drove away.
i am also very good looking and i dont mind lesbians.

[I hate to be the one to tell you but those women that you pick up in the park at night aren't lesbians.]

One Liner:
MEAD.
40 SECURITY ENVELOPES. BLAH

[This one will stop them dead in their tracks, alright.]



Email : ivan@ikoiko.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I love my mother. I hate my father. My mother once put poison oak oil in my

[Where does one buy poison oak oil?]

father's underwear to "keep him out of action", it worked, so I have used it at random on men that screwed around on me over the years. My mother finally decided that he wasn't worth the effort when I was 4, I figured it out long before my daughter was even born.

[You had your father's baby?]

Was fun anyway. I like to keep a guy around just long enough to see the look on his face when his dick swells up. Great for laughs when the asshole actually thinks he has VD and asks you what he should do about it. I always have my standard line "I already got my shots, do you mean you didn't?!". They all freak.

[Which means he wasn't cheating on you.]

Anyway, thank you for this site, even if you don't accept me, I am happy that you are here. Girls need to stick together.

One Liner:
Where is my check?

[In the mail.]



Email : QueenBitch@feces.net

[It's QueenBitch week here at HBI.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't put up with mens shit. I tell every man how they are all worthless pieces of shit that have no meaning in life. Anyone that pisses me off, better back off before they get the living shit beat out of them. I am not tolerant to ignorant people. I tell things how they are.

[And how are things? And Mrs. Things? Glad to hear it.]

I say what I want, when I want, to who I want

One Liner:
Be gone, I don't talk to men whose personality and intellegence are smaller than their sorry excuses for penises

[Yawn. Ask for originality, and we get dick jokes.]



Email : huh?@webtv.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
dont fuck with me i wont fuck with yu but if you do decide to watch out..........

One Liner:
BITE ME

[Some nights I have to sit back and wonder what impulse drives people to hit the submit button.]



Email : bigbi7ch@notagain.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

Im a hartless bitch because I could give a shit what anyone thinks men a number one can kiss my ass I just walk away and let them cry like the babys they are.

[Men a number one can kiss your ass?]

One Liner:
IM so miserble without you it's like having you here I promise to miss you if you would fucking go away.

[Likewise.]



Email : madamcombat@rambo.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
quit declining me or I am going to kick your ass

[In this case, I guess I'll take to looking over my shoulder.]

One Liner:

The only reason why I stand behind aman is to look at his ass!!!!!

[And we call those guys that stand at the bottom of the stairs perverts.]



Email : zosoafghanborz@scoobydoo.net

URL : [Dog related website.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
NOTE: My website is full of beautiful K-9 bitches! I am a bitch because it compensates for all my insecurities ~ and makes me feel 100% better about myself. I find being a heartless bitch is wonderful entertainment! I adore to scare the living shit out of anybody who happens to piss me off...Which hasn't happened in at least five minutes.

[Try talking to them.]

One Liner:
To male motorist: Yes, as a matter of fact I did flip you off ~ Are you FUCKING stupid or just blind?

[This isn't a gender specific put down.]



Email : superdud@zombieworld.com

UserID : joint69

[If you find that one funny, you're high.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
sorry for NOT using a REAL web address, but ya know what? suck it.

[We'll just reject it.]

i figure that any intelligent female could find a bitch if it bit her on the ass.

[Bitch is a Noun ---Fabulana Jones.]

a few points if i may:

1) lesbianism is over-rated. a woman can be independant, self-assured, in control, AND still like guys. ya don't have to write them off entirely just because they were born dumber and shall remain inferior and clueless for all their remaining existance.

[You'd have to be dumb to date someone that you felt is beneath you that strongly. If you like dating men, fine. Those of us that are straight do not date the clueless, inferior and the dumber. We don't limit those standards our social activities either.]

2) a bitch should not be "accidentally overlooked" just because she does not know how to format a submission letter into "HTML"

[Where does it say you must format into html? It's an option, for shit's sake, because not all cgi-forms will allow it, and html codes look ridiculous when formatting isn't allowed. If it bothers you so much that you can't format into html, fucking learn it already.]

3) males were made specifically to God's instructions to please women, so that she could use her time more efficiently solving the greater mysteries of the universe...

[Ha. If that were true, the tongue and the cock wouldn't be three feet apart. And there would be a sure-fire way to determine genital size through shoes.]

4) it is one thing when a blonde says something completely off-the-wall, but when a brunette asks if Roosevelt is the name of "ya know, like, a president...", it really makes me question the reason for some people's existance....WHY?? I ASK YOU...WHY??? it gives all brunettes and redheads a really bad name when some bad apples peek their tiny little heads out of their new ferrari that their daddies just bought them.

[That's not true. Just because you're a pinhead, doesn't mean that all women are equally as idiotic.]

in conclusion, some men can eat shit and die, but then so can a few females, so i guess the world blows ass and will eventually die if some independant, non-lesbian chicks don't realize that in reality,

[Have the two of you been formally introduced?]

we must pity guys, and at least a few of us must remain to procreate, or else, you are going to feel amazingly horrible, when you tell the last man on earth that you would rather have an owl nest in your ass and have millions of maggots crawling through your hair and in your mouth, than ever touch him with anything less than a ten foot pole.

[When cometh the Apocalypse, O! Prophetess of Doom?]

One Liner:

"be silent in that solitude, which is not loneliness" E.A. POE

["Yet I am not more sure that my soul lives, than I am that perverseness is one of the primitive impulses of the human heart." --(Same guy)]


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