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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of February 9, 2003
edited by Jadesyren



[A little history on this one: I informed this applicant that we could not accept her application without a bonafide email address. She informed me that she wasn't interested (like her name) in giving us THAT much info about herself. I raised an eyebrow about that kind of paranoia, but no harm done. At least she'd stop sending applications which had no hope of being accepted, and so we'd stop wasting each other's time. So I thought.]

Name: (NOT)Interested

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Modest suggestion for this portion of the site: if a deleted account will be "bounced," why not add it to the list of unaccepted email services so that the application does not actually go through?

[Why not simply read the directions that plainly specify that any free web-based email would be bounced? Next you'll want us to submit your application for you. Listen, pinhead, do you have the slightest idea of how many free web-based email services there are? We've only listed the most common (and obvious) ones to help OURSELVES, not you.]

This seems like an interesting community of people.

[Oh, it is.]

My impression is that the members here could contribute to an interesting dialogue,

[My impression is that you could not. Really, you can't follow simple directions, it's obvious that you can't read, and now you have the nerve to suggest that we dumb it down further. Stay away.]

and that I could contribute back to that dialogue in turn. That's about it.

[This is it.]

One Liner:
No, seriously, I'm really not interested.

[Then stop applying.]



Name: Adrianne

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
............................................................................................................................................

One Liner:
...........................................................................................................................................

[Just connect the dots.]



Name: Christina

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I kicked my ex-boyfriend down a flight of stairs because he cheated on me.

[What's the fine for forgetting your birthday? Pushing him out of the window?]

One Liner:
When I'm not medicated, I'm not liable for anything that I do to you.

[In other words, you shouldn't be allowed to roam the streets.]



Name: Lisa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[How many ways can Lisa beg for some kind of attention?]

I'm simply right and that's all there is to it. I have a website with a "quotes page" full of my own quotations, because it flatters my ego. I only post letters from people who either agree with me unquestioningly or whom I want to insult. There is no room for democratic debate or disagreement with me. If I can't meet your arguments, I resort to personal abuse. Anyone who disagrees with me is a heretic and should be burned. I believe liberation for women means being as arrogant, offensive and opinionated as a traditional man. I complain when women are judged by their looks, yet I judge men by their penis size. I like inviting people to apply for membership of my organisation and then publicly insulting and humiliating them when they fail to meet my arbitrary criteria, because I get a buzz out of judging people, exercising power over them and turning them down; I really don't have a life. I am simply incapable of laughing at myself or accepting constructive criticism. Big Sister i s Watching You. The Party is Always Right. So let's see you mock someone who has your number, Miss No Life but Lots of Negative Energy...

[Whenever I get an application like this, I wonder if any response is anticipated. Look, she has the answers for everything covered. It's quite obvious that she isn't seriously intending to discuss any problems she has.

Also, I have to wonder if Lisa's reading comprehension skills are up to snuff. How many times do I have to answer questions of this kind? How many different ways do we have to explain for those few who simply do NOT get it? The answers to all of your incendiary questions, Lisa, are all on site. If you found enough material to get angry with what you found, surely you can find the answers there as well.

Come back when you actually HAVE some constructive criticism. This wasn't it.]

One Liner:
Abuse is argument, aggression is independence, selfishness is freedom.

[That explains your letter.]



Name: Alicia Snave (is not my name)

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm not a 'heartless bitch'. I'm a 'really heartless bitch' and I'm here to tell you that. I don't need a membership, never wanted it, never will.

[You know, there are millions of people who feel that very same way, yet they don't have to tell me. I wonder why that is.]

The fact is, I wouldn't consider being part of a website that can't spell Catherine of Aragon right. You want to put her name up, put it right. Henry had two wives named Catherine and one name Katherine (Howard). It's no wonder why this page is visited so often. All of you must have *alot* of spare time. Maybe if you went out (you know *outside*, grass, flowers, mean anything?)

[Oh, the irony of another internet denizen telling us to get a life. I don't understand the presumption of having and running a website equalling no life. There's a STAFF here, and it takes roughly an hour or two a week to update.]

then you would understand how pathetic you really are. I'm not saying I'm looking down on you (well... maybe), I can be a total asshole too (like now) but all the same, I'm insulting you while insulting myself and frankly, I don't care what you think of me.

[So you painstakingly explain yourself.]

I think all this is a cover up. All of you are too weak to say what you want in the real world so you create this site and rant about men, women and life. Then you put comments on and don't let the writer reply which makes them look bad (which is exactly what you want).

[Actually, their REPLY is what makes them look bad in the first place. I don't do that. There is no way that I COULD. The humor in this page is that YOU are this stupid.]

Nobody get's the last word.

[Aw, who gives a fuck about the LAST word. I want the BEST words.]

You just go make fun of them while knowing that there is no way they can make you look stupid.

[No. There is no way that YOU can make ME look stupid. Most people achieve that all on their own. Don't blame the compass for pointing the direction.]

By the way, Catherine wasn't strong. On her death bead she told her daughter (Mary) to tell the king she will be her humble servent et cetera.

[You know, in the spirit of Valentine's day, I have created a simple do-it-sorta-yourself "I hate Jade's guts" letter. Go here you little whiners.]

One Liner:
I sometimes wonder what your face looks like, Jade... or is that really your name?

[How much time do you spend thinking about me? Which hand do you think with?]



Name: Carolou

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I cover all my bases and do my homework all the time.

[You're supposed to do that.]

I recently got into a former beau's cell phone and got the number of some bitch he took to my girlfriend's house...called her...told her what happened to her..and fought with him and the girlfriend and the next day changed my phone numbers so NO one could call me. I also dumped the son of a bitch just like that.

[There is nothing like having a spiteful, childish girlfriend.]

I say it like it is, not like someone wants it to be and I always put it

[No, you're sneaky and are prone to emotional abuse.]

in your face. I am nothing if not frank. I could maybe not win tons of popularity contests, but as if I give a flying fluck...at least you know where you stand with me.

[If you're snooping through his cell phone, the LAST thing you are is direct.]

One Liner:
Don't get even. Get ahead.

[Try just USING yours.]



Name: Lynette

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I hate attetion getting whores.
Hate prettyboys
Love being the Evikl BITCH I AM
I'm just so DAMN MEAN

[Move over, Hallmark.]

One Liner:
"A EVIL BITCH IS A HEARTLESS BITCH"

[A weak applicant is a confused applicant.]



Name: Pinki

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I hate everyone who is happy or in love.....the list could go on, they make me fucking sick. And i usually let those people know this, so i'm hated by all, what fun.

[Eventually, with a little luck, you'll grow out of this.]

One Liner:
We hate love We love hate- I dont know when i got bitter but love is surely better when its gone

[As are you.]



Name: Pinki

[The strength of her application is the weakness of her application. Or something like that. Take two:]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I laugh at people's pain and sadness, i hate happy people and love is just hate with a mask.

[This doesn't even make any sense, which isn't surprising at all.]

One Liner:
We hate love We love hate

[How many of you are there in your head?]



Name: Emma

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well.The one thing that fucks me off in the world is the way everyone wants you to donate to poor starving kids in Africa.Fuck them, we should sort out our screwed-up country ( New Zealand )

[Yeah, like I give a fuck about New Zealand. (See how that works?}]

first.Africa brought all of this onto itself.I reckon that they should start to take after China; after you've had so many kids and you're STILL letting men shove their dicks up your hole, you should be killed.That way there'd be less people in the world and maybe your fucking economy might bloody rise.As well as being hearltess,I'm also fucking

[Stupid? Yes. Yes, indeed.]

lazy.I hate the world and all the stuck-up preps in it too.

[Why not take your death plan into action? You DO support what you suggest for other unhappy, miserable people, don't you?]

One Liner:
[Someone]:you can eat a big fat dick for all I care.
[Someone else]:if you come around here batting your false eyelashes, I'll go over there and tear off your equally false boobs.
[Don't you like anyone?]:put some fucking clothes on and spare us all.

[We don't do shout-outs. Make your own site for that.]



Name: Felicia

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I think that guys are the biggest fucking idiots on earth! I mean, why is it that they can't take no for an answer??

[Oh, I don't know. What kind of no do you give?]

Especially the ones that are already taken by a no good two faced whore who spreads it for anything with three legs?!

[You're angry about a guy who is involved with a "whore" who is asking you and won't take no for an answer? Which one are you?]

Guys like that really piss me off! also i really hate the morons who string you along and then use the whole" I just wanna be friends" shit..what the fuck??!

[Well, sometimes dating isn't pretty.]

IF you just wanna be friends then what the hell are you doing hitting on me?

[Because they don't want a relationship. You can have sex with a friend.]

I usually don't think twice before i tell a guy to fuck off or i smack him...i've also been known to come up with some pretty awesome revenge plots when royally pissed off.

[Do you ever think about anything but men? It's like you're a boy-crazy teen.]

One Liner:
Guys are like roaches- the more you abuse them, the more they magically come back for more.

[Roaches come back when you abuse them?]



Name: Jessie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am sick and fucking tired of my girlfriends calling me up at 2AM to whine about the married fuck face they are dating...crying that he isn't leaving his wife fast enough. WAKE THE FUCK UP...YOU ARE A PIECE OF ASS! Quit fucking calling me until the divorce is final.

[Okay.]

Also....I am sick and fucking tired of having all my friends tell me how I should have a baby. Why? So that I can be on fucking welfare, while the father of my children is out bangin some other bitch who never got stretch marks cuz she was smarter than you? NO THANKS, I'll pass on the money-sucking-shit-machines.

[Are you sure that you'd wind up on welfare? Do you think you'd pick a man to father your children who would leave you?]

And do I give one fucking Ioda to the women who claim that their boyfriends/husbands beat them up? No. Get the fuck out or shut the fuck up. Can't leave cuz you are afraid he will hunt you down? Take shooting courses at the local shooting ranges. Memorize all the fatal shooting points. USE THEM, sissy!

[I'm sure that you realize that your cure is worse than the disease.]

Babies are not cute....quit fucking fooling yourself ladies. And quit inviting me to your 2 year olds party knowing that I will have to spend money on a bastard I see once or twice a year.

[Why don't you just tell your friends all of this instead of smiling and attending these parties. I know that I would never invite you to be around small impressionable children.]

I am a dancer and I take men's money...why? Because they are stupid enough to give it up. Ladies, quit telling me to use my brain to make my money, instead of my body. I use my mind more than you.

[Now we come to the meat of it. What are you going to do when you're showing signs of wear, which should be in about 5 years or so? I don't remember a retirement plan for strippers, and I don't think that they're in high demand when they're over 29, so what are you going to do then? Use your brain, it's more dependable.]

I work 10 hours a week and make 10 more than you just showing my tits! Oh, but you have morals? Shove your morals up your BROKE FUCKING ASS!

[It's not really about morals, but this may be something you regret when you are forced to get a real job somewhere, or if you plan to have children, do you think you'd want them to be strippers? Frankly, I just don't see you in a position to sneer at the lives of other people.]

One Liner:
FUCK YOU if you have a problem with me. Do I look like I fucking care?

[That's just it. You don't seem to care at all.]

Well, you have proved that you are too fucking stupid to live...now, do the world a favor and go jump out of that window. No, really, please do it.

[Like I'm going to listen to a stripper.]



Name: Courtney

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I live with a man I hate only because I need a roof over my head.

[Some people strip, others prostitute themselves for rent.]

One Liner:
Stay away I'm having a power surge

[Why don't you use it to get a job and stop depending on him?]



Name: laura

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I can stand old people who drive. I hate ignorant people. if I feel someone is not being truthful to me about something i will call them on it. i will go to any lengths to bust their lyin ass. I don't take crap from anyone and I say whats on my mind and i don't care who it is. I once held up traffic because i was at a light and there was a sign that said "no right on red" and some idiot behind me kept blowing his horn and telling me to go so i got out of my car walked over to the sign and started banging on it screaming "are you freaking stupid? can't you read?

[So how is your driving better than that of the stereotypical senior citizen's? I'd rather be behind "In the Zone" granny than some irate, irrational jackass with a chip on her shoulder. You're lucky he wasn't as crazy as you were because he'd have run you the fuck over.]

now shut the f@ck up" by the time i got back in my car the light had changed to red again and he

[Great, now both of you have missed the light. Dolt. This means that he was beeping at you because the light was GREEN, idiot.]

sat there quietly. A cop once slapped me upside the head for no reason

[I'm sure that there was a reason, even if it was only in hopes that some sense would enter.]

and told me to shut up while i was talking to someone so i punched him in the face and went to jail. i got the fine dropped but i don't regret it one bit.

[No. You're too stupid for regret.]

As i said before, I have no tollerance for ignorance, and I am very aggressive. Am I TOO violent for this club? lol

[No, but we do have an intelligence standard that you've failed to meet.]

One Liner:
at first sight someone is an asshole to me. then i make them prove me wrong.

[I, on the other hand, pray that the next application will be better than the last. I'm convinced that God has a sick sense of humor.]

i expect to be treated like the boss...the queen. my nickname is actually queenbitch

[You and thousands of other little princesses in the world.]



Name: Johnny

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I inadvertantly manipulate men. It's a subconscious deviancy on my part, so much that when things blow up in my face I always feel like I'm the one to have been wrong. I attract pathetic losers that don't appreciate me for my mind and I'm forced to be a not so nice person.

[I've read your journal, Johnny. All I can say is that when you write about people you know, they eventually find that shit. When that happens, your journal will be interesting. Not until.]

One Liner:
"I've got enough shit in my life to deal with, I don't need another piece of it like you in it."

[Yeah, he's got to go and forget that he's being manipulative while he whines about his job.]





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