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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of January 19, 2003
edited by



Dear Jade
I came across your work when browsing on the internet. Now I don't want to insult you so please don't take this personally, but why do you think you are the authority on who is and isn't a heartless bitch. I'm just wondering, not trying to get at you, so please answer because I'm really interested. Happiness Eustacia

[While this isn't a weak question, I've decided to answer it here because many people have asked this. First of all, I'm the bouncer. This means I get to say who gets in, and who doesn't. I have this authority because it was granted to me by the site owner, and it extends only as far as her site. I don't tap people on the street and tell them that they aren't Heartless Bitches. I don't even bother with the domme site, HeartlessBitch.com. They have their own thing going over there, and I doubt that I would qualify under their rules.

You also seem to be asking me about criteria in a way. The measuring stick I use to judge applicants is very simple. Did you understand our site? Can you demonstrate that understanding in a coherent way?

Ways to be disqualified are simple as well. If you do NOT want to be a member, please:

Be unoriginal.
Whine.
Tell me how much you don't care about ANYONE but yourself, you little princess, you.
Demonstrate your "bitchiness" by trying to insult me, the site, the concept of Heartless Bitchery.
Insult your friends.
Rant about unrelated items. Your ability to rant and rave does NOT qualify you. You MUST be on topic.
Tell me your personal problems.
Link me to your diary or journal. Really, I DON'T want to know this.
Give me false information. I don't need your name, but I *DO* need your e-mail. I check this. If it's free web-based mail, you're not getting in.
Whine about how you can't afford your own email after you've been bounced for it.

Are you getting a theme here?

Thanks for asking.]



[This one was too lame to keep to myself, so Natalie and Bon knocked this one out of the park.]

Name: Em Bee

[Bon: I ended up feeling manipulated when I tried to respond to some of it. (ie: that "individual insanity is rare". Yeah, right. *eye roll*)....]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Alright, I'll apply.

[Jade: I'm not twisting your arm.]

All of my heartless-bitch qualities are contained herein below: ---- GOTO: www.heartless-bitches.com

[Jade: Can you be more vague?]

For SOURCE text that prompted this ode. * BTW "Hell is other peoples' conversations." - William Burroughs

[Jade: Especially when your conversation with them is comprised of loosely related quotes.
Natalie: Misery loves company, or so it would seem. But why do they always want to inflict their hell on us?]

--

Ode to a Heartless Bitch by etcbin01

Michelle's quote: "Don't talk to my breasts, they're deaf."

............ranks up there with Ghandi's "Be the change you want to see in the world" {or was that Osama bin Laden}

[Natalie: Non sequitur, non sequitur, who's got the sequitur?
Jade: Dunno. I haven't talked to him lately.]

Can I submit for my membership remarks? (and qualify to be a Heartless Bitch):

[Natalie: No, but you admit yourself for psychiatric evaluation...]

"Ideas are more powerful than guns. We would not let our enemies have guns, why should we let them have ideas." - Joseph Stalin

[Natalie: Except that they aren't YOUR ideas. They are a mish-mash of everyone elses...]

or
"I never got any complaints." - Assistant Commandant at Auschwitz, 11/01/1964

[Jade: Interesting that you quote fascists. I'm trying to see if you're actually making a point or trying to make cute and controversial conversation.]

---- But then again maybe I do not wish 'membership' for:

"Insanity in individuals is something rare -- but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule.

[Jade: Then why are you wasting our time? Make a decision, stick with it.
Natalie: I don't think insanity is so "rare" in this individual - but then perhaps it is, because I sense that there is more than one personaliteeeee in Em Beeee....]

---- as for your predictions page:

"If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face--for ever." --from Nineteen Eighty-Four George Orwell

[Natalie: We don't HAVE a predictions page. Maybe one of the minions in her head is hallucinating?]

---- But please abide by:

"Do not pursue what is illusory - property and position: all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade and can be confiscated in one fell night. Live with a steady superiority over life - don't be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn after happiness; it is after all, all the same: the bitter doesn't last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing."

-- Alexander Solzhenitsyn
---------- and keep in mind:

"People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they never use." - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it" - Mark Twain

'"Take away the right to say "fuck" and you take away the right to say "fuck the government".' - Lenny Bruce

[Jade: It's not an uncommon occurence to have intelligent people disagree. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to ponder these ideas, see how they apply, and try to work in a little context.]

--- And for your "Fuckwit[h] of the week site" (my nominee):

[Jade: Deleted. You want to make a recommendation, then don't stick it in your application. Use the proper channel.]

----------- and don't remember:

"If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you." - Don Marquis

[Natalie: You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all the same.]

---- But if you want to sit back on your bitch ass, you better remember:

"In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was nobody left to speak up." - Reverend Martin Niemoller, Germany, 1930's

[Jade: Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is nice as a saying, and it demonstrates a great moral notion, but don't confuse this with logic or fact. It's fair to say, "Who is they?" Who is left, aside from me, to get me?]

----------
Also...
Ockham's razor (also spelled Occam's razor, pronounced AHK-uhmz RAY-zuhr) is the idea that, in trying to understand something, getting unnecessary information out of the way is the fastest way to the truth or to the best explanation. William of Ockham (1285-1349), English theologian and philosopher, spent his life developing a philosophy that reconciled religious belief with demonstratable, generally experienced truth, mainly by separating the two.

Where earlier philosophers attempted to justify God's existence with rational proof, Ockham declared religious belief to be incapable of such proof and considered it to be a matter of faith. He rejected the notions preserved from Classical times of the independent existence of qualities such as truth, hardness, and durability and said these ideas had value only as descriptions of particular objects and were really characteristics of human cognition.

[Jade: This applies here in what way? You should use quotes to illustrate your point, not make your case.]

-------- So Please tell: JadeSyren [whose quote is... "So what does he do? Circular reasoning: "I'm a shit, and I ruin everything I touch. I fucked things up with X. But, if she REALLY was the ONE, then I wouldn't have been able to do it. Everything happened because SHE willed it to. Goddamnit, it's NOT me, it's HER." You are evil because you weren't THE ONE who could save him from himself. And no one else will ever be that mysterious, elusive ONE. He knows that HE'S the problem, but he's scrambling to make the right woman his unicorn who will save him from himself."
-- JadeSyren]

to READ: 'The Denial of Death' by Ernest Becker isbn 0-684-83240-2

It will help her 'calm down' and she'll not go to an early grave from a heart attack .....like....

[Natalie: I think Em-Bee dearest completely missed the point of your comments there, but then, hey, there doesn't seem to be much that has stuck with any efficacy in her shifting neural patterns...]

"I was awfully curious to find out why I didn't go insane," remarked Abraham Maslow, one of the founders of humanistic psychology. ---- I fear that JadeSyren might not understand:

[Natalie: Oh, she understands all too well. Unfortunately for you.]

[Jade: {scanning ahead) Oh Dear GOD...please don't tell me that you're trying to drag Maslow's theory of the hierarchy of needs in here.]

Maslow saw human beings' needs arranged like a ladder. The most basic needs, at the bottom, were physical -- air, water, food, sex. Then came safety needs -- security, stability -- followed by psychological, or social needs -- for belonging, love, acceptance. At the top of it all were the self-actualizing needs -- the need to fulfill oneself, to become all that one is capable of becoming. Maslow felt that unfulfilled needs lower on the ladder would inhibit the person from climbing to the next step. Someone dying of thirst quickly forgets their thirst when they have no oxygen, as he pointed out. People who dealt in managing the higher needs were what he called self-actualizing people. Benedict and Wertheimer were Maslow's models of self-actualization, from which he generalized that, among other characteristics, self-actualizing people tend to focus on problems outside of themselves, have a clear sense of what is true and what is phony, are spontaneous and creative, and are not bound too strictly by social conventions.

Peak experiences are profound moments of love, understanding, happiness, or rapture, when a person feels more whole, alive, self-sufficient and yet a part of the world, more aware of truth,justice, harmony, goodness, and so on. Self-actualizing people have many such peak experiences.

Maslow's thinking was surprisingly original -- most psychology before him had been concerned with the abnormal and the ill. He wanted to know what constituted positive mental health. Humanistic psychology gave rise to several different therapies, all guided by the idea that people possess the inner resources for growth and healing and that the point of therapy is to help remove obstacles to individuals' achieving this. The most famous of these was client-centered therapy developed by Carl Rogers.
-------
and also, JadeSyren, after reading "Tales of Zarathustra", may you heed Nietzsche's words:

[Natalie: I think somebody is obsessed with you Jade... I think she's trying to woo you...]

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

[Jade: Yet the converse ISN'T true, is it? It's so easy for us to say that we will become monsters, or we will succumb to the darkness of our souls. Ever wonder WHY people say that? I have gazed into this abyss of weak columnists, yet I do not feel that it has EVER looked into me? Why? LACK OF FOCUS. The stupid can hardly see themselves, and as your application demonstrates, even those who fancy themselves as intellectuals can hardly see the facts through their own little twisted fantasy. You're sound and fury and you signify like nobody's business.]

--------
and in conclusion

[Natalie: Thank god, a conclusion. I thought this would never end...]

,(to quote Winston Churchill - According to Hitler, he was a Heartless-Bitch):

[Jade: Why is what Hitler thinks relevant here? I'd actually like to see where Hitler used the phrase "Heartless Bitch" myself.]

"Writing is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public."

[Well, maybe for SOME people who write. Some applicants spend too much time on quotations.com.]

and Churchill also said:
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." ---

Love,
A Reader

[Natalie: Damn. it didn't end as promised.]

--When we understand that man is the only animal who must create meaning, who must open a wedge into neutral nature, we already understand the essence of love. Love is the problem of an animal who must find life, create a dialogue with nature in order to experience his own being.

and finally .... "Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." - Mark Twain

[Jade: You should take that LAST one to heart.]

One Liner:
BE ORIGINAL - Get a life! bitch. The only new is what is forgotten. Memories have a texture to which words do not adhere. If I am an asshole, it's only because one is following me!

[Jade: I'm not going to stoop to blaming your ass for being an ass, only for the misfortune of being attached to an ass.]

[Bon: The premise of applying is to say why YOU yourself are a heartless bitch, not throw a bunch of quotes around that seem to disprove or prove something about US to you. Words are the best you have to talk about YOU, so you should have tried. And no, you are not your asshole, though you're working hard to act like one. It's really manipulative to try to set everyone up to argue with quotes that YOU didn't say and neither did WE.]



Name: Jeff

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm not a Heartless Bitch. That is, I don't have to reclaim the term because acting like a Heartless Bitch is simply conforming to the generally accepted role for my gender.

[Male?]

(It's when I decide to distance myself from the sort of behaviour that simple-minded people expect from someone with a Y chromosome that I get labelled.)

[What do you really mean here?]

If I'm going to redefine an epithet, let me take Nice Guy back from the whining doormats who have co-opted the term.

[No, you don't want that one back.]

Or better yet, I'll take the title of Selfish Jerk as the Nice Folk seem to define it: one of the people who know what they want and what they feel, and aren't going to change, compromise or keep quiet just to make others happy.

[Why not take "Total Prick"?]

One Liner:
Life becomes a lot more enjoyable once you start caring about only those people worth caring about.

[Well, when you stop caring about people because you feel guilty, ashamed, or otherwise emotionally blackmailed into caring.]



Name: Jessie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I hate the male gender. They are dumb and worthless. All the nice guys are gay.

[Hear that guys? If you're nice, you're gay! Whoo hoo.]

Or if they seem nice all they want is to get in your pants because guys just want a piece.

[At least they aren't greedy.]

They are disgusting and females are definately the stronger gender. I like to crush guys just to watch them cry. They don't call me friged

[You're definitely a fringe.]

for no reason. I HATE GUYS!!!

[Yet you can't stop dating them.]

One Liner:
I HATE GUYS!!! THE ONLY THING THEY ARE GOOD FOR IS THE PLEASURE OF WATCHING THEM CRY!

[I could figure out a couple of other uses. You're just not being creative.]



Name: Jen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
As i was on the miserable end of a long conversation with a female friend of mine, i use the word "friend" there VERY loosely,

[Why use it at all?]

droning on and on about her insipid little life, asperations of finally getting the guy and wondering why she puts out and only to be put out, on her FAT ASS,

[Yeah, that's the key to your little world, isn't it? She's stupid, and FAT.]

which she swares will never be as perfect as britneys- i try to calm her by reminding her just how much fake tanner and revoltingly tight sequined/polyester clothing can conceal britneys cellulite;

[You know that she's aware that you are lying. Tight clothing as you describe accentuates cellulite.]

she turns the subject back to why I seem to not have a problem keeping males around, i wanted to explain to her that i dont sleep with them like a stupid whore, but i didnt really care and was out of patience so i get off the phone telling her i feel nauseas. which was true. I

[She's a fat whore, too? Amazing how you think of your friend in that way. I'll bet she's a sweetie when YOU want to complain.]

decided to get online. I was directed to your sight,

[You need to get out of my SIGHT.]

as i looked it over, i thought it was dead on. anyway, i think you see where im going with this.

[No. You sound like a fake-ass prima donna to me.]

And just another word of advice, if you are fat, ugly, stupid or emotionally unstable, you will be miserable your whole life, either learn

[What does fat or ugly have to do with anything? That's mostly subjective anyway.]

ways to hide those things or get over yourself and donate your organs to children who actually have a snowballs chance in hell. I said, GOD DAMN (pulp fiction style)

[No, baby. You could NEVER, EVER, EVER have style, pulp fiction or otherwise.]

I'm OUT.

[Don't let nothing hit ya.]

One Liner:
oh really? Go fist yourself.

[Come closer. I'd gladly fist you right upside your pointy head.]



Name: Dawn

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I really am just wanting membership because the site amuses me, I like to read the posts.

[Stay on the outside and read the rants. Trust me, you'll be happier.]

One Liner:
I dont care if a guy gets performance anxiety when I finger myself during intercourse? I dont know.. I wonder if that really does give them performace anxiety.. Hmm.

[Like the sight of a woman masturbating is a turn off to men, even when he's with her. Nothing worse than an ignorant cunt.]



Name: Christine

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
well, my best friend who is a guy constantly asks me out.. i tell him to go play in traffic...

[You tell your best friend to play in traffic?]

my nickname from people at school is cold-heartless-bitch. I walk around like my shit don't stink...

[But have you smelled it lately?]

men dont understand me.. Hell! women dont understand me!

[You've got that right, but why should I waste the time?]

One Liner:
If you don't like my attitude go playin traffic!

[It's actually a step up from talking to you.]



Name: Dara

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a bitch becuz i hate being wrong, even when i know i am,

[Get over it. You don't know everything, and being wrong is so much more painful when you fight it.]

and if i am, you better have a good reason why.

[Because you don't check your facts before you start running your mouth?]

Being a bitch just comes natural to me, like many things that i do.. and i love pissing people off and pushing them to the limit.

[It's amazing how you convince yourself of that. How do you even know where their limit is?]

One Liner:
I say what i feel and what i know other people dont wanna hear. And if you dont like the way i carry myself, you best keep your mouth shut.

[No, because *I* say what I think and what you don't want to hear. This ain't your world, baby girl.]



Name: Katina

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch

[I really love it when they try.]

One Liner:
Black bitch

[Okaaaaaaaaay.]







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