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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren


For the Week of February 20th, 2000



Email : helenex@nofunction.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because i'm an incontrolable liar

[Not to mention a reprehensible speller.]

that would say or do whatever is needed in order to get what i want. I can't stand the bared thought of stupidity and ignorance which seem to be commun qualifications these days.

[In particular they are the common qualifications in a Weak of the Weak application. Congratulations.]

One Liner:
I rather be a Heartless Bitch than a ignorant slut!

[I'd set my sights on just making it to ignorant slut if I were you. You've got to crawl before you can walk.]



Email : me@snooty.fsnet.co.uk

UserID : shagg   me

[Some people want to make a dramatic entrance, then there's this application.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I dont   care about   other   sluts   exepect my self   i   just   get   on   with what   iam   doing

[Wonder what's wrong with her space bar?]

One Liner:
shut up   and   kiss   me

[I don't think that works outside of Hollywood.]



Email : SheBELLOWs@GURLMAIL.COM

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'M BITCHY AND I KNOW IT. YOU'RE FAT. AT LEAST I KNOW THAT I CAN CHANGE FROM BEING A BITCH IF I REALLY WANNA!

[And fat people can't diet if they want? When you don't have any idea what you're talking about, it's a good idea NOT to say it with the caps lock on.]

One Liner:
SMILE... YOU BITCH!

[Can't. Too busy laughing.]



Email : Greenwithenvy@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am tired of being used on the internet by men,

[There comes a time in every woman's life when she must ponder just how she became a doormat, and in this case, you have to wonder HOW. How can a man use you on the internet?]

And I will get even eith them,

[She's going to start a flame war on alt.meet.a.loser.online]

and am in the process of doing so now to one man in particular. So don't mess with a southern girl's emotions. I will get EVEN, sooner or later, when you least expect it.

[Do what we all least expect. Develop yourself.]

One Liner:
Don't mess with a southern girls emotions, you will pay dearly.

[When it's a southern girl like this one, I'd avoid her entirely. She's probably the type that mistakes a long glance as a marriage proposal, and you'll be using her when you don't ask.]



Name: girl's name

Email : samenameee413@aol.com

UserID : biteme

[Nice.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a number one heartless bitch because.

[No second place for our girl-ee. She's number ONE. Okay, Joe?]

LOVE BITES THE BIG ONE, AND MY FAVORITE SAYING IS BITE ME, I COULD CARE LESS WHAT YOU THINK OR WHAT YOU WANT. I WANT IT ALL AND IF I CAN'T GET IT WELL THEN BITE ME. I DON'T CARE WHO'S FEELINGS I HURT. I'M PROUD TO BE WHO I AM. WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME A BITCH, MY RESPONDS IS THANK YOU!

[They're just talking to the bitch BEHIND you.]

One Liner:
BITE ME JERK-OFF

[You know, I wouldn't have guessed that bite me is your favorite saying.]



Email : noclue@wolf-web.com

UserID : snatch99

[Clever.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a woman trapped in a man's body. I beat up other men for fun. I will soon have surgery to become a woman. Then I will be a bitch. I will be a raving

[Lunatic?]

lesbian bitch. I kill men. I once fucked a man because I thought I was gay but I ended up biting his dick off. I went to prison for two years for aggravated assault where I was raped everyday by one man or more. While in prison I stabbed a man in the testicles with a fork because he raped me. I was in the infirmary for 2 months with a colostomy bag because my rectum was ruptured. Now I take no shit from nobody

[You're no longer capable of taking a shit, right?]

and I realize I am no longer gay because men are rapists and animals.

[Let's recap. You want to be a woman, you beat men, you kill men, you removed a dick, you crushed a testicle, and you're a lesbian. Yup, I think you got all the stereotypes. Good on you, mate.]

I killed a man but nobody knows about it. I did it because I am a bitch.

[I thought you had to wait until after the surgery.]

One Liner:
I will never have a colostomy bag again. I will have a vagina and kick some ass.

[Well, this is something you don't hear every day.]



Email : Cowandshemeansit@aol.com

UserID : Freakyho

[Duly noted.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bitch because I say so and if you disagree than you can just shove this piece of shit website up your ass.

[How about I just tell you to try again.]

One Liner:
When a girl says no, she means it and if you think you can ask this girl again, wear a cup.

[ "I'll cut it off" or "I'll kick you in the balls", what is this obsession with cock?]



Email : overrated@WEBTV.NET

UserID : IMABITCH

[With a broken caps lock key....]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I DONT TAKE ANY BULLSHIT,BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT.I LOVE BEING A 100% BITCH.

[How do you feel about being 100% wrong?]

One Liner:
BE THE BEST BE A BITCH!

[Or just keep telling yourself that you are.]



Email : long-winded@uwosh.edu

UserID : yuckiegirl

[You said it.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because I do not let anyone step on me or try to manipulate my thoughts, emotions, desires, or actions. I am NOT afraid to kick a man to the curb, mainly because I am a strong, independant woman and I know I could be better off without any drain on my emotional stability (i.e. a lousy boyfriend). One of my favorite quotes is by Whitney Houston in her song "It's Not Right, but It's Okay" is "I'd rather be alone than unhappy!" I think relationships are okay, for when a woman is ready and loves HERSELF. I hate girls who hate themselves, but think a man will love them. Why should he, when they can't even find enough redeeming qualities in themselves to warrant a little self-respect and self-love? I just began a relationship after being happily single for two and a half years (my "ME" phase), and even though I've been refraining from correcting his grammar and telling him his friends are going no where fast, i think he has potential. He treats me with respect and love. Here's a little anecdote to show my, shall we say, assertive side:

[This is where you should have ended your application.]

While driving home from college after a week of classes, a big dumb man in a truck was tailgating me, even though it was completely obvious to all around us that I couldn't simply JUMP over the car in front of me. So he continued to endanger my precious 22 year-old, full-of-potential life, possibly so he could get to his destination four minutes early. When a clearing in the other lane of the highway appeared, he angrily swerved over and sped up, hoping to get in front of me and presumably ride the ass of the car I'd been following. Well, as

[Why didn't you slow down and let him over? The whole idea is to get from one place to another in one piece, it's not a competition. If someone wants it that bad, it's not worth dying, fighting or wrecking over. Show some common sense and good judgment. There was more than one asshole on the road that day.]

luck would have it, he didn't have room to move over. What the asshole did then was swerve over, going 80mph, into the little space on the highway that my Toyota was occupying. I slammed on my brakes to avoid certain death and swerved off the road. When I resumed my sanity and felt the adreline surging, I followed him.

[Why? Why would anyone in her right mind follow a man, an asshole, for miles and miles?]

I followed him for miles and miles, off the highway, into town, and right into a gas station for diesel trucks. He threatened me with his big truck in the lot, backing up centimeters from my bumper while I sat and patiently waited for him to exit his truck. When he finally did, I grabbed my pepper spray, ran out of my car, and attempted to kick him in the balls twice. All the time I was telling him exactly what laws he had broken, and what I could do to him.

[You didn't concern yourself with your own lawbreaking in the least, did you, ma petite felon?]

And what i planned to do to him. I tried to pepper spray him three times, but due to the wind he only got it a little. After a few rounds of us screaming at each other, i refused to let him fill up his truck, and eventually he hopped in it, locked the door, and left the parking lot. Some people may think I was crazy

[Don't kid yourself. They thought you were crazy LONG before you did this.]

for doing that, but I had adreneline surging

[And that makes everything A-fucking-okay.]

and I didn't EVER want this man to think he could ever fuck with a 22 year old girl in a Toyota ever again.

[He probably thought you were on your period, thanks to all the "I have PMS 24/7" sentiments shared among you wannabes without a cause or clue.]

One last indication that I'm a heartless bitch:

[You've quoted Whitney Houston and assaulted a primate. So far you're batting 1000.]

when a boyfriend broke up with me at my going-away party because his new girlfriend was there, I sent him 19 magazine subscriptions when i got home.

[Damn George Hayduke! Good going. He got 19 free magazines for a month or two. He got 19 different nag notices and you didn't even ruin his credit. Living well is the best revenge. Tape that one to your mirror.]

One Liner:
"Don't FUCK with me fellas! This ain't my first time at the rodeo." - Joan Crawford, portrayed by Fay Dunaway in Mommie Dearest

[Don't fuck with her, fellas! She'll chase you down and attempt to harm you. You'll probably be inconvenienced and annoyed, and who needs that?]



Email : ambivalent@dataline.net.au

UserID : mine

[One she'll never forget.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
you got a problem with then leave because I don't seem to mind

[Leave or stay, it's all the same to her.]

One Liner:
I'm a bitch but I've got class give me shit and I'll kick your ass!!!!

[Thanks for the nostalgia. I haven't used a rhyming insult since the 2nd grade, but Mohammed Ali was still the Greatest then. WE had an excuse besides being young.]



Email : notramsey@AOL.COM

UserID : RAMSEY

[Boyfriend? Dog? Who wants to lay odds that she'll write to tell me her boyfriend is NOT a dog?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
BECAUSE I CAN'T PUT THIS IN HTML TO MAKE YOUR JOB EASIER.

[How about finding the caps lock key?]

BECAUSE MEN FIND ME "INTIMIDATING" OVER THIS STUPID MACHINE.

[Don't be so hard on yourself. They'd find you intimidating enough in person to lock their doors against you.]

BECAUSE I CAN'T STAND CHILDREN IN RESTAURANTS WHO CRY AND SCREAM.

[It's their parents I can't stand.]

AND, AFTER BEING IN THE AUTOMOTIVE AFTERMARKET FOR 20+ YEARS AND ONLY DEALING WITH MEN SHOULD QUALIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

[But it doesn't. Just like being a prostitute for 20+ years doesn't qualify you. Stop asking for a handout.]

One Liner:
DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT YOU WASH THE WINDOWS, MAKE THE BED, AND VACUUM THE CARPETS AND THEN 6 MONTHS LATER YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN?

[You wash the windows?]


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