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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

For the Week of January 5, 2003
edited by



Name: The Grammarqueen

[You're just ASKING for trouble with a name like that. It's better to start small. Try calling yourself the Grammarlady, or even the Grammarserf.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
- whininess does not contribute to quality of character. If you need a mother, call her and not me.

[If I HAD a mother, I wouldn't NEED one, would I?]

- a relationship is about respect and sex--in equal proportions.
- I'm not bitter. No, I'm not. Really.

[I don't find you particularly bitter so far.]

One Liner:
I know your brain is where your dick is, but mine is in my head. So look UP when you talk to me.

[Unless, of course, you're taller than she is, in which case you'd probably be looking a bit downward. I'm not sure why she didn't ask you to make eye contact. That's where most people prefer.]



Name: Airic

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I've given gifts but have taken them back because the individual was being a bitch.

[That's not a gift, that's a bargaining tool. Gifts are not rewards for good behavior. You're taking that whole Santa thing way too far.]

I hold her she must of lost it and I keep the gift for myself.

[If you wanted it, why didn't you just KEEP it in the first place? Furthermore, how is she to learn to correct whatever behavior you've arbitrarily decided was "bad" if you don't let her know that your presents are given on your own wacky merit basis?]

One Liner:
I give the time but never receive the time!

[It's 9:16 a.m.]



Name: Jackie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because

[This is going to be GOOD!]

I typed a really great reson why you should make me join, fifteen to be honest and you rejected me because of a fucking email address, so piss off!

[Hey, I can't help you if you don't read the instructions and warnings.]

once is enough for me to type all the reasons why. Allow me to join and I'll show you why I am a heartless bitch

[This is something that you just can't reverse engineer.]

One Liner:
I cant deal with people that waste my time making me EXPLAIN MYSELF

[I suppose you prefer people who choke and sputter under pressure.]



Name: Jacqueline

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because

1. I dont have time for any bullshit....Ever.

[Whoa. Wait a minute. I thought you didn't have time for this. See, now you're just a liar.]

2. I am too judgmental... I can't seem to walk down the street without finding other people's imperfections, example: (Okay sweetie, you can't be a size 48 and wear a mini skirt, no one wants to go blind).

[Is fat all people see? How about those people who walk around the streets worrying about what other people wear?]

3. None of my girfriends ever whine to me about their love lives, I have my own to deal with. I can only mold one man at a time.

[Heh. I'm sure mildew sets in first.]

4. I can't deal with foreign people, on the phone or in public. I have taken the stance, if English is the universal language of this planet.....LEARN IT or GET OFF!

[Seems that speaking Dumbass is becoming all the rage. This has got to be one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever read. Thanks for giving me your reasons, even against your earlier protests. Sometimes it's good to have verification that I was right.]

5. I feel certain women should not be in professional positions. You are Very Promiscuous, not a Vice President.

[I think certain PEOPLE disqualify themselves. You're a moron. You shouldn't be outside...unsupervised.]

6. I hate most men, but especially men that cry.

[Yeah, the LAST thing we'd want is some emotional equality for men.]

7. I cant stand people that arent true to themselves, let alone me. I am more truthful than anyone I know all the time; but fake people need to take a long walk off a short deck.

[You're not being truthful because you say this shit. You're just crude. I especially love that "If English is the universal language" bit.]

8. No I am not the chef or the maid, if you aren't an invalid, get up off yer ass. (This rule applies to men & women. I have encountered many women who live like slobs, how can you do THAT! EWW)

[I think I'd much rather talk to someone who's intelligent and messy than someone who is an idiotic neat freak.]

9. I hate women that are oblivious, you know what I mean. Example: The girl in the middle of the dancefloor that looks like she is convulsing, HELLO!?!?

[I wish more people danced like they do in the Charlie Brown Christmas Special. How can you pack any more meaninglessness into this application?]

10. Filling out forms like these, if you havent figured it out yet, I am heartless, now let me in!

[What you are is brainless. No dice.]

One Liner:
I am surrounded by people with diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain

[*whistling*]







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