Name: martine

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
it's about time some of you 'short-minded bitches' realize that there are a lot more languages in the world than english, and if you are really such 'SUPREME bitches', I'd think that you would, really should, be able to open your narrow minds and welcome sister-bitches from all around the world,instead of rejecting(MAKING FUN OF) them because they don't use "propper" english!!! Who the fuck do you think you are!!

[We could hardly call ourselves "International" if we didn't accept Bitches of other nations. That being said, we do operate primarily in English, HOWEVER, I have accepted the applications of women who wrote in other languages. I will gladly translate (well, use one of those web-translators) an application if I can identify the language and have access to someone who can translate, or a website that will do this. I will even allow for the inaccuracies inherent in these programs, but there's not a lot I can do with "I'm not a Bitch, I'm THE Bitch," even if it's in Swedish. Furthermore, those rejects who have been ridiculed for improper English have almost always listed a nation that speaks English as a first language. Every now and again I'll get an application that is written so it is FUNNY because the words turned out in a funny way, not in a "Ha, ha, you can't speak English." kind of way. That really ISN'T funny, and their English is better than my Spanish, German, or whatever language they speak.]

One Liner:
Mannen, je kan beter kippen "houwen"!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Translation: Men, you can "chop" better chickens!!!!!!!!!!
I have NO idea what that is supposed to mean.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a Heartless Bitch because a 13 year old trapped in a 22 year old's body keeps pestering with confessions of being addicted to internet pornography and can't get a *clue* when I say "I am not sexually attracted to you, nor will I ever be in your wildest dreams" ... despite my incessant "NOs" he keeps emailing, calling and whining about how pathetic he is and how he can't seem to get over me. Heartless Bitches help me!

[Free advice: If you claim that you are not interested, ACT that way. Every time you tell him that you're not interested, you're still playing his game. In real life, you may not be able to absolutely restrict access to yourself, but you ARE able to move away from him when he's talking, hang up the phone, or mark his mail return to sender. There may even be stalking laws that apply. On the internet, however, denying some creep access to you is a bit easier. Many programs allow you to select the people who can contact you. Use those filters. Block any email from his address. How in the world did he get your phone number? Use your answering machine to screen your calls if you don't have caller-ID. You can even contact the phone company to get your number changed (some companies will allow you to change for free if you're being harrassed, and if you make this complaint, they have their own protocols to assist you). While this may seem unfair that you have to do all the work, and he should just *get a clue*, you need to protect YOURSELF, and you DID get yourself into this mess. You can't afford to depend on the world to protect you in the meantime. Get your act together, and STOP ACCEPTING HIS MAIL. He can't keep whining to you if you block him. That being said, I think it's the WEAKEST thing to ask other internet friends to assist you with dealing with an internet creep. You're supposed to be a strong woman. USE THE SOFTWARE you have.]

One Liner:
GROW A DICK AND GET A THERAPIST.

[GROW a SPINE and stop asking for help for your self-made problem.]

[A response to last week's Weak of the Week: Marlen.]

Jade,
Here's my response to your response, please humor me and read through.

[I humor MYSELF and read through. You have quite the knack for answering your own questions, by the way.]

Thank you for publishing me on the 'Weak of the Week,' it's truly flattering.

[Thanks.Only the weakest of my week wind up there. I feel that I have to remind you that it's called "Weak of the WEEK." Aside from a very few candidates who seem determined to remain weak, I seldom remember who made this list. In other words, each application is seen as a fresh start. That being said, I'm hardly surprised to find you here, writing back to "prove" yourself, and that's part of the reason you stayed with that other guy so long.]

I attempt to bring only a few points home with you since I too am in the editing business

[Did you think that I was in need of help? Your being in the editing business really doesn't matter. The reason you're writing isn't because you want to share editing tips, but because you want to set the record straight about you. It helps if you're honest about your motivations.]

as a sideline. All things considered, I've seen much worse 'weaksucks' than myself on your site and I think you've misjudged a qualified candidate. Am I losing sleep over this?

[No, you weren't the weakest. Your weakness is that blind spot you have over this issue, and here you are defending that blind spot. You may not be losing sleep, but it's rare that I get a letter like this from someone who doesn't care, which is the stance you're trying to take.]

Hell, no. Will I throw my hands up, curse the air you breathe and vow never to visit your wretched website again? Fuck, no. I love your website and still have it up as a link on my homepage. Hell, I've been published! Who wouldn't be proud of that? But...I truly think you've overlooked a few key points here, not that I really give a shit if you take advice

[Of course you'd think I'd overlooked a few key points. People in your situation tend to say that. This may be the first time you've been in your situation, and there's a great chance that it will be your last. This is not the first time I've encountered someone in your situation, however. Normally it takes a couple months of solid debate to shed some light on what they refuse to see. ]

from a total stranger or not. I am a great 'bitch,' as it were, and will continue to be so whether I have your coronation or not. So...read on.

[All I can do, Marlen, is prevent your access to this board until such a time that you present yourself with certain qualities. One is intelligence, which you seem to possess. The quality you do not seem to possess is self-awareness.]

Name: Marlen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

Single mom of three who takes shit from absolutely NOBODY. I'm not a man-hater, just an idiot intolerator. You can be gay, straight, poor, rich, tall, short, I'm all for ya. But stupid or mean, and especially both, I don't do. Men and women who are too pussy to even try a real relationship because "I'm too scared of getting hurt again!" Well...fuckin' WAaaah. Have the courage to stand up for what you believe in and say what you mean, or move out of my way.

[That wasn't too bad, but she gets a bit worse before she gets better.]

Yes, you're right. This was a weak attempt and I was tired when I wrote it. I can do better. I have written better. But then again, I wasn't sending in final copy for the big bucks either. It's a website, for fuck's sake. A good one, but a website nonetheless.

[Honestly, how much of an effort IS it to compose something that isn't this trite? Most of us type off the cuff. Yes, it is a weak attempt, but your rationalizations, justifications, and defense of your weakness is making it worse, not better. Accept, move on, grow.]

If you're interested,

[Nooooo.]

Then why read this, or respond? Oh, because this is your JOB. You have to rip me after three words? Gee, much insecure or anything? Give a girl a break.

[I've been doing this a while, Marlen. I've learned the hard way that an intro such as "If you're interested," means that irrelevant, personal and painful information is headed my way. I wasn't wrong.]

here's how I came across your totally rockin' website, it was right after my last 'relationship' ended. Basically it was a one-night-stand that lasted 364 days too long.

[Sure, you say that NOW, but on day 233, you were still in there. On day 363, you were alright.]

True. The sex was great. We had a workable relationship. And did I say "rockin'?" You slouch, Jade, you definitely should have pounced me for THAT.

[Why? Rockin' is the LEAST of my problem with what you chose to reveal. I can't comment one way or another on your lack of trendy phrase, or the use of one. It's really irrelevant compared to the dramatic saga you chose to share, yes, with a total stranger. Not to mention that it had nothing to do with what a Heartless Bitch is, which is what you were supposed to write about in the first place.]

this guy was really a work of art. Why, you ask, was I with him?

[No, I don't ask. I've got a pretty good idea. I ask you questions because it's obvious to me that YOU don't know, not because I don't.

You have a good idea after just a couple of sentences? Wow, a mind reader! Where do I

[Yes, I am a psychic. Shut up.
Seriously, you're not the only person who has submitted a tale of woe like this. If I asked, most of you would offer the "window-dressing" answers. He was good in bed, he was cute, he had you fooled, blah-blah-blah. That may be true, but that's not what had you trying to figure him out. You can get good dick anywhere, if that's all you wanted. You wanted HIM, and if I was asked to guess, I'd say poor self-esteem figured in here.]

get sign up to get my certification? Yes, I'm being a smart-ass. You shouldn't presume to know so much, you might not know as much as you think you do. Yes, people can be predictable. But not always.

[The important part here is that YOU were predictable. We're not talking about people. We're talking about you, and yes, I've seen this hundreds of times.]

Well, because I THOUGHT he had the capacity to love...gee, did he ever have me fooled!

[It took you a year to find out that he didn't love you?]

No. It took an event occurring to realize he didn't love me. And for future reference, just

[No, it took an event for you to admit it to yourself.]

so I'll know, exactly how long DOES it take to determine another person's feelings, O

[You don't have to determine another's feelings. THEY TELL YOU. If you have to play an internal guessing game, it's not love. If he doesn't want to talk about it, it isn't love. If he won't discuss futures, it's not love, and most of all, if you convince yourself that he's afraid of commitment, running away from his feelings, or just gun-shy about love, it ain't love. It just means that you're not the one.]

Great High Priestess of Time-Space Continuum? Again, the point being, is there a proper time limit for knowing someone well?

[There's a difference between knowing someone well and knowing if your boyfriend of a year loves you. Love isn't a secret. Yes, you were pretty stupid for not picking up on this, and really stupid for not valuing yourself enough to get out of a relationship in which you aren't aware of his feelings for you.]

In a nutshell, here's how it ended...I broke three bones in my body in a rollerblading accident (no I'm not stupid,

[Yes, you are. I don't say that because you fell off your rollerskates. Anyone can have an accident, but not an accident that lasts 365 days.

The entire relationship was not an accident...I said it was a one-night stand. That's not a bad thing. Where did you get the idea that it was all bad? And no. I'm not.

[You were the one that said it was a one-night stand that lasted a year. What did you think that meant? Are you fiddling around with what you meant after the fact? It's pretty obvious where I got it, Marlen. Are you woman enough to stand behind what you meant? No one asked you to run down your ex-boyfriend, after all.]

I have been blading for five years, I just tried to do something that was beyond my abilities because, well, I have courage.)

[You should have had the courage to leave, but FAILING that, you should have the courage to see that he stayed because YOU let him. Have the courage to take some responsibility here.]

Again, leave, why? Until this occurred, things were good. I wouldn't have put up with a year of this type of thing happening. THEN you could call me stupid and you'd be right.

[Come on. They weren't ALL good, right? You couldn't tell if he loved you or not, for starters, and you didn't introduce him as "the love of your life." You didn't even say you had a year of bliss. Take responsibility for what YOU said.]

The weekend of my accident was the last time he ever came to visit. (His motto was, "If it ain't fun, it ain't for me," and I guess I wasn't too fun or fuckable anymore in a body cast.) The weekend AFTER my accident, when I still couldn't get out of bed, he took another woman camping for the weekend, and they shared a tent. I know this because, of course, he TOLD me. What a sweetie!

[Well, he DID spare you the time and aggravation of investigating his whereabouts yourself. You don't find this often in a philanderer.]

This is true.

Right. When I told him over the phone that I had a problem with this little scenario,

[A problem? A PROBLEM? Why on earth didn't you tell him to stay in the tent with her? I don't condone suspicion based just on this, but I DO find it extremely callous to go on the trip with you in the hospital. That would be enough for me to end the relationship, such as it were.]

The problem was just as you said one sentence earlier, you don't find this type of behavior in a philanderer. It's not like guys who fuck around say, 'Hey, honey, can you please pick up my dry-cleaning on your way home? Oh, and by the way, I shagged my

[Surely there were signs, though. Think about it. Did you need him to TELL you that he didn't love you in those words?]

web designer today!" I struggled with who I thought I knew him to be and the person he was being in my time of need. This is too much information, I'm aware. And I did end it.

[No, it was WAY too much information in the first place. I'd rather not be in your business.]

I told him if this was how he was going to act when I needed him the most, he could shove off. But again, it was a workable relationship. We were TRYING to get past this. Ugh.

[That's my point.]

he made absolutely no contact for a week, then one day before our one-year 'anniversary', he kicked me to the curb in a three-line e-mail, and went just like this (translations in brackets)

[This oughta be good.]

Actually it was. It was rich.

: "After quiet moments of reflection [beer-drinking] and talking with friends [cybersex with other women on the internet] I have chosen to explore other relationships [I've already found an adequate replacement for you.]

[Okay, but you KNEW this. It's shitty for him to do this in this way, but count your blessings. He could still be hanging around, sucking your energy. However this happened, it's for the best, believe that.]

No. I did not know this. According to him the girl was merely an acquaintence and space issues 'forced' them to share the tent. Whatever. I didn't believe him. Yes, it was shitty

[So you KNEW it. Why the argument? When you heard the story the first time, you had your suspicions, and after you thought about it, you didn't believe it. I wouldn't have believed it myself. I just wouldn't argue about me not knowing because you DID know that you had been replaced.]

and I wasn't looking for a second motion from you. I counted my blessings immediately and laughed when I got this e-mail from him. It did not merit a response. Yes, it was for the best and I saw that immediately.

[You probably should have said this in the first place.]

This wasn't an easy decision for me. [I did not once consider your feelings.]

[That's not an apt translation. The fact that he did all that stuff, then sent this shit in email means he doesn't consider your feelings. This "easy decision" means that he wanted to have his cake and eat it, too.]

True, I hadn't thought of it that way.

I'd still like to be friends with you in a capacity that works for both of us. [I use the phrase 'works for both of us' because I have this delusion that using this phrase makes me feel both superior and intelligent, when in fact what it really means is that I spent $2000 on a personal growth course to learn that saying this phrase makes me believe that I have to accept absolutely no responsibility whatsoever for being the evil self-absorbed, self-serving prick that I am.]

[Now that is absolutely true.]

He signs this touching e-mail, SINCERELY. God help the next piece of ass on his list.

[Yeah, so aren't you glad that it's not YOU anymore? At least he didn't sign off "Yours truly."]

Yes, I am.

Oh my GOD I thought, what have I done, wasting an entire year with this piece of shit? That's when I told myself, NEVER AGAIN sister. I'm SO much better than that!

[You are. So, how do you plan to prevent the next loser?]

Is there a sure-fire way to do this? Currently I'm not dating. That's prevention for now,

[I didn't ask you for a sure-fire way to prevent a loser. All I asked was if you had a plan to prevent them. You're smart enough to avoid dating, at least until you work it out, but I have to wonder if you thought beyond him being an ass. It doesn't hurt to think about the qualities in him you didn't like, and how you missed picking up on them from him. It wouldn't be a bad idea to think about any signs you missed, or turned a blind eye to, which is more likely. You don't have to share any of this with me, by the way. ]

but it's not because I'm angry. I just haven't found anyone worthy, and I never actively seek.

[This could be your problem. You shouldn't just let them pick YOU. I think it's okay for a person to know what qualities they find attractive, and go out and meet people who are likely to have them. If by "actively" you mean something like "boy crazy," then I'd agree.]

So, I started surfing the 'net for other women like me, strong, good-hearted women who don't need scumbags for boyfriends to feel like a real person....and so here I am, another heartless bitch to recruit.

[Hey, next time concentrate a bit more on you.]

I was. I am. I continue to do so.

[I meant that the next time you decide to apply, concentrate on YOU, not your trials and tribulations with the ex.]

One Liner:
I'd like to have the opportunity to piss on all those who have put the "pee-pee" in my HAPPY.

[I know you're being flippant, but that attitude is the reason you found yourself here.]

You know this how? Actually I was being sincere,

[I felt that it came from somewhere. Your attitude in the one liner is that other people ruin your happiness, which conversely means that they make you happy. All that should come from within. People can do some pretty shitty things, but it would take more than just some "pee-pee" to ruin my happiness. That's because I am totally responsible for it. You seem to abdicate your responsibility in areas like this, which is probably why you tote losers around for so long.]

but I have better one-liners. "Golly GEE I want to be just like YOU when I don't grow up!" That's a better one.

[Not really. It's insincere and flippant. Really, if you don't respect my opinions, why does it bother you how I see you to the extent that you're willing to write back so I'll know how wrong I was about you.]

Hope you reconsider, but again, you won't see any slash marks on me if I don't "make the cut."

[Based on this letter, no. I couldn't possibly reconsider.]

Name: Danielle

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Im a heartless bitch because if someone messes with me, all hell breaks loose.

[As much hell as she can manage, anyway.]

Im so sneeky when it comes to it to. I have friends all over the place..they come in handy. I make sure that if someone screws with me, that they get it ten times over. Im dating this guy that cheated on me with his ex. I imidiatly

[...broke up with him? No, that was wishful thinking.]

started hacking this girls stuff, and now control all of her emails and aol im names. Its funny to kick her off-line when shes online.

[I'd have to doubt this. It takes a bit of know-how to hack, and you don't look like you can manage your own accounts.]

Hahaha, Im ruthless. And its been over a year, and I still get a kick out of

[You're not one to let things go and just go on with your life, are you?]

it. And the guy Im still dating...well he gets watched like a hawk. There isnt a place he goes to that I dot know about or eventually find out about. I even sign

[Is it worth having a boyfriend at this price?]

on his screen name and talk to girls im supsicious of. I make him pay for me, and then throw fits when he doesnt.

[I'm trying to figure out why he keeps you around. I can easily see why your ex went straying.]

And then I throw the cheating thing in his face, even though that was over a year ago and he has been good since.

[You're with the SAME GUY? You guys deserve one another.]

Yeah...Im a bitch and everyone knows it...and it keeps them from screwing with me and my 'property'.

[He's your property? I guess you can't blame him for getting an upgrade, in that case.]

One Liner:
This all could have been avoided if you would have just kept your dick to me!

[Or if you weren't neurotic.]

Name: Jodi

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
1)I love to play guys

[I'm pretty good at Solitaire.]

2)I get what I want- no matter what
3)that's what I go by
4)I make sure I'm everyone's top priority
5)I like to eat ribs in front of the window of vegetarian restuarants

[It's worth it to leave a comfy restaurant to eat on the street in the cold and wind, just to watch the vegetarians ignore you. You think they don't know they live in a world with carnivores?]

6)I pity those who are below me

[Shit. Me, too.]

7)If I won the lottery, I wouldn't share a cent
8)I don't take no for an anwser
9)you will go down if you try to take me on, and HARD
10)I love to GET and hate to GIVE

[What's this spell? P-R-I-N-C-E-S-S.]

and if you don't believe that, give me a call, cause this Heartless Bitch WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE

[I'm already convinced (that you're stupid).]

One Liner:
Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you I was a HEARTLESS BITCH

[Oops. I didn't forget to send you a welcome email. That empty mailbox of yours means that you didn't make it.]

Copyright© Heartless Bitches International (heartless-bitches.com) 1999