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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of November 10, 2002
edited by



[When the amount of your acceptable candidates is scant, expect a large edition of Weak of the Week.]

Name: Joy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm not going to let some worthless man call me a slut, on my birthday.

["I can do that for myself. I don't need no MAN to do that for me."]

Then he takes my birthday present, which I hadn't opened up.

[You don't want anything he had to offer anyway.]

He then spins rocks into my cars and chips the paint. Drives thru my lawn.

[Certainly not with YOUR car.]

Now he can't figure out why I won't talk to him. Because I'm a heartless bitch. Because I can be.

[Anything he wanted to say to me would be through the court. You DID call the police about this, didn't you?]

One Liner:
Because I can....

[That was the thinking that had him insulting you, vandalizing your car and tearing up your yard. "Because he could," and he did.]



Name: KATIE

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I ENJOY MAKING PEOPLES LIVES MISERABLE AND MAKING PEOPLE CRY I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANY1 ELSE BUT MYSELF AND THAT IS WHAT MAKES ME A HEARTLESS BITCH

[You sound like a joy to be near.]

One Liner:
BITCH WITH TITS , DONT EVEN LOOK OR ILL KILL U FOOL

[With tits?]



[One mo' time.]

Name: BITCH

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I AM A BITCH AND I LIKE TO HURT PEOPLE AS I ENJOY PISSING PEOPLE OFF

[Times like this is why I hope that you meet your match someday.]

One Liner:
KATIE THE BITCH EAT MY PUSSY

[With tits? It's almost like, "Would you like fries with that?"]



Name: Annette

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
When the local retard tried to tell me about the fire trucks, my father told him not to bother to tell me, because I'm a Heartless Bitch. Thus began my journey. . .

[You needed to hear about fire trucks from the local retard?]

One Liner:
Sometimes, late at night, I lie in bed trying to control the urge to punch my husband in the balls, just because.

[Ever wake up with bruises that you can't explain?]



Name: douche bag

Email : cunt@dyke.com

UserID : fuck you

URL : you want to suck my what bitch? Pig!

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
shut up or ill step on your string hanging out you ass! ha!ha!

One Liner:
suck my cock

[Hey, kid. Don't you and your little friends have some prank calls to make?]



Name: Elisa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because I won't pretend like I care when my husband

[His name is her password. Heh.]

pretends to be finding a job. I don't give a shit about the interview he "says" he went on today, because he is a lazy bastard that will avoid work at all costs. Poor baby. His wifey won't be nice to him because he can't get a break. BULLSHIT! There are just no good jobs out there, yeah, for people who DON"T EVEN LOOK! If he spent half the time looking for a job as he does trying to look like he's busy, well, let's face it, he still wouldn't have a job.

[In the meantime, you're supplying food, beer, lights, and rent. You married this bum, lady, and you're subsidizing his early retirement, too. Your low-level nagging is a small price to pay. I'm sure that he looks as contrite as can be as you LAW DOWN DA LAW, only to pony up the cash he needs to live.]

Why else am I a heartless bitch you ask? I spend half of my day listening to my employees bitching about how this sucks, or how they hate that, but not one God damn one of them will shut the hell up and do something about it!

[Whistling.]

They even have the balls to bitch about other people bitching, and they are too stupid to realize that they are doing the same!

[Maaan, are YOU thick.]

I have to block them out and ignore them, but then all of a sudden I'm a bitch because I won't help them. Help them with what? Making their lives more pathetic because they have nothing better to do than complain? If I wanted to hear sob stories all day I would hire my husband!

[Maybe you SHOULD, eh?]

One Liner:
If you're too stupid to even realize you are stupid, you need to get off the planet.

[I'll arrange your jumpship.]



[Return of the Ghetto-poseur.]

Name: misty

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Picture me gone?

[Well, that was obscure. You referenced a song, so I did, too.]

I'm back you wanna be a bitch but have to hide behind a computer and your smart-ass retorts.

[Are you in MY face? I'm wondering if you realize where YOU were when you wrote this.]

A real bitch ain't about making fun o' people. Go back and get some schoolin yo', cuz' it looks like you stuck on stupid in the third grade trying to make folks laugh with your corny white girl humor.

[Your idea of insulting me is calling me WHITE?]

Is this your job?

[Do YOU have one?]

Do you sit on your flat white girl ass and judge potential bitches all day?

[Yes, and it pays a MILLION DOLLARS. Seriously, the entertainment value is priceless.]

How do I know you're white? Look at your pathetic comebacks.

[Well, if you saw my wallet....]

Only a white bitch would stoop to make fun of typos...find somethin' else cracka.

[It's the poor ebonic translation that gets to me. You just can't fake it.]

Yes, black was put into me down the CORE..in more ways than one.

[I'm almost afraid to ask what you mean here.]

I am hooking with some of those pills C. Thomas Howell used in Soulman so I won't ever have to be thought of again as a cracker ass cracker like you.

[That's just it, kid. There's nothing you can do about your race. Why would anyone want to change that? There IS something, however, you can do with WHO YOU ARE. Kinda sounds like I'm talking to Chris Rock, only without the humor and the point. Actually, the ONLY thing that sounds like Chris Rock is that "cracka ass cracka" remark. Girl, watching Def Jam don't make you down.]

You need to go on ahead and throw on your John Mellencamp record and start fucking your female cousin, because your white trashiness is shining through and through..

[You're really out in left field on this one...Misty. Misty. I've never seen a "round the way" girl called "Misty."]

You make this site because you think you be strong and intelligent but let the truth be known cracka...you are the flattest of the flat ass and titty, stringy hair white hoe

[That would be 'ho. A hoe is a garden tool. What does my ass have to do with my intelligence. I mean, I know that's where you store YOUR brain....]

that couldn't get even touch a man in a morgue.

[You couldn't make a biscuit rise. I'm quite sure that I could touch a dead man, if that were my inclination.]

Don't make me come whup up on yo' ass...hata ass ...

[See, shit like this lets me further know that you really don't know what you're talking about. You've got the lingo, but not the understanding of how it's used.]

One Liner:
picture me rollin in my 500 benz...i gots no luv for these bitches...we cant even be friends

[I imagine that it WOULD be rather hard for a wannabe, such as yourself, to make friends.]



Name: Jolene W.

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Men, have made me heartless. I go out with guyS that tell me how enjoyable the conversation and I am. Then they never call me again even after I Email and call them several times.

[Do-do-DO-do. You have just crossed over into...THE STALKER ZONE. Take the HINT, Jo. They don't want to talk to you.]

It's because of men like that I am alone with my 2 dogs and 3 cats.

[Well, you have to ply them with food to stay, don't you?]

I dated this one guy and having sex w/ him on a regular basis. He never ONCE took me out and

[I'm thinking of a phrase. It's a cliche, but it works. Something about buying cows.]

then he just stops calling one day and I find him dating someone else. It's because of men like this I am a true bitch.

[No, you're hurt, mad, and confused. You are NOT a bitch.]

Friends, have also made me heartless.

[What's with the dramatic pause?]

For example: I told a friend the other day I was running an errand near where she leaves and thus swung her apt to drop off her birthday gift. She knows that the vet's office is near her apt and she knows my dog is dirt old. My "friend" never once asked how my dog was.

[Let me get this straight. You told her that you had an "errand." From that, you expect her to figure out that you're taking the dog to the vet because she happens to live NEAR the vet? Stop playing games and talk to your friends.]

How dare she and she had the nerve to be upset when I didn't congratulate her or her son when she sent out an Email saying her kid made the honor roll.

[Generally, on PLANET EARTH, that's how it's done. She wanted to share her pride with her friends, so instead of EXPECTING THEM TO KNOW that her kid did well, she sent out an e-mail telling them. If you had sent an email telling your friends that your dog was getting up there in years, and you were concerned for him, I'm sure that you would have received the courtesy (attention) you were seeking.]

It's due to ungrateful, uncaring and selfish friends like her that also contribute to my bitchness.

[None of this is ever YOUR fault, though.]

People in general are just not worth my time.

[Good. Stay far, far away from them. Avoid all contact. You might get something on us.]

One Liner:
Men aren't worth the time it takes to give birth to them. Friends are just as worthless as the rest of the human population taking up the Earth's resources.

[Boo fucking hoo hoo.]



Name: martine

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm not going to give you all the 'ins and outs' of my bitch-hood, like i did last time, and got some stupid refusal answer, so FIRST GET ME SIGNED IN!!!

[Oh no. This isn't a pay as you go service. You've got to have the credentials UP FRONT.]

One Liner:
bored by all those so-called "real down to earth women-pages", that so far only turn out to be no more than attempts to find recognition by stupid turned-down helpless fools, 1 day heroes!!!!

[Come back when you can demonstrate that you're capable of better.]



Name: Thanh Ly

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I suck. Everyone knows that I am a transsexual now. The other day, my shlong was poking thru my lil tight jeans

[Well, alrighty then.]

One Liner:
All the guys like me now cause i'm just a girl with tits and a dick

[What do you get the girl who has everything...and I DO mean EVERYTHING? (A jock strap and a bra.)]



Name: Samantha

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I think there is nothing wrong with direct, clear discussion or confrontation. My bullshit tolerance level is well below nil.

[Don't be fooled by a good opening statement.]

This especially includes arrogant, stupid people who think they know everything. I like to make S.N.A.G.'s (SensitiveNewAgeGuys) cry. I purposely spill hot coffee on the toes of men who wear sandals.

[Why attack men at random, and why in this fashion? GROW. UP.]

I have been known to leave detailed and cutting notes on windshields of SUV's driven by complete assholes.

[Here's a sample:]

I point and laugh a lot. Especially at 30 something yuppies who have or adopt "accessory" children and dress them up like ridiculous little clowns. I publicly and thoroughly enjoy smoking, and when someone does one of those obnoxious fake coughs, I chainsmoke to spite them.

[Glad to know that you're an adult about the situation.]

I consider P.M.S. to be nothing more than a time of advanced clarity and awareness of how much most people really, truly suck. I think Oprah should be tied to a chair and beaten with slabs of warm, rotting tuna until she swears off being a fake moneygrubbing exploiter. I think Hannibal Lecter has the right idea about how to treat the rude, mediocre, and obnoxious.

[SO...you're beating Oprah with slabs of rotting tuna to season her up? Just try a marinade. It's easier. Get some A-1, damn.]

One Liner:
Beware the bad cat bearing a grudge.

[Alternately, beware giving a stupid person a place to write anonymously.]



Name: Amanda

Email : yourallfatinsecurebitches@tastereality.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
hey fatties hey fattieshey fathey fattieshey fatties hey fatties hey fatties hey fatties. hey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fatties. hey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fatties. hey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fattieshey fatties. hey fattieshey fatties hey fatties hey fatties hey fatties hey fatties hey fatties hey fatties hey fatties hey fatties hey fatties v.

[V.? Who is v? Who is Fattieshey?]

One Liner:
i have a nice body, and use it to get the men i want you dont, and you pretend to not care, this is why i pity you

[I feel sorry for you because you're on the decline, kid. You've only got a few more years of that, then you're old, and you have no skills at all, since you've invested everything into your body.]



Name: Erica

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because that is what 21 breathing years has produced from what once may have been an innocent little girl with warm blood and a heartbeat.

[Why do people always include their toddler years in this. You couldn't EVEN piss on your own.]

But blow after blow since childhood, every punch in the gut hurt a bit less until I felt nothing more of what I already was prepared for and expecting to happen. God knows it's the sucker punch that stings worse then the blows that you already saw coming.

[Poor, poor you.]

I thought it was not possible for a human being to have a stream of 2 decades of constant garbage but now that I've achieved all these shitty memories that I either cherish immensely for the lessons learned or am forced to repress in ongoing survival, it all at once became hysterically comical in a grossly sick twisted

[You'd better have a history of being bound in the closet, or tied out in the yard for this much woe-is-me and my miserable life shit.]

fashion. I'm uncontrollably foul mouthed and a complete smart ass bitch and physically cant help

[You're physically unable to keep your mouth shut?]

it. I don't bring drama, i go ahead and finish it in time for coke and smile. I don't make threats, the acts are committed before my brain even stops plottin them. I have a reputation for saying what everyone else was thinkin and were just too tactful to mention. I've never considered the consequences of my actions prior to jumpin in with both feet. I'm chemically imbalanced and

[Who didn't see that one coming?]

unpredictable (thanks mom!)with a temper from hell and a serious anger management problem. I

[Go away. I don't have time for you folks who are still in need of active therapy. You wouldn't like hearing what we'd have to say, anyway.]

beleive I was cultivated in the womb of the devil herself. So technically I'm only 1/2 Satan, or I'm assuming the anti-christ.. But whatever.

[Big Whatever. Child of the Devil? No, the devil's spawn would not be this dull.]

Being that my mother only has one multiple personality that occasionally shows up that actually even kind of likes me a little the rest of which silently wish she would've aborted my tattoo havin ass,

[That must be her masochistic personality. Your incessant whining is hard to like, or even tolerate. I'm beginning to wish she'd have aborted you, too.]

I learned to not be so sensitive or I'd obsess too much on the thought of why I really got fucked with the whole deal in the whole

[This is your idea of NOT obsessing?!?]

parents deparment. I don't have a receipt but I need a god damn refund or even better reimbursement for developmental damages. I'm not easily offended because I could really give a

[There's a life refund counter in the afterlife. Check it out.]

fuck less. Men are a whole other story of my life, and they just suck and make me question if God really does exist exactly how cruel and sick his humor must be to plague us with their nuisance of an existance? This is all said after my intense research of the common asshole fiances who

[I guess there's a market for anything. I don't know many men who would love to shack up with whiny crybabies.]

bring home some slutty stripper named Nikki and knowingly he locks you out of your own apartment and then when he cant take the rocks you've been throwing at the window any more the bastard

[You must have found those rocks IN your head. Call the landlord and have him let you into your apartment.]

actually has the audacity to refuse to let you in and tell you you need to leave because you're flippin out "psycho- style" for no reason and you need to go elsewhere until you learn how to trust him. Meanwhile a whore is in my bed??? Then he has some things to "figure out" and calls

[You know, this is YOUR spin on the story. I wonder if it resembles the truth at all. I'm having a hard time believing that you'd get thrown out of your own apartment, or that he's really your fiancee. It's probably closer to the truth that you slept with him, and assumed that you had a relationship based on that.]

off the engagement all the while Nikki's STD infested ass is still shackin up in my fuckin brand new Ralph Lauren White Goose Down Bedding. Then as if being traded in for a total low class known prostitute w/ baggage isn't insulting enough he then has the nerve to let the slut pack all my shit up for me like I'm not gonna notice it was thrown in womens shopping mall bags that weren't mine and some of his own important material packed in with it like he made the mistake of packing

[If she's packing it for you, I think that he's beyond trying to trick you. I'm sure that he didn't care if you noticed that it was in mall bags. Lucky it wasn't just out on the street. You weren't on the lease, were you?]

his own things and handing them over to his ex who's contemplating homicide and who has a medical record that will get her off on insanity without question because she is insaine. Then denial when busted of course. Like I'm just a fuckin idiot. If that isn't the messiah of morbid

[Crazy. Toys in the attic, she is crazy.]

disrespect then let me just bow out respectfully and let them both actually just get away with it. But payback was a bitch, screwing with the mentally unstable women is a sure suicide mission

[Absolutely. This is why men tell you whatever you want to hear until they can make a safe and hasty retreat.]

and I raged WW3 because I am sick and happen to find my evil acts becoming a very affective form of therapy that I off the record still happen to find myself engaging in occasionally. As much as

[Are you in therapy? You should be.]

I'd just love to have the heart to take a chance on love with Mr. Could Be Right after all my many bitter encounters with men, I'd rather play it safe, less agonizing, and go ahead and

[No. Get treatment and meds FIRST.]

decline option 1 and opt to chew off my own arm instead.

[Why stop there? Chew 'em both off. That way, you can't use the keyboard.]

In conclusion I've tried to come to the theory of a positive outlook and understanding that no one can be year after year thrown this much shit if there isn't supposed to be something really damn good at the peak of my shitcoast,

[Well, some people MAKE their own shit to stew in. Surprise, surprise.]

success is my only option, failure is for sure not one, so all hell is gonna break lose if I'm not rich and famous when I finally retire my Bitch Occupation and marry my one only soul mate who can stir up more rukus then even I... Slim Shady. The End

[I think he's got enough women like you in his life. Good choice, however. Glad you picked a fictional character to match that fictional reality.]

One Liner:
Give a fuck? I don't know what a fuck is to give it.

[Really? So what WAS he doing with the stripper?]





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