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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of October 6, 2002
edited by



Name: ami (you dont deserve to know my last name yet)

[Why? Because she's a...]

Email : futurepopstar16@doofus.com

UserID : noballs

[Which is why she made such a big deal about not knowing her last name.]

URL : www.thespark.com check out the bitch test

[Well, shucky-darn. Heck-fire, I didn't know that you would link THAT one. That clinches it.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
fuck it do i really have to prove my self?

[Yep.]

okkkk then my mom and grand mother are both real bitches so i got it geneticly.

[It skips the third generation, apparently.]

but thats only half of it im fat (like im gonna sit here and not acknowledge it)

[Fat bitch. Check.]

and over the years ive pretty much become flatout numb to any insult thrown at me

[It's all the padding.]

not to mention the ability to come up with smartass comebacks in like a second.

[Where are they?]

One Liner:
if i had em' "my balls and my word is all i got in this world; and i dont break em for nobody" tony montana-scarface

["You disappointed the shit out of me."--Tony "The Tiger" Russo--Married to the Mob.]



Name: Lyse

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate people i hate almost everything and um i hate whiners

[Whiners aren't people?]

One Liner:
Lifes a bitch, but then again, so am i

[Yeah, but you're also really stupid with a name that sounds like "Lice."]



Name: WHO

[...are you? Who-who, who-who.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm trustworthy minus the sugar-coating. I also eat nails for lunch. With mayo.

[Iron-rich diet...with grease.]

One Liner:
My ego is like my clitoris. If I don't stroke it, who will? (And yes, I made up that myself)

[You just can't fake...wit.]



Name: lisa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I already spilled my guts to you bitches about old boyfriend, and I did'nt get shit back from

[I thought you sounded familiar.]

you with regard to my membership/ one way or another. Nice work biatches.

[Pretty much. Either you rock, and you're accepted, or you suck and you're here. Anything else isn't worth the time it takes to fire up the keyboard.]

I don't have the time to reiterate my greivances

[Don't. Obviously you submitted some pretty trite and standard fare. The LAST thing I want is more o' dat.]

or check my spelling with the likes of you , if you-all cant't even respond to membership email.

[You're just here for the attention, aren't you? You weren't worthy of a response. What was I going to tell you? Try again? (As if I want to encourage that sort of thing). Sorry? (As if I were responsible for your mild suckage). Keep up the good work? (Who'd believe that lie?)
No. Just take the silence for what it is.]

WHATZ up with that?

[You didn't make the cut. I don't have time to mail each and every one of you little losers with the bad news. See, then you'd write me back and ask why, and I scarcely have the time to talk to people who have something to say that I'd want to hear.]

One Liner:
Hammond

[It's shit like that, really, that determines whether or not you get a response.]



Name: Sadie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Well, after my divorce to one selfish abusive bastard, I came to my senses and decided I would make the rest of male species suffer for his wonderful qualities.

[What did they do to you? NOTHING. Stop acting like a victim and grow up.]

And anyone like him, they really suffered!!! However I found one fella who could put up with my heartless bitch qualities who warmed my heart and won me over. Mind you I am still a heartless bitch...he is just one man who is not stupid enough to treat me like a witless trollop.

[Or...he's just too dumb to know when to take out the trash. Whichever makes you happy.]

One Liner:
*CRACK* the whip!!

[If you've got to beat them to keep them, you must suck.]



Name: Brandy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't ansewr the phone every time it rings because that's thinking that it's someone you realy want to talk to and seldom is that the case.

[You frequently have people who call you that you'd rather not speak to? Outside of the occasional wrong number and bill collector/solicitor, how'd they get your number? Buy an answering machine.]

I talk to who I want to and when. Not only do I screen my calls I screen the people around me. Fuck them.

[I'm surprised that people actually call for you. You're not the best conversationalist, and your personality is quite limited.]

One Liner:
Being a BITCH is my life style not a bumper sticker!

[I'm sure I've seen THIS one on a bumpersticker somewhere.]



Name: Ida

Email : mmmflesh@braineatingzombie.moronic.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Hi!

[One of us must be.]

I used to be a member back in year sword and stone, but as the email address and the password have been lost in the mists of time it's time to resubmit.

[Au contraire. If you don't treasure the membership, fuck off.]

I am a Heartless Bitch because I have and require: a brain (n.)

[For eating...hmmm.]

to be used on occasion, for reflection and retaliation, for good or bad. Obviously I have sworn to use mine only for the benefit of the worthy. (And now claim the right to define 'worthy' as I see fit!)

[I KNOW that I've seen you around before.]

And, well, does anyone need any justification beyond that? All the admirable qualities originate between the ears, and thinking is a good start for jumping in the bitch bandwagon.

[Not being so...well, stupid is the BEST start.]

One Liner:
Although everyone knows it's SO not true, "thou art the cruel'st she alive."

[Who in the hell TALKS like this?]



Name: Cynthia

Email : curiouscnt

UserID : GoodBitch

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Hello Heartless Bitches,

[Hello.]

I recently joined an "adult personals" site and wrote a sincere, honest, straight-forward profile of myself. I want sex. I'm not looking for a relationship, I don't want to date, I don't want to

[If that's all you want, hit the bars.]

meet anyone's mother. I just want safe sex - great sex with a great partner; a man who knows how to please a woman in bed. I know how to please a man and want someone equally ready to give. Since I'm only asking for that one simple thing, I decided to get straight to the point. I described myself, included a picture that makes men drool,

[But was it of you?]

and asked for exactly what I want: an 8" or bigger penis with hearty girth connected to a man with a very talented tongue. I received sixty-two serious offers

[Let me get this straight. All you asked for was the bone, and you're talking about how many responses you got? Are you kidding?]

and met a few of the men who said "You'll love my tongue, baby; I'll make you cum twenty times!"

[Now entering "TOO MUCH INFORMATION" zone:]

One of them mauled my clitoris until I slapped his head away. I was sore for a week. Another licked so fast, he looked like one of those baubble-headed toy dogs that sit in a car window. Still another just wanted to shove his little 5-inch dick in. Apparrently when I said, "That hurts!",

[If you're asking for the CuntSlayer to show up at your door, how on Earth do you plan on handling him if 5" hurts?]

they didn't believe me. When I showed them how I wanted to be touched, two of them did exactly as I asked...for about three seconds and then went back to flicking me (What the hell is that? Who told these guys that tongue-stabbing a clitoris feels good to a woman?) The other just ignored me. These guys seem to think they know what I like and what my body responds to better than I do but the jerks are showing off skills they DON"T HAVE!

[You did, when you laid there and took it like a chump.]

bout the request for 8" or longer - the three men were six inches or less. Are these men THAT arrogant to think I wouldn't notice? Or did some mealy-mouthed sweeties from their pasts assure them that size doesn't count?

[They are measuring from the bottom.]

I haven't given up on men, but I am starting to wonder if there are any good lovers out there who know how to pleasure a woman's body and hear me when I say, "For god's sake, NO, I don't want to marry you!"

[Do you think that the good lovers need to respond to personal ads? Seriously, a good lover is made, not born. Each woman likes something different, so these guys could be (somehow) the perfect lover for some OTHER woman. Just remember that GIGO isn't just for computers.]

Please accept my request to be an official Heartless Bitch; I'm ready!

[Unlike lovers, Heartless Bitches are SELF-made. You're not there yet.]

One Liner:
I want sex; get out of my way!

[Because there isn't going to be anymore if I don't hurry.]



Name: liz

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
well i was born one. first at age 10 or so i told off my stepfather for beating up my mother.

[Haven't I seen you around here before?]

then later i left my husband for being a major jerk ( i was supposed to be nice and forgive) and then when a boss repeatly abused me verbally i told him off and when it happened next day i walked off job.

[What is verbal abuse to you? Being told that you NEED to work does not constitute this.]

only to later be told that I am supposed to take it cause he the boss was stressed. give me a break does calling me names lessen his stress?

[Well, yes. I can see how telling a slacker that they're not pulling their freight would be stress-relieving.]

how about just freaking whipping me.

[Hmm. Illegal, I think. Would have been fun, though.]

I have not always stood up for myself but I have gotten pretty damned good at it. so my qualities are I have a strong mind. and a damn nice backbone i am honest. I am fair. and i dont take more crap then is my share.

[Well, you ARE walking off the job, aren't you?]

One Liner:
dont whine get a spine. ( thats mine not seen it anywheres)

[Shouldn't that be, "Don't whine, get a spine." (That's mine, not seen it on another sign?) Or something like that, since you want it to rhyme.]



Name: DEBRA

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
WELL I USE TO BE NICE. BOY WAS THAT A MISTAKE EVERYBODY I NHELPED ,THEY SCREWED.

[Seems like you don't know the difference between someone who needs help, and someone who uses people.]

NOW THE WAY I FILL ABOUT THEY CAN ALL GO ****************************** THEM SELVES

[Which curse word is 30 letters long?]

One Liner:
PEOPLE THAT ACT WAY TO DUMB SO THEY CAN GET WHAT THEY WANT ( SAD )

[Sadder still are the people who don't pick up on that type of behavior. Oh, and then there are those who whine about it in their applications and journals. Ick.]



Name: DeNiSe

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I havent got time for wanna be's

[You scarcely have time for self-improvement.]

Iam a bitch and iam dame proud of it i get told everyday:-)

[That makes it true, then. No way could random strangers be mistaken.]

People with no imagination piss me off...

[How imaginative was this application?]

Bitch... Being in control of her self iam a bitch iam a godess on my knees dont play with this bitch as i bite ... i love being a bitch and incourage every one too be one

[Haven't I heard at least some of that somewhere ELSE?]

I..

[You what? You're sorry? You're running for office?]

One Liner:
Iam a bitch and iam proud of it people with no imagination are beneath me and so are wanna be"s

[People with no imagination ARE you.]





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