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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

For the Week of September 8, 2002
edited by



Name: LAURA

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate sluts that fuck around with other peoples husbands and I love to fuck with them afterwards.

[Are they messing around with your husband? Why don't you find some productive ways to spend your time?]

Send spam mail post there names and phone numbers anywhere that will let me!

[Ah yes. A truly enlighted solution to the situation.]

I am ruthless and will do practically anything to get even!

[I wish you were an adult instead.]

I don't give a fuck what anyone says sluts that fuck married men get what they deserve and all of us wives need to join together and give them what they deserve!

[Why don't you concentrate on the issues you had in your marriage. Rarely does it break down because of ONE person.]

One Liner:
i dont give a fuck!

[Probably why your hubby turned to sluts.]



Name: deb

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i consider myself a heartless bitch because I know what I want and im not afraid to trample over anybody to get it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[She means it, too! Look at all those exclaimation points.]

get it got it good. Anymore questions e-mail someone who cares!

[I HATE getting misdirected mail. This was supposed to go to someone who CARES. I doubt that I could find someone.]

One Liner:
the 23 men ive killed

[...with your breath? Seriously, was this the end or the beginning of your statement?]



Name: Valorie

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
The thought of someone killing themselves gives me mixed feelings.

[Ah, but WHICH feelings?]

I'm glad that they quit their damn bitching and got it over with. But then there is the fact that they gave attention to themselves therefor making them a pitty case.

[Yes, that's what I concern myself with when I think about someone's suicide. Attempted suicide could be a pity party in high gear, but an actual suicide means that the party's over.]

Or maybe it's the people that felt sorry for them that makes me sick

[Why? Because they don't have time to feel sorry for you? You can't spare a moment to think about that kind of sad situation? Even if you feel nothing for the victim, there's usually a family out there, suffering and confused.]

... either way it's just pathetic. Have enough damn balls to suck up your pride and get over your problems on your own.

[You think that people who commit suicide are in their right minds?]

Don't look to some self-assured Oprah book because that bitch doesn't know how to cope with things ... if she did she wouldn't have to be rich,

[That's a new one. She's rich because she can't cope? That must be my problem.]

or have 8 comercials between each 30 second bit of her horribly popular TV show.

[The secret to Oprah's success: An inability to cope!]

And you know she only uses all of that damn money to buy surgeries for lyposuction, that doesn't work too well for her might I add.

[What does her weight have to do with anything? Try not to get catty. Being a dumbass is bad enough.]

And if you think that a relationship is the only thing to make you complete, then complain about how horrible the entire male race is ... then just shut the fuck up because you're either contradicting yourself or your a lezbian.

[Why do I not find it surprising that you are as knowledgeable about lesbians as you are about success and suicide?]

Pick one and save everyone a lot of your whining because I'm sick of hearing it. And yeah, the world is caving in and we're all going to die in the next 10 years *(or so I hear)* but if that's true, we can't do anything.

[I thought the sky was falling.]

So just get your ass out there and have as much fun as you can, while you can. Because even if we aren't going to die, we'll have regrets on what we should have done and that we should have had more fun instead of trying to stay "young". Let me tell you that staying young is enjoying yourself no matter how damn old you are. If I saw an old couple getting freaky on the dance floor ... damn, more power to them, but could you do that shit in the corner?

[Who let you in the fucking club? Didn't they check your ID at the door?]

I hate to see skin shake like that. I could go on for pages, but I also hate to hear myself complain, so I'll stop here.

[You could have stopped a paragraph or two ago, even before you hit "submit."]

One Liner:
I'm busy with my own damn problems

[That much is clear. You have problems, and there's no room in your world for anyone else.]

... go whine to your mama because, hunny, she's the only one that truly cares. I'm just the only one with enough balls to tell you that I don't ... scatter.

[...brained.]



Name: Joanna

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I was on break from my school one day.. When a whining psychophant named Kim was screaming because she'd flunked a test.. Oh the pain of her voice.. Finger nails scracthing down the chalk board.. She proclaimed in tears! "This F*cking school! It's the same month after month you don't learn anything new!" I smirked at her and said, "oh really.. Why did you flunk your test then?"

[Because she didn't learn anything new. Weren't you listening?]

There was a gasp from the onlookers.. Little Miss Drama ran away shouting.. "You F*CKING heartless bitch!"

[Don't make up stories to impress me. It's pretty obvious that they're fake.]

One Liner:
Intollerance of the stupid..

[Or just those more stupid than you...all both of them.]



Name: Heather

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't really have just one detail to give you. I have so many. but i can prob give you an example of me being a heart less bitch.

[Be still my heart.]

My friends and I were sitting at the lunch table one day and behind us were these really preppy bitches. well if you don't know. southern preps always have their panties or thong backs sticking out of their pants.

[When did preps start showing skin? Did I miss a memo? Preppies wear monogrammed sweaters (tied around their shoulders, natch), polo shirts, argyle socks and look like this:]



I can't stand that and none of my friends can either. so I walked over there. and told the bitch she needed to tuck her panties back in before she loses them.

[Why are you looking at her ass? If you're interested, there's other ways to get a date.]

well she didn't listen to me. so i went over there w/ a pair of scissors

[I always carry scissors with me to lunch.]

and cut the string to her thong. oops. my bad. nevertheless. i can't think of one other day she ever wore pantiese like that again.

[She should have made you reimburse her...if you really DID this.]

One Liner:
When a guy comes up to you w/ a cheesy ass pick up line. you say what that suppose to be a line? oh my bad. I thought you were tring to be an idiot.

[He would say, "It takes one to know one. Fuck you, anyway. I was just trying to hit on your friend.]



Name: Jill

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i make men fall in love with me online, and then i break their little no caring ass hearts in 2 ,they dont care anyway, so why should I

[I'm sure they are boo-hoo-hooing the whole time until FoxyWetOne shows up. Really, you don't think that they have multiple chat windows open?]

One Liner:
im a badass bitch, and i know it, and so do the men that attract to me

[The beauty of cybersex is that anyone can be anything they want. For example, that super-hot Navy Seal you met is really a gang of 16 year old grocery store baggers.]







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