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Weak of the Week
The best of the worst Membership Applications

by JadeSyren

For the Week of January 30th, 2000



Name: Liz

Email : notawhiz@go.com

UserID : proud2b

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
... I feel like it. Is that a problem?.... I didn't think so!

[And OH! How it shows.]

One Liner:
Yes, I know I'm a bitch! Do you really think I care? hmmm... lets see? NO!!

[I really don't get this. You don't care, and you don't think. So why do you have to think about your answers? Dramatic pauses are really ridiculous when the punchline is monosyllabic.]



Email : mommy1dentified@aol.com

UserID : [same name here]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have grown immensely in my 41 years i have gone from Princess to Queen and recently I have been bestowed the Title of Queen Supreme Bitch now i think that is accomplishment!!

[Okay, but WHY? How did you get the title? Try and leave the grandbabies out of it.]

One Liner:
I'm not married to you or sleeping with you,so I really don't have to take your shit!

[You don't have to take their shit even then, Oh Queen Supreme Bitch.]



Email : grantmeamembership@bigpond.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i don't see any point in giving aide to the poor countries of the world when they are so stupid to have gotten in that state in the first place

[So why should I grant you membership status, since you are too stupid to have one in the first place.]

One Liner:
if life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then lets all get wasted together and have the time of our lives

[I'll bet you have marijuana bumperstickers prominently displayed.]



Email : typical@bu.edu

UserID : ib6ub9

[Ibbored, actually.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
People piss me off....especially dumb people!

[I'd hate to meet anyone you think dumb.]

One Liner:
Bitches have more fun...and they don't have to be like moving sidewalks...walked on all the time!

[Were you walked on BEFORE you called yourself a bitch?]



Name: WENDY

[We thank Wendy for shouting.]

Email : capslockbroken@AOL.COM

[It's an epidemic there.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
ALL THE MEN IN MY LIFE MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO BE ONE.THEY DESERVE WHAT I GIVE THEM!!!!!

[Massive headaches, they deserve massive headaches.]

One Liner:
I THINK OF YOU EVERYTIME I FEEL SOMETHING SCUZZY UNDER THE SINK ASSHOLE & YOU SAY I'M A BITCH LIKE THATS A BAD THING

[I don't think of people that annoy me. If I'm doing something distasteful, it's just that. I don't associate with them, because they aren't worth wasting time. How often do you clean under your sink, anyway?]



Email : sassymyass@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I cannot tolerate someone who leaves you for someone else and then when that relationship goes bad, they expect you to forgive and forget or even have sympathy! They better talk to someone who cares!

[They are.]

One Liner:
If your looking for a one night stand, you better look to farmer John 'cause that's the only place your likely to get the milk for free around here!

[So...what's the price of your milk? A two-night stand? Why do you put a price tag on your ass, anyway?]



Email : tooeasy@webtv.net

UserID : 41967898

[birthdate/anniversary combo]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm Beautiful,Intelligent,Talented,Charming, And Horny Which means BITCH and the fact that i can do anything that a man can do ,just better

[And you do it twice, no matter how ridiculous.]

One Liner:
I'm Beautiful,Intelligent,Talented,Charming, and Horny which stands for BITCH

[Put your money where your "intelligent" mouth is. Cough up something with some meaning.]



Email : trashy@onenet.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
[This space for rent.]

One Liner:
When in doubt chuck em out

[I didn't wait for doubt.]



Email : badtrip@torchlake.com

UserID : 3Xdivorced

[Will she EVER get it right? Who cares?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i will soon be ending my third marriage...

[Then what's this 3X divorced shit?]

which kinda sucks...but im better off alone than living with a ass hole that wont kiss my ass till i get a rash...casues that the only way he will be able to return home....

[Get used to divorce court.]

One Liner:
I would rather be a Bitch than a Ass Kisser

[No, those are for marrying, right?]



Email : Lisaoneofthousands@aol.com

UserID : daddysgirl

[Boy, do we have a winner there.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
There are two kinds of women in the world, They kind they take control in their own hands and think for them selves, and wont let no one get in her way, and dont take shit from no one.

[How much do you want to bet she chooses the wrong one.]

Then the kind who has to have there hands held throughtout their entire lives, and wouldn't know what to do if they had to think one thought for them selves.

[And you would define "Daddy's girl"...?]

I am the first, which sometimes makes me a full blown heartless bitch.

[What would it make you at other times?]

One Liner:
Don't Piss Me Off, Im running out of places to hide the bodies.

[Why don't you hide them in your dictionary?]



Name: Hooch

Email : sensingatheme@aol.com

UserID : Vodka

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I don't give a fuck about anyone else but me, and i make this known to everyone i meet.

[Unless they're buying.]

One Liner:
You call that dirty talk? You couldn't talk dirty if a dog shit in your mouth!

[Hey! That's one of my favorites. It's a runner up to "You couldn't talk sense if you ate a piggy bank" and "You couldn't get hard if you drank cement."]

[I would have posted the AOL profile, but the only point of interest was that her hobby was (guess!) Drinking, drinking and drinking. At least she'll succeed at something.]



Email : speakingofdrinking@stmail.staffs.ac.uk

UserID : titty

[Ass would have been more descriptive.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
[Required too much thought.]

One Liner:
I like it right up the ass aye man

[So what are you hanging around here for? Go get 'em, Popeye.]



Email : shawnnaofthejungle@nbnet,nb.ca

UserID : Shawnna

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because

[Brace yourselves.]

:1 I want to be and if youdon'ty like itgo to hell,

[*Sigh* It would be a better world if we ALL took the trolley ride to the land of make-believe.]

and 2 because i am so sick of assholes of all sexes telling me to be nice..itis not in my nature to be a bitch..

[They're right. Thank you for playing.]

this is to prove them all wrong.

[Ouch, well, this is certainly going to sting.]

One Liner:
so I am a bitch, oh well, what is your exscuse??

[Bitches don't need excuses.]



Email : sexworkerindenial@sympatico.ca

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
"If you look at me once more with that disgusted look on your face, I'll be forced to get 'whip and chainey' on your ass!"

"If you don't like me attitude, fuck me with discipline!"

One Liner:
"If you can't take the heat, get your ass outta the bedroom!"

[Think that she was looking for the PORN Heartless Bitch sites? Try heartlessbitch.com and send a pic.]



Email : fluffhead@clear.net.nz

UserID : cobweb

[They're not just for corners anymore. Some people have these in their heads.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
On the night of my partners birthday, I prefered to go out with a friend rather than stay at home and be bored. Taking him along with us was not an option we even considered.

[If your partner is this boring, why stick around? This would have worked better on YOUR birthday, not his. This way, you're just obnoxious and self-absorbed.]

One Liner:
YOUR NOT A CUNT. YOUR NOT THAT NICE AND YOUR NOT THAT USEFUL.

[Ever hear of the caps lock key and contractions? You're like Dr. Heckle and Dumb-Ass Jive.]



Email : outtolunch@liv4now.com

UserID : dont_mess

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
[Trick question.]

One Liner:
dont_mess

[With what? This mess? What was the point in clicking send?]



Email : yessheisaskankyass@vixen.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I slept with three girls in one house then moved in with the girl next door.

[Oh, well, let me sign you right up for admission.]

One Liner:
Do i look like a bitch? Then dont fuck me like one!

[No, you don't look like a bitch. That's why you're here.]



Name: morgan

Email : wheresyourbrain@gurlmail.com

UserID : matt

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
GUYS SUCK!!!! VALENTINES DAY SUCKS!!!!!

[Then why is Matt your User ID?]

One Liner:
lifes a bitch , so suck it , suck it hard

[Suck what? You've got to pay a little more attention to details.]



Email : funkychicken@shesadink.com

UserID : nastynasty

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Peole don't appreciate bitchiness as a decent quality, but bitchiness is my fucking BEST quality!

[This is your BEST? God, you suck.]

One Liner:
If you don't like it, fuck off!

[I prefer to post your ineptitude.]



Name: IcyJessica

Email : totallyconfused@mlynk.com

UserID : lilphreak

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
"I'm a Heartless Bitch because I am and I don't think that I have to prove myself to you or anyone else."

[How ELSE did you think you'd get accepted? I'm not taking your word for it.]

One Liner:
"If you can lick me where I pee, you can kiss me where I walk."

[I get your anger, misplaced as it is, but I fail to see your point. Did you have one? Or are you content to make vague references. This is no way to thank someone for oral gratification.]



Email : hopeless@winsoft.net.au

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm sick of those dumb women who give all us HB a bad name.

[Who is this "us" of which you speak?]

Men who decide that that god gave them the right to shit all over women and dominate.

[That's done by the women that LET them.]

Soppy, romantic songs that reek of romantic bullshit and lies In fact, I;m bloody sick of the male race believing that they are no 1, when really they need to face the truth that women have enough sense to live without a dominating prik ruining their lives and destroying their sanity!!!!!

[You just got out of a bad relationship, didn't you.]

One Liner:
any man who can maintain a prolonged conversation with a women is kidding himself if he's heterosexual!!

[There you go. Stop thinking of men that converse as gay. When you date a Neanderthal, that's what you're gonna get. Your fault.]

The theory of Evolution: Man : cockroach : women

[women: victim: you. I don't get your theory at all.]



Email : wishihadanuzi@telstra.easymail.com.au

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I am sick of being nice. Its about time i lost this sensitivity and treated most people the way they deserve to get treated. Its about time i learned how to laugh at people just because they're losers and not feel guilty. Sick of men being able to manipulate me and i am sick of bitches that just stand there and watch. I want to be able to tell someone that 'no, your kid isnt beautiful, its fucking ugly!

[So your ultimate goal in life is to be an asshole. Don't you think we have enough?]

(some) Men are like the fake azz Santa Claus, all they can ever do is Ho Ho Ho, so why cant i be a bitch and (gold) dig dig dig''

[Because Bitches have jobs and support themselves. Financially independent is the ONLY way to go.]

One Liner:

(some) Men are like the fake azz Santa Claus, all they can ever do is Ho Ho Ho,

[Looks like they found the right girl in you.]

so why cant i be a bitch and (gold) dig dig dig'

[This would be the reason why.]



Email : lyingskank@aol.com

UserID : bflies

URL : No, I don't .

[Yes, you do. If you don't want to claim it, take it down.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a heartless bitch because I refuse to put up with bull shit. I have never and will never do it either. Nobody will ever get the best of this bitch.

[Ha ha, ha ha ha.]

One Liner:
Pussy equals power

[Only if you negotiate with your twat.]



Email : idiota@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because I tell enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.

[How do lies equate to icing? Make sense!]

One Liner:
He knows so little and knows it so fluently.

[You should take your little lie-iced wedding cakes and set up house with this man.]



Email : pickypicky@gurlmail.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bitch because I speak what is on my mind. I tell people when they are wrong or when they are being ignorant. Guys seem to call me a bitch because they cannot get into my pants and when they try they end up with a black eye. I hate sluts and ignorant people. I think the world would be a lot better without people in it. I hate people. I hate the way people talk, I cannot stand the way some people eat, I despise how idiots drive.

[This is getting neurotic.]

I think I am a Heartless Bitch because everyone hates me and I am not afraid to hate people back.

[Lighten up. Everyone doesn't hate you. You're not worth the effort. You've got an overdeveloped sense of importance.]

One Liner:
English is the main language used here; learn how to speak it.

[You're just a big ball of tolerance.]



Email : crackhead@chickmail.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
if ne1 pisses me off i will show them it by doin somint very outrageous.

[She'll break out her spellchecker! No, wait. I've got it. She'll start making sense! That would be outrageous.]

One Liner:
i can smell that pisshead in lydiard coz thats were i bury em

[Huh?]



Email : pothead@cannabismail.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because i like to let my man know that i am above him and he should acknowledge that. When and if he does then and only then does he earn my love and respect(Yes, respect. If he realizes he is below me than he has brains and is worth my respect)

[Your ideas of love and relationships are simply ridiculous. Why would you waste your time with someone BENEATH you. That's called slumming. Work on your self esteem.]

One Liner:
I want to puke on the women who let men treat them like anything less than the most perfect creature on God's green earth!

[I want to slap women that build their self worth on the back of some man that worships them. Talk about a house of cards.]



Email : celery@cadvision.com

UserID : blondie

[We are doomed, doomed I tell you, to misspell the names of the entire next generation. Does every name have to have an alternate spelling?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Just take my word on it - I won't bore you with details.

[Nice try.]

One Liner:
nah - everyone else already took the good cliches and punchy witticisms

[Fucked if she'll stop and think for herself.]



Email : noclue@bellsouth.net

UserID : 072397

[Date of first incarceration.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[I guess all the other bitches got the good reasons already.]

One Liner:
WHATEVER!!!!

[You forgot to hold your fingers in the "W" formation.]



Email : outinleftfield@simcoe.igs.net

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I do not know how to do html nor do I care to learn or wish to

[Ah, blissful ignorance.]

make your fuckin job easier. The world does not revolve around you.

[Of course it does.]

These people that think I am here to make their lives easier are sadly mistaken.

[Quite right. You're here to bring a few moments of amusement, quickly forgotten.]

Personally I feel that you wanted that job, you do it the best you can without all the poor me, help me out, what is in it for me bullshit.

[All of this whining because you were offered the option of using HTML?]

While I am on the topic of the world revolving around me. What is with PPD. OMG you have a baby, your tired, your sore,

[You lack clarity skills. I don't want to read your shorthand.]

your probabely have no help. Of course your going to be depressed.

[Are you ever going to get past this whining?]

Don't go looking for help. Buck up get over it. The world does not revolve around you. There is someone else you have to care about now. Do it and quit your bitchin!!

[And why do YOU care about postpartum depression? Why is that such a hot issue for you?]

One Liner:
Would you like a crayon, so we can brighten up this picture?

[I'm too old for crayons, and why should "we" brighten up the picture. If you're in the dark, I'm not going to fetch you a candle. Why should I help you color?]



Email : theotherwhitemeat@nctimes.net

UserID : andrew

[Not her name.]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i hate people who have a heart to care for someone

[This is sad on so many levels.]

One Liner:
Bitches are bitches and i'm one of them

[Sorry, wrong again.]



Name: Daniel

Email : poordanny@aol.com

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am sick of females and males that don't have a damm clue of what roles they want!!!

Case in point

Female to male

"So honey what do you want for Xmas" read as "I know want I want so I have to ask you what you want so I can tell you"

[Did you not want this? Why put up with it?]

Female's friend asks to speak to male on phone

"Hi how are you doing--- listen do you know what she wants for Xmas?

Read as

"Your girlfriend and I have had nothing better to do than walk in malls trying to figure out how to spend YOUR money"

[Stop dating gold-diggers. You can't have it both ways. You can't tell me that you hate men and women that don't know what they want, and whine about not getting what you want. Shit or get off the fucking pot, already.]

Male to female

"Yes honey I really love this $200.00 GPS unit you bought me for Xmas it goes really well with the $3000.00 gold bracelet I got you"

[Oh great. Sounds like you're the material one. Don't give what you're not ready to give. Otherwise, it's not a gift, it's a contract, and you should have gotten the terms established.]

Read as

" You fucking bitch,you want to be a kept women but you want to work also, to

[Hey, YOU picked her. By the way, if bitch is a bad thing, why are you applying? You live in a world of duplicity.]

keep your freedom. You tell me how much you earn at your job but you forget how much you spend on keeping yourself looking like the office power queen, You love taking my Jaguar to work but you bitch about the fact it gets 5 mpg and leave it at home when the tank is empty MERRY FUCKIN XMAS you cheap spoiled daddy's girl BITCH and I am a moron for being with you!!!

[Couldn't have said that better myself. You ARE a moron. If you want to sit in your own shit and cry, don't expect sympathy.]

One Liner:

Yes my love, I drink too much thats why I have your face printed on the bottle!!!!

[Sounds like you handle your liquor as well as you handle your money.]

Read the Previous edition of the Weak of the Week



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