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1999-2001
Weak of the Week
The best of the worst M ship Applications

For the Week of August 25, 2002
edited by



Name: Alana

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Men make me sick, actually cum to think of it nearly every1 makes me sick..compassion takes too much energy & all ppl bring it upon them selves anyway.

[Letters like these make me wish that *God was more like Zeus. I would love to see lightning actually strike someone down.]

One Liner:
Cross me & u go down!

[Down? Cross? Are you a puzzle? Can I see the answer page?]

*[Whatever entity you prefer.]



Name: SACHA

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I LIKE TO USE MEN FOR SEX AND MONEY AND AFTER I'VE GOTTEN WHAT I WANT THEY CAN KISS MY ASS.

[Have you considered making a career move to prostitution? Sounds like you're a natural.]

AND WHEN I FEEL LIKE I NEED THAT ASSHOLE I'LL CALL HIM BUT UNTIL THEN FUCK OFF.

[That's the answer you'll likely get when you ask him for that cash.]

One Liner:
IF THE SEX IS BAD I'LL TELL THE ASSHOLE. TO LOOSE

[Likely.]

MY NUMBER,OR DICK WAS TOOOOOO SMALL.

[I advocate honesty and diplomacy. In a sensitive situation like this, being diplomatic may save you a trip to the hospital.]



Name: animalofeverything

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
after i get women, they all seem to RUN OVER MY HEART WITH A STEAM ROLLER,

[I smell a loser.]

WHILE SMEARING MY HEART INTO THE CRACKS OF THE PAVEMENT AND SAYING "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS"

[You sound like one of those "nice guys" we're always talking about. People tend to feel sorry for you, as if that's any help to you. In fact, that pity really hinders you from seeing that you are responsible for what happens to you. ONE woman mowing you down is an enemy action. If you have a history of this, you're sabotaging yourself. I seriously recommend that you closely examine why you let people take advantage of you, for starters. ...oh, and stay out of traffic.]

One Liner:
next time i find a woman i'll pretend to care about her, just to get some pussy, but really i won't care about her. i'll just fuck her and be an ASSHOLE, a TRUE ASSHOLE WITH ULTIMATE ASSHOLE POWER

[...The POOT. Yes, he will be wielding the poot, which can level building and kill birds. Sorry, dude. This was done on "Mystery Men."]



Name: The Critic

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm a man baaaybeee!!

[Why won't that wig come off?]

That makes your worst NIGHTMARE!!!!

[My worst nightmare is being chased by something and not getting the key into the lock in time...or something like that. You little net twerps don't make it past annoying, at worst.]

>>>>>>Deal With it!!!<<<<<

[Flush! Dealt with.]

One Liner:
An alpha male like me doesn't need to justify himself to worthless skanks like you.

[Do you think that alpha males have to tell me that they are? I'm so sick of that "alpha" term.]

I will your bb and you will worship at my cock!!!

[Yeah, yeah, I saw Magnolia, too.]



Name: Michelle

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I have been called a heartless bitch many times. My inability to tolerate whining from 'helpless victims', has tagged me a bitch.

[So she's not really claiming this title, she's just accepting it.]

I believe that if a man is abusing you, get the hell out! Women have legs to walk with, and it pisses me off when I hear of 'victims' who have no way out. No, I have never been in an abusive relationship.

[So it would seem. It explains your dunderheadedness about it.]

I take care of my man, and he takes care of me.

[This sounds so dreadfully symbiotic.]

I see women whining about all areas of life. Damn, if they would toughen up, and be strong, the public would see that women deserve respect and not sympathy. If your man abuses you, kick his ass.

[If you're out of a job, GET ONE. If you're hungry, EAT. If you are homeless, damn, get a house. Thank you for this simplistic solution.]

If your boss harrasses you, pee in his coffee.

[Okay, now we've gone into the realm of the bizarre. Pee in his coffee? I'm not even sure about the physicality of that one.]

If your neighbor disses you, poison their damn rose bushes.

[What did those bushes ever do to you? I'm sure that I can solve a problem without being a vandal.]

Come on women, take control over your lives!

[That's a good message, but your examples are what NOT to do. Surely you aren't serious about this.]

Quit giving humorists a subject to write about. I could care less about the tears shed about abuse, I don't get abused, I am in control.

[That's a matter for debate. What you've recommended is decidedly OUT of control.]

One Liner:
Instead of whining, get up off your ass and do something about it! I hate helpless victims that bring on the abuse themselves.

[No, you'd rather up the ante to some serious abuse.]



Name: Wendy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm married to a male chauvinist pig who thinks that now matter how tired I caome home from work "I" have to fix dinner.....not him. And I cant let a dish sit in the sink over night.

[And? What do you do about that? Ladies, stop writing me about how miserable your husbands are. It's a reflection on your bad choices, not your Heartless Bitch qualities.]

One Liner:
I'm sick of whiners!!!! Life is what you make it....not what you wish it were.

[Especially when what you make it is dinner.]



Name: MICHELE

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I DO NOT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY.. END...

[It's almost like a telegram, isn't it?]

One Liner:
IT'S JUST REALLY ALL ABOUT ME. JUST ME...

[Well, that explains why this application is so short.]



Name: Lisa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:

[Ha'mercy.]

I am a heartless bitch because I am sick and tired of mindless women who use their T & A to get something out of some poor sucker.

[I'm more tired of why that works.]

I have just become an empty nester at 38 years old. My daughter left for college two weeks ago and already I am advising her on the idiot girls that she has met. Her room mate has mono, gee thanks for that worry,

[Better that than Meningitis.]

but yet her room mate's smooching on some guy that she met on her floor. I told my daughter, "That's typical of idiotic people who have no confidence that someone won't be there after they are cured of such contagious disease."

[It IS irresponsible, that's for sure. Are you going to cut those apron strings and let her go, or are you going to continue to live vicariously through her?]

She didn't even tell the guy about it. I told her, that's the way STD's spread, because they would rather have the pleasure now, then to be responsible and tell the person they are with, that they are infected.

[Did you tell your daughter that there are better ways to spend her time besides dishing her roommate with you? Give some REAL advice, Momster.]

.....of course this went into another talk that doesn't need to be discussed on the Internet.

[None of this needed to be discussed. We're supposed to be talking about why you're a Heartless Bitch, not an old gossip.]

She has many friends that HAVE to have a boyfriend.

[Birds of a featherhead.]

They act all dingy and prissy and end up with guys that break their hearts. Oh, they are only 18 and they loved him soooo much......I told my daughter that she better not ever act like a dingbat to get a guy or be dependant on some asshole who is just out for a piece of ass. I raised her with a brain and she better use it.

[God forbid she should ever dare to make her own mistakes.]

Just for the record, if there is anyone in the world that I could punch in the heart and get away with it, it would have to be Anna Nicole Smith. "Did you miss me, want to kiss me?" Everytime I hear that on the TV previews I could puke.

[Turn off the T.V. If you had something to do, you wouldn't be so easily annoyed.]

And what pisses me off is that the media would make someone like her, ...an idiotic whore, a user, a pig....., a star, she has no star quality at all!!

[Whether you tune in because you love her or because you hate her, she's got you watching. We've cared about her as a nation since her husband died and left her all that money. Sounds more like you're a bit jealous of her.]

One more thing?

[Please. No. I beg you.]

I have been married since I was 19 years old and maybe my wedding band was a great weapon,

[Weapon? If you sharpened it, I guess. I don't really see a ring to be a weapon without a finding or something. I think you mean "shield."]

but I am attractive and my husband is attractive,

[How does this connect to the other part of the sentence?]

(people call us Ken and Barbie and that pisses me off)

[I'll just BET you're seething about it. It annoys you to the extent that you have to tell a virtual stranger all about it. I can almost hear the "tee hee hee" at the end of your sentences.]

but when it comes to desperate assholes

[Hey, I thought you said that you were attractive?]

that think I might take them up on a drink, I tell them , "Sure, do you mind if my husband comes along?"

["No" doesn't work for you? I guess you expect them to see that ring in that dim lighting, and they're supposed to know that when you're out on your own, you're really married.]

I don't like for people to see my outside,

[You must be burying that sparking personality deep, deep down. You DID make the effort for me to know that you were attractive, so it's clear where your values really do lie, and lie you do.]

I like them to see me from within, cause I am an Artist,

[Stay-at-home mommies tend to have the time to waste discovering latent talents when they have someone to help pay the bills.]

and I am young and free and alive, and there's not one bastard or bitch in this world who can tell me different or rock my little world!

[You're the queen of your teeny-tiny little world.]

One Liner:
Use your brain, if you don't have one, don't waste my time. If you need brain therapy? Hang with me a couple of days and I'll slap some sense into you!

[You think that works? Slapping might work with TVs and other simple mechanical devices, but if I beat you until you were too ugly for radio, the only thing I'd get is bruised knuckles. You wouldn't be ANY smarter.]



Name: Helen

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I'm mentally ill

[Say no more.]

and can't keep the 'rules of the game' straight inside my head

[Of course not, you've got too many voices in there.]

so I'm referred to as a 'bitch' daily. My behavior is always written off as 'female troubles'

[I take it that no one knows that you're ill. Tell them. You won't hear "female troubles" anymore.]

and nothing sends me into a homicidal rage faster than the assumption that it must by my tits

[Tits? They're talking about your PERIOD.]

and my uterus that account for my 'quirky', 'odd', 'eccentric', 'don't fucking care' personality makeup.

[Those are just nice ways of saying that you're nuttier than elephant shit.]

From my mom to my sisters to my daughter I'm considered a freak of nature because I won't get my hair 'highlighted' or porcelain embedded on my fingernails.

[Embedded would be "in," wouldn't you say? I must be out of date. When I think of porcelain, I think of potties, not nail products.]

One Liner:
They're bowling shoes, what about it?

[So what are they doing on your hands?]

No! I do not want, nor do I need your help loading my truck. You don't need a penis to lift with your knees.

[This is cutting off your nose to spite your face. Sometimes assistance is just common human courtesy, not an insult. The penalty, of course, is having to hump that shit yourself.]







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