Name: Gary

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
To begin with I am a male, I don't consider only females as being "Heartless bitch's".

[Neither do we.]

A female friend of mine showed me this site and I decided to express my views. First off, I am really sick of people in general.

[Feelings are mutual.]

Especially the ones who view everything to be based on looks, accesories, and everything is a compition. Looks aren't everything, you can not go around thinking you are the hottest thing that lived, because there is always someone who is better looking then you. Who the hell do you think you are, sooner or later your body ages and your nothing but a has been with dried up tits and red lipstick. I would take the average girl who makes me laugh, makes awesome brownies, plays guitar, and isn't afraid to take a jump on her snowboard. Take that playboy of the month, I hope your silicone tits rot off!

[It's a good thing that you're obviously a "beauty lies within" person. Some of us find that inner beauty is more pleasing to behold. Make your OWN brownies.]

Alright everyone has accesories, ya know some nice sun glasses, a nice car, or even maybe a nice place, but please is it me or does everyone need a platinum gold Mr. T. chain, a car from "the fast and the furious" with nitrous and a huge system. How the hell do you play a playstation 2 when your driving?

[That must be the problem.]

Do you really need sun glasses that cost a hundred dollars? I'm sorry, but paying thirty dollars for a shirt is bullshit, you need to get a life, or make some friends,

[Where do you shop? Some of us have professional jobs, and sometimes a $30 shirt is a must.]

because obviously no one likes you for who you are so stop trying to make yourself look cooler. You need to understand that if your ugly or people don't like you, hot gear will only make them think you have money, and make them look cool hanging out with you. So buck up chump, save the change for a rainy day, because I just stepped on your oakley's and theres no such thing as a lifetime guarantee on getting your ass kicked!

[I think someone was auctioning one on E-bay, though.]

Why are so many guys competitive? I like to play football, baseketball, or try skateboarding, snowboarding is the shit, but why does everything have to be a compition?

[Why IS it that way? What's your purpose for writing today?]

Isn't there enough testosterone in just acting like a guy. If your good at something go with it, but don't be hanable lectur and tear of someones nose, take a bit out of their ear "Way to go mike", or just down right dis someone because you think being better then them at something makes you god! If your god i'm jesus and I say your a shitty parent! I heard someone say, "winning isn't anything, its everything." Did they miss the part where I was watching South Park and I said I could care less if you won or lose because I still don't like you? Relationships are wierd, I am a guy, I do not have the mentality to explain a relationship.

[Or be IN one.]

I even had to ask someone how to spell relationship! Its just not a part of grunting, "You jane, I tarzan!" I have a request for all my female friends? I am not your therapist, you dont say Dr. gary, so please stop talking to me about your problems with your boyfriend. I would figure out the cure for cancer before I figured out how to solve your problems. The only things I want to do is chill, have a good time, finish school, maybe find a girl who loves me for me, and some day extend my penis size by purchasing a really cool pick up! PEOPLE WITH DREADS ROCK! One last thing, donating money to people less fortunate then you is not a bad thing, if you have some coins in your pocket, throw it into the charity box, you know the only thing your gonna buy with that 75 cents is a candy bar, or a twinkie, everyone wants to lose some pounds, you can do with out the candy bar!

[It's easy to have a happy life when you don't want much.]

One Liner:
"EVEN IF YOU LIKE ME, FUCK YOU!"

[The weakness of this application is that he sent this to me more than seven times.]

[This is completely weak. To understand the depths of this weakness, you'll have to get a little history. The first is "Slipperman," who wrote to The No Queen (who is a male, by the way) about his devastating expose of onWHINE journals. Apparently people who whine got a bit offended and have been writing in about it. Ironically, slipperman truly doesn't whine in her journal, but she's answering to her name, so that's my answer to that question.

Slipperman (who has also applied, apparently distraught by not being able to get to shout at TNQ) wrote a rant in her journal about us because TNQ wasn't accepting/responding to mail. I believe there were some server issues for a day or two.

Enter this moron. She wrote a post in her own journal because Slipperman was "upset." I risk the wrath of the "Dear Diary" community to bring you:]

From: "Michele" <Escape2Dreams@attbi.com>

[Please note that "Michele" has also removed her Dear Diary site. Perhaps she scented that I was on her trail. It was a vaguely innocuous little journal, anyway. She complains, however, of other "online stalkers" in her other journal:
"Why Here, Why Now? I like the freedom that I have here, this is my space in cyber land, unlike some previous places where I've had an online journal. Here I have the freedom to write without having to deal with parody diarists who are so consumed with me that they've become a nuisance. I've recently had some problems with some bullies at another site, and after putting up with it for far too long, I've moved my diary here. So don't worry all the old me will be here, along with the new. I say new because here I will, and I vow to myself to write 100% "Michele", without fear of persecution."]

[She decides to jump on the Heartless Bitches International bandwagon in her little "Dear Diary" journal (that she removed), too:]

Grammar 401 is just as important as Grammar 101.

[I believe you have it confused with snobbery 101. I agree that grammar is important, and I would like to correct some of these typos that you and others have pointed out, but to reject people on the basis of not knowing the proper punctuation near parentheses is simply too elitist for me.]

 Evidently, you've only passed the first few courses.

[I've actually gotten better from the time that this was written.]

Naturally, being the Heartless Bitch that you are, you won't have 
the balls to print this.

[Au contraire, huffy, uptight person. I'm JUST the kind of Heartless Bitch that would print this. The question is now if YOU can stand the heat. You've already taken down one of your journals, and I haven't done anything more than READ it.]

 This is from your "Weak of the Week" page:

[This is from your journal:

"Well, I'm off today to return something's, bought too big for both Alan and I. I'm going to take my son to lunch and play some video games with him. I'm going to look into those beautiful brown eyes and see if I can etch them on mind eye. He's gowning up so fast, I'm afraid to blink for fear that I miss a milestone.

Off to play Mommy"

One of the best parts of this job (Bitch Bouncer) is 
wading through some of the funniest concepts of what 
people think Bitch means. Most of them are rejected for exhibiting a
             ^---^ This should be in quotes

[(She's refering to the Bitch in "think Bitch means." I don't want to edit her formatting.) Why would it be in quotes? That's the word I mean, and that's the word I'm talking about. This is a matter of personal preference, I think.]

complete lack of grammatical capability - it's hard to
                                        ^ use a semicolon

[That probably SHOULD be a semicolon, but I can't believe that you're not going to comment on the fact that I used a hyphen and not a dash. Tsk, tsk, shame on you. Still, the whole sentence could stand to be re-edited, simply because a semicolon, while correct, would kill the emphasis. Dashes are used for "[setting] off a clause or phrase for emphasis or dramatic effect."]

believe someone isn't a card-carrying member of the weak-
           ^ note this is singular

minded underclass when they have trouble with even the most
                        ^ plurality disagreement

[Forgive me for not using his or her. I find it tedious, and I don't criticize others for using it, either. We all know that it's grammatically incorrect, however.]

basic forms of written communication. (Yes, I would make
                                       ^ don't parenthesize
 

[Why not? This again is a personal call. I didn't feel that it was necessary to the paragraph, and that's the purpose of a parentheses. You're getting a little "red pen" happy there.]

exceptions in cases where English isn't the 
native tongue... but that generally isn't a problem. In my
             ^ use comma, not ellipsis    ^ should be "the"
 

[Actually, both are fine. The ellipsis is used to show that there probably should be more there, but I'm not going to write it out, and it's not THE problem. I don't have any problems, normally, with English as a second language applicants. So, this isn't "A" problem. If you aren't grasping the meaning of the sentence, you're going to have a tough time with grammar 401.]

experience, the English as a Second Language folks tend to
                  ^ use quotes, hyphens, or italics

[I can't find a definitive rule for this. I see people who spell this both ways, and they are all using this the same way, so I'll concede this point on the grounds that it is a compound adjective and should be hyphenated. I do not believe that either quotation marks or italics would be necessary, however.]

speak and write English better than WE do. Sad but true.)
                                                       ^ incomplete

[Conversational tone, while not proper for written form, may be expressed in this manner in this medium.]

Usually, applicants exhibit poor grammar by demonstrating 
a pronounced inability to understand the following 
rudimentary concepts:
   * That A LOT is TWO words <- Don't being this list 
                             with "That…" Also, a lot is a 
                             parcel of land, and an indication 
                             of size only for poor grammarians

[It's still used, however, in common language. I don't expect everyone to know that, and it's hardly fair, considering how YOU claim I'm "so mean" (heartless, baby) to hold everyone to that kind of standard. I'm really interested in what is SAID, despite this little piece on rudimentary grammar. That being said, the problem isn't so much that this particular list item starts with "that," but that the rest do not. List items must have parallel structure.]

   * The THERE, THEIR, THEY'RE bug. <- this rudimentary concept is a bug?

[Don't you know? Almost everyone has been coming down with it. It's practically an internet plague.]

   * The intricate difference between TO, TOO and TWO. <- reserve your 
              sarcasm for when you are not making so many mistakes, yourself.

[Oh, the irony. Let's take a little gander at YOUR work, shall we? Aside from the comma splice and the misspelling of "begin":
"I have been where you at 100%. I was with a man from the time I was 17 till I was almost 26! I loved him like no other, he was my first everything, I grew into a woman while I was with him. I knew after about 5 years (I was finishing college) that he needed to commit to me, he even proposed once. He just kind of never mentioned it again, and moved on with our life."]

   * Cre-8-tiv spelling...(this means U)

   * The home of the "capslock" key. <- "Caps Lock" is two words

[Now you have completely confused Grammar 101 with Hairsplitting 101. (On my keyboard, it's one word. I also have a NUMLOCK key, instead of Number Lock.)]

We've decided that this is just too much of a good thing to
                     ^ note singular
keep to ourselves, so here they are...the Weak of the Week.
                             ^ plurality disagreement

[This--the column. They--The applicants. You--incapable of discerning the difference. This probably should be reworded, though.]

                                   ^ use colon, not ellipsis 

[That probably would look better with a colon. I feel that this usage best expresses a drum-roll, which a colon did not.]

I'm not sure how you were elected as the Grammar Police,

[I'm also the "stick-up-your-butt" police. You seem to have one you need removed. The position is much like yours: self-appointed. Any other questions?]

 
 especially in light of your own carelessness. Regardless, I can't discern how 
 you believe your "Weak of the Week" highlights could serve any end except to 
 amuse yourselves or other self-purported intellectual bullies.

[That's pretty much the purpose. Why should there be any other? What purpose does your little whine-fest journal serve? You pretty much acknowledge your innate whiny behavior with your first journal entry: "Not so Whiny this Time."]

 The writers that you so mercilessly dissect are merely contributing 
 to the wonderful social chaos that is our world,

[No, most of them are full of shit, begging for attention, or otherwise socially 
retarded.  Who needs them, and more importantly, why do they deserve to be heard, 
without critical comment, on any other forum but their own?]

 as do you. However, unlike you, their contributions do not come at the expense 
 of your humiliation and embarrassment.

[It's not like I haven't been doing this for three years. It's a surprise when you write something stupid and wind up here? Hardly. No one even knows their identity, and some of them actually go on and do better from being called on the carpet. It is hardly my fault that they've come here and acted the ass. This is precisely the kind of drone who would praise the emperor's new clothes as the height of post-modern fashion. "Wonderful social chaos" indeed. I wonder if one of her whinejournal buddies got whacked here?]

 How and why you believe that your ruthless critiques could possibly 
 motivate anyone to excel or improve herself

[This is only grammatically correct, and if you have to misrepresent facts to do it, it's not worth it. We DO have males here. And WHERE, oh WHERE did we ever promise to motivate ANYONE to improve themselves? I sure as hell don't see THAT in the manifesto. I critique the weak of the week because its damned hilarious. It must be really hard for you to laugh when the stick is jammed that far up your holier-than-thou ass. I could almost feel sorry for you - if I wasn't a Heartless Bitch.]

to your satisfaction is a mystery.

[Never discount the value of a decent kick to the frontal lobe. The whole world doesn't require coddling. I've actually seen improvement from former Weak of the Week stars. Sometimes they reapply here and do well. Sometimes they return to their little lairs of self-woe and have a few moments of rare introspection, which may or may not pass. It's not surprising that you don't know this, however. You don't seem like the introspective type. You just retreat when there's heat on you, yet you continue to put yourself in what you consider "risky" situations. Why you simultaneously gripe about and post your child's picture is beyond me. I quote from your journal:
"Ah yes I suppose we do, but the honest truth is Hunter is reading and writing and he's very aciculate and would put some teens I've encountered to shame." Obviously he doesn't get his "aciculate-acy" from his mother.

Aciculate IS a word that means "related to plants or animals or crystals having aciculae or needle-like parts." I guess that describes Hunter to a T, if he's as pointy-headed as his mother. His mother is plenty pointy-headed. She lists her name, his name, the names of his friends, where he's going, and where she's lived, all on a website, yet complains about "stalkers."]

 Instead, you come across as the female embodiment of the 
 embarrassment of the male side: heartless brutes. 

[Men are brutes? Tell me that you're not making a gender generalization here. We're not against males, nitwit, so you're going to have to do better with your assessment. Honestly, you were scoring better on the grammar.]

Nobody respects heartless brutes; why the hell 
should we care about what you have to say?

[Why do you bother to write us then? (And why have you suddenly become the royal "we"? Or are you now referring to ALL your personalities?) You took the time to provide me with amusement, after all. Look at what else I've found at your site:

"Grr..I start my own site so I don't have to deal with the pettiness of bickering children and they follow me. Now I have to erase childish babble left by the same idiots I had to deal with before. And one of the people who caused me such grief wants a truce, some sort of protection against those she's wronged? She called my child less than two weeks ago an ugly bastard, [Don't post pics of the kid if you can't take the commentary.] beyond the nasty vile just down right blatant libel she said before, and she wants me to protect her? I'd leave her to the wolves except they want to play in my garden.
Now this person has taken to writing my friends and myself included letters in email harassing us-once again. Oh, she's learned her lesson all right NOT. I'm not responding to any of her letters, I've contacted all IP providers involved they can deal with her.
What's wrong with you people, didn't you get enough love, compassion, and time-outs, discipline, or was it the wrong kind? What kind of parents did you have when you'll not even blink an eye, and attack deaf children, innocent toddlers along with abused and molested? It's a sad, sad world isn't it? I cannot imagine the color of your heart; it's nothing I've even looked upon in a rainbow. And it's not just one person, it's many-the ones that kill children and then leave their innocent bodies by lakes as a calling card for the police. [Melodrama, anyone? She's not killing children; she just called yours ugly.] My god would let her float off in space, her soul no longer fearful and full of love-when this man committed the acts he did to that baby. What in hell is wrong with you people?!" [What happened to the "wonderful social chaos" you were raving about earlier?]

Regards,

Michele Yoakum

[And I thank you for reading, Michele.]

Name: northstar cowboydeluxe

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
...i like to smack my girlfriends ass!

[Yee-Haw!]

One Liner:
dont know

[That makes two of us.]

Name: Spinner

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I am a Heartless Bitch because I work from the basic premise that all men are morons.

[People are morons.]

I'm in it for the game and not the prize, I love to mind-fuck men, especially the ones who think they have women eating out the palms of their hands. I love cutting them down to size, by confusing them with diabolical conversation.

[Is this diabolical? It's just execrable.]

It's an absolute thrill when they can keep up, but most of the time, they're chewed up and spat out.

[…ick.]

One Liner:
I'm in it for the game, and not the prize

[It's a secret decoder ring!]

Name: Slipperman

[What? You thought that I wouldn't know?]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i love animals and comic books, diapering my partner,

[Do I want to know this? I think not.]

going to the gym, watching the wizard of oz while listening to darkside of the moon,

[*Ugh* Tell me that you don't set it to start on the third roar.]

wearing shoes, and enjoying a lovely beverage. on a quest to conquer one of my greatest fears, i'm contemplating buying a scolopendra as a pet. most people can't prove to me that they aren't a figment of my imagination, but that doesn't bother me.

[Why don't you tell me why you're REALLY here? You're still chomping at the bit about onWHINE journals, you big phony.]

One Liner:
swiss army knives sometimes come on keychains. they come in handy when you have to brain a pinky mouse because your stubburn hatchling corn snake won't eat.

[If you have to use a swiss army knife to best an infant rodent, you are truly sad. Next time, Slipperman, have the courage to say something REAL.]

[WAAAH! File #23098]

From: "NiKe SKyLaRK, DaRK LaDy oF THe SiTH"
Subject: i want to be a member of heartless bitch international but your stupid form won't let me

hi. i am a heartless bitch. i am a heartless bitch with hotmail. i am a heartless bitch without a service provider email. i don't have one!!! all i have is 2 hotmail accounts. how can i prove my heartless bitch qualities if your damn form won't allow us web based only bitches can't join???

[Get a job and get a real provider. There's no free ride in here.]

Name: Yaremis

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
wll,im not very proud of being a heartless bitch but I can't help but think that that is exacly what I am.

[It's not what I think you are.]

For example I've been going out with this guy for about um

[She typed the "um." Un-fucking-real.]

5 months (not including the many times we went out before) one day I meet anoter guy & the guy im ging out with is history even though he treatd e like a princess & was overly obssessed so I dumped him a day before his birthday doesn' that suck?

[Too cheap to buy a present?]

I can imagine how miserable his birthday must of been.

[Yeah, a day without you is like a day without hail.]

Im always craky

[Crikey!]

I don't care about anyone's feeling for the exeption of a few.everytime I go out with someone &find another guy im attracted to I leve the guy no matter how much he like's me not caring about em.

[Someday you'll be on prescription medication.]

One Liner:
Bitchy girl that doesn't care about a thing.

[She'll grow out of this if she's lucky.]

Name: Gary

[Again!]

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
This is my male testosterone joke of the week:

Q: What happens when a women has an orgasm?

A: Who the fuck cares?

[You'll never know.]

This is my heartless joke of the week:

Q: Whats worse then seven dead babies in a trash can?

A: One dead baby in seven different trash cans?

[Eating out of those trash cans. Don't one up me, you loser.]

I'm not a bitch, I just specialize in pissing people off!

[Any fool acts like a parrot can annoy you. You've got to do better than this. I've been more pissed off at lampshades.]

I believe that almost 100% of people claiming to be a "heartless bitch" need to be bitch slapped!

[Bring it. You'll be limping back.]

One Liner:
Dude, some kid at college shaved his pubes and sprayed raid on himself to get rid of crabs. He was treated for second degree burns on his male organ.

[As opposed to his female organ?]

Name: Snaggle

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
Because, I am burned out, and I don't care.

[Oh-de-doo-dah-day.]

I come first. You wait. I'll let you know when. Don't rush me. "For gods' sake, give me my space man!!!!!!!!!!

[Who are you talking to?]

Most of all, I can be so nice , so sweet, so kind or gental

[Genital, maybe?]

and caring, then turn, turn and give you the cold, cold - shoulder(and then some!!!!!!!!!!!!). Ha Ha Ha BITCH!!!!!!!!!!

[This very special "What the Fuck?" moment was brought to you by the makers of Prozac.]

One Liner:
I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[And that goes for all of you.]

Name: Sara

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I could give two shis about you and your pathetic male sufferings,

[Und vere are dese "male sufferings"? Hein?]

but if there is a sweet one out there who can not piss me off and has a brain send him to me and we'll see.

[Send in Santa.]

I hate whinning fake people, especially chicks who complain about men all of the time. Get over it please they are all brain damaged in one way or another.

[No, they are not. I can, however, see why YOU'D say that. Takes one to know one, and all that rot.]

I will find more examples sometime later on.

[Don't bother.]

One Liner:
I don't need to explain myself to you, my life is not an open book!

[It would be a rather dull book if it were.]

Name: Kat

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
I tell my husband if he doesnt shower or brush his teeth NO SEX.

[There is only one word for this: ick.]

I do not ALLOW him to touch me if I am NOT in the mood,

[Hoorah. Welcome to the 20th century. Please join us in the 21st.]

so he diddles his winky IF he can find it cause he stomach is so fat, he weighs almost 400lbs.

[You married the guy.]

I call him a slob and a lazy ass as he only half finishes everything he starts. I started my own bank account that he doesnt know about so that I dont have to "ask" for money, I do as I please.

[What does he do for a living? I just can't see how you have to ask him for money, when you're probably the primary bread winner.]

He needs to go to Kmart and get a clue because women dont take cold selfish crap from men for very long,

[In his experience, they MARRY them.]

and then they find their crap laying out in the yard. Which is coming all too soon to this one.

[Why tell ME about it?]

One Liner:
INDIAN WOMEN DONT HOT FLASH, WE POWER SURGE, and like my name: [not Kat], it means cat snake, I am sneaky and strike when least expected.

[Stop being sneaky and actually DO IT. Stealth just ain't working for you.]

Name: melissa

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
im a cold hearted man hatein bitch and if you dissagree ill fuck you up ok

[Question or fact?]

One Liner:
dont piss me off im running out of places to hide the boddies

[Have you tried that giant hole in your head?]

Name: Sheila

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i fukin hate ugly fukin chix and i fukin tell them to!!!

[Oh yeah? I fucking hate it when people stick an email address where it says, "URL."]

One Liner:
fukin little blonde cheerleaders who think their top shit!!! well there not!!!

[But you'd blind yourself to BE one.]

Name: Annette

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
If you don't like my opinion, you can kiss my ass. If you have an opinion, don't share it with me.

[Spoken like a true princess. "Shut up and let ME talk."]

One Liner:
I don't care if you don't like me, I probley will hate you more.

[You're too dull to waste good hate on.]

Name: Timothy

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
[Pin dropping. TING!]

One Liner:
I'm a cold hearted bitch.

[Whatever, man.]

Name: whatdfuckdoucare?

Reasons for being a Heartless Bitch:
i won't tell u a thing u loosers......i'm bicth and thats all

[Don't worry. Your statement speaks loud enough.]

One Liner:
i'm a bitch,be a bitch like me........

[Stupid? Not a chance.]

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